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Couplet Funny Poems | Couplet Poems About Funny

These Couplet Funny poems are examples of Couplet poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Couplet Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Couplet | |

Poor Peter Pumpkin

Poor Peter Pumpkin had a very itty bitty head.
So the farmer made him stay inside the garden bed.

The farmer said that he was going to keep him warm with hay.
And there the itty bitty pumpkin stayed for many a day.

Finally, the farmer came to check upon poor Peter,
measured him and then exclaimed, “You’ve grown an extra meter!

I think it’s time for you to finally go face the world.”
Peter got up from his bed. He twirled and twirled and twirled!

“Oh my,” the farmer shouted, “You’ve grown two legs with feet!
You’re a special pumpkin. My daughters you must meet!”

Poor Peter heaved his hefty bulk, waddling away,
following behind the farmer so he would not stray.

They traveled rather quickly, and soon they reached the house.
The daughters saw the pumpkin and grew quiet as a mouse.

The silence lasted just until at last one daughter spoke,
“A pumpkin with two legs? Is this some kind of joke?”

Her father knelt beside her and whispered in her ear,
“Do not be afraid, my child. You’ve not a thing to fear.

We can carve a lantern. It will be your Halloween treat.
Then we can make lots of pumpkin pies for us to eat.

Peter trembled and grew chill to hear their horrid plan.
Jumping out the door, he yelled, “Catch me if you can!”

He ran into the pastures. Then he tumbled down a hill.
As  he rolled he bumped into the couple, Jack and Jill!

“Oh dear me,” cried Peter, “I do not wish to be
a lantern for this Halloween. Please, can you both help me!”

Jack and Jill then led him to the land of Nursery Rhymes.
His sad fate has now been told to children many times.

For he ran across a guy named Peter Pumpkin EATER.
Maybe you can guess now what became of our poor Peter!

Written by Andrea Dietrich and Jan Allison, for the 
Halloween Co-Writes Poetry Contest of  Diane Locksley

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All About Carolyn

When my time is done and I am finally laid to rest
I don’t want to be recalled as one who lived life depressed

So as I wrote my will, I chose to leave an instruction
That laughing gas be inhaled by all those at the function

No mournful eulogies will a pastor have to invent
For my funeral will be held under a circus tent

When dozens of clowns emerge from the tiny Volkswagen
Reams of my silly limericks Bozo will be dragin’

And as they’re read aloud, family and friends who knew me best
Will say, “She had a sense of humor, this we can attest.”

Mimes will mimic me trying to write the world’s best novel
As my corpse hangs from the trapeze, surely they will marvel

Laughter will ensue as they shoot me from the cannon
Flying high in my demise across the great Grand Canyon

All the children will smile and there’ll be no tears allowed
So no one will ever remember me as a “dark cloud”

There are people who seem to take life way too seriously 
When I meet my Maker, don’t view this as a tragedy

Dad called me his “happy girl,” so let me go out that way
I want to leave them laughing as I reach my judgment day

Entry for Sidney Lee Ann's "All About You" contest

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Pink Skies


I want a beautiful sky.
One to inhale with my big brown eyes.
Fly like a kite, 
under the midday light.
Join me in this lollipop flight.
Till we say goodnight.

Lets sit on the floor Indian style.
Passing around the same smile.
Taking each other by the wing.
As we take a puff and sing,
a song about: Poppies and Mushrooms,
Lets hold hands and enjoy the fumes.

I rub my naked body with poison ivy.
A poisonous Vera with Aloe so deep and spicy.
I enjoy the penetration under my earthly skin.
With the goodness of a sneeze that feels like sin.
With Poppies and Mushrooms,
my hair I groom.
An inviolate flight on acid.
Skinny dipping in the calmness placid. 

I wanna touch that elephant in the sky.
Before the illusion vanishes before my eyes.
Pink clouds and fluffy marshmallows.
Purple kittens and rainbow shadows.

Liquid bamboo, and poppies too.
Cocoa mushrooms, to get rid of the flu.
Poppies and Mushrooms, in a jungle beat.
Down my legs, like a dog in heat.
Poppies and mushrooms, and a giant balloon.
Pop one for me, and act like a baboon.
Walk with me across this gingerbread bridge.
Lets eat all the cake in the fridge.

Graffiti and skittles, 
While I sing "Hey Diddle Diddle."
Lets follow the unicorn, with green feet.
Poppies and Mushrooms ever so sweet.
Here Kitty Kitty, feel my heart beat.
Hear me meow and tweet tweet tweet.
Kool-Aid and Hawaiian punch for lunch. 
How about some orange Captain Crunch.

Poppies and Mushrooms, from the sky I fell.
Footsteps down the yellow belly tripping trail.
Skip to my Lou, it's time to swallow another pink pill.
And sing me this song, where all these illusions are real. 


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Horse From Mars


It came from the sky, a gray silver stallion.
I looked up high, and I have also seen a dragon.

With so many things in this universe.
I'm on stand-by with a camera in my purse. 

Who would have known I'd be the first to spot a PEGASUS.
The town folks wave hi every time I walk my hippopotamus.

I enjoy showing everyone, my pictures of a flying horse.
I don't see why they call a DOCTOR every time I call the TASK FORCE

I think they are jealous over all the things I've seen.
They act all crazy since I sighted a LEPRECHAUN when I was fourteen.

No one ever believed me when I saw an army of dragonflies.
They have a name for me "the boy who See's too much in the skies!"

I don't know why they can't see what I see.
For all I know they are all experiments under Alien Technology.

They don't believe me how I got this magic MEDALLION.
It was a friendly gift from the silver stallion.

I also have many pictures of a  UNICORN.
We became best-friends when he gave me a piece of its magic horn.

We sat together while he drank from the lake.
We enjoyed talking, --talking about how U.F.O.'s are fake.

Why can't they see? The day I fell off a boat, I got rescued by a MERMAID!
Who would have known a mermaid swim around with first-aid.

I also remember the day I followed a LEPRECHAUNS.
We were playing under the rainbow having so much fun.

When I told my doctor about all the things I've seen.
He locked me in a DUNGEON, thinking I was the ALIEN QUEEN.

I begged and I told him I don't believe in any type of alien.
Too bad the master of this dungeon came from another region.

In a way he looks like that one SILVER STALLION from Mars.
The first creature I'd seen the day I fell off the monkey bars.

I have this picture of this horse of course.
JUST help me out of this white-jacket!!! ;-)
If you want to see the coolest picture of a flying horse. 

(A small collaboration with: B-Boy)

re-post for ~FUNNY CONTEST

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On The Moon

Thea, grandfather Alferd's dog died, she was so old and sick
Now is Thea on the moon, says Adrian who is six

Michael Jackson died so unexpectedly and abruptly
He is on the moon and plays with Thea, says Adrian who is a big fan

Betzy, grandfather Arild's dog died, she was also old and sick
Now Betzy is also on the moon with Thea and Michael Jackson and play all day

Great Grandmother died so unexpectedly and abruptly
Adrian who is six had difficulty understanding

Adrian who is six cried many tears for Great Grandmother
but comforted himself with the fact that she is sitting on the moon and
makes waffles to Thea, Michael Jackson and Betzy.

A-L Andresen :)  - A true story -

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Black Magic Hearts

What underhanded monkey business 
razzle-dazzle bull is this? 
Whose double-crossing, flimflam scam, 
debauchery or hocus sham 
is wheeling dealing in romance, 
putting lovers in a trance? 

Antics, capers or witch's brew, 
enchanting hymns or shaman's stew, 
whose quackery or voodoo drink 
made Casanova stop and think 
and turned the ancient lovers cold; 
poor Romeo and nymphs of old? 

Perhaps black magic's potent gel, 
or craftiness or wicked spell, 
a clever con or master hoax, 
or just some trickster playing jokes. 
Whatever ruse that works the arts, 
mumbo jumbo seduces hearts!

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You And I Can Smile

We can smile like a child who does not know yet many things,
In simple things he’s satisfied, showing his contented feelings.

We can smile like a drunken man, feeling so drowsy and woozy,
Who sings and wears a smile , trying  to forget and not to  worry.

We can smile like a chimpanzee, who’s so happy with a banana
After giving us a big grin, we can leave him and write our stanza.

We can smile like my  grandpa who dearly loves my grandma
Feeling Adonis with his strength, he’s never been into a stigma.

We can smile like blooming sunflowers on those summer days,
Despite the debilitating heat, we can still stand tall with grace.

We can smile like the sun that often shines so bright
Assuring that everyday  you and I will gonna be alright.

We can smile and smile even the world sometimes wrenches our heart,
For sadness is a transient and in God’s love, He keeps us without a doubt.

You can smile just like me, who’s already experiencing a bad memory,
But I  think I’ve  nothing to worry about, for the computer does all for me.

At all times, you and I can wear a smile in any way we want 
Infecting others to retain beauty, stay young in body and in heart. 

June 24, 2013  4.55am

Second Place
Contest: Smile
Judged: 6/26/13
Sponsor: My greatest poet and sis, Linda

Note: Giving my best to make you smile by making it a little bit funny ;). Have a great day in sunshine! Big sweetest hugs!

Details | Couplet | |

This laundry never ends

Oh laundry, how relentless you are in this house,
It’s as if I were a polygamist’s spouse.

By: Sabina Nicole

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Football coach Bobby Bowden was never one to cuss
But refs make mistakes and coaches have a right to fuss

“St. Bowden” as he was lovingly called by players
Instilled moral values and hushed all the naysayers

He’d not take God’s name in vain, so he coined dadgumit
It became his trademark, might appear in his obit

If a ref made a bad call, he’d race onto the field
Never said God d*** it, when the ref’s call he appealed

"Dadgumitrefereeism" got his point across
The refs would shy away because Bobby was the boss

Sometimes calls were overturned since Bobby was revered
Short and stout in stature, but the refs still shook in fear

The “Saint” played with God on his side and the refs knew it
Dadgumitrefereeism didn't bother God a bit

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Ewmer Fudd and Buggs Bunny Paint the Town Wed

Got home awound twee (I was dwunk as a wouse)
Awose pwomptly at five wit' dwy cotton-mouth
I knew wather soon my day was gonna' bwow
When I stwuggled outta' bed and stubbed my wight toe
Fwopped back on the mattwess cwying and twitchin' 
Staggoid back up and wimped to the kitchen
Stumbled to the counter to bwew Folger's bwend
Spiwwed it down my Hanes and boint my widdle fwend
Hobbled to the bathwoom to wustle up some Tums
Twipped on my fwip-fwop and bwuised my weft bun

Should not have cawoused wit' owe Bugsey wast night
Now my head hoits and de wight is too bwight
If I had not dwunk gin for my mowale booster
I coulda' swept in trew 'dat wascally wooster

(Don't feel wike wunning dat siwwy wat-wace
Tink I might caw in sick at the Woony-Tune pwace)

***Inspired by quote #4 in Giorgio's contest 
Tim Wyerson wote dis (Tim Ryerson)

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You Say- I Say

You say things that are really mean
I say that I'm still pretty lean
You say I'm fat and that's unfounded
I say I'm not fat, just well rounded
You say my big waist makes me look like a clown
I say that's not my waist, my chest fell down
You say I should be able to touch my toes with ease
I say you're right, if they were on my knees
You say my socks don't match, I should be more discreet
I say it's not my fault, I can't see my feet
You say I'm too heavy for my height, that's what you state
I say you're wrong, I'm just too short for my weight
You say I should weigh one eighty, no more
I say I'm five ten, I should be six four
You say next Halloween I should dress up as a mouse
I say I'll wear a window and go there as a house
You say I should get more exercise and try to shed a pound
I say that when I sit around, I really sit around
You say at the theatre you were embarrassed and didn't know what to do
I say it was because you sat in seat number three while I sat in one and two
You say I thought you were watching your weight
I say I am, I'm watching it inflate
You say being with me doesn't seem the same anymore
I say I'm still the same, just a whole lot more
You say you'd call if I were thinner
I say just don't call me late for dinner
You say we should work out at the gym down the street
I say we should get up and go out to eat.

Please note! A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

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After the Ball

  Confetti collecting 
on strawberry blondes
swigging champagne
from the dusk 
till the dawn,
Sleeping in corners
where ever they fall,
like sad
too long
 at the 

Details | Couplet | |

The Bunyip

“Who am I,” asked the Bunyip. “What am I doing here?”
“Please tell me,” begged the Bunyip,” for my purpose isn’t clear.”

“No answer!” came the stern reply; “You’ll get no help from me!”
Poor Bunyip, he began to cry, “Doesn’t anyone know me?”

And thus he went a-wandering, searching far and wide
For someone who could put an end to his longing, deep inside.

One day, he found a piece of glass, discarded by a lake.
He gazed into its surface … OH! That was his big mistake!

For in that glass, he met Himself … the image struck him dumb;
No-one could love that ugly mug! (Except perhaps his Mum …)

So, overcome by black despair, the poor old Bunyip sobbed.
The tears poured down his warty cheeks, and ran into his gob.

He cried all night, and then all day, and then all night again.
The rain it poured, the wind it howled as if to voice his pain …

Then suddenly emerged a shape, out of the Primal Soup,
Round and warty … big and black … The Bunyip was cock-a-hoop!

“Who am I?” asked the creature,
(In strangely girlish voice.)

The Bunyip’s pulse began to race …
His lumpy heart rejoiced …

“What am I?” begged the creature.
“Oh! I WISH that I could see!”

“You’re a Bunyip!” cried the Bunyip,
“And you look, … well,

“Just like ME!”


A bunyip, as our Aussie members will know, is a mythical creature - or is it?
They are said to inhabit small ponds, and are lovable - but not handsome ...

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A Lullaby Poem for PD

(sing to tune of Hush Little Baby)

Hush, little PD, don't say a word.
Nathan's gonna buy you a mocking bird.

If that bird makes fun of you....
that's what that bird is supposed to do!

Take that bird and trade it in.
Buy yourself a coat made of leopard skin.

Take great care to not go out
anywhere that PETA might be about.

You could get hit in the head.
PETA activists can sure see red.

If a new coat you don't need,
how about a new cat, Persian breed?

If that cat sheds too much hair,
have Nathan take you out to a fair.

Fairs are fun. You can't go wrong.
Are you fast asleep yet from this dumb song?

If you're not, I have to say....
your insomnia is here to STAY.

Written by Andrea on Oct. 22, 2012
For Send me to sleep....... Poetry Contest
Happy ZZZZZZZZs to you, PD

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Loony Tunes

<                                        Cascading lakes and streams
                                           The loon stands out it seems

                                           Minnesota's state bird
                                           I know it must sound absurd

                                           Adopted in nineteen sixty one
                                           Wails and yodels heard under the sun

                                          Black and white bearing red eyes
                                          Wingspans five feet can make one cry

                                          Body lengths up to three feet
                                          Yet  clumsy on lands and moss peat

                                          They are high speed flyers
                                          And great underwater divers

                                          They can dive up to ninety feet
                                          In pursuit of fish they want to eat

                                         They are even on our license plates
                                         An critical habitat drawn on metal slates

                                         Twelve thousand of these unique birds
                                         God that has to be a lot of turds

                                        But for now I'll enjoy it's captured views
                                        Of this beautiful loon and it's most colorful hues

Written By Katherine Stella
Entry For Mini - Blog  Beautiful Bird Contest
By Constance ~ A Rambling Poet

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I Approve This Message

"Vote for me! My opponent is a liar and a thief! I will make a change and rectify all!
I will raise your standard of living, lower your taxes and we'll all have a ball!"

(Please read the disclaimer, 
For this potential hall of famer)

Warning: electing this braggadocio person,
May cause the status quo to worsen.

Any claims made on this campaign tour,
Are not intended as a political  cure.

Electing this person may cause temporary blindness,
Nervous stomach, diarrhea and a lack of kindness.

But people, pay no attention to this disclaimer note.,
Put your blinders on !! Get out there and vote! 

     -paid for by elect a slanderer for office committee:

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My New Year's Resolutions

In late December I'm snuggled here in bed
Resolution making whirling in my head

There are those pounds I wouldn't miss
But if I don't lose them I'll just be pissed

To study French would be cool I'll bet
Heck, I haven't even mastered English yet

I really vow to spend much less on shoes
Scratch that..make it - much less on booze

I really need to spend more time with friends
Naw, to many with whom I must make amends

Forget it-I think I'll just go back to sleep
And just use last years list I didn't keep

For Carolyn's Resolutions contest.

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My Bed The Synathroesmic Cat

oh lovely bed, dishevelled bed, 
warm and cosy snuggle bed
too nice to get out of bed
too big for one it should be shared

crisp clean sheets, to curl the toes bed,
pack of pillows for my head.
duvet to wrap around me, bed
wish you served meals, need to be fed.

coffee and toast make it a special bed
crumbs to lie on, isn’t good it’s said
best you throw me out, get a shower,
oh bed, can I sneak back in an hour, 

my bed I love you.

Penned 11th April 2013

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Inspired You've Got Mail

Nothing can describe the excitement that I feel.
I hear the soft click as I open my laptop seal.

The whirring of my modem as it chatters online.
My heart is racing as it seems to take a long time.

I am almost speechless as I wait for the solid light.
I've been waiting all day, so I can get online tonight.

The ticking of my hard drive light rapidly blinking.
The feeling deep in my stomach is almost sinking.

I couldn't hardly wait and it made me feel unwell.
I'm almost in static as I hear "You've Got Mail".

-I could not help myself, inspired by Richard and Becca, nicest people you could meet.
-Not written for any contest
-All rights goto the orignal maker of You've got mail and any copyrights are maintained.

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“Soon”, I said, knowing probably never;
“Maybe later, after it’s way better weather”.

“Stop bugging me - I said, soon,” are the words I repeated,
“After you give me the five minutes of peace that I’ve needed!”

Not one minute passes and they’re asking again,
“Ask one more time and it’s never, my friend!”

I should never have mentioned the possibility,
That all of the kids could someday go there with me.

“I don’t know how soon soon is – it might be today;
It could be in a month or a good year away.”

“But one thing is sure, it will never arrive,
If you keep on pestering - on that, please rely.”

“So think of something else that all of you can do
Instead of asking that stupid question every minute or two.”

“As soon as soon finally gets here I’ll let you all know
And no sooner than that will be the day that we go.”

“So that word you keep asking, which I will not repeat,
Won’t get soon here sooner – so the ask, please delete.”

They walked away sad, with a slink and a mope,
But without asking again – for an entire day, I can hope.

And as soon as they give up on it ever arriving -
Soon will arrive and there we’ll be driving.

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Nothing But the Truth

Tell me I am pretty and sexy and hot
Tell me you like everything that I’ve got

Say that my clothes fit me just right
Even if some things are a little too tight

Laugh at my jokes even if they are dumb
Massage my neck ’til your fingers go numb

Don’t get mad becaue I make more money
Do the dishes, vacuum, and call me honey

Respect me for my intelligent mind
Treat all my friends friendly and kind

Tell me that I cook better than mother
Say that you’ll never love any other

Kiss me goodnight and good morning
Make love to me without any warning

Call me at work just to hear my voice
Say that being with me is your first choice

Watch chick flicks during a football game
Give me a sweet little sexy pet name

Tell me my lovely face is all you see
But darling, don’t you ever lie to me

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Texan Gold Nugget

The day I came around the Soup
Texan cutie made me take giant loop

Her way of writing sometimes makes me laugh
Have to adore her like some of us worships the Golden Calf

Call herself pd
Guess that is the way it is supposed to be

Now she has sponsored me with a PM
Thought she was messin`with my brain,that lil`gem

In this game I knew from day one
Give from your heart,or you are gone

I will get what I give,she has taught me
Precious she is that lil`Texan Gold Nugget,called pd

4th.February 2012

Dedicated to Irma,rocket princess and soup boiler pd.
Love ya as much as a friend can do

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American Idol

Hearing talented young voices provides such pleasure
In our quest for America’s latest idol treasure

Next year the judging panel will not be the same
The man we love to hate will leave for bigger game

What will it be like without the infamous scowl
Of the Brit who tells it like it is --  Simon Cowell

“That was simply dreadful,” says he with a wry smirk
“You came off karaoke; it just didn’t work.”

Randy asks, "Yo, Dog, what's with the off-key pitches?" 
Ellen’s there for laughs; she leaves us in stitches

Kara strokes her long, brown hair, bats her lashes too
Asks Casey to remove his shirt, flirts as he follows through

But Simon never offers consolation prizes
Contestants' egos crash down as their anger rises

If he tells Big Mike he sounds karaoke
We may find Simon adrift in the Okefenokee

Choosing a replacement will surely not be easy
Adam Lambert? Paula's return? Oh, it makes us queasy

Simon will be missed, the show will suffer ratings
Viewers may depart for loss of the man they’re hating

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Footles - Part 14

Norseman on Foot


Attack of a Norseman


Norseman Plays Volleyball


What Jiminy Got For Speeding


Quiet Laughter


Baby Rick Gets Into Honey


Cheap Melted Metal


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Millicent Portia Ponsonby-Smyth
Could speak fluent French by the time she was five.
By the age of just eight she was top of her class,
There wasn’t a test that she couldn’t pass.
English and maths she coped with just fine
And quantum mechanics she’d mastered by nine.
Her parents were proud, but a little concerned
That she’d never have fun if she stayed in to learn.

Her father said, “Millicent go out and play.”
“But father I’m reading so here I shall stay.”
“Being so clever is great there’s no doubt,
But once in a while you need to get out.”
She said, ”Pater, please listen I’m happy to study,
And if I go out there’s a chance I’ll get muddy.”

That very night she was taken off guard,
She discovered a sum that was simply too hard.
She stomped round her room in utter frustration,
She just couldn’t do this quadratic equation.

Gnashing her teeth and tearing her hair
She kicked out in temper at her teddy bear.
It flew through the air and bounced off the wall,
So she kicked it again before it could fall.

It bounced off her head and then off her knee
And suddenly Millicent giggled with glee.
She continued all night to kick it around.
For hours she kept it from touching the ground.
In the following weeks she practiced some more
And saved all the money she earnt from her chores.

She went to the shop, bought a ball and some boots,
And learnt how to dribble and learnt how to shoot.
Every day after school she went to the park
And practiced her football until it was dark.
She continued to study the books and the sport
And paid close attention to all she was taught.

13 years later Miss Smyth is delighted
She’s the first girl in history to play for United.

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I didn’t mean to do it, it wasn’t me that did
I wasn’t even here that day; I think I was in Madrid.

When the power went out, it wasn’t me I know
If you make toast in the bath, that makes the power blow.

I know it can’t be me, cos I wasn’t even there
So I mean it was some one else, if you really care.

I remember it was cold that night, I didn’t have a coat
I couldn’t have done it you know, I told you in that note.

I left it there so that you would know, that I had not been near
I mean that it was after; I thought I had been seen near here. 

I was going to call you, but I lost my phone today
I was really too busy, when you asked me anyway.

No I can’t come to tea, I have a prior date that day
Oh no, it’s an interview, that’s what my boyfriend said to say.

No honestly it isn’t you, the problem is really with me
I think I better go now, before my excuses you start to see.

© 3/01/2013 

Contest Entry

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Garden Pests

'Tis another glorious spring and I planted my garden with the expectation,
That I shall reap a bountiful harvest for my table with minimum frustration!

I planted the usual stuff - carrots, radishes, onions and termaters,
Watermelons, peas, corn, beans and a few hills of russet pertaters.

With the Good Lord's help, lots of sun and occasional showers of rain,
The seeds sprang to life along with some curses that are my infernal bane!

I've discovered that I have a healthy crop of weeds that need attention,
And a host of other intrusive visitors that I'll proceed to mention!

I was dismayed to discover legions of caterpillars and mealy bugs,
Pruning my plants along with hordes of ugly snails and slimy slugs!

They're even being attacked from below by gophers and moles,
And from above by crows making diving sorties from the clothesline poles!

'Coons, 'possums and wabbits at raiding my garden are very deft,
And armies of well-disciplined ants are gleaning what is left!

I even caught some nasty little kids filching a watermelon last night!
I chased them but those little dudes took off with the speed of light!

With a storm of wind and hail this morn I saw all my labor disappear!
Come next spring I think I shall opt to sit on the patio and guzzle beer!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Preparing for Blastoff

*For Matt's How to Build a Spaceship Contest

How do we create an airship that soars?
The answer was Roswell’s, but it could be yours

Make the long trek to Area 51
To find secrets that lie beyond our sun

Use a metal that is lighter than tin foil
Load the fuel tank with something cheaper than oil

Beam us up, Scotty, to the Enterprise
And view technology through a Vulcan’s eyes

Defrost Walt Disney’s cryogenic brain
To help us design the computer’s mainframe

Call Mulder and Scully out of retirement
Their UFO knowledge is alien-sent

Be sure to use tiles that don’t overheat
Like those that cast Challenger down to defeat

Let’s add Stephen King to the construction crew
If “Christine” could talk, our spaceship should too

Then let’s send the tab for NASA to pay
What happened to our space program bucks anyway?

Now we can blast Congress into outer space
For the lot in D.C., there’s no better place

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The worst nightmare would be if I
Was an ostrich, and (of course) couldn’t  fly.
The fly-guys sit around chugging bird-beer 
Boasting of chicks they’ve held dear -
And tales of diving and soaring -
But my earthbound tail is boring.
They exclude me because I’m absurd -
I’m not a real bird. . . . not a bird’s bird.

But if there was reincarnation later,
I’d want to be a penguin, a wearer
Of a smart suit like a posh waiter,
With a kick-ass name like Emperor.
Surely all would find the idea bold:
A story for other birds  to be retold.
Yes, my bird-cred card would be gold,
Enjoying  the  Antarctic  cold.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Twenty Quid Is Twenty Quid

Bill and Blanche set off, to the 'Yorkshire Show' they did go
T'was a yearly trip, and they would always show.

Each time Bill says to Blanche ‘On that elicopter I’d like to ride.’
Blanche always replied’ but it's twenty quid Bill’ and then she and Bill sighed.

'Twenty quid is twenty quid Bill, you always told me that'
‘Tha’s right me old love,’ and he’d give his wallet a pat.

The next year Bill looked, at the elicopter, and he tried once more
‘I’m seventy-five Blanche, there not much time left for me to soar.’

‘Bill, it’s twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid.
So we’ll not go on the elicopter ride, of that idea you must get rid.’

Bill looked at the elicopter and agreed twenty quid was twenty quid
Of that one idea though, he could never really get rid.

Bill was desperate to ride on that elicopter whirring thing
The pilot overheard the couple, and then he made Bill’s heart sing.

I’ll take you on board, but not one word must you say
If you keep TOTALLY quiet, not one pound or penny will you pay.

Bill and Blanche climbed on board ,for the ride of their life
Not one word did Bill utter, nor his terrified wife.

The pilot looped the loop, he dived and twisted and turned
Not one word did the pilot hear, yet even his stomach churned.

He landed and spoke to Bill and he said ‘I am impressed’
I twisted and I turned and I really tried my best.

Bill said to the pilot ‘Well I nearly gave in lad, and I nearly spoke’
‘Twas when the wife fell out, but you know us Yorkshire folk.’

I watched her spiral down; I nearly shouted, but thought that’s absurd
‘And tha knows twenty quid is twenty quid lad, and you said NOT one word.’

Taken from a joke sent to me by Jack Horne and continuing the theme Harry uses of Yorkshire Humour.
Quid Slang name for pound sterling
Yorkshire folk drop their 'h's

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Kitty's Revenge

(The kitty hanging in overalls shown for Francine Roberts' contest 
inspired this one but it won't be entered in the contest.)

Just wait 'til I get my claws on the jerk that left me hangin' here!
You suspend me in these ridiculous overalls and then you disappear!

You would never do this to your darlin' pet, that pugnacious pug,
That slobberin' slob, that arrogant beast, struttin' around so smug!

So, I broke that fancy vase and ripped the curtains with my claws.
This ain't no way to treat a pretty kitty - this really tightens my jaws!

If I ever get down from here, I'll take pleasure in seekin' revenge!
On this awkward situation you've put me in, I surely will avenge!

I'm gonna leave hairballs all over the place - on your favorite chair,
And on your fancy couch and in your food, you'll find my silky hair!

I ain't gonna catch that mouse and I hope he eats all your cheese,
And that you become so allergic to me that all you'll do is sneeze!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Thief in the Night

I bought all the candy for Halloween night, 
Into the cupboard, it sat in plain sight

When later I looked, I just about flipped!
I saw empty wrappings, the bags were all ripped!

The treats were all missing, back to the store
I bought several bags, at least three or four.

Now back in my kitchen, I climbed on a chair
To hide them up high on a shelf that was bare...

Behind an old crock pot that he'd never use...
But would you believe, he discovered my ruse?!!!

The big night arrived and much to my grief
The candy had been eaten by that darn sweet toothed thief!!!!

The door bell was ringing, trick-or-treaters had come
I ducked out the back door, and fast did I run!!

Right back to the store, I flew like a witch...
The clerks heard me cursing, like a grouchy old b - - - -!

The store had no candy, sold out every piece
No Big Hunks, no Snickers, no Hersheys or Reese

I bought bags of apples.... gave them out in disgrace
Every kid on the block had disgust on his face

The next Halloween, I'm not buying ahead
I'm a last minute shopper for the candy, instead..

And to all you folks, who buy treats in advance
My advice to you all, is don't take such a chance!
Something else you should learn, from this frustrating tale...,
Next time you buy candy, attach some loud bells!!

------------    P.S.... (A Moral to the story, for an evening so gory).... 

                   He was licking his chops, while he had his sweet binge
                   But goblins were watching, ........and took their revenge....
                   That Halloween scrooge...Mr. Thief in the Night
                   He chipped his back molar, as he took that last bite!!

Submitted for "Funny Spooks" contest
Sponsored by Carol Brown

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Johnny Depp

My favorite actor I can easily say would have to be Johnny Depp,
When he has a new movie coming out, it puts a spring in my step;

My husband thinks that he’s insane, but that adds to his allure,
Has there ever been another actor that can play in rolls so obscure;

Take Edward Scissorhands for example, who else could pull that off,
There’s not another actor that could, but still my husband scoffs;

So versatile in playing roles from Cry-Baby to Sleepy Hollow,
And I’ll admit while watching scenes in Chocolat, I found it hard to swallow;

I have yet to see another actor who could match Depp in his whit,
Although Alice in Wonderland kind of freaked me out a bit;

The Pirates of the Caribbean movies all had me on my toes,
But Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a little weird, I suppose;

That having been said, he’s brilliant, No other can compare,
And when I see his picture posted, I can’t help but stop and stare!

~For Amy Green's Choose One, Have Fun Contest~
-My Subject is Johnny Depp-

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Nek minnit

I see you in the distance quite stunning are are to my eye's, I start to check you up and down I think an angel has arrived. Lovely slender legs and curvy little waist, nicely proportioned bust, amazing grace. As you slowly get closer my heart skips a beat, flicking your beautiful long brown hair so I can gaze upon your face. I quickly turn my head away, I just can't believe my eye's. That sexy attractive women I thought you were, Nek Minnit, your a guy.
Contest: ANY 2012 POEM any theme/any form max of 18 lines - Brian Strand
M.Mahauariki © 2012

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Out at last and  oh  boy  am I gonna enjoy some fun  -
Leg-up,  ahhhhhhhhhh,  the poodle next door will envy that one. 
He‘ll  be calling for me  pretty soon, to cross the road  (as if I can’t do it
alone and get a in a bit of car-chasing to boot) with him, the dimwit.
So,  gotta get to the corner and sniff who’s been and how long ago was that.
But whoa!  What’s that scent I feel on the breeze?   A cat?
Excellent !  - a chase with one of those furry mouse-snatchers   -
Just to show ‘em who owns this  street…Ok…ready you dog watchers?….
Excuse me for a mo….woof, woof,  snarl,  woof, woof:
Just a bit of theatrical dog-voice there.  Mmm . . . I love  cat-on-the-hoof.
Oh yeah,  I figured,  now he’s gonna put on the leash 
As a statement that “he owns this stretch of street”  - it’s his niche.
Ok,  it’s on now,  but he’s gonna have to pay: his muscles will tire
Cos I am pulling the wrong way  all the time, and pressure gets higher
On the leash, I’m a-gonna want to be ahead of him whichever way he goes:
Were talking arm-out-of-socket  after half an hour, I suppose.
Another corner, stop for a good sniff, make him wait with patience deep:
On his “tight  leash” he’s gonna have to stand near the crap heap.
Ok,   quick leg-up, no  liquid but just gotta do it for  show
Demo of who-owns-what-corner around here,  you know.
Now it’s the neighbour’s poodle,  “Oh  hi,  how are you? 
Let me sniff your rear-end  a good bit,   mmmmm.. . . .ooooo!”
Then  I’ll lick  his hand he’ll have to wash that hand when we’re home.
Just showing him who owns the butt-sniffing  rights around here where I roam.
Ok,  so it’s the newspaper shop ritual,  gotta show a little obedience here.
Why can’t  he buy it at  a shop that’s near?
How’d you like a roll of  paper in your mouth for fifteen minutes?
And no drools on it  or else he’ll  have a seizure or  fits.
And with the roll in my mouth as I pass all the guys laugh. . . 
I tell you, man,   it’s a dog’s life.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  .

Written  13  June  2012

Entered in   Tanya Harrington's  Contest 	Dog Gone Tales

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I was talkin' with the Lord when He said to me
"Are you okay?  Need some company"?

I told Him that even with all His creatures
I couldn't find one that had my features.

"Well, no need to worry about it." He said
Then he gave me a nightcap, and put me to bed.

When I awoke I was awfully sore
Little did I know there was to be a lot more.

For He had taken a bit of my hair and a piece of bone
And whilst I slept, formed for me a unique companion.

I caller her "Eve" as it seemed to fit
As time went by we were a hit.

We would talk and eat and walk the garden nude
No neighbors as yet,  we needn't be prude.

Then one day she said to me,
"Hey Adam, here, try some fruit from this tree."

Not knowing the difference between evil and good
I took a big bite, as together we stood.

Then in a flash everything turned black
I knew we were in for some serious flak.

"What have you done?"  I asked aloud
"Was this from the tree, which was not allowed?"

"Well", she said, "The snake gave me the word
That if we ate it, we would be like the Lord."

We realized we were naked and ran off for some leaves
When the Lord started calling, we were hiding in the trees.

"What's going on?"  He said to me
"Have you eaten of the forbidden tree?"

Like all blame shifting men not skipping a beat
"Yes, Lord", I said, "Eve gave me some to eat.

"You foolish creatures . . . it would have been wise
You could have spent eternity in this Paradise."

"I'm sorry Lord, I can't say it enough."
"You're right, you can't, so I'm making this rough!

Because now, you will have to scratch out a life
For yourself, your children, and especially your wife.

If you think this is bad, you're in for a trick
Wait until some banker dreams up plastic.

She'll be shopping and buying and going all around
It'll be enough, to put you in the ground.

As for her, she'll suffer as much and more too
After all, now she'll have to put up with you!"

So an angel took us to the gate in the garden wall
Saying only, "Be careful, now it will hurt if you fall."

So there we were, On the Outside Looking In
At that manicured garden, where we committed our sin.

I wouldn't mind if so much weren't at stake
Now all she says is, "I have a headache."

I've tried to forgive her and a gentleman be
But I still can't let her control the remote for the TV.

So here I am thinking, "I've been such a dupe,
For posterity . . . I'll put this on Poetry Soup!"

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The date was set and the church booked up
Invitations sent out, colors picked, and a hall for the sup.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen had all been chosen
For the date for us on the calendar was now frozen.

The Maid of Honor could only one person be
The Best Man knew this day would be crazy.

For all of the planning, the work, and the tension
Would culminate in this day of anticipation.

The minister counseled us and helped us to plan
But the burden was on us, for this day to span.

We wanted everyone to be as happy with us today
That's why we took so long to plan it this way.

The floweres trimmed the aisle along the carpet white
While all our family and friends dressed festively tonight.

The music started to play as the couples walked the aisle
I was reminded not to cry, instead to give a big smile.

It was my turn to walk the walk now
"Don't slip, don't trip, don't cause a row.

It's the day of the wedding and there is my peer
One question remains, "What am I doing here?"

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Winter Fun

Outside so cold
Let Winters story unfold

The lake now ice
A fire out back, so nice

As the blizzard sets in
A snowball fight will separate the boys from the men

A snowman emerges from hard work
A little boy knocks it over, what a jerk

A snow day for school
All the kids think it's cool

Shovel the snow from the porch
The intense cold can scorch

Go back inside
From the cold, run and hide

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William Shakespeare And Me

I shalt ne'er be a famous bard such as William Shakespeare.

From mine pathetic poetical quill he hath naught to fear!

Mine immoral mot, "Where'er thou mayest be let thine water flow free",

I fear shalt ne'er compare to Bill's immortal line, "To be or not to be!"

"He hath eaten me out of house and home!" could be said of mine cat!

(Why could not I have conceived that line - all I can say is drat!)

"A horse!  A horse!  My kingdom for a horse!" cried Richard The Third!

(If I had said that, people would have deemed me quite absurd!)

"Brevity is the soul of wit!" and thus "This is the short and long of it!"

Alas, I shan't match wits with Willie so while I'm ahead I'd better quit!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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I met a man on the internet, but he’s not for me to date
He seems ok because he has a dog he loves, so I think I am too late.

The dog was given a name of notable English fame
He used to live on 221b Baker Street and Sherlock was his name.

Poor Sherlock has sore eyes, so they sent him to Dr Bart
He had to have a lid lift to keep the lids apart.

Poor Sherlock is now home and feeling very sad
A cone around his head, he wants to sleep with mum and dad.

Sherlock is a bloodhound, not the smallest dog
He sleeps with mum and dad and daddy writes his blog.

Dad has found a use for Sherlock with his cone around his head
He places him in the garden for free satellite instead.

Get Well Soon Sherlock

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Mirror, mirror on the wall
Is it me I see at all ?
I part my hair on the left every night
He parts his hair on the right,
I am a right-handed breed
But he has a southpaw lead.
If I use two mirrors to correct the reversal
The guy I see is more universal:
Looks like anybody in the street
Not someone you’d particularly like to meet.
The more I see him the less I like the face
Time has turned it into disgrace.
My admiration of him is somewhat colder
Every year as I get a little older.
Thinner and thinner, the brown hair fades, 
With rapidly passing decades:
Before that face becomes too crass
I’ll get rid of that looking-glass.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Entered in  Matt  Caliri’s Contest    -    Mirror

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Mother's Wisdom

We nurture them within our bodies, birth them in a blinding pain,
suckle them on breasts so swollen, till we think we’ll go insane.

We kiss away each painful boo-boo, bandage each and every wound,
show them that in spite of roundness, peas can stay upon their spoons.

We intercept their nostril’s flowing, be it green or white as snow,
wiping gently ever hoping, for the day they’d learn to blow.

We give to them each ounce of wisdom, try to teach them everything,
suddenly, for unknown reasons, screw it up and give them wings.

We mourn a bit, those cherished moments, when on us they did depend,
days when we were super heroes, possessing wisdom without end.

We watch the journey proudly knowing, as they soar into the light,
Mother’s wisdom, though not perfect, lends the wind that gives them flight.

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I called up the thunder; I called up the rain;
I left a message; and gave them your name.
  I left a deposit; at Your Rent to Own;
  As soon as they get some; they'll deliver it home.
I  e mailed the Governor; with request for some snow;
But nobody answered; they're busy you know.
  Frosty the Snowman; says he'll try his best;
  To grant you your wishes; for this special request.
I got in my car; and drove in the dark;
To that special place; where angels do hark.
  I entered the union; of Unity Hall;
  They said they can do it; they'll give you a call.
At Natural Disasters; they all agreed;
They guaranteed me; you'd get what you need.
  I yelled up to Heaven; I asked for the boss;
  St.Peter then told me; for you there's no cost.
Early this morning; was a knock on my door;
Good God it was Elvis; singing let the snow pour.
  Cathy my dearest; worry do not;
  Sweet heart I'm on it, with all that I got.

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We went   to the wood shop together
To select for the job the right timber - 
Ooh,   - laths,  two-by-ones,  maybe plywood ?
She was unmoved - finished, unfinished, one-side-good ?
Mmmm,  -  beech   or oak  or pine?
See  the  fine line and polished shine ? 
She felt  little  emotion for my dowelling,
Any more than paper towelling.
She heard no timbre in struck timber,
No note she could remember :
It sent her to slumber 
To encumber her mind with lumber - 
It was all so much mumbo jumbo.
Standing with arms akimbo
No matter where she stood
It was just wood, wood, wood, wood.

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something beautiful and strange

   'neath my family tree I found
something green and blue and brown
hatching out beneath my touch
that I love so very much
can you take it home tonight?
feed it soup and hold it tight?
I can't have it ,Heaven knows,
it wants to wear my sister's clothes
and dance around in town all day
and make confections out of clay
put it in a sachel bag
make it march and wave a flag
until it learns it must conform
it's just too different from the norm
and when you make it tow the line,
I'll take it home and make it mine.

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Late last night I had a dream
I'd gone to heaven, or so it seem
I opened a golden door
And walked into a "goodie" store

There was lots of food on every shelf
With a big sign saying, "Help yourself"
So, I ate my fill and put some in a sack
It was a long way home, I might need a snack

I started to leave, but to my dismay
Something at the door blocked my way
It was Satan, with a smile on his face
I wasn't in heaven, it was that other place

"You must step on my scales", he said
I was thinking, "I'd rather be dead"
It was then I woke up screaming
I sure was glad I was only dreaming!!!

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A Threat to the Hockey Team

Each child has talents and Dee always loved to skate
One night at the lake she was called up to the plate
The high school hockey team was “slip-sliding away”*
So call her a chauvinist; Dee wanted to play
But when the coach recruited her for the team
One boy offered a bottle of shaving cream
They couldn’t skate backward; Dee sure showed them how
Stealing their puck, she curtseyed and took a bow
Take it from Dee, men don’t like to be upstaged
By her free-flowing glide the boys were outraged
When it came time for the school’s holiday dance
To find a date, this skater hadn’t a chance  

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STILL  NOT  DEAD     ( no kids allowed 2 read)

This morning I took my med.
taking more than my dose.

I am still here thrown in bed,
Lifeless and nobody knows.

I am still alive I am still not dead
I don't think I succeeded my overdose.

Should have cut my vain instead,
or stuck a whole ounce my nose.

To scared to put a gun to my head,
that would have been very gross.

Couldn't even stand it if I bled,
Stupid, me now I find a hose down my nose.

Still not dead,
Regret  the day you propose.

The day I said "I DO" I dread
The feelings that came, I let nobody know.

Thinking of ways of dying instead,
holding my breath is all I show.

All this started on the day of our  wed,
imagination took over making my  mind blow.

Finding my self here  still not dead,
Who said suicide  is easier than a DIVORCE !!


=( Not a fact, just humor over my marriage! )=

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Kitty Kitty Kat Kourage

This Kitty Kitty Kat is back.
As a matter of fact.

Yes, I was discouraged.
I let them get the best of me, pushing me off the edge.

After getting bitter attacks
Then I realize I have something they lack.

Its been 2 days sense, I left drop the soup.
Then I realize these poets are a fun group

My daughter Royal has been having fun without me.
That we can all see.

I got a couple of things to say real clearly.
I miss all you guys so dearly.

I have returned with a good attitude change.
Who cares if things in here have gotten strange.

Can you tell me any good poetry news.
Comment me a nice Haiku, without any clues.

Tell me something anybody, I don't want to feel left out.
Being in my space all day, made me want to shout.

I miss all of you my friends, without a doubt.
Without any poetry, my family will see me pout.

From now on I will be happy dandy, Meow Meow.
Until someone else makes me have a cow!.
               Love   SKAT & (Irma)

           Kourage  .aka.  Courage
           Kitty Kat  .aka.  Kitty Cat

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Doggone*Dog *contest*

.     *DOGGY  STYLE*

Tonight! Tonight! I must display.
About my man's doggy style way.

Once he comes home he acts like I'm his "DOGGY BAG."
"It’s DOGGING ME!" The way he starts to nag.

He came from the bar with his "DOG BREATH!"
Calling me by the name of Beth.

When he settles down he starts acting like he's the "TOP DOG!"
"DOGGONE IT!" doesn't he know I'm adding this bone to my blog.

Now he's drunk acting "MEAN LIKE a JUNK YARD DOG!"
I taunt him by calling him a pig and a hog.

We "FIGHT LIKE CATS and DOGS," this really must be love?
"It's a DOG eat DOG WORLD" when push comes to shove!

Once again he will sleep "IN THE DOG HOUSE!"
This time for ripping my favorite blouse.

I wish he was a real dog, he needs to be neutered and fixed.

I think I will laugh and kiss him good night.

By morning he will be "SICK AS A DOG" and scary like a mouse.
I'm still waiting to be "Happy as a FLEA in a DOG HOUSE!"

"HE IS NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG" thinking it's doggy style all the time!
In his rabies case his desires keeps getting worse than slobber and slime.

.Should I tell my man that his actions are  what I call humans love torch?
 With the reaction "IF you can’t run with the BIG DOG's PUPPY, STAY on the porch!"

By; smiles

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There sits my bonnie girl, frilly, lacy, all pink and pretty She boasts of an enviable collection of cute stuff - all Hello Kitty! A pearly, stone-studded shiny pink Kitty bracelet With matching rings and hair clips to tame her silky ringlets, A stylish pair of pink comfy kitty flip-flops To go with her smooth stretchy night wear tops! A sassy little Hello Kitty cross-sling bag she wears Pairing up with chic pink-framed kitty glares, Kitty pencils, erasers and rulers in a well-stocked tuck box Her fancy kitty pouches and folders she invariably locks! A multi-compartment kitty wallet to hoard her loose change All geared for summer with her Hello kitty swimming range, A glittery Kitty lunch box to pack her school snack As she sets off with her pink kitty back pack, Water tastes better in a kitty sippy water-bottle Pink all the way, for nothing else she'll settle! She'd paint the world kitty pink, if the choice is hers Well, I wouldn't be surprised if one fine day she purrs!! 19th Jan 2013

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Living the Dream

My nightmare is so vividly I dream,
The dream, it feels so true to me...reality it seems.

Exhaust and smoke are all I breathe...the air is full of smog...
The job I do is thankless toil, but I work it like a dog.

There's mercury in the fish I eat...there're toxins in my food...
And drugs, they are a constant scourge...myriads for every mood.

Bipolar is my government...a house divided 'tis...
And corporations drive both the pockets of "Big Biz".

The icecaps, they are melting...the sea is rising, too.
Pandas, condors, polar bears -- empty cages at the zoo.

My money ne'er seems quite enough...I'm always out of cash...
My freedom fled when I wed my bride...(live I under the lash).

"Entertainment"? Reality TV...maybe some vampire shows...
Or idjits becoming household names for being beachfront "ho's".

People clamor "climate change" from the seats of S.U.V.'s,
And bitter news on the honey front...what's killing all the bees?

Politicians spending more...we go deeper in the red.
Opinions dressed as "news" journalism dead?

Cell phones are ubiquitous...conversation's endangered now...
And "Kardashians" are famous girls..but who knows why or how?

How strange my twisted psyche is t'make real what must be fake...
Now'f only I could find some way to get myself to wake.

Written on November 27th, 2012
By Daniel Beus (Rebel Sun)

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Sweet Tooth

I confess I've been known to partake
Straight icing sans chocolate cake
I concede I shall never be lean
Pouring fudge without the ice cream

It's apparent my tool-shed doth grow
Baked cookies? Just gimmie the dough
It is rumored that I often spread
Peanut butter and jam (hold the bread)

From grandma I would often cajole
A sugar rush direct from the bowl
(Rejecting her kit for caboodle
Choosing filling minus the strudel)

I eat healthy! Want some examples?
Pay-Days contain protein that's ample
Orange Slices provide Vitamin C
Milky-Ways furnish Vitamin D

Cavities?...My molars are mature
Cholesterol?...I concur (THAT'S for sure)
Gotta change before damage is nigh
Take a walk? Um, later, Honey-Pie...


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The Sad Little Pumpkin

Little pumpkin very sad
for in white he'd been clad
To be a lantern was his dream
but woeful he was white as cream
So I said, to his delight,
that I liked his coat of white
Now, because I liked him most,
my Jack O' Lantern is a ghost

Inspired by Raul Morenos' White Pumpkin contest

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Sweet Carmel

The taste of homemade Carmel so sweet/ everyone I know desires the treat.

After one night in the kitchen covered/ half the pan gone, next morning discovered. 

 Is it my beagle Lily whom loves any food? / she seems in a hyper beagle mood.

 I know I heard a squeak in the night / a dream ? No, for low was the kitchen light.
 T'was my husband, for he can't resist/ soft , buttered brown sugar , a Vanilla twist.

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Lost Glove

It’s getting cold and I’ve lost my glove
One hand gets warmth and the other no love

I’ve looked in the closet and under the couch
I’ll keep searching this place for I’m not a slouch

I’m looking through the stuff in my garage
Is that it in the corner?.......oh no, that's a mirage

I grab my coat and head for the door
Have I lost my glove forever more

No glove in sight and it’s time to leave
Take one guess at what’s in my sleeve (smiles)

Now both hands will feel woolly love
For I’ve just found the other glove

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A Kitty-Cat Poem


Kitty, kitty in my chair,
Sitting there so debonair.

Black cat with shiny eyes,
To cross your path could be unwise.

Playful feline pounces fast,
Jump on people walking past.

Tabby teases a little mouse,
Tauntingly throughout the house.

Oh! Of cats what can I say?
They prowl at night and sleep all day.

~Virginia Mitchell

Contest; Cat Poems ~~      
Sponsored by: Constance ~ A Rambling Poet ~  

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I'm what you call a bug
When humans see me they go UHG

Humans don't care about my needs
Or my sometimes good deeds

But such bothersome things
Roll right off my wings

When I can dip my feet
Blistered from the heat 

In the bird bath for which I'm looking
When on a hot day I'm cooking

But the frog over there
Is beginning to stare

I'm sure he sees me as a meal that's free

So I'll jump quick in this pool
And swim fast like a fool 


A nice cooling splash
And this bug revives fast

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Grandpa's old gun

                            There's someone in my apple garden
                      I took out grandpa's old gun and fired a shot

                         I aimed and hit the thief right in his ass
                 Heard something that fell to the ground with a bang

                      The shadow in the dark scream and complain
                         Ow, ow .... my ass hurts, ow .... ai, ai ...

                    Now I hope you have learned those apples are mine
               Just take the "bottle caps" out of your ass then the pain is gone

A-L  Andresen :)

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The Jewfish And The Gentile

Said the scuba diver to the grouper, "My, you're quite a dish!
How about you and me 'hooking' up is my most fervent wish!"

"You have the cutest freckles on your face and, oh, those lips!
Won't you nibble on my ears and give me some tingly nips?"

Said the grouper to the scuba diver, "Avast, ye land lubber!
I've heard that line before and I don't want to hear your blubber!"

"Don't give me that old fish eye!  I'm not taken in by your guile!
And besides, matey, I'm a jewfish and 'tis obvious you're a gentile!"

Placed No. 1 in Carolyn Devonshire's "Attack!" Contest - June 2011

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The Doctor Has Left the Building

Come in Doc, stay a while and please close the door.
Your pills aren't workin..still sore...what? Take more?

Whaddya mean, "Don't worry"?
Why are you in such a hurry?

You just barely came in,
Now your leavin' again!

How much? Thanks for the break, but that bill's still pretty sour!
Been here two minutes...That's makes it 6000 bucks an hour..

Pardon me, what's that you say?
Yes,.... do have a nice day...

The Doctor Has Left the Building.

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Ode To My Fish 'Skinny-D'

I've only had you for about a year,
To me the time was of good cheer.

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Well, I'm A Monkey's Uncle

Mr. Darwin claimed that we are descended from the apes!

   In zoos you may see your kin in various species, sizes and shapes.

      Verily, verily if this be true that we are related to the monkey,

         Then, I reckon it could be said that 'I'm truly a monkey's unkie!'

Robert L. Hinshaw, CSMgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved


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A Pony From Mars


It came from the sky, a gray silver stallion.
I looked up high, and I also had seen a dragon.

With so many things in this universe.
I'm on 24/7 alert with a camera in my purse. 

Who would have known I'd be the first to spot a PEGASUS.
The town folks wave hi every time I walk my hippopotamus.

I enjoy showing everyone pictures of a flying horse.
I don't understand why they call a DOCTOR every time I call the TASK FORCE.

I think they are jealous over all the things I've seen.
Ever since I sighted a LEPRECHAUN when I turned fourteen.

No one ever believed me when I saw an army of dragonflies.
They had a name for me "the who See's too much in the skies!"

I don't know why they can't see what I see.
For all I know they don't even believe me.

If you don't believe me then explain how I got this magic MEDALLION.
It was a gift from the silver stallion.

I also have many pictures of a  UNICORN.
Who gave me a piece of its magic horn.

We sat together while UNI" drank from the lake.
We enjoyed talking, --talking about how U.F.O.'s are fake.

Why can't they see?  I fell off a boat and got rescued by a MERMAID!
Who would have known a mermaid swim around with first-aid.

I also remember the day I followed a LEPRECHAUNS.
We were playing under the rainbow having fun.

When I told my doctor about all the things I've seen.
He locked me in a DUNGEON, thinking I was an ALIEN QUEEN.

I begged and I told him I don't believe in any type of alien.
Too bad the master of this dungeon came from another region.

In a way he looks like that one SILVER STALLION from Mars.
The first sighting I'd seen the day I fell from the monkey bars.

I have this picture of this horse of course.
JUST help me out of this white-jacket!!! ;-)
If you want to see the coolest picture of a flying horse. 

Mother & Son

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Seated at table one warm summer day
Feeling the muse about me play
Was reading out my poems to wife
Thought she was just about rapt for life
Little I knew  I was being misled
She was guided by stomach not head

She smiled  and nodded at every syllable
And I focused on nuances as much as was able
I wasn’t watching  her scoff the cake  
Didn’t know she would last piece take
After last verse  with shock I was numb
She hadn’t even left me a single crumb

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The Technology Elf

Our first computer was set and ready to go.
How to use it only the children did know.
“Wheel of Fortune” became our regular game.
We would gather to play; it earned family fame.

Taking turns guessing letters: R-S-T-L-N-E.
Every one was a clue to the phrase mystery.
Each night was the same for the kids and myself.
Until we were visited by the "Technology Elf!"

We had guessed many letters without success.
Then, just as our thinking began to regress,
The answering machine conveyed the next letter.
Wide-eyed and doubting, we had nothing better.

So we typed in the letter; oh, my, the surprise,
The solution was clear; our eyebrows did rise.
With hair on my neck standing straight and tall,
The children asked me to explain it all.

We all heard the clue whispered from the phone.
It must have been technology gnome!
Or was it a ghost that caused this mystery?
You can bet that our game soon became history.

But that was back then, before systems improved.
Now we all are addicted as technology behooved.
There are so many fun games and friends on the web.
No ghost, gnome or elf could make surfing ebb.

© July 22, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Talkin' Technology 	
Sponsored by: Natalie Fllikkema

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Four Little Devils

Four little devils sitting in the park
Four little devils waiting for the dark

          Waiting for a smoker, waiting patiently
          Waiting for a sucker out looking for some weed!

First little devil sells it to a cop
Second little devil ran but he got popped

          Third little devil screamed with all his might
          Went into a coma then later died of fright!

Fourth little devil never blinked an eye
So the cops asked him, "Why not try to fly?"
          Then the devil answered, "Me no habla Engles'"
          So they gave him welfare and called it a success!

                                                Timothy I. Brumley

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The Cookie Monster Murder

When I went to bed that night I didn't feel quite right
Tossed and turned, tried to sleep with all my might

I thought the upset might be from the cookie dough I ate
Baking chocolate chip cookies until well after eight

Finally I fell into a very deep and troubled sleep
From my subconscious crazy thoughts began to creep

In the kitchen a huge and terrifying cookie burglar stood
Stuffing in his mouth as many cookies as he could

Crumbs were scattered on the floor and everywhere
Fury burst inside me and I started to cuss and swear

I grabbed an old curtain rod and bopped him on the head
And much to my surprise-.that cookie monster fell down dead

About that time I awoke with a loud and frantic scream
Thank goodness, the whole thing was just a silly dream

I really don't think I could ever murder any one at all
But that old curtain rod is standing there against the wall....
                                            You Never Know......................

All in fun for the Murderous Thoughts Contest
Part of this is true..I did dream of the Cookie Monster
Barbara Gorelick

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Spun Fun

                               SPUN FUN 

I wonder about nonsense and things that are askew,
Like, if you strangled a Smurff would it's face turn Blue?
And is Rudolf's nose really as bright red as they say?
I mean, would you recognise him if you saw him in May?
Sentences we use are strange and wonderful to decide,
Why do we say stairs are indoors and steps are outside?
We're always looking for something that’s left us bereft
If you lost your left arm would your right arm be left?
I watch sports on TV the player's struggling in a ruck,
I mean, I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Why don't cemeteries explain the prices they're giving?
They just moan and blame it all on the cost of living!
Science and its wonders and the knowledge they spark.
If they are so cleaver, answer me, "what’s the speed of dark"?
But my brain starts to throb and the questions grow dim.
And the fool inside me says, good night to me and him.

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    Halloween was coming and the angels thought they'd have some fun,
    Since they sometimes thought of dressing up before the Holy One.

    They all got together and decided to do just that,
    Dress up in devilish costumes...Surprise the Lord like some earthly college frat.

    Each one was to make his costume from the ethereal
    A very inexpensive and unusual type of material.

    Then, when the Lord was looking down at earth
    Don the costumes for some Heavenly mirth.
    It'll be a costume party for us here in our Heavenly abode
    Different from always wearing these white sophisticated robes.

    We'll have a good laugh and God will understand
    We're just having a laugh here in His Heavenly plan.
    The moment came, all the costumes had been made
    And when the Lord looked up, Heaven was a different shade.

    "Something is amiss, here." , He said in the shades of that red hue
     Perhaps I'll  bring Satan here, to find out if this is something new.

     It would be difficult to invite that guest into heaven you see
     As he had been banished for all the eons of centuries.

     But nothing is impossible for the Lord for He can do any feat
     And just when he was to summon Satan, the Angels all shouted

      "Trick or Treat"!

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Today I feel a little goofy
Hair wild and is all poofy

I made oatmeal it is so sloppy
Have to drink it with my coffee

Can not walk as my feet are going flip floppy
No swimming either the water is to choppy

Ding dong no nothings wrong
My clock just went bing bong

If this poem to your face brought a smile
Or maybe you just laughed for awhile

Then please know that I am happy as well
As I am locked back up in my padded cell

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I Do Believe In Santa Claus

I do believe in Santa Claus.
Although I'm scared he'll see my flaws.
I think he knows I pick my nose
and play with jam between my toes.
He probably knows I bite my nails
and burp and fart to no avails'
But what I know for sure is strange.
That I am stubborn and will not change.

I do believe in Santa Claus
who sees me when I'm sleeping.
And hide beneath my pillow
when I think that he is peeking.
I know I've made the naughty list
and even changed my name.
Unless he knows my old address
and holds me to my shame.

I do believe in Santa Claus...
but I am cautious just the same.

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Halloween hand me downs

I was the youngest kid of eight
Halloween was never that great
Orange clown shoes were too big
An old purple horrendous witch's wig

My sisters tutu I that wouldn't use
My brothers cape smelled of doo doo
Superman pants that didn't latch
And that makeup covered eye patch

That Halloween I knocked on this door
The lady was laughing and kicked the floor
Her husband then came around to peek
Then laugh so hard his knees got weak

She said "Oh honey, let's give him the lot"
He agreed, only if I posed for a snapshot
She said "you stay right there, don't move"
I took off so fast, I lost my clown shoes

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Ants In Your Pants-NR

A giant called George lived in a cave
He was big, but not very brave
     He had an odd fear of ants
     Afraid they'd crawl up his pants
         So George decided to wear a skirt
         That made the ants laugh till they hurt
              George started  laughing too
              Though why he had no clue
                   So the ants and George became friends
                   And that's where this silly rhyme ends...

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There once was a time when you can say unbuttoning was part of the foreplay. Every single button was a step to reach to a place they call garden of peach. Unbuttoning each other was like an art in a game which still now has few expert. Now a days people do not have much time and they quickly want to reach their prime. With zippers there is a vast change in scene I think you are getting what I mean. In this game people have less time to play zippers help them in that without much delay. ===============000=============== Placement;5th, February 2013 Contest:Buttons Sponsor:Susan Burch

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Talking can lead to fights and stuff
To know someone just sniff their butt

June 9th, 2013

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Child once more

Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up one morning
To find you were still a child
So much energy jumping up and down upon your bed
So many wonders and thoughts swirling through your bed
No responsibilities
Just fun and play with your dolls or swinging in the trees
Getting a dose of the measles having a poorly on your knee
looking at a catalogue at all the toys
Building a den and playing cowboys and Indians
With the other girls and boys
Dressing up in mummies clothes
catching frogs and picking your nose
Rolling down grassy hills and knowls
Going for summer walks with a bottle of lemonade
Pretending you are a solider standing on parade
Watching cartoons all day on TV
Having a pet to love and feed
Giving your teddy bear a hug
Collecting crawly things like slugs and bugs
Having a big bag of sweets giving a high five to every child that you meet
Having an imaginary friend called Fred
Bed time stories in your Jim Jams in bed
Pretending to be a pirate out at sea
Seeing strange faces in every tree
Licking the cake bowl after mummy makes a cake
Riding on your bicycle or on your roller skates
Reading books under the covers with a torch at night
Playing football flying a kite
Dreaming of becoming an astronaut a fireman and scientist too
having a great day out at the zoo
Playing children's games calling out rude names
Playing in the wood getting up to no good
Getting head Lice in your hair
Sitting in a high chair
Dancing like a loony at a party
Hating girls yuk! with their ribbons and their curls
Doctor Who Winnie the poo Sponge Bob
Larry the Lamb and Batman
and now I'm Superman!
Train set that gives your Farther who bough it  for you so much joy
Pink for a girl and blue for a boy
playing on the swings and slide
Bucket and spade making sand castles at the seaside
Everyone saying 'awe aren't you sweet'
Coco pops egg and toast soldiers to eat
Balloons floating high into the sky
your older sister hitting you and making you cry
Sitting on your potty
pacifier in your mouth
'Mummy I've done a poo'you shout
'Good boy I'll lift you out.
sitting in your pram Being pushed everywhere by your Mam
Going on a bus singing a little song
looking out the window and sticking out your tongue
Digging in the garden eating worms and soil
Having earache Pouring in olive oil
playing with your rubber duck and battleship
while your in the bath
reading your favourite comics and having a laugh
Asking lots of questions your parents find hard to answer
'Where do babies come from?' Having your leg in plaster
playing in the school yard playing hide and seek
Being poorly every week
new shoes happy feet holding mommy's hand and skipping down the street
Watching the fish swim around your fish tank
Putting pennies in your piggy bank
Ooh how my dipper must have stank
Ice cream and jelly tots uhhm I used to scoff the lot
playing a tree in a school play
Packing a suitcase and running away
throwing pebbles in a pond all day long.

Phew I'm shattered after al that. imagine doing all that now. the mere thought 
tires me out.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.July.

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The Tale of My First Car

I never even drove till I was maybe twenty-five,
but then I learned, and so we bought a car for me to drive.

For fifteen hundred dollars, I got a crap sports car
with color kind of pink. That Monza never got me far!

Its brand I think was obsolete; I can't recall its look.
All that I recall was all my money that it took.

About a month I had it till our whole small family
used that car to take a Christmas trip out of the city.

So headed for the south we left, and yet we had no clue. . . . 
Not even halfway out of our own state, the engine blew.

We had to pay to tow it home, and I cannot recall
If we later took our truck to make that trip at all!

Fixing it was not worthwhile. The engine block was shot.
Thanks to that, I got a blue Camaro, used but HOT!

And so the life of my first car, once I got it home,
was just about as lengthy as the lines of this short poem.

For Paula Swanson's "Driving Me Crazy" Contest

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What they didn't tell her about Fairy tales

They told me from the time I was two
“One day prince charming is coming for you!”

They made me read these inspiring fairy tales
About mermaids, evil step mothers and 
servants whose childhoods were unfair,

They told me that even if I was troubled and had to put up with a lot,
That someday my adversaries would have to surrender
to me and scrub my pots,

They told me I wasn’t alone; animals would be my friend
So I tried that, then one night they bit me, 
I suffered another tragic end

They said to always be kind-hearted that’s what all man want,
When I got into high school I found out no one wanted to talk to the fat girl in the corner who ate chocolate glazed croissants 

They told me to find seven dwarfs, a crew of little people
My school only had four of them 
Their names were; scuba, geek freak, muffin top and meatball

In eleventh grade they said, "ask God for a fairy godmother to get a dress for the prom"
I went to a Catholic Church, got one for 75 cents, 
with red stripes and one missing arm

They said after graduation the wise thing to do would be to go to college 
and Not rush into getting married
So I got knocked up my senior year by the school janitor,
His name is "Prince Larry!"

I dropped out a month before school ended and you’ll never guess where I reside
I am currently employed doing Disney parties, where I get to dress up as all the great characters who told me those fabulous lies.
Got to Love fairy tales…

By: Sabina Nicole

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LG Poetry Department Store

Come on folks!  Everybody  come on over here!
I’m one of the coolest poetic  vendors all throughout  the year!

Midnight , anniversary , summer  and all kinds of seasons sales,
I’m sure you’ll enjoy shopping here while saving up your bills.

My spiritual uplifting poems are 80 percent discount offer,
For whole sale, take freely my dog who is so expert in prayer.

Take my poems  about friendship and love as much as you want,
Like sharing half of my heart to you, that’s  50 percent discount.

Special poem, My Name and poems dedicated to special friends,
They are out of stocks, but you can make an order if you can.

My poems  all about arts, music, nature and mysteries of life,
Biggest discount I’ll give, all have been displayed  in my big shelf.

The poems which express  my joys, sadness, and my  pains, 
 Buying them in retail price, take freely My Stupid Boyfriend.
Life is real Good while you shop at LG’s Poetry Department store,
Grab my Garage Sale now! You’ll regret if you postpone or ignore!

Written: Sept . 13, 2012

First Place
Contest: Poets Garage Sale
Poet Sponsor: Poet SKAT

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Fries And Burgers

Feeling kinda cruddy, yup, that's the word Too many fries, too many burgs When will I learn I can't handle that stuff Stomach rebels, starts causing a fuss Once could eat nails and all kinds of gunk Now I eat mush and ground up junk My teeth are all gone, can't chew anymore Things go down whole, my tummy gets sore So such is the life of this senior type dude Head for the washroom, each time I eat food Food disappears like famous greased lightning Or I sit there for hours, really quite frightening Irregularity's my name, I'm Irreg for short Hope an operation, I don't have to resort An artificial esophagus transplanted in me So I can go regular like it once used to be Oh for the days when I could eat all that junk Those days are gone, who woulda thunk That one day I'd be eating my morning cereal Laced with Metamucil or some such material! © Jack Ellison 2012

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It was the "Old West" and the town dusty
When in on his horse came a galloper named Rusty.

He ran into the saloon and shouted aloud
"Big Red's a Comin'" ... which stunned the crowd.

They started to disappear as quick as they could
Big Red's reputation dictated they should.

So out the windows and out the doors
Like an open floodgate the men just poured.

The only one left was the fella who tended the bar
Too scared to move, he just stood thar.

Then, very slowly a huge figure came ridin' up the street
Ridin' a Buffalo, big boots and spurs on his feet.

He looked like a meanun' Big Six Guns at his side
He didn't use a saddle, to ride that Buffalo Hide.

He wore a sombrero to shade his eyes
The black scruff of a beard fit his face and his size.

He had bandoliers of bullets crossed o'er both shoulders
And he looked like with one hand he could move boulders.

He busted the doors off their hinges as he strode in
Walked up to the bar, where the barkeep wasn't movin'.

"Gimme a Whisky", he barked in his way
The barkeep couldn't move, or even a word did he say.

"I SAID GIMME A WHISKY"  again came the bellow
As he grabbed the barkeep, a right dainty fellow.

Off the walls he bounced him and off the ceiling too
Then threw him back behind the bar for his work to get to.

The barkeep put up a bottle which he grasped in his paw
Broke the neck on the bar and guzzled its contents as the barkeep watched in awe.

He didn't stop drinkin' 'till the bottle was empty with whisky not a trace
Put his sleeve up to his mouth and wiped the drops off his face.

He belched once or twice as he looked around
Then turned to the barkeep when he heard the sound.

" want a..another" asked the barkeep's frail voice
The Big Man looked at him as if there were no choice.

"No...I gotta be goin'", he said in dismay
"I heard that 'BIG RED' was headin' this way"!

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Garage sale special

For sale a bunch of fine unused words, many misspelled
Poet can’t uses them; mind is on strike, the pen has been stilled

These words never used for they never quite seemed to fit
Got them online; advertisement said they were a complete poetry kit

Can’t send them back because I did use a few; the remainder unused
Selling at half price; many are funny words which will leave you amused

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Mandy and Vienna couplets

She always calls me her little flower of all nations
What I’d like to know is who peed in my carnations

My petunia’s have been trampled and my bean stalk
Well it looks devoid of bean, and some taste like chalk (Vie)

Chalky beans are not good, and peed on petunias are even worse
Instead of trying to eat them, use the beans to write some verse

For petunias bathed in pee, well I’ll tell you what I would do
If the pee didn’t work on them try and plant them in some poo

©GG 18/06/2013
 Forgottot put Vie's bit on, lol xx

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Her Nibs

Day in, and day out, from the ripe old age of five
I’ve take to sharp objects and whittled at their sides.

Plotting the precise angle with penetrating gaze,
the slant of slice, just so nice, as memory replays.

With curt tongue and tireless ire, I shred the sages
Burroughs, and Asimov, the Shakespeare past ages.

Butchering with rare delight, the language on the page
lancing every metaphor and simile upstaged.

and so I've arrived her in rhythm and in rhyme  
killing the English language as other people dine.

*Nibbs are the pointed ends of fountain pens
as well as being an important or self-important person

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A Welcome Reception

A Welcome Reception
or Receptionist and a Poetry Recital

Take care of dolls and put them on display
And a story each one will have to say
About the time there was such a hush
Because their teeth they forgot to brush.

They were all afraid to smile anymore
Gums were starting to get mighty sore
And soon a cavity appeared in each tooth
Not unusual but unfair and very uncouth.

Receptionist such a sweet smiling was wearing
For her teeth religiously is always caring
You should have a smile that looks like mine
She said after her and my eyes would entwine.

Could hardly breathe when I saw her teeth
Brushed all around, on and gums underneath
Then a tremendous thought to me occurs;
God, make my teeth look as good as hers. 

I can see my dentist's receptionist smiling and 
laughing and eyes twinkling right now as she 
reads this. Will be seeing them next Tuesday
but forgot what time. Oh, and is the coffee
water warm yet? When do you want to hear
my dental poetry recital?

Jim Horn

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I Am a Lady

I am a lady of a stunning age,
I can still perform on a stage.
I can still be someone’s pride,
My range of interests is wide.

Putting on a stunning dress
I’ll make every man confess:
She is a woman of super class
Who hates swagger and sass.

With sniper fidelity and my charm,
Without any noise and extra alarm
I’ll kill all men on the spot, at once.
Not giving anyone a chance.

I can become someone’s prize.
That someone will have to realize
How much I am expressive,
All in me is just impressive.

I can still be someone's Sunday,
Make an ordinary day a holiday,
Get a bottle of laugh from a store,
At breakneck speed new explore.

And due to my fascinating view
I can make anything to become true
For example, replacing old with new
But … I just don’t feel like to.

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

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My Talent Search

Everybody has a talent the wise say,
I have seen it proved day after day.

The ways of the Universe are funny,
As easy to understand as a hangover after a single  martini!

Just when you think you have learnt the lesson,
A new twist hits you right from oblivion.

My friend, he sings and strums the guitar,
I tried to give him company, ended up making him a star.

I handled the guitar, tried the rythm
All I managed to do was to confuse him.

He sang a bit, I croaked along,
The applause was more for my walking off, than for his song.

Nowadays I write my poems and have wise people read them,
They review it and laugh their heads off their brainstem!

I dare say my job is to spread a smile and a laugh,
The intention is all there, the 'talent' is the missing half.

I have become the inspiration for many...
I have bagged the award for upcoming poetic  tyranny.

My talent is not for poetry, I have been told,
That might be true, but I have chosen to be bold.

The poetry should go on, so has the decision been...
Shall we settle for two slices of laughter with a drop of wisdom in between?

(My dear friends, thank you for all your comments and words of encouragement and i hope 
this poem supports the fact that next to love, humo(u)r is the most potent and powerful 
emotion worth pursuing. This is my tribute to you,my patient reader.)

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Heaven Sent

My girlfriend’s love never ceases
My girlfriend loves me to pieces
My girlfriend takes away my breath
My girlfriend just loves me to death

Too young to be passing so soon
(Services will be held at noon)

For: Poetess Darkly's contest

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Ocean blue, upon lazy waves I share this tale
Of a behemoth beast- the color of death, lifeless and pale
Forty miles long he was, from snout to tail
A frightenin' thing onboard a fifty foot barque 'n' sail

Mindin' our own bi'sness we was when this thing hit
smashin the bulkheads water comin' in- "Oh Sh**"!
Off came my tongue bloody 'n' hurtin'- that which I bit
Hull cracked - middle o' that boat, it shur did split!

Dunno what made that crazy ole' whale think we was bait
That look in his eye shore was full o' hate
Mebbe he was just hungry- 'cause Billy Bob he ate,
Soon 'nuff that whale spit him out, guess he just didn't like the taste!

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Portrait of Hannah and Otto on a Lake

Written on April 14, 2012
For Bill William's Palindrome Contest

Hannah and Otto lived by a lake
In a house with an address of 8008.

Some nights they would kayak around and around
So quietly; there was nary a sound.

One night they heard an erie toot and some beeps
And rowed towards the sounds without making a peep.

They each gasped twice when they saw what was there.
It was Ogopogo coming up for air!

Ogopogo turned and smiled at them
They were both wowed; he seemed like a friend.

It turned out that he was quite civil and charming
His conversation was respectful and, therefore, disarming.

And at the end of the exchange, he asked, “Do you happen to know
Where my girlfriend, Loch Nessie, would possibly go?

I’ve been looking around this lake for centuries, it seems
And if I don’t find her soon, I will simply scream!”

Gail DeBole
(There have been claimed sightings of Ogopogo, a Canadian Lake monster that is commonly described as a 40 to 50 ft. sea monster.)

Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection

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The best job

Your own successful biz,
that's what your best job is!

Volodymyr Knyr

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The Shocking Christmas Parade

He heard commotion, "Well Land O'Goshen!! Whatever could it be?
It stirred his notions, and came invading, to wake his fading dreams
As he raised his head, the dreaded clock had invaded peace instead
He dreaded rising, was compromising, while lying in his bed
The tick and tock, it would not stop, and sun had blocked his eyes
Shining in, there's, no denying, it was time for him to rise

He raised the shade, and saw a parade.. a throng was going by
Something wrong, long lines of folks, were joking till they cried
Laughing gawkers, down the block, were shocked, and also stunned
Poking fun, pointing fingers at his Uncle, on the run

Uncle Fred, underfed, lead the parade in red long-johns
In underwear, he had no cares...his Santa beard was long
And Auntie Fran, ran in panties, wearing bra and thong
On her head, a Santa Cap, a flapping gap, where clothes belonged!
Oh my heavens!!  Such misbehavin', this day was starting wrong!
Upon the sidewalk, the jokes are starting. The folks are growing strong.
Snapping photos, shouting mottos, fame has found this pair
Clapping loudly, crowds are happy, toting cameras everywhere
Behind his uncle, (old with wrinkles), crews, were finding news
Auntie poses, picks a rose, then sticks her nose in view

TV news has quite a story, but not the gory kind
His relatives are night-time headlines, deadlines met on time
Who'd even dare, these dreadful folks to bare their hall of fame?
It is no joke, his drunk kinfolk have smeared his family name!!

Alliteration, Assonance or Consonance Couplet Alphabet Contest  

Sponsored by:  Sheri Fresonke Harper  12//16/13

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A Not So Quiet Calamity IV

The sirens and mermaids
called up from the deep,
untangled mesh nets
blithely held out by sleep.
There the first to emerge
were the sighs and the nods,
they sank then resurfaced
in clear Morphean pods.

I found myself wandering
on a wide stretch of beach.
My mind squeezed like a lemon,
my thoughts fuzzed like a peach.
When the sheet of fog lifted, 
I walked through the haze,
what’d been transfixed by the night
now transformed into day.

Bands of green kelp
had encircled my feet.
Sand dollars tossed out
from the wallets of seas.
The tang in the air
by the water and brine,
awoke to my senses
other days hazed by time.

Sunk then in a sinkhole;
my heart now clanged a bell!
I was no longer an oyster
in a barnacled shell.
I kicked off the seaweed,
splashed through the shoreline,
feeling refreshingly freed
from that soul ravaged time.

I knew I’d still wonder
about Calamity Clam.
Had he hid from the onslaught,
become a sea star’s sea ham?
Ouf…no longer my problem,
I was no agent by rights.
Then I stepped on an object 
and, out went the lights!

I hopped in frustration
with great hurt I did bow.
I bellowed out pain
like an angry sea cow.
With one mighty scoop
he was constained in my hand.
How to dispose of the despicable?
I felt seared by a brand.

Covertly I gazed
at this nemesis of fear.
Then I gave a smart tug
to his mossy green beard.
The thoughts that I harbored
were not of my decree.
I hurled him out, with three skips,
he sank back into the sea.

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Text Talk

@ lst catchin on 2 my celfne wz a relief 
thN txtN came on2 d scene n brawt me nu grief.

 I couldn’t evn lern shrth& wen I wz in skool. 
txtN S 2much lk dat, so I’ll stay “un-cool!” 

I’ve gotten thru a lfetme w/o uzn it.
n wouldn’t uno it, no symbl 4t rhym sh-t


At last catching on to my cell phone was a relief.
Then texting came onto the scene and brought me new grief.

I couldn’t even learn shorthand when I was in school.
Texting is too much like that, so I’ll stay “un-cool!”

I’ve gotten through a lifetime without using it.
And wouldn’t you know it, no symbol for the rhyme sh-t

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Dysfunctional Holiday(adult content)

It's my turn to burn the turkey this year.
We'll all drink too much and end up in tears.
Relatives we love and those we hate
Will all show up, there'll be a debate.
Cranberry sauce or Cranberry jelly?
Would serve them all right if I didn't serve any.
At least one item I love will be broken.
At least one thing said should not have been spoken.
We'll start with compliments, lies of course,
Sing off key, laugh till we're hoarse.
Try to keep the arguing down to a dull roar.
Watch out for Uncle Harold, the man is a boor.
The children are the best behaved of the lot.
Uncle Harold's now loaded, the man is a sot.
Would everyone please just sit down and eat
And why does everyone want the white meat?
Two more glasses of wine and I will get through it.
Next year it's Mexico. Family? ..Well screw it.

Purely fictional, meant in humor , please take it as it is, a joke

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"Krogers" Georgia

Bush's Beans, the magical fruit
for my morning tea fresh ginger root.

We also get bananas and tomatoes.
Plenty of boxes of cereal as well as mashed potatoes.

Along with cream, cheese, and bottles of mayo,
I sometimes have to buy granny's Depends, oh no!

Yogurt is in there as well frozen and fresh veggies.
Meat and baked goods complete the list and satisfy famliy munchies!

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I Love To Sneeze

Don't know about you but I love to sneeze
A good one will bring me down to my knees

Blasting my head right off of my neck
A feeling that makes me an absolute wreck

Shivering on down to my little ole toes
You certainly must know how that all goes

Feels so damn sexy I might hasten to add
A sensation that drives me totally mad

Sure rather sneeze than peel potatoes
Prefer sneezing to playing with Play-Doh

Nicer than poking a sharp stick in my eye
Not quite as painful as a dart in my thigh

Imagine your hoo-ha being caught in a vice
Can't be very pleasant, sure can't be nice

Wanna sneeze till I'm rolling on the floor
Gimme that feeling, want more, more, more

But don't tell my friends I beg of you please
Kinda embarrassed about loving to sneeze

© Jack Ellison 2012

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Email to Subby Conscience

(Gail's Note: Reply Email from Subby Conscience is the sequel to this.)

To: Subby Conscience
Re: Communication between You and Me
Date: February 4, 2012

Why isn't it easy to call you at will?
Couldn't I just Twitter or email you until
You provide the answer in clear, solid terms
So that I don't have to lie in your chaotic squirms?

Instead, you tug at my psyche
And laugh at my logic.
You taunt and tug at my struggles
And sap my dream tonic.
You expose my repression
While disguised as a friend
All the while sneaking around 
In my personal REM.

A swirl of feelings
Interferes with the theme.
Makes my heart pound and pound.
Makes it seem like a scheme 
To interrupt sleep 
And destroy my 8 hours.
To wither my psyche
And sap super powers.

And then comes the waiting
Sometimes for years
Of what this all means
Could it always be fear?

But unknown to you
Over time you are helping
To harness the pounding
And process all my days' yelpings
So that I can function in the AM and more
While you are repressed as
I cozily soar.

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Masterpiece Mementos

    "Masterpiece Mementos"









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Where does the Time go

I feel as though time is slipping away,
And more is gone each passing day…

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Doggie View of a Territorial Miniature Eskimo

Hi, my name is Ollyver, and here’s my doggie view: You could call me simply “Boo” and I’d still come to you! I’m fluffy white, the mini version of an Eskimo. My human lady makes me go out back and then yells, “GO!” Sometimes she says more than that. She adds the small word, “pee.” “Ollyver, go pee,” she cries. “Just pee. Go pee for me!” Often times I’ll run about or try to dig a hole. Apparently my digging in the yard is not her goal! She calls me back and if I do not come, she chases me. Her voice bears a question and again, that dang word PEE. Inside the house, I sit near her - unless I hear strange noise, and often at the window, I’ll look out and see some boys. I start to yap. I HAVE to yap! I yap, yap, yap, yap, YAP. And when they leave, I run with glee back to my lady’s lap. I love to feel her scratch my ears and smooth my pretty fur. If someone comes too near the house, I’ll yap, protecting her. She doesn’t often give me yummy food right off her plate, but sometimes she might give me some, so anxiously I wait. I make my eyes get big and sad and whimper like a child. I can’t go too far overboard or else she will get riled! If food remains upon her plate, she scrapes it in my bowl. That’s even better than when I go out and dig a hole! There’s one thing I can’t figure out. She saw me tinkle once nearby a wall, then yelled about me pulling stupid stunts. She and her man get crazy when I do that, so I try to only tinkle in the house when it is on the sly! She takes me out to that back yard quite an awful lot. Sometimes I’ll tinkle and I always poo poo like I ought. More kids outside the window! Must I always have to beg for them to leave? I yap, and near the wall I lift my leg. Written June 24, 2012 For Tanya Harrington's "Dog Gone Tales" Poetry Contest

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Bad Texter

(the so-called "texted" poem is below the translated one shown here on top. btw, not for the contest. I messed up & didn't know there was a line limit. did I even come close with my texted version?)

I never had texted, so I had to go
in search of the many things that I don’t know.

I know n means “in,” b means “be,” c means “see.”
Y is for “why”; those are all easy.

For other words, though, I see no explanation
Except the advice:  use your imagination.

I found some expressions like prolly(probably) a pity!
Teens like to use “no parents” (np). Oh, really?

 Bring your own beer (BYOB) is one that I knew.
Others not hard are tonight(2nite) and me too (me2).

Sh$# happens (sh) - a good one! And there are others,
Boyfriend (bf) and girlfriend (gf); significant other (so).

By now even I know (lmao)“laughing my ass off” 
But “hang on” (ho) was new to me. Ok- don’t scoff!

I already knew about (h-bday) happy birthday 
But somehow I didn’t remember (nw) “no way.” 

For your information (fyi) & sucks (sux) - nothing new.
Surprisingly I didn’t know (ilu) “I love you” 

For equestrian texting there’s even a site
For things like “hay in my bra” (himb) yeah right!

I guess a pimp daddy can say (wtm) “who the man,” 
But be careful if you see (gnac) “get nailed on cam.” 

There’s symbols for bored and yawning and sad.
I only like zzzz (sleeping); can’t find one for bad!

How do I string these expressions together?
With lots of bad grammar and spelling? Whatever!

How strange is a culture that finds texting cool
And I must unlearn what they taught me in school.

i nevr had texted, so i had 2 go
iso the many things that idk

i know n means “in,” b means “be,“ c means “see.“
Y is 4 “why”; those r all ezy

4 othr wrds, tho, I c no explanashun
except the advice: uz ur imaginashun!

I found sum expreshuns  like prolly. a pity!
teens like to use np! oh re?

byob is 1 that I knu
others not hard r 2nite & me2

sh - a good 1; bm- another,
bf & gf ; so

by now evn I know lmao
but ho was new 2 me ok -dont scof!

i already knew about h-bday
but somehow I didnt remember nw

fyi & sux - nothin new
srprsingly I didn’t know ilu

4 equestrian texting therz evn a site
4 things like himb. Y r!

i ges a pimp dady cn say wtm
but b crfl if u c gnoc!

therz symbls for I-O and : -(
i only likt zzz; cant fnd 1 4 “bad.”

how do I string these exprshuns together?
with lotsa bad gramar & speling? WE!

how strange is a culchur that finds texting kul
& I must unlern wot they tot me in skool

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A Pill Of Life

A Pill Of Life

A dream , a secret wish takes me for a groovy-ride
to be strong and tough and not the baby -cry. 

I muse up on Popeye ,the macho sailor man
envy him for that leaves he had in a simple can

handy that he kept, to puff his muscles out
when swallowed a tuft of spinach in to his gout. 

spinach would mess me up at work and play
so, I would rather 'pill ' em  up in a pop- down pill

boss or boys, creed does not matter 
pill must work well with all in a batter

one for the boy, 2 for the howling lady,
3 for the boss ,so it goes ; keep more for the bawdy

Pills to tough me up to deal with the deceptive and dowdy ones
to live a kingly life and dust happy hands off their pokes and puns 

For Russell Sivey's contest- Pill Of Life. 

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The Age Of Love

Let’s go to bed my darling girl,
He grabbed her by the hand and they did a quick twirl.

I fancy you right now so come with me,
His love was growing, that she could see.

Come my sweet one, let’s go and make love
I am ready for you now, my sweet turtle dove.

Wait my darling, just wait a little while 
I need time to get ready, you know my style.

You go up and I will follow you
And then you know what we can do.

He ran excited up the stairs, 
It was his birthday in an hour, and he wanted to share.

His lust was growing, his legs were pumping
She followed him, her heart loudly thumping.

Ready for a night of passion, his cheeks a faint colour of rouge
And a mound under the quilt, he thought was really quite huge.

She reached out, to climb over him
And watched as his smile turned to a grin.

Oh no you stop there, thats where I want you
This is what I have planned for us to do.

His eyes rolled backwards, as she thought in his ecstasy 
But his heart had given out, that much she could see.

Never mind he died while he was having such fun
It is a shame, she said - he was only just 91.

Die a "Fun "death

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A Summer Couplet

Waves are rolling kids laugh silly
Off my feet what fun oh dilly

For Andrea's Contest

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The day after Thanksgiving I didn't have to work
So, I decided to do something which was kind of a quirk.

I thought I would do some early shopping
For those Christmas gifts that would be eye popping.

As I started my car to begin my store raid
Something went amiss to stop my escapade.

I opened the hood to find the problem there
When I saw it, it really gave me a scare.

Our neighbor's black cat had crawled onto the engine block
Feeling the warmth, but not taking stock.

When I turned the key to give it a start
The cat shrieked as its tail was nearly cut apart.

Oh, it wasn't intentional that I hurt that poor pet
But you've never seen anything like it I'll bet.

When I heard the noise and the hissing you see,
I thought one of the hoses had broken...leaking fluently.

But it was the cat that was hissing when I raised the hood
All he could think of was to jump for where I stood.

With claws all out and teeth set to bite
Him coming at me was quite the site.

Fortunately he missed me with his outstretched paws,
Or I would have been really attached to those razor like claws.

When he hit the ground he ran away
Scared the crap out of me...that's all I'll say.

So I had to collect myself before I could go anywhere
Went back to the house and just stood shaking there.

Of course, I had to have a pop or two
To settle my nerves before I started anew.

Before I knew it, I was asleep in a chair
I never attempted to go anywhere.

All because a black cat wanted to keep warm
In the end, I was thankful I did so little harm.

"Black Friday" would have cost me a heck of a lot more
Had it not been for that cat's dozing for sure.

So, now whenever I go to the store
I buy some cat food, for that kitty next door.

He still remembers my opening that hood
I still remember him trying to claw me where I stood.

But we've come to an understanding that cat and me
And I tap the car before starting it to let him see.

As it is now...he stays out of my way,
Except when I feed him, for all the money he saved me on "Black Friday".

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Be Of Good Cheer This Thanksgiving Day

May tranquility reign and grace your Thanksgiving board this year,
As you thank the Good Lord for all the blessings you hold dear!

I pray that it will be a time of good cheer and not a free-for-all,
As in the dysfunctional family described below, ending in a brawl!

Grandpa said grace that rambled on interminably while stomachs growl.
Grandma had heard enough of that and poked him with a warning scowl!

Pompous Uncle Blimp boasted about the democrats winning the election,
While saner heads steered the conversation in a more innocuous direction!

Ne'er-do-well Cousin Cletus who was recently released from prison,
Wailed about being falsely imprisoned saying the cannabis wasn't his'n!

Aunt Louise complained that she didn't get the turkey gizzard as was her due!
Dad was happily sozzled having consumed too much of his homemade brew!

Little Marvin slopped gravy on grandma's prized heirloom tablecloth!
Nana screeched about controlling your brats - she was most visibly wroth!

The kid howled and mommy hugged him saying, "It was not your fault!"
In the aftermath, little was said except an occasional, "Pass the salt!"

Elbows flew and the hapless turkey's carcass was stripped clean and bare!
Grandpa removed his teeth to take a snooze, fed up with the whole affair!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Harry And Vienna's Couplets

“He glides into my parlour with his shades a tad too low
Saying can you clip my moustache, I like whisk ‘n’ show.
So I take out my old blade and nip and oops I think I missed
Now he’s suing me for having nicked his upper lip, he’s pissed.”

“She says I tried to kiss her in the most sensual way
Full of Scotch whisky drunk just because I wouldn’t pay.
I saw the old blade heading for my throat thinking a joke
But this old queen pissed her off because I thought her a bloke.”

© Harry J Horsman-Mystic Rose

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What A Sight

take a glance
at those pants
hanging down low
giving us a show

we laugh with delight
at the sight
while we stare
at your underwear

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Two Headed Turtle

A two headed turtle in a bed blue Slept whole night through close to his brother too
Contest: Two Timer's Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi

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Sleep PD Sleep

Sleep, pd, sleep

Sleep, pd, sleep,  peacefully at last
It’s now or never for a lass.
Free from the pressure of peer group
Family  and poetry soup
Letting the restaurant rest awhile
Resting your fertile head in style
Throw all your fears out and sleep
I will see that nobody peeps
All you own will be in safe keep
I’ll be on guard against all creeps.
Sleep, pd, sleep, peacefully at last
It’s now or never for a lass.

S.Jagathsimhan Nair
For pd's 'Send me to sleep'

For PD's 'Make me smile' contest this time on 7 mar 13

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Flowers Flowers Everywhere

Flowers, flowers, everywhere Flowers, flowers, in my hair Flowers, flowers, in my poop Must have been flowers in my soup © Jack Ellison 2012
Silliness personified!

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My words traverse on a curvy long poetic trail Chugging along the track lines of this soupy rail Inviting all shopaholic poets like me, male or female Frenzied excitement, rush & grab, discounts at poetry sale! Hurry! offer open only till the stocks last Here at soup, we poets are having a blast! The first counter echoes with sonorous chimes Sing-song melody of my sweetest rhymes Verses that weave short stories or tell fables Check before you leave and mind your syllables! "Stuff available just at some select outlets" I have in-store for you some lovely couplets Poems on rainbows, stars, trees and mountains Attempts at Quatern, Rondeau, Quatrain and Quintains. Itsy-bitsy little things playing peek-a-boo Room for much improvement when it comes to my Haiku! A dew-dipped morning glory in its full bloom Such is the beauty of my flowing Pantoum! There're some brand new arrivals too, you could try Wreath, Tanaga, Shanzi, Constanza and Virelai! Setting the mood upbeat with right rhyme and meter Any takers for witty Limericks or crafty Rictameters? Please with your guiding tips, come one and come all Together lets build a glistening new Poetry Mall! 25/09/2012

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Summer Couplet

A Summer Couplet

The swimmin’ hole was very inviting,
Hope the fish are all nonbiting!

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Coffee, Beatle Style, With Michael

‘Good day, Sunshine!’... ‘I call your name’, and here you are!
Michael, so wonderful to finally meet you on this ‘magical mystery tour!’….

‘I traveled the long and winding road’ and came to this conclusion
A coffee chat with Michael F, could become a poetry ‘revolution’

They tell me “let it be”…and 'wait', ’that all you need is love’….
But after ‘a hard day’s night’….and 'a little help from my friend' above

I even said 'Please Mr. Postman'..., I’ve ‘got to get him into my life’
‘I wanna hold your hand', Michael, but what about Rosanna, your wife??

That might be ‘too much monkey business’, so I'd better 'act naturally'
‘Wanna know a secret’, Michael?  You really ‘got a hold on me’!!!

By Carrie
Another Beatle Fan!! 

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Really Runny Nose

Runny oh runny, really runny nose
Right now I must say our relationship blows.

You're always out running while I sit at home
And all I can do is sniff, sneeze, and moan.

And just when I think we've parted for sure
You come running back, a surprise at my door.

And if only I did have such a choice
I'd kick you out on your butt and then sing in rejoice

But instead you stay, and run on and on
You'd think you're training for a marathon!

And those sniffles, nasty sniffles, they drive me insane!
Really runny nose, you only cause me pain.

But with that, there's still nothing I can do
Other than to pop some pills and to wait it through.

But when that day comes and you stop and leave me
I won't miss you one bit and I'll laugh with much glee

And though right then I'll be booger free
...I'll be on my toes for when you come back ...running.

Jan 2010.. It's runny nose season again and my nose just had to remind me!

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Dr Suess, Ten Pounds On The Bottom

Inspired by- Ten Apples Up On top

Ten pounds, ten pounds, on my bottom!
Good grief, good grief!, How fast I got'em!
I must, I must! Lose this  weight!
Or soon obesity will be my fate!
One pound, one pound! I'll start real slow..
One pound gone, nine more to go!
Two pounds, Two pounds! I'm on a roll!
To look like Twiggy is my goal!
Three pounds, Three pounds!  Not so bad!
But oh those doughnuts make me sad!
Four pounds, four pounds! I can do it!
This pound was tough, I almost blew it!
Five pounds, five pounds, half way there!
No more elevators, take the stair!
Six pounds, six pounds! Its going slow!
No more cookies? Another terrible blow!
Seven pounds, And then big number eight!
Beginning  to think cucumbers are just great!
Nine pounds , nine pounds ! Took forever!
Not going through this again, Never, Never!
Ten pounds lost at last! But not fair, not fair!
Why doI still look like a giant pear!

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Fastest Gun In The West

<                                      Now hold on there Tex !
                                        Let me get     dressed  !

                                        Let me saddle up my horse
                                        To trollop around this Halloween course

                                        Got on my chaps
                                        My spurs and cowboy hat

                                       Replica's of forty five's
                                       Riding on my hips very high

                                       With lasso in my hand
                                       This little cowboy has a plan

                                      So all you ghost and goblins
                                      It's candies bounty I'll be coming an robbing

                                      And I'll be taking  loot for mummy
                                      And for my daddy who has a bigger tummy

                                                  Happy Halloween To All
                                   Especially little tikes who are so cute and small

Entry For 
Halloween Costume Contest
G.L. All




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Apple pie

Apple pie is so divine,
I eat it all then feel like swine.

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She Must Be in Denial

Something happened this morning.
I had absolutely no warning.

There I was trying to live right,
and my belt got tight, 

It was hugging me since times of old.
It shrunk! There wasn’t another hole.

And another mysterious quirk,
a button popped off my shirt.

My wife says it’s a possibility that I’m getting fat.
She isn’t very nice. She insults me like that.

I explained it was obviously because of my manly chest,
She said for me a course in anatomy would be best.

I told her these clothes should all be returned as defective,
She lied and said that would be only MY perspective.

Anyway, she’s been acting a little weird for a while,
She may envy my trim figure and is in denial.

And what’s wrong with that digital bathroom scale?
Electronics! I knew it would one day fail.

Getting fat! I can’t believe that for even one bit!
That just can’t be! My hat and shoes still fit!

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Wide Left

He always goes "wide left" when peeing after drinking
Expects me to scrub the floor stench; what is he thinking?

*Entry for Susan Burch's Couplet contest

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You're Invited

I'm having a poetry party, and your all invited
This is going to be awesome: I'm so excited

Now here are the details to an evening of fun!
And a surprise for the great costume that won!

As the subject of a famous poem, you must dress
I'm coming as a black bird, now you have a guess

At Poe's Museum you should arrive about eight
Music and dancing and the food will be great

Save the date, for its happening on Halloween night 
RSVP to BG  by phone, email , even ESP is all right 

There will be "spirits' for those who imbibe
If you should partake please plan not to drive

The guest list is secret but a hint I'll give you
Think SOUP if you will, how's that for a clue

There will be prizes and a even a surprise guest
She'll be giving a reading of some of her best

"See you there or be square" as the saying goes
If you can't make it we'll be sad goodness knows……..

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Mr Inquisitive

Could a scythe cut a slice
from a sycamore tree?
If a bird had no feathers
what bird would it be?
If a square had three corners
would it still be a square?
Will your curls always swirl
if you tug at your hair?

My curls will always swirl
For questions make them so
You will question me ‘why’
when my answer is ‘no’.
If I answer you  ‘yes’
You will question with ‘how’
If a tree could grow knowledge
I'd reach for a bough.

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I have a general philosophical  precept
Life is in general a bowl of cherries except 
When someone stabs me in the back who didn’t oughta
From a completely unexpected quarter
I mean it’s ok if some dude whom I don’t like or trust
Has a go at me and feels he must
But if my wife tells me I continually bug her with my fidgets 
And then she  runs off with a team of one-legged circus midgets
Or my kids sell their hand-bound volumes of my poems
To buy a ton of horse manure to mix with the garden loams
And even the cat turns down my offer of warm milk
To go next door and sleep on sheets of silk
Or if a poetry contest excludes me simply because my name 
Is unacceptable, maybe because I am black, or lacking in fame, 
Or because I’m Methodist, and  gay, and Republican, and from  East Lansing,
Then I say to myself, well  here’s the thing:
If, along with my poem entry, I’ve  slipped in fifty bucks,
Well then  how can I be excluded?  I mean shucks  -
Rules is rules but when I’ve already paid to be in the winners’ list
I feel I have the right,  and  I just gotta insist,  
Cos midgets and fidgets don’t amount to squat
And sheets of silk or loads of horse manure is a lot
But  my name’s my pride and joy and I am proud to add it
(But I fear to do it again in this contest or I’ve had it),
So in this contest I will remain anonymous
Though I guess the details writ here are just about synonymous 
With a name  I do not dare speak  - at risk of exclusion
But I’m pretty sure this extra fifty bucks will lessen the confusion.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Written  - with great affection -  for
Nancy Jones's   Contest 	"This is how life feels when you get to be my age..."

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My Bicycle

~My Bicycle~ Everybody had one - everyone but me... Pedaling everywhere, laughing hysterically. My brother had an idea; to the tip let us go, You never know we may find some bits, and them we will show. Digging in the tip, looking here and looking there, First he found a frame and wheel, but of more bits we did despair. Carrying our finds, a mouse-eaten seat, and one wheeled bike frame We carried them triumphantly down the leafy wooded lane. Where oh where to find a wheel, to build this marvelous machine? It kept us pondering all day, as we scrubbed and made it clean. The next day my prayers of the night, were answered and very soon The old man who lived on the end knocked, and nearly made me swoon. Standing there, a wheel in his hand, and mudguard over his shoulder Declared he had seen us walk on by, and because he was that bit older. He saw we wanted to build a bike, and of these parts we were short He was the first gentleman I kissed, and thanked him as I was taught. My dad had a tin of black paint, we found another of white; We put the pieces together, it looked a bit of a fright. One wheel was bigger than the other, the mud guard hung lopsided, But we managed to make it look good, with love we had been guided. I took my bike, my pride and joy, and sat on the mouse-eaten seat. I then realised I couldn't ride it, when I lifted up my feet. Through thick and thin and many a bruise, determined I was to learn When oh joy, of joys, I won, but alas landed headfirst in the fern. As I lay dazed a lump on my head, I saw a very strange sight, Two legs standing over me, and a head blocking out the light. The local bobby had seen my fall and come to rescue me; "I really don't think it's safe to ride, on this black and white monstrosity." My black and white bike of uneven wheels, lay there looking quite ill, But I would not give up on it, and pushed it back up the hill. Whooshing down, the wind in my hair, I felt exhilarated. I passed the spot I last fell off, shut my eyes and kept my breath bated. To try the brakes seemed a good idea, as round the corner I flew, It was then I found that I had no brakes, so I had to use my shoe...

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Going down on his knees, the old man
Proposed to  his  petite , pretty  Ann
“I have got two questions, to ask” , said he
“First is whether you will marry me“… 
‘ Yup’, said the girl, ‘what is the next?’ ..
’ Up, will you get me ?’, he winked through his specs.

‘About  old age, the signs are three’,
Said another old one with glee,
“The first one is loss of memory….
The other two … , ‘I forgot, sorry’ ”.

“Let’s go upstairs and make love”, said she
“Hun, choose one, can’t do both” , quipped he.

29 Mar 13
•	Based on some of the jokes about old age.

Sponsor: Carolyn Devonshire

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purrfect answer

Why do you want me to take you back,
If I neglected you and favored the cat?

Why are you down on your knees, in tears?
Hey there goes Fluffy. Here kitty kitty, come here.

Oh what a good kitty you are. Do you want your ears scratched?
Does that feel good? Wait. What was that question she asked?

Hey. Where did she go? Did she get up and leave?
Ah well. Let’s go get you some tuna to eat!


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MY Worst Poem Ever: "Scuddle Butt and Martzy Putt"

Scuddle Butt and Martzy Putt, two nonsense senior rhymers.
Went to bed without a blink and never set their timers.

And when the dawn grew very near; no one was alarmed.
So, Scuddle Butt and Martzy Putt slept by good dreams becharmed.

It wasn’t long before their boss called, for they were late.
And on that date there, then, was laid a most devastating fate.

Don’t come to work, dear Martzy Putt, you’re fired and so is Butt!
Then, Scuddle Butt quickly sat up and in a daze asked, “What?”

We have been fired; we did not get up; our boss is very mad.
With Christmas near, there will be no cheer, which is very sad.

So Scuddle Butt and Martzy Putt got up and stopped their dreaming.
Instead they put their dunce caps on; then, the phone started ringing.

We want great toys for Christmas: like bikes with streamers streaming.
But that’s not all we want lots more; the youngsters set out scheming.

Many things are now on sale: Motorcycles, video games, and TVs.
Buy us jewelry and new clothes; remember a player for the new DVDs.

Their heads were spinning all around with jubilant sounds demanding.
How in the world will we buy it all; the solution came transcending.

We’ll tell them all Santa Clause is dead; they crucified him last week.
So now it is time to think about commercialism and things you seek.

So, Scuddle Butt and Martzy Putt, those nonsense, but wise rhymers.
Planned a plan to save some face, which had been stolen by silent timers.

They set about to educate the children with so many demands.
But before they could, the clock went off, the sequence came from dreamlands.

They quickly got up, put on their clothes, and rushed out for work like they should.
But when they arrived, to each one’s surprise, they had on their pajamas…not good!

© November 17, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

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Reply Email From Subby Conscience

(Gail's note: This is the sequel to the Email to Subby Conscience poem.)

From: Subby Conscience
Re: Communication between You and Me
Date: February 14, 2012

While I sneak  and scheme in your chaotic REM
I am doing nothing more than being a friend.

Those dream-swirls and ‘mare-tugs purge your mind’s eye
so that your psyche can grow and won’t suddenly die.

While you’re gripping tightly to antique feelings that won’t budge
I’m prying them out; giving them a strong nudge.

And as you grudgingly work through a feeling or two
I am working my hardest to make you feel what is true.

I even may help you work out a solution or two
Because during the day you are too busy to.

Who else provides perks that allow you to be
both young and old in the very same dream?

So tell me dear, and answer me this.
What would you do if many nights I missed

And was sneaking around in another soul’s REM
What would your sanity be like then?

Without my help to work out thoughts
That keep you quite sane…

Would you then turn around
And try to cast blame?

Saying Subby’s absence caused you to act like a drip?
Saying Subby’s absence caused your tongue to Freudian slip?
Instead your mind can skyrocket and cozily soar
After I recede in the A.M. and work behind your mind’s door.

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The Nightmare


                                         Being trapped in the poultry pen
                                    With one mad rooster and an old hen

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Sexy Kiss

We share a look from across the room and I saunter into your arms,
No matter how hard I try to defy, I can never resist your charms;

You slip a hand behind my head and drag me into your kiss,
You tantalize my senses as I lose myself to bliss;

Desire takes over my body as you take my breath away,
We stand in utter silence, we’ve nothing left to say;

There is an overpowering smell of whiskey and cheap perfume,
But locked in a passionate kiss, we’re alone in the crowded room;

Your kisses taste so potent, I savor the exotic flavor of you,
Your intoxicating to my senses, like the sweetest morning dew;

Wrapped in a fervent embrace, our bodies meld to form one;
I lose myself to you and it’s only just begun...

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A Loosey Goosey Love Poem

Well tickle me bum and call me Lucy
My brain's all befuddled and loosey goosey

Silly images have taken over my thoughts
'Twix dreams and reality I'm fatally caught

All my friends are thinking I'm loopy
They don't know why I'm acting so goofy

Here's the reason it's quite simple and true
This love sick puppy has fallen for you!

© Jack Ellison 2012

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My Country Song

I think I'll write a country song
about the weasel that 'done me wrong'
We'd have been married thirty years today
if he hadn't had a penchant to stray.

I got the pickup truck, so we'll leave that part out
but there's lots of other things I can whine about.
I can hit a few notes on this guitar of mine,
now I need to come up with some catchy line.

Country songs need to have a refrain,
something so catchy it'll stick in your brain.
They're all about liars and cheaters and such
and cheapskate dates who want to go dutch.

I'll make a fortune when my song's a hit.
My inspiration was my ex the ....jerk?
Yes, I think I'll write me a country song
about the weasel that 'done me wrong'.

I'll put in a verse about socks on the floor,
then casually mention his red-headed .... friend?
Maybe I'll say that he broke my heart
I'm still not quite sure where to start.

Most of what I write may even be true.
I could mention his cologne smells like... aqua velva?
Yes, I'm sure I can write one if I try.
It'll hit the charts and from there just fly.

I know I can write a country song.
Anyone can when they've lived this long.
We all have something twangy and sad,
something good in our past that turned out bad.

* any resemblence to actual events is purely coincidental

** and thanks Nancy for the blog that inspired this

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You’re always talking incessantly about  beauty
Or  whinging about life’s sadness and duty!
Just cant stand  you people called poets   
I’d sooner listen to my horse chomping oats
And your so-called rhyme schemes are a joke
As if the writer was just out of coke  -
A bit like Coleridge writing  Kubla Khan  -
Now there was a high-flying  man!
Your  poems oughta stay on the off-ramp wall
And never grace the written page at all

But now and again a real  versifier comes along
Not simply capable of penning words for a song;
She has wisdom and laughter in each line
And the taste of her rhyme is fine wine,
One moment raising my spirit in cheers
Then  swaying my soul, and  pouring out tears.
Her subtle profusion of  tenderness  coy
And her child-like wild soul’s unending joy,
Are my inspiration to go on and write
Another admiring  poetic effort  tonight.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Written   for and entered in 
Vienna Bombardieri’s  Contest  Let me have it then kiss my petunia

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No farting allowed

No farting allowed

Let me see
Will I come out in tries one, two or three

She sits on the bowl, straining, oh lord
I won't come out, its so hard

Constipation, its a mess
Come out, come out, I won't settle for less

Finally feeling the poop, I'm almost out
Ha Ha tricked you, a fart, she shouts

Ok, ok, i will settle your stress
Ploop in the bowl, time to swim I guess

Contest by *DP*
Written by:  Debra M. Falgout

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Hey! What if a computer were a car?
So much more economical, by far!

You see at once advantages galore
With all that high-tech wizardry in store.

A virtual computer set on wheels.....
This surely is the very best of deals!

You rush to buy one of these "guided missiles",
Your automotive "Dell" with bells and whistles.

.................Fast forward now to one month down the road.
Your frenzied brain is ready to explode!

You found your car would crash three times a week!
You had to pay some sly computer geek

To get the blasted engine up and running.
(His service bills were nothing less than stunning.)

You learned that turning on the windshield wiper
Would mean you really had to "pay the piper"!

By sensing you clicked on that wiper part,
Your car would shut down and would not restart!

Your airbag system's totally annoying;
It asks you "Are your sure?" before deploying.

Your precious car insists, as it to scoff,
You must press "start" to turn the darn thing off!

Just when these gimmicks you begin to doubt,
Your car without a reason locks you out!

"Access denied!" until by luck you pressed
At once the grille and hood.  (Who would have guessed?)

You feel betrayed by this hybrid computer?
You should have bought a plain old two-wheeled scooter!

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Good Morning, Good Morning

I hear a little greeting at least once every day. “Good morning. Good morning,” both friends and strangers say. And when I’ve been awakened and turn the TV on, news folks have been saying it now since the break of dawn. How fitting the expression (that the dawn is breaking). Dawn sure breaks my restful sleep as I lie there aching.. . . Aching to go back to my private land of dreams, to burrow under blankets. Instead, it always seems. . . I’ve barely laid my head upon my pillow when my clock’s alarm starts buzzing. I turn it off and then. . . I quickly dress for work with barely time to eat. Dashing to my car, I hear the birdies’ “Tweet, tweet, tweet.” I know what they are saying to all the other birds. Those crazy birds are saying it not even using words! “Good morning. Good morning.” And merrily the sun beams down as I go speeding to work again. What fun! To bed, to rise, and early! To do those things I should, But I will not. . . and so my mornings never will be good! For Frank's "What Annoys you" and now for PD's Contest on Poems written in the a.m.

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I can speak French and sometimes Chinese
I can also speak cat with some ease
When he  miaows at me as he goes
I mimic his call and he  knows
When the dog barks I reply
Even the horse and I see eye to eye
But I can’t speak “woman”
It’s beyond the speech power of a man.
I can’t talk for hours about shoes

And discuss the merits of mauves or blues
Or share the humour of how pink bows  
Don’t go with green  pillows
And go all weepy over Meryl  Streep

Or wax lyrical over some punk-rock creep

Or persuade some guy to discuss flowers

Rather than the size of the nuclear powers  
.. . . . so she  said. . . . so then I said. . . 
And  she whispered. . . . and her face went red. . . .

No it’s impossible to spend hours on the phone
I’d rather sit watching football all alone
It’s futile me trying to pretend
An interest in what gift to send
Or remember birthdays wi th accuracy
Such a task would drive me crazy
God save me from female speech
Let me speak “man”,  I beseech
Just let me sit alone and grunt
Or maybe shoot, fish,  and hunt
And talk to the dog about football facts
Or maybe  to the car while I wax.

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Little More in Your Embrace

Waking up early morning daily and join life's rat race, wish I could sleep a little more in your embrace. ========================================== Placement:2nd; (Sept.2011) Contest:Couplet Challenge Sponsor:Susan Burch

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AC in Arizona

Lord only knows how the settlers survived
When in Arizona's desert they arrived

I visited there in late November
And the piercing heat I still remember

Air conditioning's great invention
Brought to this state renewed attention

The population grew by leaps and bounds
Many homes were built on the sandy mounds

"There's no humidity," some still will say
Yet none survive without AC each day

(AC stands for air conditioning)

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Univocalic rant

A vast rant can last and mask a task                                                                                a paragraph alas chants as a vacant flask                                                                         Mass ask as a gas and pass a glass at last                                                                       a tall mast as jazz blasts and all stand fast                                                                        Past that an A flat and as day casts a bad ray                                                                    Say nay and bray play away calm as a bay                                                                     Blatant fragrant may cart away a vagrant                                                                         as a stray and array a lad mad as a lay cant

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Diamonds in the sky - A girl's starry friends

a world changing impact a horrific explosion leaving a crater sixty two miles wide                loss of life can not be estimated an asteroid slams into Russia's countryside        -                               -                                                                                          But It may be the death of a diamond cartel for this event happened long ago                    and far away leaving diamonds all over this giant diamond clustered  bowl              -           -                                                                                                                           Trillions of carats fell more best friends than a woman could ever wear                            diamond remnants scattered from the sky is why cartels beware                         - John Beam

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Meltdown At The North Pole

Due to extreme conditions beyond Santa Claus' control,
'Tis rumored that he might have to vacate his home at the Pole!

Seems that climate warming is the culprit causing the Pole to thaw,
Which could result in Santa's operation from thence to withdraw!

Mrs. Claus would welcome this news should it happen to occur,
Since she's suffered isolation and cold more than she ought to endure!

Where he might relocate has been a matter of some speculation.
Could the South Pole be his new address to continue his vocation?

This dire situation is causing much hand wringing and ways to contrive,
To rescue the North Pole and keep the Santa Claus tradition alive!

Of course the UN, Congress and Al Gore will butt in to have their say,
As to where old Santa should locate his workshops and reliable sleigh!

Never mind that these people can never reach a consensus at all!
Perhaps a panel of kids is more qualified to make this far-reaching call!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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PoetrySoup, a Free Site

PoetrySoup,about it what I love most is that,here every thing is free of cost. Post a poem,then and there you get comments free, you don't have to pay for any contest entry. And if you are at your best with some good luck, you can even win and earn some quick bucks:) Make friends,chat with them and learn about poetry all these things,you can do absolutely free. And those, who are young keep always in touch, freely you can get here your perfect match! © kashinath karmakar 2012 ===============000=============== Placement:3rd;(Jan 2012) Name:kash poet Date:22nd January, 2012. Contest:What I love most about PoetrySoup Sponsor:Carol Brown

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What freedom truly means to me
Is right to practice....on speech that's free!

5th place in Brian Strand's "What You Will" contest:)

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People were given a gift called speech
Most of the time they have nothing to teach

Dogs on the other hand can roll their eyes
They say more with wags and cries

Often people's unending words don't  matter
It might be better if people would bark and dogs chatter

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ABCs of TV Shows

A is for Alf alien life form
B is for Bay Watch women with form

C is for Cops reality’s top show
D is for Dear John a real funny show

E is for Emergency the Adam-12 off fireman drama
F is for F-Troop mom Larry Stork gave laughter to Mama.

G is for Gilligan’s Island much more than a three hour tour
H is for Hot L Baltimore which ran with any cure

I is for I Love Lucy a Lucile ball classic
J is for Johnny Bravo makes me sick

K is for Knight Rider a talking car
L is for Land of The Lost they went far

M is for MASH funny with sadness
N is for Nancy Drew solved crimes with gladness

O is for Office a Scranton’s favorite
P is for Police Story to me it was so right

Q is for Quincy another Klugman’s best
R is for Room 222 when it was on I’ll rest

S is for Starsky and Hutch cop show full of action
T is for Today’s FBI modern with satisfaction

U is for Ultra Man fighting monsters I was loving it
V is for V another alien invasion which I seen it

W is for Walking Tall Buford Pusser made this more than another cop show
X is for X-men a Saturday morning cartoon Wolverine is my hero

Y is for Young and the Restless never watched this soap
Z is for Zoom was a PBS show guess it ran out of rope

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Look Mom No Hands Couplet Challenge

<                                           I really hate to do laundry
                                             Why can't it be hands free ?

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Yard Sale Syndrome

No time for coffee, as the dawn arrives....
I raised the shade. There's a crowd outside!
Hubby in his underwear, and gives them a surprise!
It's our first yard sale!!!  But, will we survive???
The mob takes over...I'm still in my slippers
But already sold some old hedge clippers!!

     Those folks just paid me a ton of money!!
     I could use some help..........Hey! Where's my honey??
     I swear...if he went back to take a nap
     I'll sell his priceless baseball cap!!
     Oh! They are looking at that wobbly table....
     "I'll help you load it,  Miss, if I'm able!"

          She grabs dog-eared, dusty, vintage books
          And one old crock-pot that still cooks!
          I show her some doilies, and a ragged Barbie
          And a costume for her Halloween parties?
          A rusty shovel, and a dented bucket
          And a fishing pole from old Nantucket

               I'm selling Ma's old apron, and some broken dishes
               A chipped glass bowl for all her fishes
               Aunt Edna's ugly painting, and her candle holders
               She lives down the street....hope no one told her!!! 
               One old bike for exercising
               Doesn't's not surprising!

"What's the point?" our husbands mutter
While we fill the garage with all this clutter
I explain to him..."She buys mine, and I buy hers"
"Then, we won't need to shop the stores!!"
"Dear...don't you know the grass is greener?"
"OH LOOK!"  "That couple bought my vacuum cleaner!"

     Just then I point across the street!!
     Another yard sale.....and we both shriek!!
     He points at me and shakes his fist
     But I'll just ignore and toss a kiss
     And side by side I'm in a race...
     Who gets there first will buy that vase!!
     Whoopee!!!  I spy a broken chair...
     That other shopper gives a glare!
     So what it's broken?  Well, I can glue it!
     Just hope she doesn't beat me to it!

The point I'm making is simply this
This neighbor's junk became my bliss!

For Skat's Yard Sale Contest:

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A Day in the Life of Rosie

* For Catie's contest

Rosie was relaxing in her kitchen
Alone she sat, friends at a convention

So lonely, no one to wine and dine
At her Hammond estate on Lake Michigan so fine

Munching on Tid-Bits that had the taste
Well…let’s face it…of nuclear waste

Medicine she had taken to ease the pain
Of an insomnia-induced migraine

Wearing only her husband’s Spandex boxer shorts
A knock at the door; “Vacuum salesmen!” her retort

Tried to freshen her breath with Listerine soaked tissue
But the medication was developing another issue

She felt her mind drifting through wormholes of space
Not even a UFO had found this place

In Dire Straits now, she stared at lunar craters
That were filled by eerie invaders

She beheld a strange species of alligators
“We need a new gig,” said one of predators

The reptile approached her hungrily
“And you look like a grand prize of culinary”

But suddenly she sneezed; it broke the spell
And now she was back home in vacuum salesmen hell

She awoke in her kitchen and trashed the medication
Knowing she sorely needed a lengthy vacation

*Dedicated to late Soup member Tom Bell.

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Coco For Ten

<                               Coco was his name
                                 Spider monkey all the same

                                Dad worked for zoo
                                Feeder of Coco too

                               Brought the little guy home
                               Boy did Coco love to rome

                               Droppings here and there
                               Mom  covered up his dairy - air

                               Shoulders he did seek
                               Knocking  younger ones off their feet

                                Bananas and salted nuts
                                Made Coco dance and strut

                               Each day a animal of new
                               Dad brought home from the zoo

                               But the one I'll remember the most
                               Was coco who shared my daily toast

Tribute To 
Como Park Zoo
St Paul Minnesota

Coco And Daddy

Can You Imagine
A Monkey Playing
With 10 Kids  LOL


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Failed the First Week

Speak the words of truth
Till you are long in the tooth
Look them in the eye
And tell them no lie
A friend will know
When a tell does show
Your hips will grow width
Though you take the fifth

You fell from grace
When the sweets you did taste
Too good to pass
For a year… much too rash!!

Written for David’s “One to One” poetry contest

(Subject: A failed New Year’s resolution, but not mine !!  lol ) 

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Noah's Ark

Noah marched all creatures in the ark two-by-twos,

Including bugs, elephants and a pair of fiesty gnus!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Entry for Debbie Guzzi's "Two Timers" Contest

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Fingerprint Failure

Applying for teacher certification
I caused one technician much consternation

My fingerprints had simply not registered
Again and again the test he administered

“Guess you could have had a career in crime,”
He retorted reapplying ink grime

He said this had never happened before
But the results he surely couldn’t ignore

He sent me to an experienced tester
Who made many cracks, joked like a jester

He claimed my blank prints were quite unique
Turned over my hands just to take a peek

The delicate lines could scarcely be seen
And the fingers themselves were awfully lean

“What work do you do?” he asked with a scowl
As he removed the ink with a towel

“I now type 82 words per minute,
Most of my life I’ve been immersed in it"

My helpless fingers were worn to the bone
And my tester let out a mournful groan

Apparently pounding on my keyboard
Had produced an undesired reward

Faint thumbprints revealed no criminal record
And I won an overachiever award

Typing is essential to the work I do
Next time they need prints, I’ll remove my shoes

** True story for the Finger Frenzy contest

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Writer's Block

You know what I hate about writer’s block,
How my creativity is hidden behind a lock;

Time ticks away as I stare at my screen,
My heart beating faster from the strain of caffeine;

The cursor flashing lulls me to doze,
Til a fly lands smack on the tip of my nose;

I swing at the fly and glance at the clock,
How did 10 AM turn into 5 O’clock;

I stand and I stretch and then walk away,
And say goodbye to another wasted day;

Maybe tomorrow will inspire my brain,
Or I could be slowly going insane…

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Doc, These Pills Are Killin' Me

Seems each time I visit my doc he recommends more pills for my health!

I'm not sure they're effective but this I know, they're depletin' my wealth!

And with all the side effects, I'm really concerned about my early doom!

"He expired from excessive medications!" might aptly be etched upon my tomb!

The list is endless - Diuretics, Beta Blockers, Nexium, Advil and Tylenol,

Alpha Blockers, Vitamin D, Zantac, Zocor, Micardis and a bit of Timolol,

Carisoprodol, Hydrocholorothiazide, Alphagan, Moltrin and Fosamax,

Hydroxyzine, Caltrate, Phillips Milk of Magnesia and some Atarax!

The black-box warnings say I could suffer everything from dehydration,

To blurred vision, dizziness, diahrea and a serious case of constipation!

My Pa seldom saw a doc and lived to the ripe old age of ninety-four!

He survived by sippin' SSS Blood Tonic and usin' horse linamint for

His aches and pains and other such stuff peddled by the Watkins Man!

I may toss the bottles and use his home-remedies to increase life's span!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Couples and Duos and Pairs

Batman and Robin and Pitt and Jolie
Mickey and Minnie - Twiddledum Twiddledee

Liz and Zsa Zsa and all of their Exes 
Romulus and Remus and Death and Taxes

Bacon and Eggs and Fingers and Toes
Jimmy Durante and his big Schnozzy Nose

Mr. Peebles and Magilla Gorilla
Tarzan and Jane and Elvis and 'Cilla

Tom and Jerry and Itchy and Scratchy
Jacko and Bubbles and Edith and Archie

You can name 'em as much as ya please
But none would exist without Adam and Eve

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Spring Rain

~~Spring Rain~~ A drought has been declared, no hose pipes can we use There has been such light rain for two years, but I think it is a ruse. The day the drought was declared the heavens opened up They have not stopped precipitating; one certainly dare not look up. The water flows as free as lager at a barbecue Constantly pouring, persisting it down, and the same problems ensue. We are drenched in all sorts as drains do rise, and rivers flood their banks But the drought warnings still apply there are supposed empty water tanks. The spring rain is falling not like tears on babies’ cheeks But pouring and pouring constantly, and has been now for weeks. Still the drought does linger but I think I know the ruse They will put the bloody price up, and watch us blow a fuse.

Details | Couplet | |


I lay on the bed idling my time, My husbands in the bathroom he’s doing fine. He comes to bed and slips under the covers We lay together we were going to be lovers. I let my fingers walk across his midriff, They fell in a hole as big as though off a cliff. The good thing I found even though in a huff They had a soft landing with all the belly button fluff.

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Turkey Gabble

Again 'tis that time of year when I must evade that forebodin' axe!
With the thought of my neck on the choppin' block, I jes' cain't relax!

How about a goose er duck to complement yer pies, beans and peas,
Er yer grandma's meatloaf to go with them sweet pertaters if you please!

I certainly ain't got nothin' to celebrate and be thankful fer,
And with that my cousins, brothers and sisters wholly concur!

I pray you'll find other victuals in which to stab yer knife and fork.
May I respectfully suggest that you eat more beef, feesh and pork!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 2 in Russell Sivey's "Challenge - Max 8 Lines" Contest - October 2011

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Bruce the Fool

*The goose of Bruce is finally cooked, for the cook got a look at the fool that snuck up from behind *to goose the beautiful cook. *For non-native English speakers: If your goose is cooked it means you are in trouble. To goose someone is to pinch his or her butt!

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Ten was fun,
As I would run and play all day in the sun.

Twenty was ideal
As much of the world seemed nifty and surreal.

Thirty was a blast,
As a Dad I developed fantastic memories that will last.

Forty is here,
As opportunities persist and the gist of what lies ahead is unclear.

Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty,
Has anyone seen my keys lately?

Check Please,
It’s time to leave.

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Are You Smiling

Spring,Sprang,Sprung You stepped in elephant tung Chip,clip,clasp Oh how I did laugh Fling,flang,flung I fell in the elephant tung Chip,clip,clasp Now you did laugh Now if it was just for a bit you heard The joy from within my silly little words I hope that upon your face A big smile has been placed

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Hide and Seek

Cat and Mouse: hide and seek
This could take an hour or week

No one wants to seem too bold
So we put our love on hold

A peek here and a peek there
Wondering if we really dare

Wondering what the seconds bring
Wondering if the phone will ring

Wondering, wondering:  peek a boo
You’re hiding…. but I SEE you

I see past that great big wall
Your heart’s ready for the fall

I know that you caught the bait
But I sit and wait and wait

I’m patient, got time of day
But oh, what if you get away!

Cat and mouse: hide and seek
Oh, my knees are getting weak

Oh, this heart’s sure to explode
The waiting’s gone to overload

One more second's just too much
No time for cat games and such

Hide and seek…is getting old
Here I am! My love is bold!

Ready? You'll be caught real tight!
Cause boy, your just out of sight!

Eileen Manassian Ghali

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A Christmas Wish To Santa Mike

Santa would like us girls and boys to sit upon his knee
Can we sit there Santa, my friend and me?

We can bounce up and down and cause you to smile
It will help keep you warm, as you fly each lonely mile

We can whisper our wishes one in each ear
But we expect you to grant them Santa, is that clear?

There's a frown on your face for you have lots to please
But we can be elves, and we like to tease

My friend would like you Santa, to find her a pup
One she can walk when she’s all dressed up

She hears that dogs get a lot of attention
And it may pass some to her, that is her intention

For me Santa I’d like to kiss a man with a beard
Can you grant me that wish, or is it too hard I fear?

A beard that is long and white and fluf-fy 
Yes Santa that’s my wish, can you grant it for me?

What we both want in a combined wish we say
That all those on the soup will have a good day

They’ve taken us in and caressed our battered egos  
So we wish them what they want, always highs, never lows.

We wish happiness and health for the year that is new
To all those that have struggled, please give them hope anew

For you Santa Mike one last thing we wish
To get you out of that suit, cos we think you’re de-lish

We don’t want to sit on a knee all dressed in red
So how about a tumble in a big king sized bed?

Collaboration with another poet who shall be named after the contest

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A Social Disaster

I walk into door frames, I trip up the stairs.
I rant on about stuff, when nobody cares.

I say all the wrong things, and freak people out.
It's just theres no filter, from my brain, to my mouth.

I'm socially awkward, and horribly shy.
I barely say hello, and never say goodbye.

I'm one of those people, who tends to just stare.
Then complain about you, forgetting you're there.

I'm sullen and mean, as barbed as wire fence.
I'm so insecure, it's a form of defense.

I'm bad at making friends, but when I do.
I make it for life, my friendship is true.

When I walk anywhere, i stare at the ground.
That's why I accidentally knock people down.

I laugh at bad jokes, and all the wrong times.
I take it too far, misinterpret the signs.

When i talk and I'm nervous, it makes me talk faster.
I might as well face it, I'm a social disaster!

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Pet Sit Panics

<                                             Dam Dog !

                                               What a hog !

                                               Ate Cousins Dope !

                                               And Started To Choke !

                                                Starry Eyes !

                                                Wobbly Thighs !

                                                To Vet !

                                               250 Dollars I Bet !


                                               More Test !

                                               They Suggest !

                                                Hell No !

                                               Let's See How It Goes !

                                               Just Needs Sleep !

                                              And Plenty Of Water The Little Creep !

Entry For
Sharon Tideswell
Pet Sit Panic's Contest




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PLEASE Don't Hit Me When You Read This Vienna

I find it disgusting the way that you snore
That snort when you laugh I truly abhor
So tired of you burping up food after lunch
When you nag I get fever and chilly goose-bumps
I HATE that you gossip, it's a shameful disgrace
(I'm scared of that mole on the side of your face)
You took all my money and now I'm flat broke
and the way that you dress? Good LORD what a joke!
So I'm kicking you out! Go pack up your stuff!
(If this is a nightmare, PLEASE wake me up)

Sometimes I stay up just to watch as you sleep
The way that you laugh sweeps me clean off my feet
Love those cute little hiccups after you dine
and your kind suggestions keep my ego in line
You listen politely when someone else speaks
(I ADORE that beauty mark there on your cheek)
The investments you made were wise and worthwhile
and your unique outfits show a grand sense of style
If you ever leave me, I'll kick and I'll scream
What else can I say? You're this old boy's dream

For Vienna's 'Let me have it then kiss my petunia' contest

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A Dragon a Day

 Why are there so many dragons to slay?
I seem to meet one or two each day....

My shinning knight never came to protect me
From me, not the dragon, he wanted to flee...

My sword and I make a pitiful sight
We're old and tarnished, to tired to fight...

I think about making the dragon my friend
Its probably the safest plan in the end...

Just how do you make peace with a dragon?
May I'll take him peach pies in my wagon
                             ( sorry, not much rhymes with wagon)

This medieval  tale is pretty much a big mess
My poor old muse wrote it, I have to confess..

I couldn't come up with anything great for the just wrote something silly..
(not an entry)

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It Could Have Been Spaghetti

It could have been spaghetti
that I passed out on the street.

As icky as it seems to me
down near my hairy feet.

A yellow curl that made me sick.
A half a morsel not too thick.

That lay there still just like a worm
and made my stomach start to churn.

It could have been spaghetti
that I passed out on the street.

In sauce that lasts forever
in a place it will secrete.


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Words and Barks


People were given a gift called speech
Most of the time they have nothing to teach

Dogs on the other hand can roll their eyes
They say more with wags and cries

Often people's unending words don't  matter
It might be better if people would bark and dogs chatter

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Game Of Cat And Mouse

Oh my goodness! Did you see that???
A mousie riding on the back of a cat

Guess these guys have kissed and made up
Heard mousey yell “Hey! Giddy-up!”

Great to see them getting on so well
Mousey's relieved, as you can tell

Wearing a big grin from ear to ear
Felix is enjoying it too, it appears

Remember this lesson from one time rivals
Don't need no conflicts for survival

It's a whole lot better to laugh and have fun
Than face extinction at the point of a gun

So what did you learn from this sweet wee tale?
Enjoy yourself and drink lots of ale

You'll see little mousies and cats at play
Instead of killings on TV each day!

© Jack Ellison 2012

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Spritual Gangster

You don’t want to miss this
But don’t be confused this aint Christmas
You’ve gotta get real my brotha and kiss this
I’m a spiritual criminal with lipstick

If you’re lucky you just might make my hit list
Coz I’m a murderer killing *****es ego’s with fake riffs
If you’re a moral criminal and do the minimal you can’t hit this
We must stand together my brother to beat this

Pleasure - pain, generosity - blame, loss - gain infamy and greed
It’s not hard don’t get angry and there’s no need to bleed
It’s just like John Lennon said when he said love is all you need
Stand with me my friend and let go of fear if you want to be freed 

I’ll mind punch you in the heart and give you a soul diss
Aint no big brotha gonna hold me and frisk this
You’re not lost or all alone coz my arrows fire straight and can’t miss
Things aint changed and love can still fix this

Pleasure pain, Generosity blame, loss gain infamy and greed
It’s not hard don’t get angry and there’s no need to bleed
It’s just like John Lennon said when he said love is all you need
Stand with me my friend and let go of fear if you want to be freed 
Love -love- love is all you need

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Footles -part 13

Time for Footles again!(the shortest couplets in existence)

Secret Eaters’ Program


Child taken while Asleep


To Make Hen Go Faster


To Make Hen Disgusted


To Make Chicken Fat


A Sport Using Hen Like a Football


Using Hen as a Sucker


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Write something for me.

      I wrote you a sonnet 
you yawned and you sighed,
      I wrote you a ballad
you tossed it aside
    I wrote you a senryu
you said ,"Much too short!"
       I wrote you a cinquain
       you had no retort......
So I wrote you a check for a million and five,
you said,
     "That's more like it,
     your talent's 

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Broken Heart, For Sale

Saturday, rain or sun, garage sale, moving from my old heritage apartment. Years of collecting, some must go, things that have given me such contentment. Two china cabinets, one from Mom, one from Grandma, remembering with a smile. Perhaps, I can somehow fit them in, my lofty new pad, wall to wall china cabinet style. As I go through my many things and stuff, I have to laugh and say, "why did I ever get that!" Clothing gothic, retro and vintage lace, shoes, handbags, jewelery and even some hats. A broken and battered old filing cabinet, it holds years of poetry written from my heart. Need to find a new filing system for sure, should I sell some." Oh no we can never be apart!" Vases and vases, colourful and quite lovely, dusty on my window sill for years, quite useless. Porcelain dishes from Grandma, quite pretty, in my cupboards for years, lost in forgetfulness. Old movies, much watched, VHS outdated, music and well lets say it, just loads, tons of stuff. How does one say goodbye? Time to shed the old, garage sale, Saturday, rain or sun." This will be rough!" Written September 8, 2012 For the contest, A Poets Garage Sale Sponsored by Skat

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My day ain't complete sans a cuppa java

And it must be as blisterin' hot as flowin' lava

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Heartless Hunk

Heartless Hunk goes through his day
Never knowing what to say

Believes that love makes him weak
So he stays a gadget geek

Heartless Hunk has got the look
He’s an “A” in every book

His smile sets your world on fire
He’s every silly girl’s desire

Heartless Hunk can’t see you cry
He prefers to say, “ah…..bye.”

He’s stuck in the caveman days
He grunts to show you his praise

“Heartless Hunk please learn to feel
Or her heart you’ll never steal

“Heartless Hunk, please get a life
Or you’ll never find a wife!”

Eileen Manassian Ghali

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Presidential Trivia

President's Day is approaching so I thought I would further your education,
By revealing useless trivia about some of the dudes who've served our nation.

President Washington actually had to borrow money to get to his inauguration.
He wore size 13 shoes and seldom took a bath much to Martha's indignation!

Abe Lincoln agreed his wasn't the prettiest face when all was said and done!
Once called 'two-faced' he said, "If I had two faces, do you think I'd wear this one?"

James Buchanan was nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in the other,
Causing him to lean his head to the left and close one eye, which was a bother!

For his breakfast, Ulysses Grant loved cucumbers soaked in vinegar to eat!
He probably saved his hide since he declined to join Abe in his theater suite!

Woodrow Wilson was plagued with indigestion and was blind in one eye.
He had a pet sheep named Old Ike that chewed tobacco and that ain't no lie!

Cal Coolidge used a paucity of words so that many folks thought him dead!
He liked his head rubbed with Vaseline while eating his breakfast in bed!

Harry Truman kept a sign on this desk that read, "The Buck Stops Here!"
Remembered will be his scorching letter to an editor defending Margaret's career!

'Tis well-known that Ronnie Reagan dearly loved Nancy and jelly beans,
And was happiest at his ranch riding a horse and wearing old jeans!

And finally, from Barack Obama we learned that there are fifty-seven states,
And that he makes skillful use of a teleprompter to ensure there are no misstates!

Th-th-thats all folks - more than you ever wanted to know about these chaps!
(There's much more I could reveal but it best be kept under close wraps!)

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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An Irish Seven Course Banquet

An Irish seven course banquet is what I have here: A baked potato and a six-pack of beer!

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If I were a Guy Contest

If I were a guy
I’d actually enjoy wearing a suit and tie,
I wouldn’t feel uneasy about walking down a late night city street
And high heels would become obsolete,
I’d sleep an extra hour every day, never worrying about running late
For id have no more makeup and hair to prepare when I had to wake
I’d be pleasant four weeks out of the month instead of just two
With No more cramps and mood swings to attend too
Id saves money on tampons, Midol and all the many types of underwear
It would be lovely to take off my shirt on a beach and have no one care
I’d adore my mate, basically worship her, while being extremely nice
For I no longer would have to worry about births physical price
If I gained a few pounds I sure wouldn’t mind
Plenty of overweight men have women who are mighty fine
Statistically speaking I’d have a better chance at making more money
Even if I was an egotistically dummy
I would get to stand up when I pee
This would come in handy constantly!
No more worrying about a lack of tissues or dirty toilet seats,
 I’d give my Sergeant a little shake with no concerns about a leak
Let’s not forget all the hours spent on shaving
That would be another time consuming cost in which id be saving
My friends would not complain wine and gossip constantly
If a fight broke out id forgive them and we would all just let it be
Going camping and fishing would be easier for grooming would be so simple
I wouldn’t freak out if I had a sudden pimple
Plastic surgery would not be a thought that ever ran through my mind
For the older a man gets the sexier and more refined
Wrinkles and gray hair makes him look sophisticated
Women see these features and become completely jaded
I'd rarely have to be bothered with perverts at any store,
The simplicity of my beautiful life I would be thankful for.

P.S However, I Love being a woman...

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Egg, nuts and Rock-Roll

Egg, Nuts and Rock & Roll

Chicken eggs are not handy when it comes to cholesterol, 
Dieting is a waste of contributing, to satisfy his monster balls.
How many nuts can I crack in the palm of my hands?
Holding them one by one, until someone understands. 
Rock & Roll is good for my heart disease.
Holding off on eggs and nuts is such a tease!

show me the funny

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Leprechaun in My Bottle

One dark dreary night while happily drinkin’ up a big big storm,
I beheld a tiny green man in my bottle, oh!—not the norm.

He’s my tiny green man in my Irish whiskey bottle.
He’s my Leprechaun with whom I’d like to drink a pottle.

He’s the man with a certain quaint eye twinkle and attitude, 
And he has all the fine alcoholic credentials and certitude,

Of one who’s done much, seen much, drunk much much,
And has great insight, insatiable charm, and a very deft touch.

My friend the Leprechaun tells me of his present living situation:
“Medrinks, Methinks, Mesleeps, Medrinks, ah!—My salvation!”

I tell him my ancestry is “Half-Irish” which makes me Celtic, 
And he says, “Me good friend Gary, no shame, Me too Celtic!”

My Leprechaun asked me of my present situation with poetry,
And I says—“Medrinks, Methinks, Mewrites, Meloves poetry.”

Over time I found I was mimicking more and more my little elf friend,
And he says, “Me brother Gary, no worry, we both be Irish my friend.”

I told my Leprechaun that he does indeed have quite an alcoholic ego,
And my little elf quipped, “When we both drink Gary, I’m your alter ego!”

And so, my Leprechaun in my bottle is my good friend—my adviser,
And, I find that as we both drink together my poetry flows all the wiser.

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved (September 9, 2014) 
(Rhymed Couplet)

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Life is an Aventurous Squirrel Run

I have my Hubby’s steadfast belief in me.
He loves how my poems are light and airy.
He’ll give me an idea once in a while…
Then he escapes to come back, later to read my new child.

He calls these run-throughs a squirrel run.
For they can take off in directions, yes, any one.
Crazy thoughts become crazier still…
And story time leads to god knows, where they will.

My thinking is kind of like chasing around a tree.
You never know where the end will be.
But somewhere I eventually become truly still.
And that is where my Hubby adds into the trill.

Then the squirrel run begins again…
Light and fluffy and full to the brim.
Each day a new adventure... waits around the bend.
Live it. Love it. Write it... You'll be happier in the end.

Contest: Emotion: Squirrelly and fun   CSEastman

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A Christmas Wish to Santa Mike

Santa would like us girls and boys to sit upon his knee 
Can we sit there Santa, my friend and me? 

We can bounce up and down and cause you to smile 
It will help keep you warm, as you fly each lonely mile 

We can whisper our wishes one in each ear 
But we expect you to grant them Santa, is that clear? 

There's a frown on your face for you have lots to please 
But we can be elves, and we like to tease 

My friend would like you Santa, to find her a pup 
One she can walk when she’s all dressed up 

She hears that dogs get a lot of attention 
And it may pass some to her, that is her intention 

For me Santa I’d like to kiss a man with a beard 
Can you grant me that wish, or is it too hard I fear? 

A beard that is long and white and fluf-fy 
Yes Santa that’s my wish, can you grant it for me? 

What we both want in a combined wish we say 
That all those on the soup will have a good day 

They’ve taken us in and caressed our battered egos 
So we wish them what they want, always highs, never lows. 

We wish happiness and health for the year that is new 
To all those that have struggled, please give them hope anew 

For you Santa Mike one last thing we wish 
To get you out of that suit, cos we think you’re de-lish 

We don’t want to sit on a knee all dressed in red 
So how about a tumble in a big king sized bed? 

Collaboration with another poet who shall be named after the contest 

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Cracked Clay Cup

A little bit awkward, little bit odd,
little bit shoddy, obviously flawed.

But it’s colorful, oh so cheerful bright,
a welcome relief after a long night.

It can’t be full, who cares if it’s emptied.
There’s not a more upbeat cup, guaranteed.

Just don’t try to drink tea from the far side;
it spilled and burned anyone who has tried.

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Calamity Strikes Again II

Neptune must have used as parchment
Mother-of-pearl to inscribe his laws
For he’d richly rewarded the oysters
With an oceanic spa.

So, while seeking calm through deliberation
And enjoying the mud bubbles of my bath
Who should I spy in the distance?
But Calamity trudging up the path.

His foot arched out proud and haughty 
Like the neck of a noble steed
As he pulled his crustaceous carriage
At a break-neck snail speed.

The mud began to feel like mortar
As I stonily  watched him draw near
That audacious, contemptuous clam
Made my heart cry out with fear.

He passed by slow and haughty
Like an imperious, dismissive sigh
But as my tension began to dissipate 
He kicked a mudball at my eye.

I watched warily, his insolent passage
Until he was but a tiny speck of dirt
Knowing I'd formed another pearl of wisdom,
From that impetuous, narcissistic squirt.

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Worse Than Christine

Worse Than Christine I am a glutton for punishment, as you shall soon see, I had an Austin Healey Sprite, or more rightly, it had Me! Had I looked up the name in Webster’s, I would have known, oh, so well, That to own and to drive one, was a short trip to Hell! The word “Sprite” means disembodied spirit, or ghost, I must say, spirit is what it had the most, When I say “spirit,” you think that is good, But I can tell you, only Evil lies under that hood! Made in England, the wettest civilized country on Earth, To not waterproof the ignition must have caused them great mirth! To clean the windshield, I threw a cup of water on it, gave the wipers a tweak, That miserable creation would not start for a week! It was one of the smallest, by far, Some folks did not believe that it was even a car! There was an advantage to its size, When the starter was broken(quite often), I could develop my thighs! There were other parts, that when new, should have been in a dump, It had the World’s worst, most cantankerous, electric fuel pump! It would click a few times, then shudder, and stammer, The only way to fix it, a blow from a hammer! All the owners had one, tied under the hood, The rock hard suspension hit the fuel pump real good! Luckily, in Southern California, there is not too much rain, Trying to put up the top, an adventure in pain! I used to donate blood, but when I got the Sprite, I could not go, Because of cuts and scratches from the top, I was always a quart low! It was Pure Evil, with no endearing features, But the final straw, for me, involved the most beautiful creatures, Fathers would have been happy if they knew what I discovered one night, It is ABSOLUTELY impossible to get a girl pregnant in an Austin Healey Sprite!

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                                       KING OF KINGS

                           Lord Gravity , 
                           the king of kings
                           through" hands on" science
                           Taught me things--                                                      
                           From plopping 
                                         apples on my head
                           To plopping men
                                         Upon my bed.

V. Anderson-Throop 2013

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Yesterday is the day from which you came
Tomorrow is  the destination you will never gain 
Seeking tomorrow thinking it is near
But at 12:01 AM is tomorrow really here
Time shows you just came from yesterday 
And stepped into times grasp of what is now today 
Once again you find tomorrow is not here
Just wait 24 hours - time whispers in your ear 
And then tomorrow will appear 
Time of course is playing its eternal joke
For again at time appointed - tomorrow is up in smoke
Time it should be known is an unawakened dream
With no more substance than ripples in a stream
Never ask time about future intentions
Future is another of time's jokester inventions

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poetry slammin'

poetry slammin'

all this namby pamby poetry stuff
makes me think i've heard enough

shapes and sonnets and simple blank verse
even Iambic meter leaves me feeling averse

quatrains and couplets - the villanelle
are tough to swallow - sounds like swill

why anybody'd wanna hear some poetry
may be obvious to you, but it's way beyond me

all this writing and saying of wimpy words
to ants, elephants and me, seems absurd

can i comfortably feed my family and friends
with some onomatopoeia's epilogue's ends?

will Will's sonnet's of love so medieval
aid with the world's unrest and upheaval?

naw, i'm pretty sure it won't make it no better
probably it'll jus' make my mood blacker

i remember my tenth grade English teacher
who rhymed as standard operating procedure 

as you might guess, this drove me crazy 
you'd think i'm anti-rhyme - but don't be hasty

i'm really into today's rappin' scene
D.J.'s thrashin' and soundin' obscene

if bling's the thing, then bring it on i say
words golden rule brings my groove into play

of lines and times and mashin' thrashin'
calving rhymes cleaved leave us laughing

so ya wanna be a slammer? - it's cool with me
jus' slam the mike, but pick up your debris

don't leave no crumpled words layin' 'round
on the stage or the sidewalk, some unsaid sound

'cause I don't wanna clean up after you
and slam off the cuff with your impromptu

i got my own stance and rhythm and cachet
i'll jus' tell the whole world - i'm slammin' ok?

© Goode Guy 2012-06-04

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Mixology Brews blends mixtures concoctions

By Sashi.Prabhu(zeauoxian0
(18th February 2012 nite at Kentucky shack on colva beach)
I was browsing through the menu and laid my eyes upon interesting cocktails and mock tails.
I snapped up the names with the blackberry camera and wove them together to couplets.
Dedicate this one to my friends who love and cherish the cocktails and mock tails.

With love from zeauoxian, black lady, Tom Collins, Three peaks merlot, white lady, John Collins. Between the sheets, pink pusy, screaming orgasm, Pink lady, lost bikini, orgasm. Misty nite, hairy navel, ding a ling, Sunset, buttock clencher, Singapore sling. Lady killer, fuzzy navel, coconut diaquiry, Bloody Mary, fenny wenny woo woo, orange diaquiry. Pure calypso, climax, kick in the balls, Caribbean fever, planter’s punch, rocks for the dolls. Peach pleasure, tequila sunrise, margarita, Pina coloda, sunset, caipirnha. Coco colada, slippery dick, the hammer, Gimlet, sweet nips, tequila slammer. Passona orange, passona lime, sex on the beach, Orange blossom, lime blossom. Passionate peach. Gin fiz, Cuba libre, Roby Roy, Black lagoon, black Russian, beach buoy. Fight fiesta, stinger rum cocktail, side car, Negroni, pink elephant, brandy lime shot from the bar. Mohjito, long island iced tea, whiskey sour, Renaissance merlot, vina tarapoca chardonnay. All these heady concoction, Many of them and lots of action. The science of achohol blending, of the art of mixology, All these to the tipper is fun and to do with a smooth tripology!!!!!!!!

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People planters

People planters find it hard to tear 
at the loss of your near and  dear

At two hundred percent profits
Devastation gives them fat pockets

Diggers open up the ground
Where people sprouts can be found....

Sprouts or people is hard to know!?

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Prepare for Winter

Winter arrives upon the wind,
bringing arctic climate to mind.

Flora loses petals and leaves;
fauna secures food from thieves.

Nature reminds what’s to be done,
before Jack Frost begins his fun.

I should take these lessons in hand,
even if the actions are bland.

Soon, I need to seal my window,
before I freeze to my pillow.

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You And Eye

It can't be real, did I just see That cute young girl just wink at me I'm sure I must have seen it wrong But just in case, I'll play along I steal another furtive glance Again I catch her eye by chance She looked straight at me and that's when I saw her wink at me again With lush red lips and hair so blonde I know somehow I must respond Should I just return her wink My hearts on fire, I've got to think I look again and she's still there Running her fingers through her hair I'd love to know what she is thinking All I know is she's still winking I get up and walk toward her The space between us just a blur I greet her with “how do you do”? She looks and says “do I know you”? “We've never met I do not think” I'm here because I saw you wink I must admit to my surprise I'll bet you have your pick of guys She said “I think you misconstrued” I wasn't winking at you dude That isn't what this is about You see, my contact lens fell out

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A Man And His Tools

A man with a power-tool in his hand
I don’t care if it’s a drill,or something with which to sand.

Give him a power tool each and every day
Remove his shirt and oil him, that’s all that I can say.

He doesn’t need muscles that are rippling all about
Just a power tool gets me going, without a shadow of a doubt.

A walk up the street I see a man and his Kango hammer
It gets me all hot and dreamy, my words in a stammer.

Give him a drill I don’t care if it’s not plugged in
My heart misses a beat and he could make me sin.

So thanks to the gods that sent us power tools
Even if he can’t use them to me they are such jewels.

Power tools  are sexy and I love them to bits
There’s a man across the road, and the tool pattern he fits.

He has a power drill on his shoulder, hedge cutters in his hand
I’ll finish this one  later - I hope you’ll understand.

For nette's SEXY Competition

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Biting The Bullet

I am calculating a stack of bills, about to lose my wits!

But, I’d rather attack with dynamite, and blow the bills to bits!

For Susan Burch's Couplet Contest

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Once Upon a Happenstance

Once upon a happenstance
I gazed, a look, and paused in trance

To dream upon a crystal palace
Her heart aglee and form to chalice

With towers true and field in view
I set a course to give tongue to

I crossed the field - anxiety smote
And walked upon this palace mote

Yet, as I firmed, my heart to pour
She drew the bridge and bolted door

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Twenty-Nine In One Stroke!*

"He is brave and a warrior fine--
In a stroke, killed twenty-nine!"
Thus went word from town to town,
Only to come back around...
"A better man there be none,
Seekest thou a finer one?"

Crept-in a common sight of doubt:
Who's it they talk about...?

"'tis the Tailor from this land--
He hath the strength of Heracles' hand--
There he goes, tall and proud..."
Seeing whom, approached the crowd.

"Tell us, O Courageous one,
How didst that you have done?"
"Tell us, tell us!"cried the throng
Only to shroud his path along:
"I know not what 'tis ye talk,
I'm in a hurry, ye impede my walk.."

"Don't be humble, tell us about't",
Jumped up He, whilst all shout't;
"I will tell what you want to know,
About what, tell me though...!"
"Tell about your twenty-nine",
Sang all folk in a line:

"The Twenty-Nine",so he thought,"that I kill'd,
For me an éclat this has built..."
"I am glad I talk to you all,
Of this emprise--this caterwaul...
When on a fine, wintry morn,
I sat sewing pieces worn,
There came a lady selling jam",
He gazed,"I called--Ay, ma'am!--
Who, sensing a prospective buyer,
Told she had the best of Shire",
Again he stopped, all looked rapt:
"So I bought what I thought apt;
Now then, I stitch and stitch and sew,
There's buzzing-humming and the numbers grow",

He saw they'd still eager eyes:
"That's when I strike at the flies!
And behold--I kill 'em folk,
I kill Twenty-Nine in a stroke!!..."
*it is based on a story i once read as a child...though its plot was different, my poem just derives the 'tailor' and the initial 'killing spree' from the original story to combine with my own ideas..all comments appreciated...

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At first it was just a piglet and mum
And the pig-house had plenty of room
But when mum had another litter
They needed more than a pig baby-sitter
The rooms were just too full
And mum was glad when they went to school
But after school it was home again
And the overcrowding caused some pain.
So mum said you must go build houses three.
…and the rest is history .

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The Bird

My husband has a new friend , it's not "best man's". 
It's a winged , feathered cliche that's taken a stand.

He lives in a tree or on our porch rail. 
Don't ask what it's doing when it flicking it's tail . 

It's lived here for months and won't fly away . 
I've consider naming him until husband looks my way .

It's really quite funny to see my love rant . 
Swearing , cussing and being ty-rant .

Hosing and washing should be a deterrent 
But believe me when I say that bird is divergent .

I think he is mourning the loss of a mate , 
IT's passing won't be too soon , my husband can't wait .

He'd blast him for sure without even a word . 
But damn it to hell , he's our freakin state bird !

My son keeps repeating it's unconstitutional . 
My husband just smiles looking quite mad and delusional .

Maybe come Spring he'll fly from here .
Find another mate , far away , not near .

I try to be serious and try not to giggle . 
But over his shoulder I see that bird wiggle .
The swearing and cussing starts over once more . 
Grabbing his weapons he storms out the door .
For now I'll just watch as the battle goes on .
Bird against man , armed with a bottle of Dawn .

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Bombastous Zephyr

There’s a bombastous zephyr blowing outside
Swinging the street signs from side to side;

Squall like whirlwinds are kicking up dust,
I’m inhaling more dirt with every big gust;

My eyelids are caked with soil and grime,
Forcing my sideways time after time;

When will this bombastous zephyr subside,
Cause it’s getting tougher with every stride;

The wind is blowing my hair in my face,
But I plunge on forward with awkward grace;

The treetops are bending with ever big blast,
As I wonder silently how long it can last;

I feel like Dorothy in the tornado’s clutch,
This bombastous zephyr is becoming too much!

~For Paula Swanson's Contest~

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Fan Fare

Donald and Rosie
Took a public bath
She’d animate the bubbles
He’d sit and do the math.

They raced to the playground
Jumped on verbal seesaws
Up went their issues
But down came the law.

Hopscotch was so hopeless
A game of stark bemoans
Instead of tossing pebbles
They started hurling bones.

They drifted to a fountain
Dropped pennies for a wish
Before settling to the bottom
They were swallowed by the fish.

People wandered off to food stalls
Unsure which meal to grab
Should one choose the lobster,
Or settle for the crab?

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My Fortune Cookie

I'm breaking it open to take a lookee.
What does it say inside my fortune cookie?

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Used to  wonder where he was sometimes for days
Thought I knew his quirky ways
When I called him for dinner with tintap
Now I know why he didn’t head for the cat flap
He often ate  dinner in another bowl
My cat sat at another fire, warmed by other coal
Rubbed  against another soft-felt shoe
Purred  for  another’s smiling face  too.

In that dog-eat-dog world  there
A cat ate anywhere
After all  he never promised you see
Never signed a contract  with me
I mean were not married, no legal consent
It was just a casual open arrangement

Well,  things happen as they may :
Met the “other woman” one day -
About the weather a friendly chat
Of a sudden I said, oh there’s my cat,
She said, and there’s mine too !
But there was  only one cat in view.
We quickly pooled our knowledge
We didn’t need a degree from college

We both whispered pushwoosh 
To attract “our” cat away from the thorn bush
But he darted through the leaves
And climbed up to the eaves
And another woman’s arms pulled him in
And cuddled him and tickled his chin.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Written  2   August  2012
Entered in   Poet ~ Destroyer's   Contest       Any poem you posted this week....

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Valentine Romance

Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained. 
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head. 
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made. 
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH  HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled. 
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite. 
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?

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Buttercups want to slim down their cholestrol with a diet
To become low-low cups,  they wanna try it
Sunflowers want to stop turning after the sun
And feel free to look away from time to time, just for fun
Forget-me-nots try desperately to remember
My name as I pass them by in September
Foxgloves itch to fit onto some fox finger,
Hold some fox thumb, and on some fox hand linger
Red hot pokers wish they could cool down in style
And get out of the fire once in a while
Indian paintbrushes want to be known as firstnation paintbrushes,
Aboriginal paintbrushes, or native American paintbrushes.

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Hello Kitty

The house name is Hello  Kitty
Bet you think thats very witty

But to live with all of this  is not witty
If I was rude I would say its shytee

Let's start at the top of this fine house
Its covered with Hello Kitty right down to the mouse.

It has curtains and bed covers cushions and sheets
Then the dressing gown and p.j. make it complete

The towels, all bathroom items all have this print
Even the soap didn't escape this restraint

We sit on Hello Kitty chairs and eat off the plates
that has the face, of this  darned cat, no escape

Wears tee shirts and jeans, bearing this theme
Even the trainers are groaning under this scheme

The car is pink, smellies are guess what
Kitty seat covers are covering every spot

It all looks O.T.T. a little looks great
But when your name is Boxer funny it aint

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If I Didn't Think What I Think, Here's What I'd Think

Television commercials do not have any effect on me, Turn away when there’s something I don’t want to see. I don’t possibly have enough money to send to the poor, Would I really miss a dollar a day, now that I’m not sure. Sad, thin dogs tied outside without food, water or a bed, Humans who do this, deserve worse, that shouldn’t be said. People carry guns, just because they say its their right. What do they really need them for, just to cause a fight. Cars are a necessity, we need to drive them everywhere, Using gas daily - can I walk there, share a ride, do I dare. Smoke fills the air but the factories are needed to employ, Profits may be less but the clean air would bring such joy. If I am unsatisfied, I’ll just sue because I could use the money, No wait, I’m Canadian, we don’t sue, we are sweet as honey. I’ll foster a child, adopt a dog and if in trouble call the police, Walk to work, accept less salary and promote world peace.
Written September 7, 2012 For Nancy Jone’s Contest “If I didn’t think what I think, here’s what I’d think”

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A Little Off Centre

A little off centre has its perks
That's why humour usually works

It sure can liven a boring talk
Maybe a Monty Python silly walk

Silly words can bring a smile
To help forget for just a while

The awful things taking place
The world has fallen in disgrace

We need to talk and have a beer
Change the mood of hate and fear

Let's turn to each and every man
Say 'howdy friend', extend a hand

Try a line of which you're fond
'D'ya hear the one about the blonde?'

Ya know it's gotta be worth a try
To put a twinkle in someone's eye

So listen to what I have to say
It may just save the world one day

Laugh a lot and chuckle often
Too soon you'll be leaving in a coffin

© Jack Ellison 2012

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no farting allowed

why fart and waste 
when you have the option of burp and taste.....

and then again......

why fart and smell..............
when you can burp taste and tell..........

and after all the farting if you need to poop
when the session is on if you look down ,all you  see is something like soup............


I go and sit on my throne,
it has a plastic top but is made of marble stone......

I go there to excrete and stink..........
but on my throne for hours, i sit and think...........

Doing nothing but scratch my balls,
as i admire  the soap stains on the walls................

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They Won't Work And You Can't Fire 'Em

The rocket scientist looked in dismay as the rocket lay in a smolderin' heap!

'Twas fired t'ward Mars but was not to be - 'twas enow' to make a man weep!

As he skulked back to his office to figger out what went wrong,

A thought rattled thro' his skull settin' off a clangin' gong!

"The consarned thing is like some guv'mint workers I know!" he uttered!

"They won't work and you can't fire 'em!" under his breath he muttered!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved

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OO---I'm Afraid Of My Fridge

I lean into the fridge to get a bite to eat.
And as my nose attests to,it doesn't smell too sweet!

I'm trying to decipher what that is in that dish.
And much to my dismay,it's month-old tuna fish!

There's odd assorted bowls of only God knows what.
They've been pushed to the back and hidden there by glut.

I'm so mad at myself for letting it go this far.
I even found I'm cleaning out an empty pickle jar!

Potatoes growing fur and other nasty things.
Moldy bread,soured milk,and dried up chicken wings.

The nose knows that I should learn to fix just what I need.
Cos' leftovers land in the ozone,of this I must take heed!

for contest"Offensive Odors or Noise Pollution"
sponsored by Susan Burch

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Out Cast

<                                Mirror mirror on the wall
                                  This isn't my face quite at all

                                  A ribbon in hair
                                  This seems so unfair

                                  Painted eyes
                                  Painted lips this I cry
                                 Dress of  lace
                                 I feel so out of place

                                 So I  cast this spell back to you
                                 Tee shirts and jeans will just have to do

                                 For now I tend to be running a little late
                                 From  mirror casting own spell which I hate

Entry For 
Matt Caliri's Mirror Contest
G.L. All

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It's a final sale, no exchanges, no refund; grab anything that you like...
all items sell for a dollar or less, even grandfather's four-wheel bike.

Over forty two years I have collected transistor radios, vinyl records, ceramics dolls
and plates with famous faces on them...oh, Debbie from The Wizard of Oz enthralls!

I am making room for new furniture, and must get rid of them...
it's sad to give them away when they offered much excitement! 

In those boxes and crates, you'll find many commodities...
soap bars, bathing towels, curtains shower and perfumes.

Take a look at some funny clothes that I wore in my teens: tight blue jeans,
wool sweaters, cowboy's shirts, boots and hats, trying to look like sexy Elvis!  

Browse and find that item you couldn't it Marylin Monroe's furry shawl? 
If the final sale is not complete by early evening, I will draw a winner to take it all!

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I Score a Duck Due to No Luck


Luck is not in my dictionary
So, my life, losses only carry

Of course I make a honest try
But, ignores it God in the Sky

When I well prepare for the exam
Fate changes that day's program

In case I buy my favorite fruit
My joy, all tiny worms loot

If I go to the doctor for consultation
He would have gone out of station

When to tell my deep love I at last plan
She becomes the wife of another man

In the terrace when I put the flour
Suddenly comes a heavy downpour

I bought for my relative honey bottle
With diabetes he is making a battle

I gave generously bread to a beggar
He took it not due to severe sugar

Next day he to me sadly lamented
For his unhappiness, I repented

Superb English poems I finely write
My mother has no English might

When I decide to see today TV
Work in the office will turn heavy

When I aim for promotion in career
Head Office cancels it for that year

When I take the rain coat cautiously
Sun will generate heat mercilessly

In case I take not the rain coat
For severe rain, weather will vote

When I love to become a friend
His hand, none will kindly extend

While hearing a song in the radio
My family will prefer only the video

When I go cheerfully to the theater
Gets then punctured my scooter

God does not like me a bit
He does only the opposite

So I love not to live longer
Then God makes me linger

For five decades this is happening
So my disappointment is deepening.



TYPE mvvenkataraman IN URL

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Soul of a "Jewel" vs...Life as a "Mule"

He always says..."She has the "soul of a jewel"!!"
I always say...."She rides like a stubborn old mule"!!!
So...he wants me to ride in his old pick up truck..???
Well, I'm glad to tell you....he has run out of luck!!
I'll tell you why....
Would I lie???

It was once painted blue...but now the color is rust
But you can't be too sure...'cause it's covered in dust!
The engine has to idle...'bout half an hour is good..
You can feel the vibration, around the whole freakin' neighborhood!
If I open the door, makes a loud squeak
I must hold my breath....Eewwwww!!  What are those odors?? It reeks!!

My life is in jeopardy if I go for a ride!
The windshield is dirty, we can't see from inside
It makes a weird noise...and rides bumpy and rough
The dashboard is peeling, and covered with "stuff"
The seat  cushion's torn, it pokes at my rear
His dog sits beside us, and licks at my ear
There's no place below, to rest my feet
There's a hole in the can see the street!!!!

The windows don't close, so there's always a breeze
With old Kleenex flying...those were tossed when he sneezed...
Wrappers from Twinkies, a Burger King box...
One lonely old sneaker...and dirty old socks
If I had me some coffee...I'd really be set
'Cause those are dirty Styrofoam cups....and even more than that!
Half a stale donut is squished on the floor
Darn!! The dog beat me to it...and is looking for more!

The muffler is loose, you can see the sparks fly
Dirty looks from the folks, who get smoke in their eyes
When we drive by the neighbors, I duck my head and I hide
I'm no Prima Donna....but I've still got some pride!!
He loves that old truck....he calls her a gem!
If he had to choose between us.......I could be out on a limb!!!

For Paula's contest "Soul of a ........ & Life of a ........."

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A Difficult Question

'Mommy who killed the Easter Bunny?'
'Oh my! Nobody honey.

You see Saint Nick and the Tooth Fairy,
they had something for him to carry; 

With his energy from sugary sweets,
He has some very quick feet;

But he did not realize 
How quick the time does fly;

With all that helping 
He did not realize his day was coming; 

So you see he's not dead,
He is running late instead.'

'Oh Mommy that's ok.
He can bring my candy today!'

'Great.' Mom says to herself
'There goes my mental health.' 


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          LOST LOSER

Bad enough to hear ‘you lose’
Then a flock of mail flies in
Don’t know which one you should choose
Then you glimpse ‘an AWESOME win’

Maybe it’s my humble past
Maybe it’s my country school
No one smiles when they are last
If you do --you’re called a fool.

Glory is its own reward
If you win your heart beat sings
Friends will greet you if they can
Life is sweet on eagle wings

Time is precious, time is short
Worlds await on shelves in books
Brush twitch paintings-- feet seek sport
I crave salmon on a hook

Ungrateful twit that I may seem
Courtesy is sometimes missing
My head I'll dunk in ice clogged stream
Avoid the flock of kiss kiss kissing

If you note that I have lost
Spare me time and spare me shame
Spare yourself the time it costs
To remind me that I’ve lost again

Victoria Anderson-Throop
Nov 30, 2012

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The Poet's Garage Sale

I've got to clean out these loaded ancient poetry files
What will I sell first maybe I'll just stack them in big pile

I know then I'll sort them_separate by topic
Remove ones about child sex abuse as if by magic  

Now the world is safer place for children to play
I'll get busy seeing what's left to take care of this day

Now I'll remove the ones about poisonous snakes
Get rid of those pythons who threaten human lives to take

What do I have left to sell_some with misspelled words
Haikus not written very well, grammar gone amuck by yards

Now for pricing what can I do _easy stickers
Those wih self-stick tacky glue_poor Haikus snap-shot pictures

I'll sell them first three for a quarter_maybe dime
For folks will say why they don't even have any end-rhyme

Forget this dang garage sale_just have an estate sale
Have professional come over price then use slide scale 

Somehow these couplets will have to come to a close
The lunch timer just dinged_sorry I'll just say adios

Contest:A Poet's Garage Sale
Written: September 24, 2012

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Was a time --not long ago
When you begged me sweet and low

“Cast your net upon the sea
Quickly,darling, marry me!”

My heart caught 
and in a minute
My life was soup
And I was in it

A fair eyed man means dangerous shores
& I'm adrift-- mid rocks galore

On a current, flashing fins
You cast your line--
And hook sweet sins

And, at work you cannot think
When fishy eyes blink out a wink

Even friends are not off limits
When tides wash in the vodka gimlets

Do I hate you, yes, I could
Do I hate you, no, I should

A straying man on marriage seas
Navigates adulteries

When asked to re-chart his course
He usually stomps and screams “divorce”


Mixing metaphors and such
Keeps the critics out of ruts


Straying husbands/shagging rabbits
Cannot/willnot change their habits.

Victoria Anderson-Throop
Oct 10, 2012

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Fur Ball

<               my little girl came to me and asked for a pet
                 to me my heart just hasn't been quite set

                 but who could resist those baby brown eyes
                 and all those little wimpers and desirable sighs

                 so off we went in our broken down wagon
                 where the rear end you could tell was sagging

                 to petland is where we went
                 pocketbook really took a dent

                 odie and garfield was their chosen names
                 two bunny hampsters very different but the same

                 oh my little girl was not yet done
                 said mama we need hampster ball so they can have alot of fun

                  and don't forget their bedding liners
                  so their living will be much finer

                  but first you must buy them their cage
                  oh my little girl is quite smart for her age

                  she knows they like fruit and snacks
                  so she doubled order with ten sacks

                   ring ring ring ding ding ding
                   did it's cash register ever so did sing

                   eighty five fifty
                   well ain't that nifty

                   handed lady one hundred
                   mumbling under breath was said

                   left store in a hurry
                   with our clothes looking so dam fury

Written By Katherine Stella  7/3/11

Entry For Francine Robert's
Pick A Pet Contest
G.L. All

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A Couplet of Duh

You'll get wet if you cuddle
With a deep puddle.

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Whats Sexy to Me

What’s sexy to me, changed with my age
It’s something different at each life stage

During my pre-teens, what turned me on
Were the toys and games played on the lawn

A teenage kiss put me in a twirl
That was the age I discovered girls

The dating years were sexy and great
The came my honeymoon with my mate

Then a young adult’s sexist thrill
Was our first child; she forgot the pill

My middle age major commotion
A sexy bonus or promotion

Golf was sexy in retirement years
So was kicking back, having a beer 

What’s sexy now I’m seventy-five
Is to wake up and still be alive

Submitted by Charles Sides
“Sexy!” Poetry Contest

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Mother bear has said no climbing trees
in the woods
But she climbs higher than little bear 
ever could 

It's sometimes a good exercise this 
climbing around
There are occasions when you're safer 
up off the ground

Of course when climbing high up in a tree 
A bear never knows what the next 
encounter will be

A small bear advancing near a bee hive
Should have stayed below before here 
he arrived 

But aroma of honey caught his attention
Except one thing mom forgot to mention

These small creatures called bees 
Have needles in their little rears
And a sting from them will bring a baby 
bear to tears 

And then the speed of this baby bear's 
Would match an Olympian's best 
all time sprint 

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Gabi wakes up with a frown,
Gabi drags her feet around,

Gabi’s room’s a real mess,
Gabi cannot find her dress,

Gabi’s lost most of her toys,
Gabi has a squeaky voice,

Gabi’s homework may look shabby,
I cannot live without Gabi.

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Keep Off The Grass

If I paint the grass bright blue
The clouds will not know what to do.
They'll mill about upon the ground
Thinking trees are upsidedown.

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'Toe' Truck

I was following a speeding ambulance down the street the other day,

When it took a sharp corner and the back door flew open all the way!

A large Styrofoam box fell out and I screeched to a halt to peer inside.

What I found was so loathsome that my amazement I could not hide!

Nestling in packed ice and peering back at me was a human toe!

I reckoned it was being taken to a hapless chap on which to re-sew!

As a result of this very grave incident the only thing I knew to do,

Was summon a 'tow' truck!  I think you would've done the same thing too!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Don't panic - this is another fictional write!

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A bit colder and you can bet,
Honey goes from runny to set.

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sour pickles make me sick
all it takes is just one lick
dare, not truth, is what I pick
now I fear I will feel ick

to ease the torture, my nose I clip
lifting a green fiend to my lip
blah! Yuck! Would taste improve with spice?
or perhaps chill the beasts on ice?

to honour my dare, I fight down a slice
all the while hoping, my rival gets lice

For Catie Lindsey's CONTEST: Word Games

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Max and Alton Towers

Little Max to Alton towers did go,
He went with his granddad, who some trains did want to show.

He loves his trains does Maxy, his excitement was mounting fast
Until he went on the “Runaway Train” then even his granddad was aghast.

The train set off WOO, WOO said Max, enjoying every minute
Until the speed picked up and he could hardly hang on in it.

Granddad hugged him close and tight
And looked at his little face, all screwed up in fright,

Then he found it was a reflection
Of Granddads, own pale complexion.

They clung together through all the dipping and the diving
Granddad trying to be brave, and Max not be depriving.

Woo, Woo, went Max but in quieter voice,
 He didn’t really like this choice.

As the ride slowed down to stop, relief in Max and Granddad grew,
But oh they were in for a shock, when a second time round it flew.

A smiling Granddad holding tight to Max, he was trying to look so brave and strong
I don’t think I like this granddad, I think you have got this wrong.

Then the ride came thankfully to a stop,
Granddad lifted Max down, who to his knees did drop.

Thank you granddad that was good, but please make me a promise
I’m not sure I’ll believe it’s good, you can call me a doubting Thomas.

I’m sorry Max it was in, fun and I promise, and this is law,
I won’t take you on a train again, until you are at least the age of four.

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My Dark Secret

My dark Secret
It’s dark and firm
I want it to be inside me.

It’s smooth and delicious
I can hardly wait to see.

My love of it grows; I want it I don’t care how
Not later I’m ready, I’m ready for it now.

I can’t wait for my tongue to feel the full length
Of this dark delight that plays with my sense.

Don’t make me beg, but I will if I must
Just give it me please or I will bust.

I undo it slowly I don’t want it to fight
My lips are moist just waiting to bite.

It’s there its naked right before my eyes
My tongue explores slowly up and down its sides

I bet you all would really like some
But you can’t, this is my dark chocolate magnum.

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Musings Of An Old Flyboy

When I enlisted in the Air Force, homosexuality was illegal,

   Then it became optional and has recently been declared legal!

      Now that I've been long retired and have grown old and hoary,

         I'm thankful I got out before someone decides to make it mandatory!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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         MEN OF GOD

Kenya is a Godly nation
Check on any TV station
Starts at dawn and goes all day
Teaching people how to pray

Then at night it's shilling serious
With the watchers drunk –delirious-
If you want the chance to pray
First you get the chance to pay

“Men of God,” my colleague swilled--
“Deserve a special God-rate bill.
When I do a job for them
Charge them twenty not just ten.”

 Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
12/01/12  Juja, Kenya  Africa

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Ode to Cats

Come 'ere kitty eyes so green
Tell me why you're so dang mean
Climbin' curtins and the walls
Midnight rampage through the halls
Chasin' air but never rats
You should know I hate cats!

9/24/2005~db©deborah burch

*just a note: i dont hate cats...(as long as they realize and behave as dogs)...any i have been owned by realize this and quickly learn to fetch, come, sit, no, and master the english such....this kitten(now a cat) is my son's: Oliver, appropriatly named, who is the real-life version of "Garfield" in every possible way...and dearly loved :)
big hugs~deb

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Let’s get it right guys  -  we’re not stars,  only supporting cast
The real stars are bright warm personalities moving fast
Oh sure,  we can enter the atmosphere at thousands of miles per
But these big suckers keep rolling round heaven much speedier
We’re just dust  and, let’s face it, we will burn up in a second
But  red giants and blue dwarfs live longer than anyone’s reckoned
Picture it  - one night on tv  it’s maybe something like  an eclipse
And just when the commentator ‘s  gonna move his lips
I come shooting in and steal the scene and everyone remembers me 
And forgets the real  phenomenon they came to see
It’s like watching Jack Elam  as the jail-drunk  in  HIgh Noon
Who wakes before the big showdown and leaves too soon.
Yeah  -  Shooting Star?   Phooey.  It’s a misnomer  and  we all enjoyed it
But now let’s look at the big picture, recognize a mistake  and avoid it.

. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . .. . .

Entered in    Tirzah Conway's Contest     Shooting Stars

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Twelve Days Of Christmas

His young bride took The Twelve Days of Christmas to extreme extremes!

His true love kept piling on useless stuff well beyond his wildest dreams!

On the First Day of Christmas she gave him a shovel for shoveling snow!

On the Second Day of Christmas she gave him a cheap jug of Red Bordeaux!

On the Third Day of Christmas he was presented with a scruffy mutt!

On the Fourth Day of Christmas he received a one-way ticket to Terre-Haute!

On the Fifth Day of Christmas she graced his skull with a silly beanie cap!

On the Sixth Day of Christmas she handed him an African contour map!

On the Seventh Day of Christmas he got a used Michelin radial tire!

On the Eighth Day of Christmas he was stunned to receive a roll of barbed wire!

On the Ninth Day of Christmas he received a membership in the Red Hat Society!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas a collection of buttons - a most bizarre variety!

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas a parrot that spoke dirty words so gross!

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas he got a Visa Card bill leaving him morose!

He was underwhelmed by all her generosity but thought it mighty queer,

And was so thankful that Christmas came around just once a year!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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To say Saskatchewan is  flat 
Is like saying a woman is fat :
A  superficial judgement 
Which denies all her other allurement. 
Oh,  what wonders are in glorious Sask?
I hear everyone breathlessly ask.
Only  the lake with the biggest inland
Freshwater delta  in all the world’s land.
And two of the five biggest all-Canadian lakes  -
Athabasca and Reindeer  -  land sakes!
And  -  what is our greatest glory? 
Sask is the world’s biggest political territory
Whose boundaries are geometric lines all.
We certainly can’t be considered small.

Ok,   I hear you say,  but it’s still flat. . . 
Well, it’s not to us prairie boys, and that’s that!

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The Benefits Of Being Single

A horrible smell pervades the air,
It really is quite freaky,
It's time for my monthly underwear change,
Perhaps I should change it to weekly.

Or is weekly too much, I think it might be,
Perhaps I should do it fortnightly,
Because using those chemicals that might harm the earth
Isn't something that I take that lightly.

As I peel off my boxers they crackle and creak,
You could cut through the smell with a knife,
I'm single, I know it's hard to believe,
But I just don't want that trouble and strife.

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Silver Strands

When I first found the silver strands, I felt a jab of fear. Would ugly age spots follow soon, wrinkles and failing ear? My dark locks were my pride and joy. I didn't want to lose them. I glared at offending silver strands, with no thought to excuse them. My vanity would not allow these derelicts to stay. I gave each one a painful yank, for treason they would pay. Just for sheer spite they started multiplying very fast. I knew I had to change my ways or my tresses wouldn't last. With despair my tired beautician said, "It's either do or dye." And with ego trumping common sense we gave the dye a try. My family bet each week on just what shade my hair would be As I fought the aging battle with a brave duplicity. My daughter thought it funny when an unsuspecting Mister Tried just a bit to flirt with me and mistook me for her sister. But now she finds no humor in it, in any way or another, For since she's let her hair turn gray, he thinks she is my mother won 8th in contest

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The Obesification of America


I'm afraid the sad reality is that America is getting fat
You just have to look around and see the truth of that

On a daily basis it's said we're all eating way to much
And the concept of exercise finds us completely out of touch

Our children hardly go outside to run around and play
Instead we find them watching TV a good part of the day

Food comes  frozen, processed or in a package of some kind
If you read the ingredients it will surely blow your mind

Americans choose Mickey D's  for a burger kind of lunch
We should be eating veggies or something with a crunch

My Doctor lectured me on the size of my expanding butt
But I'm sure I caught him trying hard to hold in his own gut

So the next time your talking about how we're doing as a nation
Perhaps you could work "obesification" into the conversation........

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Moonwalk Poetry

Let me disclose some top secrets till date unknown I can sure bet. First man in moon was not Armstrong it was just me,History tells wrong. I was first to do the Moonwalk which brings Jackson later goodluck. Jackson called me well in advance so that I could teach him this dance. In fact it was me who transformed Moonwalk to a good,classy dance form. Don't you think that with Jackson's fame world should attach my little name? You may wonder what I do now--- "Moonwalk Poetry"--Let me tell how. Take my poems,read them just once see the words doing that dance! =========================== Contest:Ridiculous Self Exaggerations Sponsor:Susan Burch

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A Pair of Two Line Poems

Jousting courses -
Knight classes available. 

If you rise above your station,
You'll never catch that subway train.

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Ten Little Monkeys

(Rhyming Couplets) -children's poetry- Ten little monkeys went out to dine One ate too much and then there were Nine Nine little monkeys went out for a mate One got married and then there were Eight Eight little monkeys went to a 7 -Eleven One went to K-Mart and then there were Seven Seven little monkeys had some ticks One got sick and then there were Six Six little monkeys went for a drive One never made it and then there were Five Five little monkeys were very sore One went to the doctor and then there were Four Four little monkeys played with the bees One got stung and then there were Three Three little monkeys went to the zoo One toyed with a lion and then there were Two Two little monkey went for a run One fell dead and then there was One One little monkey weighted a ton It went in a crash-diet and now there are none! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 Sept.28.2014

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I so abhor to acquiesce to all this balderdash,
Some bloke with his colleen in arm has offered me some cash.
Though dubious that I may be, my dilly-dally ways
Have left me pinchin pennies and beggin for my pay.
So fifty bucks, a rented tux, an easy task that day,
A clandestine gig, get the scoop on what Tallulah says.
I'd heard about that Bankhead broad, a foxy lady sure,
And gender-bender quick to jump in bed with those not pure.
A quintessential interstitial, between the ears she wants,
Would go with any randy, rambunctious recalcitrant,
Provided they had gizmo either natural or toy
And it mattered not whether they were female or a boy.
Though shilly-shally stupid me would often vacillate,
A downtown wing ding jim jam night sure could titillate.
Though diddlysquat I knew about the blowhards at this fest,
I grabbed the half o' "C" and proudly donned my hat and vest.
What is this mickey mouse I see, a holligan adorned,
Whose hither yon and useless ways have often left him scorned.
And though I felt like staring there, a mirrored self-lambaste,
I grabbed my cape, usurped my thoughts, with little time to waste.
Old Chico Marx, Doug Fairbanks Jr., Errol Flynn attend.
Shortly warnings cut the air, "On guard my fuzzled friend!"
Glancing round I'm thankful not to be the rapiered foe.
The Fairbanks stare, the Errol swagger, glissade that they well know.
Nit pick not I say and stay lest I become the prey.
"Affaire de coeur my evil man" I hear Sir Douglas say.
Old codger Chico wryly smiles with guilty funny face,
When then Tallulah enters and her beauty fills the place.
Defend Miss Bankhead, now I must, so I cold-cocked the man,
Then turned around to find Tallulah--face to face we stand.
"Miss Tallulah, would ya like ta, well I guess, get lucky?"
To my surprise, her relpy was "Abso-bloody-lutely!"
Off we went, ethereal bliss, my ego she and me.
Hindsight temps with fifty bucks but I'd do it all for free!

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Internet romance questions

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Do you enjoy a glass of wine or a few beers?

What makes you who you are?
What would you wish on a shooting star?

How would you describe yourself if I was blind?
What is the one thing always on your mind?

What is your worst attribute or flaw?
Do you drink from the glass or use a straw?

What is the number one quality you are looking for?
Would you drink milk from a dairy or must it be from the store?

Water from a bottle or out of the tap?
Do you like our president or is he full of **ap?

Well some were deep some were not,
But here is a list of questions I forgot.

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Sinfully Salty

I can't pass the salt without takin' a lick,
I'm a bear in a man suit, it gives me a kick.

If she plans on abscondin' with the Morton's container,
There's sea salt hidden in the cupboard for later!

But she'll never remember this donchatell,
My tiny container of gourmet Fleur De Sel (hehe)!

And if all of it's found and she's dancin' for joy,
I'll just have a sip of the juice of the soy.

I've saved this for last, it's the best donchasee -
It's the taste of the skin that's been kissed by the sea! (hers)

(Every word here is very serious so forget about it)

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Scaring Myself

I tiptoe through the darkness as silent as the night,
My ears attuned to any sound, there’s not a soul in sight;

Goosebumps prickle across my skin as panic washes over me,
I hear the slightest noise ahead and I strain my eyes to see;

My uneasy breathing fogs the air as my heart pounds on in dread,
I stand in the black frozen in fear, my feet have turned to lead;

I shiver uncontrollably as I wait in the dark alone,
Terror grips my heart as I prepare to face the unknown;

I’m poised on the balls of my feet ready to bolt into the night,
Then as I’m getting ready to make a dash, my hubby flips on a light!

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The word calls to the lost writer, “I am right here.” 
The writer calls to the lost word, “Right! Here I am!”

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Woke up with a funny taste in my mouth;
Drank all my mouthwash, think I ate a mouse.

Burned out my razor just shaving my face.
It seems that I'm shedding all over the place.

I'm allergic to silver, the Wolfsbane's in bloom,
And I hate it whenever we have a full moon.

Can't keep a girlfriend, they don't understand,
No walks in the moonlight while I hold their hand.

My dog doesn't like me, the cat ran away,
And others bemoan one single bad day.

For Wolf Man The Beginning Contest by SillyBilly the Kidster

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TalLinda and ShorTony

     TalLinda and ShorTony

lived on pretzels and baloney.

stayed in northern Minnesota,

drove around  a pink Toyota,

 had two children named Miranda,

    Fed them on the back veranda,
         overlooking yesterday,
where they loved  to dance and sing
Christmas carols in the Spring,

      We took thirty seven cents,
bought a cat and paid the rent,
       Took off in a mini van,
   to try and make them understand
  that life is great in Butte Montana,
     or in Memphis or Savannah,
    But   not in Yesterday at all.

     We won't be back until the Fall
of parasols and red balloons,
       at twelve o'clock 
             or maybe noon.
So call me up and let me down,
we'll be back somewhere out of town.

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Modern Medicine is Nonsense

Ah, I do not and will not believe in modern medicine anymore,
it is not really modern, it is just meant to scare, that's for sure.

See, just a few years back chocolate was so bad for your heart
but lately the black variety turns out to be good it could not hurt.

I was once advised to stay off foods that are high in cholesterol
but now they say the high density type is in fact pretty acceptable.

Those smart asses told me to eat garlic because it is so good,
then last month came findings over-rating it as a health food...

which means all I ever got from making garlic as part of my diet
were body odors and stinking breaths…and that is not quite right!

Modern medicine is so fickle, just like our beloved womenfolk, 
often ordering us to jump without even first taking a quick look.

Better to just enjoy gobbling up what you find on the dining table
for life is short and them no-good doctors are just fooling us all.

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Never Digress or Jest

I hope and pray, I never die like this.
For this would not have any bliss.
Running to a room with pain in chest,
Maybe from something I did digest.
Hoping to get rid of something thwarted,
Dying from heart attack as it departed.
Sitting upon a white porcelain throne,
This is not the way I want to be known.
Though hopefully my actions will pass,
Maybe oh maybe, it’s only a little gas.
If I were a king, then I wouldn’t mind.
Upon a golden throne they would find.
That I had died in gracious peace at last.
Though, my before mentioned place aghast,
Since I am no king, to pass away in jest,
There’re worse ways to die, then doing my best.

Written for
Sponsor Natalie The Rogue Rhymer 
Contest Name Die A 'Fun' Death Contest  

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Brilly natchers--------Total nonsense

It’s braw y’are its braw a’reet
Wi’ brilly natchers at yer feet
Tis one fer they an’ one fer me
T’ set tha brilly natchers free
So dinna mumble dinna fret
Tha has nae seen yon natchers yet
But when they come as come they will
Be sure t’stand rock solid still
Nae griping an’ nae felly clure
Wie brilly natchers at yer door

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The Computer

Men would rave,
we have invented a machine,
to be our slave.

Sorting, processing and retrieving,
with inventory and payroll functions,
all tasks beyond believing.

In the end, we have to say,  
multiplying work for the master,
the computer has had it's way.

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Cellular Madness

Everywhere I go I see people talking. Frequently to themselves, whilst walking. Hands to ears, eyes seeing little. Sometimes whispered words discreetly spoken. But mostly in a loud voice, echoing off walls. On street corners, in shopping malls. On public transport,, getting out cars. Sitting on benches, in quiet city parks. Buy, sell, deals done deals broken. Marriage proposals, love poems, text unspoken. Texts to avoid meeting face to face. Goodbye,! I have found somebody else. Sign of the times, tinged with sadness. It must be cellular madness.

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Teenage boys smoke marijuana in their Backyard,
The Priests make the smoke from incense grace the churchyard.

Harlots woo their clients like lovers,
Preachers spread God’s word in street corners.

Cops battle gangsters and fraudsters,
Angels battle demons and monsters.

A Pastor is on the Pulpit serving God’s Meal,
A Rapper is on stage keeping it real.

The D.J  feels the club with Jive,
The Choir Hymns make the Temple come Alive.

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What makes me cry is not  a sweet word  
Humor, sadness, loss or  anything  so absurd,
But  the whole  raft of rules I gotta obey.
There must be “ No Names”   but without my name, hey. . .   
How will favorites like me be rewarded?
I must “please date”.  Must be a new poem, and regarded
As such, so as usual I will pick out one of my oldies, re-title it, 
Change one word, add today’s date,  and that’s the whole bit.
I must use “spell check”  instead of just
Turning in any old guff  -  which I usually must.
I have to use any form which is acceptable, the norm,
Except, “ I don't know” which is my favorite form, 
So instead I will simply call it ‘verse’, 
Cos that’s pretty much the same thing, but worse.
These rules and regulations are cramping my natural style
Sooner than enter such a contest I would walk a mile.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
A light-hearted, humorous piece, not to be  misinterpreted , except by the paranoid. 
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . .
Written  27  July  2012
Entered in Lisa Cooper ~Dark Poetess’s   Contest  One Silver Tear

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Nature Calls

Nature calls and I don't mean coyotes Got a panicky feeling down to my toe-sies Till the next rest stop to hold it I'll try Got everything crossed including my eyes Don't ask me questions, can't answer right now Really must concentrate, there's sweat on my brow Please dear wifey can you drive a little faster Don't mean to bug you but it'll avoid a disaster Stop! Stop! There's construction up ahead Maybe they'll allow me to use their shed Look at those guys they're laughing at me Can no longer wait, going behind this tree Ahhhhh! Finally at last, I'm at heaven's door Next time I'll make sure I go pee-pee before ©Jack Ellison 2012

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I'd thought I found eternal rest
cold hands folded, still, on my chest
but I hear echoes from the past
the trumpet's sound, fierce bugle blast

Coming alert, I look around
burst out laughing, see the sound
source - back to sleep with merry wave
at geese, goose-stepping on my grave ....

Alan McAlpine Douglas

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The beds are made and the kitchen clean
But, oh those lousy cobwebs can be seen

For the Couplet Challenge

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The Closing of 2011

While the door was closing on two thousand eleven
I was soundly asleep for I went to bed at seven

Dreaming of a beach where I was basking in the sun
Sipping margaritas and having lots of fun

Sleep as I get older has become quite a task
Without enough dark circles leave a raccoon mask

Staying up past midnight I now leave to the young
Call me a party pooper and I’ll just stick out my tongue

May two thousand twelve bring beginnings that are new
It’s late and past my bed time so I bid you “adieu!”

Written: Debra Squyres on 1-10-2012
For: Members Contest "Happy New Year"
Sponsored by:  Francine Roberts

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Dog confession

I can hear beyond the human ears,
Long before danger has a chance to come near,
Waiting and watching over all I care for,
I am able to observe and see so much more,
I seem fairly simple and yearn for affection,
Yet, I don’t let this get in the way of ensuring my family’s protection,
Give me a bone and some extensive space,
I’ll be occupied for hours and let none of it go to waste,
Put me in a predicament where I must hunt or retreat,
And watch as my paws move to an undomesticated beat,
My ancestors are warriors and their blood runs through me,
I will be your best friend and defender until we reach eternity,
I will comfort you when you’re sad and the world has been unkind,
For a man’s soul mate at times is hard to find,
Please refrain from putting me in degrading dog shows,
For I was born to be part of the family not feed barbaric egos,
When man uses me to fight for their own personal gain,
It enrages my feelings and makes me insane,
I long for a mate and would like my own pups
So please don’t waste your money stitching me up
When summer is scorching and my coat is too thick
Water me down so I don’t get sick
And please do not dress me in tight silly clothes
It makes me feel violated, restricted and exposed.

By: Sabina Nicole
To all My Dogz

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Calamity the Uppity Clam-1

I found myself within a shell
Upon an oyster bed.
A wayward clam stuck out his foot
And struck me on the head.

Hit by this sea of insight
Pearls of wisdom, so to speak:
If  barnacles grow on your backside
That clam'll think you’re a geek. 

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Geico's Gecko Vs That Other Guy

Wouldn't it be strange if all of a sudden that Allstate Insurance wizard,

   Got choked up and began speaking Aussie like unto that little lizard!

Conversely, wouldn't it be mighty odd if the Geico Gecko should,
   Elect to speak in those sonorous tones be be understood!

Folks would be perplexed determining if "You Are In Good Hands" assurance,

   Or "It's So Easy A Cave Man Can Do It 15 Minutes Could Save A Bundle" insurance!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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When the Kids Went With Dad

Chicken, potatoes, and cold pumpkin pies
The food on the table is covered with flies

White ones and red ones and black ones and blue
Just look at that mountain of laundry to do

Dishes and pot lids and pans that are green
Oh, look at this pile of dishes to clean

Here there is carpet but there there is none
I wish that this pile of garbage was done

Smudges on windows and dents in the doors
Remains from the hundreds of food fights and wars

Couches all tattered and furred by the cats
A mound of cracked snow boots and sweaty old hats

Dishes or laundry or piles of goo
I have me a plan and I know what to do

Toss 'em out windows or down the front stairs
I know this is cheating but who really cares?

Out goes the laundry and stashes of junk
From Adam's green apron to gramma's old trunk

There go the dishes all covered in mold
Along with some food that is forty years old

Off with that chair and "The Three Little Pigs"
Things that are broken and "How to Grow Figs."

Off with this junk that my kids left behind
This statue of rocks and a petrified rind

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Rosie's Affair

Rosie played the Hammond Organ at the church
This week she left us in a real lurch

For Rosie went off with one of those vaccum salesmen
Who turned her eye wearing Spandex boxer shorts on tight skin

The choir director will be in dire straits
Because a mouse built his house in the organ with his mate

We placed a listern soaked tissue in there
Hoping it will stink those meese away __that pair

Now Rosie's husband is one medicine for insomnia and emotional pain
He's drifting in and out of being nearly insane

I heard some tid bits the other day
At the convention for women only what can I say

Well this is it, "Rosie's now playing gigs
At the "Wormholes" all night club where truckers park their own rig."

It's right next to those lunar craters
Where in their kitchen at night the vacuum salesman peels potatoes

That night they saw a UFO land and steal nuclear waste
And this was beyond half-past eight

When Rosie wined and dined her friends
She told them the whole weird story..The End..

Believe it or not your choice....

Details | Couplet | |

I Could Have...

Upon the dusty shores I watched 
the calming waves of sea debauched. 
They seem to whisper in my ear 
then motioned me to venture near. 

Now had I known to swim not sink 
I could have held the salty drink. 

I drifted deeper into sea 
then felt my spirit wander free. 
I saw a phantom fierce and wet. 
His ghostly ship was sailing yet. 
The sea surged up, its laughter hard 
and caught the seaman off his guard. 

I felt the blow of pounding waves 
that pulled me deeper into caves. 
Above me, trackless waters grew 
then turned the sea a blacker blue! 

If only I had learned to float, 
I could have grabbed that raft or boat. 

The paling smile of sandy beach, 
grew far outside my grasp or reach. 
When doomed ships wreck when oceans flare, 
a ghost must turn the swells that scare,  
and sail them first with haunting kiss 
then cast the winds that howl and hiss. 

I dare you brave this unknown vast 
to see a specter raise her mast. 
Sea goers know who's at the helm. 
For it is I who ride the realm! 

But had I learned one swimming stroke, 
I could have wrote this as a joke! 

Details | Couplet | |

Things aren't Right

Things are not Right
Things aren’t right; I’m just not on the ball
No matter what I try; it doesn’t work at all
The words would flow, with ease I admit
But they now they seem to stick a little bit
They used to flow like rain down the roof
Now they stick together, and here is the proof
They would scatter and drop like the leaves in the fall
I’m having trouble getting any now at all.
I know it’s been a stressful time for me and for others
I have friends with woes never mind brothers
I feel for them all I cannot help it
But my words are drying, up and don’t seem to fit
The jigsaw of words seem to all be blue sky
Hard to fit together and I don’t know why
Well I have decided today I will not worry
As it is - I am in a bit of a hurry
Time to put the meat in the oven
Potatoes to peel and temperatures to govern
Mix up a cake some Yorkshire pudding too
Why don’t you come, I invite all of you.

Details | Couplet | |



My dog went after a  plastic bag one day
Caught it in  mid-flight, I’d say
Stopped its ascent  to greater glory
But that’s not the  end of the story
Bag got caught on  the poor dog’s head
After a struggle the  dog was dead
Sorry, no more poems  about bag or dog
To amuse and hold  readers agog

Details | Couplet | |

Blue Women

If married women were painted blue
so men knew who to hit on to.
And fatter women came with numbers
so men could tease their weight than wonders.

If meaner women wore bright socks
so men could save themselves hard knocks.
And stupid women's shirts had stripes
that dumb old men could find their types.

If all these wonders became true.
The day when women paint themselves blue.

Details | Couplet | |

Foreign Cousins

We British love to stand in queues
We are known through out the world for it.

It must be something in our genes
We have tried all the other means.

Nobody teaches us what to do
We just line up when we see a queue.

The trouble starts with our foreign cousins; they look on us amused,
Then they walk to the front, ingnoring us and bypass all the queues.

Excuse me Sir or Madam, we say but you should be at the back,
‘What on earth for when I can walk in, you know what you can do with that!’

Fury starts to raise and feet begin to tap,
I am sorry Sir/Madam, but you must join at the back.

The door opens and we see just what we are queuing for,
It is the ladies services but then she grabs the door.

Our foreign cousin jumps in, what a nice neat trick
And locks the door behind her, it was ever so quick.

There is a murmur from the queue, 
I’d tell her off if I was you.

Don’t you worry I’ll do that when she comes back on out
I’ll stop the lady on exit, but then I here the shout.

You’ve missed another spot you dolt, just let the woman go.
Oh not again why was I so slow.

So to all our foreign cousins when, in England you arrive,
Please don’t forget to queue up here, if you want your holiday to survive.

Details | Couplet | |

A Break of a Lifetime

I think I now deserve my break, 
Before my brain turns into steak!

My head is full of algebras, 
I have nightmares of Boyle's Law, 

Mughal rulers prance around
While in class, I sleep sound.

When I think of a little sac, 
I find a bundle on my back!

Numbers shower like raindrops, 
When the teacher starts to talk!

Homework, oh! homework times 10,
Is what I get to do, again,

I think I now deserve my break, 
Before my brain turns into steak!

Details | Couplet | |

Crime pays

I want to steal things, and take what is not mine
I want to leave this place, I think I’ve served my time

I must be good and make no fuss;then they will take the bars away
And then I can enjoy the things, I have stashed away.

I want to grab and steal and hide my things everywhere
Hide them anywhere, in drawers, cupboards, even in underwear.

I take necklaces and earrings; I just grab them very quick,
Sometime they try to stop me, but do they think I’m thick.

They try to prise them from my hands but I will not give up my prize
I run away as fast as I can, I dodge and roll, much to their surprise.

Glasses I just love to snatch, not  that I will ever wear,
When they pull away so fast I sometimes grab their hair.

The men that chase me are clumsy; they trip on their own feet,
Woman tend to laugh a bit as they watch us both compete.

I have my hiding places spread all around the rooms
I never tell what’s in them, from watches to silver spoons.

My collection is growing nicely, but I wonder what to do
With this pencil sharpener and this old sock and shoe.

Some of my possessions are really not worth much,
The sock the block the key ring and other things like such.

I know that they don’t taste nice if they won’t fit between my teeth
The best things I hide in my bed, the worst are underneath

Hands reach out and grab me, who says crime does not pay
Look at all these presents on this Rubens first Chritmas day.

Details | Couplet | |

My Dog, Jake

Jake's as purty as a Boston terrier can be.
Grinning and jumping each time he sees me.
He’s happy to be fed and he dearly loves to fetch.
We use a little stuffed bear when we play catch.

I got him as a puppy and instantly could tell
He was a dog I would love and never ever sell.
He chewed on the corners of furniture and stuff.
He loves to play “tug of war” because we played so rough

Now he’s almost six years old, my friend Jake
He never fails to greet me, my day he does make
A good dog and companion for the whole family.
“Feed Jake” if I can’t, is my heart-felt plea.

Details | Couplet | |

Linda Marie The Sweetheart Of P.S.

<                                            Sweetheart

                                          Where shall I start

                                              Linda  Marie

                                         You'll surely agree

                                            Travels  around

                                           Soup    land   town

                                     North  South  East  and  West

                                 Your poetry she  will taste and test

                                        Never leaves smitten notes

                                    Or even some nasty blog quotes

                                  She packs you in her traveling suitcase

                                     You know the one dressed in lace

                                          Wether stateside or abroad

                                          This woman is not a fraud

                                         Only kindness and senserity

                               If I was a guy even would ask her to marry me  { LOL }

                                          But for now will be forever friends

                                   Like A shining armor I will always's defend 

                                             This sweetheart of poetry soup

                            Who makes me not to want to fly from this coupe



Details | Couplet | |

Moving Day

It’s clear after this perfunctory bout, I’m packin’ your things and you’re movin’ out! On our first day we both made such grand vows, now I hear you’re stepping out to carouse. That Megan teen’s “preggers” and they say it’s yours; how fast can I toss your butt through the doors? You promised to love (in good times only?) Megan’s folks are movin’; guess you’ll be lonely. Think you’re the gold ring on all carousels? Stick around, I’ll muster a few more decibels. I’ll toss ya a bone; go fetch it Fido. Keep running, don’t come home. That’s a no-no! I’d expect loyalty from “man’s best friend” Now scoot! I need a laugh from your back end.
*Written for Susan Burch’s “CHEATER, CHEATER” Contest. October 24, 2011

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Filthy Gorgeous

Camera candy nose
Pyroclastic pose
Beverly Hills publicity
Her kitty’s named felicity

Do the Bentley boogie down 
In that shaved Versace gown
Vesuvius Christmas wreath
Viral presents underneath

Walk that red carpet ruse
Marrying mortgaged shoes
Spaghetti string saunter
Sauced communists want her

Champagne celebrity schmooze
Collecting her psychic's dues
Visions of pin-up hair
Her cleavage loves a dare

Diamond mirrored glasses
Nonprescription asses
Paparazzi puckered lips
Pillow tops of Botox tips

She seduces colorblind nations
Undressing orphaned obligations
Designer hip dysplasia
High heel knockoffs in Asia

Behold the drama queen
A feudal minx of screen
Begging the homeless to dream
Because Oscar makes her scream

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It’s mine, oh, it’s mine; I’ll snatch it away.
Everyone look elsewhere, it’s mine today.
Threads are tied, one end to it, one to me.
A fish, I’ll haul it close. It’s meant to be.
Now it’s time to wait, wait, wait for the call;
the boss to confirm it’s mine after all.

Details | Couplet | |


They're funny, the noodles,
if they are not oodles.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Couplet | |

Memory Or Lack Of

                  ~ Memory Or lack Of
Memories are so important, but I can’t remember mine,
I knew I had some once, once upon a time.

I go up the stairs and then I turn back, 
Was I going up or down, now I’ve lost track.
Where did I put it, that thing, you know what,
Oh blast I’ve forgotten what it was, or was not.
I look in the fridge and find my teapot,
So where is the milk, oh I know I’ve forgot.

Do I know you stood there, knocking at my door,
Oh yes you’re my son, I knew I’d seen you before,

Why didn’t you walk in, why do you knock?
Oh I locked up son, I’m sorry I forgot.

What are you doing there six foot three tall,
This morning you left you were really quite small.

Is it you or is it me my memory is shot
Oh now I remember it’s me, I forgot.

Details | Couplet | |

Eat up

Honey, I baked a casserole for you
(My secret ingredient: a turd or two!)

Received 4th place in "any funny poem" contest

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Reckless Inspiration

Oh sweet rain:
What? A siren somewhere draws nearer and nearer
Blue lights are flashing in my rear-view mirror!

Yes officer?:
What's the problem? I'm legal; what IS this about?
I sure wasn't speeding; is my tail-light burnt out?

Oh no sir:
You were stopped when I noticed ever so clearly
That your car was swerving rather severely

Ahh, yes officer:
I'm sure you'll understand, sympathize and agree
I was trying to finish a poem, you see

Sir, calm down, just relax and please take your time
Do you mind if I ask the SUB-JECT of this rhyme?

CERTAINLY not officer:
It's about how the street-lights shine and reflect
Upside down when it rains and the pavement gets wet

Very good sir:
Next time call a TAXI or pack a bicycle!
May I ask you to step outside your vehicle?

Details | Couplet | |

My Fruspoemeter

I've got a clever new invention in the works
Going to make a fortune when I work out a few quirks

It's no bigger that a breadbox and lighter than a feather
It's easily transported and is not affected by the weather

It measures poetry frustration on a scale of one to ten
Sounding an alarm when you must put down your pen

It measures blood pressure, caffeine, and problems with the soup
You can even program it to give a heads-up to your group

The idea is to prevent the loss or graying of your hair
And to keep expletives from fouling up the air

To keep the cost down it comes in just one style
Am working on a sporty model if you can wait awhile

If on the brink of insanity poetry makes you teeter
You may want to try my trusted Fruspoemeter......

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I thought it was all over but I have 
Been assaulted by  a  plagiarists’ wave, 
And I felt  used, abused,  dirty .
I’ve received insults  about a plastic  bug (about thirty)
And a plastic bog.    Some have referred 
To my plastic as being merely big;  or claimed (and erred)
To have seen how my poor dead plastic begs.
But the most heartlessly cruel  dregs
Were making  “plastic dog”  jokes,
Not to mention the bombastic pseudo-erudite folks
With their sarcastic  references (often sick)
To elastic  clastics  in the mastic,
And how my “idiot” dog  was  enthusiastic, 
Though drastic and rustic. 

From people’s cruelty there seems no refuge
But, who knows?  When they get to the pearly gate
They could come face to face  with a huge 
Plastic dog determining their fate.

Details | Couplet | |

Slamming M T - A K A - Ms Poe

I'm making this a special affair, so soupers, chant my name.
This site is about to witness a poetic warfare, my favorite game!

My words will be like bombs over Baghdad, the couplets like an airstrike.
With this pen and pad, I'm metamorphosing into something godlike!

What? You can't comprehend? Don't understand what I plainly write?
I thought you were a genuine friend, but you're just a poetic parasite!

I'm gonna slam you till you leave the soup, so you need to "kick rocks."
I'm throwing you in a chicken coop, and manifesting into the poetic warlock!

So like 50 cents "I'll get the magic stick," so what you think about that?
How bout if I sex you like a lunatic, but first shave that hairy pussycat!

Better yet, you need to wax, because your hair gives you a helluva odor.
Never mind, I'll put anthrax on your tampax, and blow up your stinkin motor!

Damn someone throw in the towel, I have this poetess punch drunk!
She has this whole site smelling foul, so I need to kill this nasty skunk!

Have I embarrassed you yet?  Are you tired of my poetic abuse?
I'm gonna bend you over and burn you with a cigarette right on your caboose!

Every souper knows I'm slam king, no one can touch my rhyming skills.
For a souvenir, I'm keeping your g-string - so run naked and head for the hills!

I better not see you posting, or I'll degrade each poem you write.
Your poems will be like marshmellows roasting, and I'll reach out to you via satelite!

*M. T. Now let me show you "God's among men with this pen!"
 - Can I get a standing ovation for this slam?

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Beyond the Pleasant Hill

Was just a walk beyond the road -- a shortcut past the bog,
No different than the night before but this night there was fog.
I climbed the pleasant hill from which the ‘yard had got it’s name,
So cold and dark it was that night, a dim light I did flame.
Blackest of the blackest eve’s I thought I might go blind,
So quickly paced, I past the stone’s of relatives that died.
Just past the breeze that got the willow shaking in the night
I saw someone just standing where my path comes into sight --

I wondered why tonight they’d chosen 
To walk the same path I was roamin’
A closer look, not man nor woman…
So still -- as if their form was frozen…
“They must be lost“, I thought out loud, no light to find the path,  
So maybe they’re just standing there awaiting someone’s laugh.
Or maybe they are frozen stiff by seeing my form too --
I couldn’t move though,  be it  just another passing through
My flashlight though, so dim, was shining on them, so it seemed…
…No looking up, no squinting eyes or arms to hide the beam,
How could they not have noticed me, the light is right upon them?
And just as I brought down my hand to light the way  so trodden…

I heard them move in front of me
That form that stood beside the tree
A quick response I shone the light
Back at the path ahead in fright
No person was still standing there…
Just Trees, beyond the path I dared --

I stood there for eternity a-gasp and scared to death,
Staring hard upon that spot where someone drew their breath.
They’re somewhere past the beam of light that’s dimming by the second --
The eerie melody from lonely crickets only beckoned.
A sudden crackle at my feet as if one stopped behind,
I felt my heart beat through my chest, I thought I’d lost my mind.
I thought I felt a windy chill then whisper past my ear,
But turned to shine my light upon no stranger standing near.

That instant -- I had dropped my bag and ran towards the gate,
I swore I heard them running too I had no time to waste.
So as I reached the entrance, looking back I think I said, 

“If you’re still there, I’ve changed my mind, I’ll take the street instead.”

Details | Couplet | |

Truck Driving School

 She wanted a job that was good
One that would pay like it should
So she found one she thought was cool
And headed on down to truck driving school

You see, truck drivin’ s in her blood veins
So this decision wasn’t all that strange
Her daddy was a truck drivin’ fool
So why shouldn’t she go to truck driving school

Her favorite uncle had taken her on the road
She knew, like him, she could pull a load
Her honey, Craig,  drives a large car, too
She could handle this truck driving school

To San Antonio, she drove on down
It has always been a favorite town
Passed the written Dot after learning the rules
She was strutting her stuff at truck driving school

Without much money, but a lot of guts
She knew she had to get out of her ruts
She’ll be like her daddy, a gear jammin’ fool
When she graduates from truck driving school

Details | Couplet | |

My Favorite Dish

My favorite dish, when it’s all done and said
Is the metal one inside my head

The dish that heats up near microwaves
And makes airport security whisk me away

The dish that put roundness back in my skull
When before it looked like a concaved bowl

The dish I cover with my toupee
Because to insert it they took my hair away

The dish that nobody else knew about
Until this poem from me came out

Without that dish I would not be here
So for my favorite dish, I give three cheers

Details | Couplet | |

The Letter, 1660

These rustling humans, how they jabber!
With their smudged and crinkling ink dabber

I lie here resting while their investing
Their moments in this blabbered pestering

I've seen their pages scribbled in rages
Of inspiration by their sages

I hear the parchment, crisp and crackling,
Depicting marks pronounced in cackling

And wheezes of a breezes sighs
Read in secret by her eyes

Here in this secluded corner
This one was sent by a foreigner

The rounded man, all clad in fur,
Hears some code, it makes him stir

The thinner man sprouts in his chair
Which creeks beneath his squirming dare

The glamour creature, thin and frail,
Seems neutral about the true tale

I hear a fist pound on the table
Shouting that this could be a fable

"What if it's true?",  the other asks
While in fascination he basks

They analyze it for a clue,
This letter, to learn if it's true

The chamber, while closed, is secret, airy
While echo's this secretary

The scribbled riddles held in hand 
Are esteemed to be so grand

I might chew them if I could
For I bask in my puppy-hood

Details | Couplet | |

Prck vs Btch

Ladies say he's just lazy; he needs to get a job,
fellas say she's too crazy; she’ll scream then she’ll sob.
He’s a man who's a man-hoe; messing around with all these girls,
she's a flat out gold digger; simply in it for the pearls.
Ladies complain he's insensitive; he needs to learn to care,
fellas moan about her attitude; face her wrath if you dare.
A bunch of baby momma drama, is that you will get from him,
kids running around like a nursery, is that you'll find when she lets you in.
She say's he doesn't make her feel special, and is contemplating the breakup,
he replies that she's full of herself; looking like a clown with all that make-up.
He lacks the ambition to ever do something with his life,
she's just plain heartless to ever be considered as a wife.
He keeps looking at her friends; acting like he's going to make a move,
she's already had his brother, so there's nothing left for her to prove.
Girls say he's single minded; he's only after one thing,
boys say she's a lead along; they call her pretty string.
They never have a shape up; always looking rough with their nappy hairs,
they always have a weave on; bet they ain't even sure what hair is theirs.
Women say they hold their nose; he doesn't know basic hygiene,
men say they're appalled; looking at the love handles pouring out of them jeans.
He's merely a grown boy, who doesn't know a thing about chivalry,
she acts like a brat, always expecting him to the give out his currency.
She can't believe he's a momma's boy; 25 still living at the home,
he's shocked by her expenditure; caught buying shoes with her loan.

These are not the facts but the stereotypes,
when women are considered cold, and men are painted in prison stripes.

Pr!ck vs B!tch

For more poetry goodness visit 

Details | Couplet | |

Leavin' On A Greyhound Bus

He's leavin' on a Greyhound Bus
He's done got tired of us  

Unmatched socks lie in the drawer
Loose tobacco on the floor

What did he do when he was here
What about him did we endear

Oh! I remember how he held me close
Changes happen that is the way life goes

Now a quick hug and gran I love you
A few moments and he is through

Engrained in my heart and memory
When he was totally dependent on me

Our grandson has a job with a long haul 
trucking company..He leaves tomorrow
for ten weeks of schooling and training 
on the job...Yeah!! He finally got a job..

Details | Couplet | |

Dual To The Death

Another sleepless night, reading a book by lamplight
I never thought I would witness a terrible deadly fight

Annoyed at no sleep, and trying to concentrate
Then it all happened and two did meet and sealed their deathly fate

I caught a glimpse of the start out of the corner of my eye
It made me jump I was not sure, it was really up quite high

I watched them circle, testing, I didn’t know what to do...
I thought that I would watch a while, I nearly regretted it too.

The one on the right jabbed forth and caught the other unawares
I wondered if there were more about or was it just the pair.

The second one seemed to dance away but then lunged back quite quick
I’m sure I heard the contact noise, it was beginning to make me sick

They grabbed each other and fought and jabbed and then they both fell over
I was pulling bed clothes high up now my book had dropped and turned over

The noise they made when they hit the floor was really something loud
I nearly screamed what should I do, but I didn’t want a crowd

I lost sight of them and then I thought the fight was done
But after a while one reappeared but it was the only one.

The second was wrapped up tight, being dragged along by the first
It looked like one had killed the other with a bloody thirst

What to do I, must move, I am riveted to the spot
What if there are more of them, I might cop for the lot...

Sanity prevailed, as the first one now falls over too
I know I must do something; I know now what to do

Hubby is asleep in the bedroom next to mine
That way he can get some sleep I won’t disturb him all the time

I call him in, “I need you here please" I open his door wider
Come quick and bring the vacuum you need to suck up a dead spider

It's not one really but over there they have had a terrible fight
Don’t worry he said being the man, everything will be alright

He gallantly stood on a chair the vacuum pipe in his hand
Good grief they have killed each other they are off to dead spider land.

Are you sure they are gone and they won’t crawl back out
Don’t worry if they do just come in and give a shout.

Needless to say I left the room I could not sleep there now
So until my spider sense stop tingling, I will not go in no how.

Details | Couplet | |

Miss Otis Regrets she's unable to lunch today

    “Miss Otis Regrets she’s unable To Lunch Today”

He tried to dance a tango; but she preferred a waltz;
He served a new fandango; but she cures her meats in salts.

When the lady got her stockings; in some kind of bunch;
The fellow took them off for her; and served them up for lunch.

So he rolled it in a wrapper; something made of corn;
It was very neat and dapper; thus a Southwest dish was born.

Did the fellow get too quip; and the lady took an issue;
And the man was troubled at the toilet; because there was no tissue.

When her nose got out of joint; conversations were a mess;
So he suggested that they stop; and give that crap a rest.

He said I’ll see you latter; she asked him to hang on;
She reminded him of Dark Vader; when just like that was gone.

Perhaps he lacks respect; maybe she’s too pent;
Maybe he’s to brazen; perhaps she likes to vent.

It was such a load of do-do and it smelled like methane gas;
I guess that’s how it goes my friends; when youngsters have such sass.

Details | Couplet | |

Warranty Declined

Seems that with nearly every purchase nowadays for a fee,
Sales representatives want to sell you an extended warranty!

I reckon that's fine should you purchase a washing machine or car,
But the warranty that I was offered today I thought quite bizarre!

A warranty for a disposable camera didn't make a whole lot of sense!
I bought it at the Post Exchange for four dollars and ninety-five cents!

The cashier rang it up and I was dazzled at what the computer displayed!
"For ten bucks you can buy a warranty for the purchase you just made!"

I ain't the keenest guy around, but I considered such a deal a peculiarity!
I astutely deduced, "Gee, I can buy two cameras for the cost of said warranty!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Couplet | |

a poet's garage sale

paper            typewriters        books and dictionaries
pens             pencils                desk
coffee cups

come on down
we're the coolest sale in town

we've got books
and nooks

pick out a pen
spend less then ten

i'm having a party
so don't be tarty

i've got type writers
and a desk to make things tightier

so come and spend
it's less i have to lend!

Details | Couplet | |


I tried and failed so many times
This one here is sure fly

Here is how the others went
A journey on paper not well spent

My pen won't flow my pencil lead broke
I tried in crayon it never spoke

Lots of colors went in the can 
One came out like "Sam I am"

My poems I wrote would not take flight
I even glued one to a kite

I cut the strings it flew for a bit
Until a pigeon it did hit

Back to the ground that poem came
Two more times results the same

This last one written  from a chair
I'll send it whole over a copper pair

On its way here its goes...CLICK
Was that the delete key ? That's it I quit 

Boomerang contest


Details | Couplet | |

Harvey And The Sonic Spin Ball

Harvey And The Sonic Spin ball

Harvey went to Alton Towers with his granddad and his brother
Harvey is the eldest so he could go without his mother

Granddad sat behind him whilst on the Sonic Spin ball they went
Harvey looked so proud as the they started their decent

Granddad sitting behind him a look of horror on his face
As Harveys’ stomach lurched past him, and nearly caught him in the face

Harvey felt his stomach leave him at the first tight bend
He hoped to catch up with it when the ride did come to an end.

Granddad hung on tight trying to pat Harveys’ little shoulder,
But he couldn’t lift his arms up, he was trembling all over

The Sonic Spin ball car reached the first bend up high and twisted round
Harvey screamed so loud and looked, but he could not see the ground

Harvey was thrown this way and that way twisted and turned
He never really knew how much his stomach could leap and feel so churned

The ride came slowly to a dead halt Harvey jumped down from his seat
Poor granddad sitting behind him could hardly feel his feet.

Granddad stood straight and tall and declared, well boys what a treat.
Our day in Alton Towers is through and now I can retreat

Just remind me the next time you want me to take you anywhere
I think I may just prefer to take up smoking and sit in an old rocking chair.

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Blame Games

If you slosh wet shoes in the house
you blame it on the rain of course

If you forget to put the garbage out
you blame it on their morning route

If you arrive at work too late
you blame it on the traffic rate

If you should forget to shut the door
you blame it on your thumb that's sore

If you forget to bring your umbrella
you call the weatherman a stupid fella

If you forget to fill your tank
you blame it on the bloody bank

but if you forget your wife's birthday again
please don't blame it on the rain

          For the Contest- Blame it on the Rain
                                 Of -  Black Eyed Susan

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First Kiss

First Kiss

His brown hair with a black fleck,
 sent my heart lurching you can bet

I knew he was the one for me, 
even though he was quite ugly.

My arms enfolded him quite bold;
 I never listened to what I’d been told

Take your time get to know him, 
Oh no not me, I jumped straight in…

A kiss was what my heart told me,
 I grabbed and sat him on my knee

I turned and kissed my best-est kiss,
 he jumped and so my kiss did miss…

My young heart was now in a fix, 
my first kiss gone wrong - I was only six

But looking back I am not too upset, 
my first love kiss was to our pet…

Dad had returned back home from sea
And with him he had a baby monkey…

© 12/08/2012
Entry for First Kiss Contest sponsored by Craig Cornish 

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Answer to The Childs Thanksgiving Prayer written By Tony Lane

Lord in answer of prayer
Child of mine. I must admit I don’t hear from you very often,
Your brother though is quite devout, to him your heart should soften.

He say’s he works hard to me -  but that you will blame him.
For anything you don’t do, and you will try to shame him.

Your brother, put in a plea for you, and not for a new bike.
You had better try harder, boy before I give you what you like.

I even hear from your teacher, he’s his own wits end,
He prayed for the cane to come back, so your ways you better mend.

Your mother tries so very hard it’s not her cooking at fault,
Its you and your picky ways, so they had better halt.

Your mother works hard and has little time to bake you pumpkin pie,
You're lucky boy to have gravy, never mind the turkey dry.

Your granddad needs a rest, don’t be a pest, he’s getting on you know.
As for grandma she puts up with all of you, so let the wines flow.

Your big sister, her father has already requested the boyfriends’ disappearance.
I’m working on that and everything else, so just give me a chance.

The neighbour’s - well they have not said, anything about you.
They just prayed that your family would go out, and then come back without you.

So listen boy the lord has spoken, and you better hear me well.
Cos come next thanksgiving year, You may hear from him below.

Details | Couplet | |

A Method to my Madness

If I found I had to search for a needle in the hay,
I would certainly choose to do so on a summer's day.
I wouldn't want it in a hay bale, fed to a hungry horse.
So I must find that sharp needle, and I know that, of course.
I can only search that haystack, a little at a time.
So I must have a big ladder, upon the top to climb.

When I've looked at that first handful and no needle I've found,
I will carry needleless handful to a piece of ground.
There I will start another haystack with handful of hay
That I have searched for needles on this bright and sunny day.
As one of the hay piles lessens, the other starts to grow.
I am sure one has no needles, of other I can't know. 

When I've looked at every piece of hay in that big hay stack,
And even through the pieces that were left in the hayrack,
And tedious task is ended, if that needle I don't find
After all else has been driven from out my fevered mind,
I surely will be fussed and not at my cheeriest best
If I should find that missing needle in an unfinshed vest.

Details | Couplet | |

A rank and a prank

The higher the rank, 
the droller the prank.

Volodymyr Knyr

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Ever ask your partner if they want Chinese food for dinner, They reply, “That’s fine”, now does lying make them a sinner. Think back to every reply where someone has said “That’s fine” They really mean, with no other options, acceptance they’ll resign. When picking out wallpaper, a piece of jewelry or a special gift, The word “fine” in the response, will not give the intended a lift. Answer any question with “fine”, you have to realize its not great, It’s neither affirmative or negative, that’s why its the word I most hate. Go ahead use the word, say “She’s fine” because that’s fine by me, Enjoy your gourmet dinner - alone, you can watch the fine scenery.
Written July 27, 2012 For Michael J. Falotico’s contest What word do you hate most

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Words Gone Rag

what a pity
how absurd
college grads have lost their words
latent grammar
dead vocab
grab at every
prep they have

don't know what the trouble is...
at computers they can whiz

don't know what will happen next----
whatever it is
will be found
in text

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River in Early July

Flowing, sparkling, refreshingly clear
Dipped in my toes, ah yes too cold -just as I feared

For John Freemans Contest 

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In a Hurry

I gripped the handle as I handled the grip
And tripped on a book as I booked the trip.

Details | Couplet | |

My Hero

He talks in sound-bytes, my husband does
He's a computer geek - Best ever was!

All day long, he computes and computes
comes home at night, plays Battlefield, shoots

enemies galore,
defending our shores

In the vast cyber-world he so loves!

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Pesky Rabbit

Hey pesky rabbit where are you
I know all my plants you did chew

Hey pesky rabbit don't you hide
I'm gonna take you for a little ride

Hey pesky rabbit don't you fret
I not gonna hurt you..........yet

I was gone for a week and a day
In my garden you decided to play

Eating up all that was green
Now my garden can't be seen

You thought it was your mess hall
Now I have to replace them all

So little rabbit I'm watching you
If you do it once more you'll be stew

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Impounding Ego

On the greatness of humility some expound,
but still fail to leave their egos at the impound.

*Entry for David's Chiasmus contest

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Summer Dies

Summer Dies By Rick Rucker I used to always curse my Fate, To live through the two seasons that I hate, Fall and Winter, my accursed foes, I am thoroughly frozen, head to toes, Summer dies, Fall is a-borning, Here I lie, this September morning, Shaking, under the covers, in my bed, Wondering if I will soon be dead, Will they find me, cold and blue? Solidly frozen, through and through? You may have heard about Southern California, But there is a secret, let me warn ya, Summer days are bright, and sunny, But Winter nights are not so funny, They can be bitterly cold, Something you may not have been told, People from other places do not know, That our temps can get so low, They think that we are all weak, and lazy, That we are all crazy, They do not know that we are tough, Life out here, can be rough! I am now fading fast, Fingers stiffening, I will not long last, How cold will it get? This seems the very coldest night yet, I look at the thermometer, no wonder I am done, A terrifying reading of SIXTY ONE!

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Joy to the World

Joy to the world is a precise name 
For this poet named Joy of little known fame
For joyful I am with the Lord as my guide
With a Christian heart and a smile a mile wide
I sing His praises, confess his name
Worship the One who is without blame
So “Joy to the world, the Lord is come”*
Songs about His birth really make me hum
This is one side of me that you might see
But another exists, if you will permit me

“Singing joy to the world, to all the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me”**
Jeremiah, the bullfrog inspired me to collect a few
Frogs of green and one that was big and bright blue
Now many years later and many frogs, too
The funny side of me comes shining through
I love to laugh and try to bring pleasure
To enjoy this life and to give without measure
To honor the name my blessed parents gave
To have lots of fun, but still try to behave
Life is to live and to love, this is true
So put a little joy to the world in your life, won’t you

*(Music from Handel, words from Isaac Watts, 1719)
**(Three Dog Night 1971~words and music by Hoyt Axton) 

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To Live Together

To Live Together By Rick Rucker I hate to have to live alone, Our love must be shared, on the phone, Meeting seldom, but as we can, Not a fun prospect for this crazy man! She knows that I love her, can’t stand to be apart, Not since she captured my Mind, and my Heart, Just lately, we have found a ray of hope, Drowning in the Sea of Love, we found a lifeguard’s rope, We found a place where we could live, To each other, our Love we would give, To awaken with her next to me, I would be so glad, and anguish free, I did not even have to scheme, To be able to realize this dream, Luckily, for the both of us, She goes about business, without fuss! When she asked me if I wanted to live together, I told her, my response dealt with when, and not whether! I told her, it would take me minutes to pack, And to carry my stuff, across town on my back! Whatever that I had to do, I would show her, that my love is true, Imagine, the two of us, living together, Through all the lovely Summer weather, I love heat, her not so much, She thinks that an ice tray, is almost warm to the touch! Of the heat thing, we will have to take care, I will run the heater, she can use the air!

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Russel Crowe  in metal armor clothing needs sequel  to GLADIATOR  
Schwartzenegger, the all-metal guy, needs sequel  to TERMINATOR

Both could be dressed entirely  in clothing of metal  
And act tough, giving off a lot of hot air to show their mettle,  

From time to time letting off steam.
Both these guys could make a good team

In their  ultimate sequel  movie  -  RADIATOR.

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Level One

Running across the battlefield I begin to fight
I slice, chop, whack, and drop with all my might
Some Mercs are looking, AND SPOT ME!?
They shoot and I duck behind a tree
I use my blaster to tear them apart
Something flew, Was that his heart?
I run and jump into a nearby Warthog
I'm driving away, DID I HIT A LOG!?
I get off and see some droids
I take out my cyber-blade, and send them to the void
I turn around to see an undead viking horde
SLICE, CHOP, CRUNCH their heads rolled around on the floor
I keep on moving and find my team
In their eyes, I see a gleam
I check my equipment to see if its up to date
All my skills are maxed to the brim
Nothing is looking grim
My friends log on and join the team
I choose my soundtrack, music is my weapon
We are all ready, ready to kick some ass
Human players all unite
Let's walk in the light
We all charge the corner and see
Every. Single. Enemy

Kharaa, Nazis, Cannibals, zombies, aliens, Civilizations, Empires, Russians, terrorists, soldiers, Awesomenauts, Natural Disasters, androids, Death, The Mason Order, Templars, Grimm, Blacksuits, failed experiments, the Illuminati, taxis, Kings, The Plague, Dunwall's enemies, Cthulhu, Demon's Souls, The Lordvessal, Darkwood, Mutated Infected, Dinosaurs, Stickmen, E.Y.E, space, dragons, The Revolution, the World, Line Infantry, Ghosts, Military Experiments, Clones, Failed Cloning Experiments, the 16th century, the apocalypse, The Rebel Armada, Airships, Criminals, Hackers, Debt, money, imagination, creativity, wild animals, my voice, Indiana Jone's enemies, King Arthur, NO FREAKING TUTORIALS, The League of Legends, dungeons, Grimrock, cards, games I never play, medieval armies, the Metro, Titans, Parasytes, the courtroom, thieves, Kingdom of Swadia, the mountain, solar flares, future Japan, vampires, bandits, factions, fish, robots, Rome, Ships, Sonic, engineers, runners, my own creations, fps games, spaceships, retro games, older thieves, pay-to-win games, games I always forget, ninjas, samurais, toys, hilarious pivot movements, blocks in general, my dead alien dog, tanks, classic games, and many, many more...

I jumped into the fray
I just kept swinging and began to pray


I haven't saved in like an hour!
Well, I kinda do need a shower...
Back to the beginning I had begun,

Back, to Level One...

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The First Snow Fell {The First Noel}

The first snow fell all angelic and white
We built us a fort full of snowballs to fight

The mailman rounded the corner much to his surprise
Two big fat snowballs dotted both of his eyes

The policeman was summoned all dressed up in blue
We got scared and decided we should just snowball him too

His face was beat red as he filed his report
Stomping all our snowballs and tearing down our fort

Then he led us back home had us each by the ear
Where up on the porch sat uncle Joe with a beer

The policeman told Uncle Joe he would lock us away
Uncle Joe stepped off the porch and made night of his day

Now here we sit in juvy and uncle Joe he is in jail
I reckon I’ll write Santa ask if he can post our bail

Or maybe send his reindeer to crash right through the roof
So we could fly up out of here, upon the golden hoof

If another snow falls all angelic and white
I’ll build me a snowman but l won't snowball fight

I can't seem to bring the contest up so I hope
I did this right. This carol is done to the beat 
of "The First Noel"

Details | Couplet | |

Little Children

Oh, what a joy little children are ! Juice in the video, sick in the car. Untidy bedroom, scattered toys, girls playing nurses with little boys. Dogs' tails being pulled, a cat's on fire, interrupting the moments of love and desire. Passing the blame for their little crimes, playing with frogs all covered in slime. Screaming their heads off in a plush restaurant, having a tantrum when refused what they want. Arriving home late covered in mud, not going to bed when they know they should. Non-stop talking while dad's watching telly, splashing the walls with ice-cream and jelly. Chocolate stains on their Sunday best, painting funny pictures on granddad's vest. Why do parents' voices echo from afar, Oh, what a joy little children are !

Details | Couplet | |

Ring Around The Collar

<                                    ring around the collar

                   now don't it just wan na make ya ~ scream and holler

                                      whether day or night

                                      it can be an Erie sight

                        you stand there and ~ scrub ~ scrub ~ scrub

                     even sometimes bent over  i n  that  ~ tub ~ tub ~ tub 

                       water and soap dripping up and down your arms

                         dog and cat fighting trying to cause you harm

                                  yelling and screaming at the kids

                                   wondering now what they did

                               you kicking the lid shut on the commode

                              saying ah crap this stuff's getting too dam old











Details | Couplet | |


Should I have the low cut dress?
My décolleté set out ready to impress.

What about the long backless number
It shimmers and shines, no man will slumber.

I could have the short one to show off my legs
But too many out there will get down and beg.

What about the push up bra that he likes to see
Then again I think I have enough about me.

What should I buy on this shopping expedition?
It goes against the grain and every tradition.

I am not used to this I think I’ll do what I do best
I’ll stick on my jeans and my old sleeveless vest.

I do not need anything new to make me feel good 
I have a husband for that and he does as he should.

So I won’t go shopping for new things today
Why break the habit of a lifetime I’ll stop in this day

I can’t remember when I last had some new things
But I bet it was before I had my wedding ring. 

Details | Couplet | |

The Mood

I am in a writing mood
But someone wants me to fix some food

I had a line that I hadn't forgot
Someone wanted me to check the clock

I love these moods when words just flow
Someone stepped on my toe

The rain pours down in continous rhyme
But right now I haven't got the thyme

The thyme slows down in January
And I can enjoy the singing Canary

Or Goldfinch as it feeds on Rebeckia
A dash of yellow on bleak cloudy Yucca

Slip out on the porch in damp and cold
Just what I need to restore my soul

Green is showing on Japanese Magnolia
Buds are popping and really acromegaly

Star Magnolia what a treat
Buds could be open in a week

But I know within my heart
Colder must come before spring starts

Out on the porch one more time
God granted me a few more rhymes

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A Couplet

You told me the proletariat's movement was eternal 
But I saw you reading the Wall Street Journal

Details | Couplet | |


The sound of freedom falls with the November rain as I stumble back inside to my ball and chain _________

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Mc Donald's food  is unhealthy it's thought
Food is food no matter where it's bought

When encountering starvation on your traveled road
You'll not hearing them saying "McDonalds? I'd rather eat a toad!"

People in war zones are thin but not by choice
They have no McDonalds to make them fat of course

It's not the food making Jack Spratt's wife fat
Overeating is where the problem's at 

Cholesterol and calories are not what it's about
It's greedy gobbling like the food will run out

Exercising her legs more than her mouth
Mrs. Jack's rear end then wouldn't be going south 

Details | Couplet | |

Over Reaction

I answered the phone, ‘OMG!  Was the cry.
‘What’s happened now?’ I sit down and sigh.

‘I can’t take anymore, I have just had enough.’ 
What does she mean is this another bluff?

Why oh why can they just not do it?
I have showed them so often, I am sick of it.

It’s time they were put away in a home
Why can they not just use the new mobile phone.

I’m sick of it I want to kill either them or myself
Do you think I am right Mandy? they are bad for my health.’

‘Jill my friend,’ in a soothing voice I say
‘They are not your parents, you can’t put them away.

It’s only a mobile phone, don’t feel so low
They are complicated enough for me sometimes, you know.

Your mum and dad in law are both now in their mid nineties
Give them a break come on, why don’t you please?

Leave them with their old fashioned phone
Let them get on with it, just leave them alone.

Just because you think they need bringing more up to date
Are you sure it’s not yourself you are trying to recreate.

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Whatever You Say Dear-It's Hillbilly Love

When I see you in the broad daylight
Your long,ratty beard gives me a fright

You keep critters in there just for play
They won't hurt a thing,you always say

Whatever you say dear,your shotgun's sawed
Pointed at a young feller whose plan is flawed

He played fast and loose,now baby makes three
Whatever you do dear,don't miss and shoot me!

Whatever you say dear, that moonshine will wait
The revenue man's headed for the front gate

There's biscuits and pinto beans cooked on the fire
But first dear would you go make me a swing tire?

Whatever you say dear,need a hickory switch
To whip some young-uns when I know which is which

Whatever you say dear it's a hard life
Ain't all it's cracked up to-bein' your wife!

** for contest"Whatever You Say Dear"
**sponsored by Francine Roberts

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Leave Me With My Peanut Butter

Parsnips say I, oh please try them, do,
For Parsnips are so good for you!
But no, you just won’t try them, will you.
Instead, you stomp and cry and stew.

You’d rather waste your time with lettuce.
Fine for you, but please don’t tell us,
That what we need is more brown rice.
I think you’re just not very nice.

So off I go to eat with Martin.
He loves his pintos and just keeps fartin’
For taste is simply a personal matter
So, instead, I’ll just throw my parsnips at her.

Your lettuce wilts and rice gets sticky.
Oh, my, the food you like is icky.
So here I sit alone to stutter…
Please go and leave me with my peanut butter!

Or even my nice sweet chocolate bar.
To get it I would travel far,
Beyond the endless bars of salad.
So ends this trite but tasty ballad.

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The Iowan Walk

"In a land full of corn, you've got to just laugh a little."

The gravel flies out from beneath,
The hicks smile with half their teeth.
The corn grows,
The horses have shows.
Flat paths and lanes lead,
All starting with the soil for the seed.

As country plays on the station,
Under God is our Nation,
Playing close with friendly people,
BINGO tonight or riding the bull.
Views on the Mississippi river,
During the winter we all start to shiver.
Living in a reality world,
The doors are slim but few are curled.

For it's Iowa the seasons come,
The bottles are opened with whisky and rum,
Talk is everywhere about our city,
here there are plenty deer to hit in  pity.

Tractors fly in style,
Come visit and you may stay awhile.
For there's casinos and bars to see,
A castle called Jumers; grab a key.
Viewing beauty from the peer,
The beauty found in every mirror.
The MidWest lives fine,
It opens up glory in one to shine.

The traffic flowss through each town,
On the way through going up and down.
The hills with cows astray,
The nights over; back to the day.
The city people leave for work,
Sending off messages as each is a perk,
Neves lending a need to be,
Opening new things to see.

For it's Iowa the grass grows green,
The people are friendly; not too mean.
The glory of the state is here,
The glory is very near.
Talk and walk the Iowan way,
Come visity and maybe you'll stay!

Details | Couplet | |

A bad Romeo

I love you, truly. That is that.
I'd kill for you, I'd eat a bat!
You are my morning and my dusk
Without you I'm a hollow husk.

Hold! wipe away your joyful tear
As I must make on thing quite clear
I'm sure you have your hopes set high
That, dear, for you I'd eas`ly die 

I fear to break your sweet, sweet heart
I'll prick it, slightly. With a dart
Reality is this right here:
Death is, well, my BIGGEST fear.

What lies across the great beyond
`s a thought of which I am not fond
Thus begs the thought, "Why would I leap
for one fair girl, it's much too steep!"

Call me yellow, call me Macbeth
But in MY play there'll be no death!
If grief tells you to take your life
You'll be alone `n your noble strife

My shadow won't be close behind
Do NOT expect to make a find
Fair Juliet, do not be sad
Your Romeo, alas, is bad.

Details | Couplet | |


I hate to clean the bathroom floor...
my thinning hair is there - much more!

For "Couplet Challenge" sponsored by Susan Burch.

Details | Couplet | |

A Wiser Blond

She got a bad rap for she was a blond
But this one couldn't be fooled or conned

He claimed he loved her and she believed
Till she found out she was being deceived

She caught him there with his pants down
He'd taken her for an inept clown

Cheating was one thing she couldn't abide
There was no place for him to hide

It hurt her badly but she was strong
To stay with him would just be wrong

A wiser blond now she left him tattered
Knowing her self respect's what mattered

So don't be thinking all blonds are stupid
She's got your number,you wily Cupid!

By the way I always have spelled it-BLONDE but in Webster's Dictionary it is spelled both ways !

for contest"Anagramatically Speaking"
sponsored by  oink!a limp okra

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A raven chick attempted first flying lesson 
He didn't quite make his preplanned destination

Mother bird stood by evaluating his flying foray 
Okay is good  but good is not okay

There's more to this story and it's all true
Mother had something more before she 
was through

When her little bird alighted on one of 
canyons' ledges
She flew to him and placed a treat from 
her beak into the fledger's

But there are some who have no use for birds
Using birds as models for disparaging words

Pointing a finger "bird brain" they will say
Not realizing the finger is pointed the wrong way 

Details | Couplet | |

On the Beach

Welcome to my house on the beach,
Where there are condos for $5 each

I, for one, am an interesting figure,
With my siamese fish who likes to paint pictures

And my single daughter Rosie,
Who's immune to posie

This place is somewhere with two sides,
You live your life first, and after you die.

I died at thirty-eight
From tripping down stairs just after I ate

Welcome to my house on the beach,
Come on inside and we can enjoy a peach!

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Condoms in the Vatican
Soul music to the klansman
      Pork chops to the rabbi
      Bomb joke on an aircraft in the sky
Children and any green vegetable
Supersize to the catwalk model
      Thirteen to the superstitious
      England to the Irish
Neighbour’s dog to  the snoozing cat
Fat to Jack  Spratt
      Beer  to a teetotaler
      Tea to a beertotaler

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Written for  Debbie  Guzzi ‘s  Contest    “Unmentionables”

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   It's always a chore to make...and still,
   when Halloween comes, I find the will.

   I don't rent or buy costumes you see,
   but dress myself up like I want to be.

   I don't trick or treat as I am too old,
   yet, I do it for the kids coming to my door so bold.

   Once I stuffed an old shirt and jeans
   With rags and paper and other things.

   Then I pinned it to the clothing I wore,
   Four arms, four legs...who could want more?

   One year I wrapped myself in aluminum foil,
   Just to see if some of those kids I could roil.

   I wasn't exactly the Tin Man of Oz's fame,
   But the neighborhood all thought me quite insane.

   Having pinned stuffed animals to my shirt one time
   The "stuffed shirt" routine was more than a crime.

   I have been hunchbacked and straight laced just for the kids,
   Some come to my door, just to see what I did.

   Last year I took a soft ball and pinned it atop my shoulder,
   No, it wasn't there to look like a boulder.

   I put a facemask and hat on it you see,
   Two heads were better than one, when the kids looked at me.

   I've gone to a party wearing shorts 'neath my overcoat,
   But being such a flimsy "Flasher", I could not emote.

   So, I took the strobe from my camera and held it inside,
   Then, when I opened my everyone wide eyed.

   I don't do parties for Halloween any more,
   Too much work, passing out candy at the door.

   But, I still dress up for the kids to know,
   That you don't have to buy a costume when imagination will do.

   I will wear some wierd outfit that I have tried to do well,
   Then yank open the door screaming..."Who's ringing that bell"?

   It is often fun to see the reactions my costumes bring each year,
   They generally don't know what awaits them here.

   It's only once a year that I go on this binge,
   The littlest ones never cease to cringe.

   Some will run to their parents standing in the drive,
   Wondering if such a creature could be alive.

   But they eventually come back to reap their treats.
   In spite of my bombastic costumal feats.

   So, if you come to my door just beware,
   More than a crazy poet, you might find here.

Details | Couplet | |

Brand New Day

Introduction: Some days you feel alive, some days you don''s the elegance of life which many face in the days of existence. Through our own fray whatever it may be, we look out for a brand new way towards the light. We wander, more or less as a rabbit looking for its new home; crawling in and out within this baffled world to find serenity - To find a brand new day filled with everlasting aurora of peace and contentment.

Sometimes the sky is blue, sometimes it looks so white
Sometimes the truth hurts too, sometimes it's blinding bright
Sometimes this life feels short, sometimes it seems so long
Sometimes we go abroad, and at times we feel belonged

Sometimes we want to heal, sometimes we just let go
Sometimes we feel so real, sometimes we feel hollow
Sometimes we don't forgive, sometimes we don’t forget
Sometimes we feel captive, and at times we do regret

Sometimes we sure wonder and pray to leave things back
Sometimes we surrender and we get back in track
Sometimes we learn to deem the truth from the lies
Sometimes we feel the change and start a whole new life

One day we see one light that brings in so much hope
It shows one true love, in a whole new view
That day may be today, reading this here and now
These words aren't just to rhyme, but to put a vivid smile

A smile which won't leave off today
As we all know it's a brand new day.

Details | Couplet | |

Friends, the Barmaid and I

I was not a drinker, I must confess.
Well, once in a while I would transgress.
A studying student perched on the stool 
Avoided eye contact and men's lusty drool.

One quiet afternoon visiting the barmaid,
No one was in the club to cause a tirade.
Three drunks came in for a mid-day drink.
They put up cash; their coins made a clink.

I started to leave, but she asked me to stay.
New comers to the bar, first time, that day.
Partially smashed, they started to glare.
I could hardly bear their shameless stare.

I sat at the counter drinking my water.
Before too long, those three became brasher.
Buy her a drink; No, thank you, I said.
If eyes could kill, I would have been dead.

A bit unruly, they became quite insistent.
I ordered my usual; they happily gave payment.
Three glasses of water I drank that day.
We played pool when they went on their way.

© October 30, 2011

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  Confessions to a Bartender 	
Sponsored by: Natalie :) The Rogue Rhymer

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My(1) dog(2) went(3) out(4) again(5) today(6) 
And(7) watched(8) some(9) children(10) in(11) the(12) hay(13)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 


(A)    A     full list of references  (1) - (13) is available on request (S/A envelope needed)

(B)  All rights reserved.  I withhold all rights to the maximum extent allowable under law.

Any unauthorised broadcasting, public performance, copying or re-recording will constitute an infringement of copyright, unless it is in North Korea or Yemen.

Permission will be granted to reproduce for personal and educational use only  for schools, hospitals for the insane, camps for re-orientation in North Korea or Yemen.  
Commercial copying, hiring, lending,borrowing, plagiarism, stealing, and destruction by fire is prohibited. Use as toilet paper is equally prohibited.

May be used free of charge by  members of minority groups, only if they are accompanied by  a member of the majority group. Selling without prior written consent prohibited.  Selling the written consent itself  is equally prohibited.

Even the mildest infractions of these conditions will be punishable to the fullest extent of the law.

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So You Might Say

Illicit, so you say. Well I’ll have to think on that a while.
Maybe later though, after I smoke this next bowl.

The wife will be home soon and my time is tight;
The neighbor is on her way for some afternoon delight.

Have everything ready, my instructions are clear,
Lunch time has started so they will both be near

Through the back door she bounds with such glee,
Her clothes on the floor, she is ready for me

Blindfolded and strapped to our four poster bed,
We’ve done this before, so there is nothing to dread

Now where are my nipple clamps and how about that lube,
My wife is here now and obviously in the mood.

A flat-handed slap on their raised bare asses,
Will certainly get things going fastest.

Now what were you saying? Some question you raised,
I’ve only a moment, but your fears I can allay.

Illicit your concern, but oh how could that be; 
We’re all three cousins, so it’s strictly family.

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The Doggone Dog

How I got here, I’m not really sure, the reasons aren’t always real clear,
But somehow I manage to live in the dog house most of the days of the year.

She said she felt blotted and chubby today; did I think she was getting too fat?
Don’t worry dear, there is nothing to fear, I think you look always like that.

She had tears in her eyes, starting to cry; said I don’t listen to her any more,
I’m sorry dear, what were saying, I was trying to hear the football score.

She says I don’t love her, not any any more, not like when we both were kids,
I'm sorry Honey, of course I do, its just that I forgot to put down the lid.

So once again Rover you need to move over, Daddy is sleeping here tonight,
I don’t mean to upset her, I try to get better, but the words never come out just right.

Details | Couplet | |

Invisible's Invincibility

I am an invisible man.
Try and see me if you can.

Shy and quiet I remain alone.
Silent is my voice’s tone

No one can feel my pain and sorrow
As I hide inside of my burrow. 

Shadows consume my body and soul
As I embrace the misty cold. 

The reason for my unseen being
Lies in the fact I hate being seen.

This life and existence’s of my own choice
And I choose not to have a voice.

I am silent. Invisible. Inexistent.
Yet I am invincible, an immortal being

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Don't And You Won't

Do not go for a walk
And aloud do not talk

As the thieves are all around
And you’ll easily be found.

Do not sin, you’ll get the AIDS
And will walk on the edge of blades.

Don’t eat nuts or something solid
As your teeth will be soon spoiled.

Don’t run quickly, you can fall,
Won’t be able to walk at all.

Do not sit, take care of your ass,
It hemorrhoids can possess.

Do not lie as you’ll fray your hip,
Do not lie as you’ll get a pip.

Don’t give birth, you tear inside
And your ****** will be wide.

Do not kiss, you’ll get an infection,
It will pass to your affection.

Do not speed your lovely car,
Can get into a crash if you didn’t so far.

Do not love as love is hazy,
You’ll go blind or go crazy.

Do not swim ‘cause you can drown
And the bottom will be your town.

Do not breathe as you’ll be choked by smog,
Jog won’t help you and you won’t be agog.

Do not read as you’ll spoil your eyes
And won’t see the paradise.

Do not live, it’s really hard,
It’s not a walk on the boulevard.

Do not die, you’ll be forgotten
And a grave is so rotten.

Don’t be born, you won’t have problems,
And …you won’t hear my naughty poems.

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

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Just once for someone to say ‘you have a nice smile’
Instead of ‘what are you grinning at all the while’

Or  ‘you really were  clever to figure that problem out’
Instead of  ‘another lucky shot there, no doubt’. 

Tired of remarks about my coat being  ‘a detractor’,
Just once I  want to hear that it ‘has character’.

And my harmonica music referred t o as ‘damned whining’
Should be praised as  ‘such music has a silver lining’.

Till someone says these things to me,  I will continue awhile
To cleverly wear my coat, and play, and smile.

Details | Couplet | |


How blessed I am that you are in my life
Not a day goes by when I do not think of you
You make everything alright
To you I do not have to prove myself
For you know me
I love you

How blessed I am that you are in my life
How honoured I am to be a part of yours
Memories made and shared
With you the one I love
My friend, my lover, my queen
'Til the end

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Here's Sum Fun!

Google me
Kanoodle me
Please whole kit'n'kaboodle me

how rude I'll be

I demand at least
you doodle me

Then how sweet
my mood'l'be!


Now don't you try
to foodle me

You really can't
bamboozle me

'cuz I'm smarter
than my poodle be!

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The Plight of The Honey Bee

Stop it, we’re stressed,
Our collective mind, regressed!

Searching for fields of clover,
Flower to flower. over and over.

But those planes full of bug spray,,,
A little of that and we fly astray

We just want to do our job,
But were turning into an aimless mob.

Remember we help to make your food;
Without us you might just be screwed.

And you think we will tell our honey-making facts,
We’re sorry, but that’s none of your beeswax!

So just admit it you need us more than you think,
Were out of sync, we could be gone in a blink.

We can’t find our way to our honeycomb home,
That stuff that you spray makes us aimlessly roam.

Our children need a life that’s serene,
An please, God, help us save the queen!


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A Night At The Opera

The buxom diva shattered chandeliers when she sang soprano.

Opera houses vibrated and thundered when she sang contralto!

When belting out an aria her voice quivered like Robin Hood's bow,

As she struggled through Mozart's ll re pastore blow by tedious blow!

His lady friend sat rapt but not her culturally impaired and hapless beau!

He'd much rather they'd spent the evening at the Grand Ol' Opry show!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Heads And Tails

We have two ends with a common link On one end we sit and the other we think Our success depends on which we use Heads you win and tails you lose
Not original Do not know writter to give credit....

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Taking Out The Trash

___ I would be so kind to open the door if, by chance...this garbage could soar... ___ _________________________________ Contest ~ Couplet Challenge

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Fruitcake Oh No

(Rhyming Couplets) Fruitcake, oh no! I don't like. I'd rather give it to Mike. Fruitcake tastes to me more than bad. If you send me one I'd get very mad. Fruitcakes are not really fun you see. So please don't send one to me. Fruitcakes tastes like a nasty piece of rubber Just thinking of them makes me shout and shudder. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2012 September,24,2014

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No Mail Today

I check my mail box everyday
To see what I can see
But when I check my mailbox
There's nothing there for me
Oh, I get bills and junk mail
And readers digest too
But when I check my mailbox
There's nothing there from you
If I could get one letter
For my very self
I'd frame that little sucker
And place it on the shelf

Details | Couplet | |



First it was cigarettes  and their warnings about survival
From no less a person than  the surgeon general.
Then bottles of beer with brief messages polite 
About shortened life, or complications with eyesight.
All are important,  but only the thin end of the wedge:
For now there’s no comforting seat, we’re all on edge  -
About MSG, and   food genetically-modified, 
Colorants and flavorings  -  all E-number  certified,     
Bread which now has no salt, and no nut  in,
No sugar,  no starch,  and also no  glutin,
Tasteless hamburgers that state on the package
This burger contains no meat, need not be kept in fridge.
No animals were killed in making this sausage  -
(And none which died naturally ether,  if I’m any judge).
Colas which increase risk of ADS, so students can’t think;
Caffeine-free coffee, and an alcohol-free vodka  drink.
My GPS tells me driving over 55 mph can shorten my life:
So can a swim in Lake Erie, observes my wife.
I am fully warned, and fully safe, and all in accord,
But life is zestless  and I am fully bored.

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The Great Poet

It’s not all easy being favoured as a great gifted poet
All this deigning and stooping just to let people know it

They do deign but I just do so to see them pass 
Tomorrow perhaps worse they want to kiss my ass

But that’s not the worse of it and irritating much more
Is my fresh ironed toga keeps ruddy snagging the door 

PP .
The Great Poet is most embarrassed using the word for a donkey for a fleshy nice shaped bottom for the sake of a silly rhyme !

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So what’s wrong with saying “I don’t know”
When your poem is good,   and feels just so?
A technical requirement  to state categorically
What you have said, albeit metaphorically.
Like asking Einstein to place his  e=mc2  formula
Neatly in the correct position on a page of algebra
Otherwise he will lose marks and gain only “C”
Or  ordering  Michaelangelo to sign properly
So that his paintings may be in a catalogue
And the gallery guide can give  her monologue.
Or what if Curie  was given a low academic gradation 
For fooling around with radium and radiation?
Or  Sir Humphrey Davy,   remembered with odium
For accidentally stumbling on the discovery of Sodium:
Imagine his schoolteacher fillng out the report card  -
“Davy is disorganized and needs to work hard”
So please allow poets to say  that they do not know 
The category into which they must go.

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She Won't Let Me Go

She Won't Let Me Go

She won't let me go to church choir practice;
Sound like that I'm sitting on a thorny cactus,
And every time when I will moan and groan
She wants to leave me at home all alone.

She sings great paired up with Bob the tenor
Who is thinner and never has been a sinner;
God, mellow both of their voices did make,
Mine, windows and whole world would shake.

For crying out loud my voice became so bad
While singing had started a brand new fad;
If you could buy me one more case of beer
My deadly voice into space does disappear.

So you know what my new motto now may be;
When you buy beer and give it out for free
For me will be beginning of a new career;
Have no fear Horn is here with more beer.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn

PS. And now this final situation I have to face;
Intended on sending another in the first place,
And category of sick according to latest skinny 
Is what to people this probably may be to many.

PSS. I will be reading this poem at next Poetry
Revisited Poetry Recital on 2d week of the month
at Arbor Landing in Shallotte, NC. When I do, I
am going to have everyone stand up and hold
their hands on their sides to support all of the 
laughing they are gonna be doing. Jim Horn

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(to my late husband, Sonny)

Time to repaint and to clean
I really need a change of scene
So I can make this room mine
Where we once spent our time

Redecorating my room is a chore
Because I have treasure galore
I can’t part with this or with that
I have to keep this little white cat

And this red stuffed frog that can sing
Of course I must keep my engagement ring
You bought years after we were wed
And the Harley cap you wore on your head

My bubble fairy is a precious figurine
I must put it where it can be seen
Oh, and the water globe music box
Along with these polished rocks

The models of a ’64 Ford
This replica of a sword
Boxes for my jewelry and trinkets
Books, music, and these blankets 

Memories flood into my mind
With each treasure that I find 
I can’t part with things that you gave
‘Cause my heart says I really must save

So Sonny, even though you are gone
Your memory will still linger on
With mementos of the love we knew
A love that was forever true

Details | Couplet | |



Andy, professional cartographer, adored his maps,
Valued them more than anything perhaps
As any cartographer would
As  all cartographers should  -
Lovingly drawing his Italy,  boot-like, 
Old outlines of the then Third Reich,
And his Mississippi River with every meander,
And every place he ever  could wander .
But his rival  cartographer Giovanni
After  penciling in the River Suwannee
Called on Andy, his  details  to consult.
Andy was affronted and angered at the insult.
Freely sharing his geographical skills 
Was not  the best way of paying his bills.
Andy refused to show Giovanni  his map
The latter said -  well ok, your maps are just crap!
Over Turkey’s Cape Helles they struggled and fought 
As any zealous cartographers ought
And Andy shoved the Alaska Panhandle 
Up Giovanni’s nose, who then began to manhandle
The whole of Siberia and some of Iberia
And the Bay of Bengal over Andy, who was wearier. 
Getting tired, and in defence of his maps
Andy,  feeling he  was close to collapse,
Grabbed Europe and wrapped it round the neck
Of Gio, who soon choked and died, with the Czech
Republic   and parts of the Isle of Belmullet
Stopping the airflow in his gullet.
Then poor Andy, clutching  maps of the Slavic Race
Also dropped dead, but  with a smile on his face.
Two happy men  who gave their all
For the Suwannee River and the Bay of Bengal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Entered in Natalie The Rogue Rhymer’s  Contest  :  Die A 'Fun' Death 

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Bowling Prowess

B_ Boy grans too old to bowl gone is prowess
O_ Old grandma can't compete for agedness
W_ Wow! look at her go great accomplishment
L_  Look! great her walk is an advancement
I_  Interesting woman way past her prime
N_ Now she would flip the hour glass of time
G_ Grans has prowess for her aged perfect score

Just a wild story for fun
Couplets sort of....

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CRUCIFIXION 2012 The courtroom atmosphere was electric kangaroo the prosecution had succeeded in pulling off a coup. They had Jesus handcuffed with some other Nazarenes wearing inmate orange and strung out on Thorazine. The defense objected wildly, understandably distraught, Pilot overruled the motion and yelled "order in the court." The ACLU applauded, it was a victory for all their godless secular ideology. The mood outside the courthouse grew increasingly intense as Pilot played the media robed in his innocence. Then the liberals went ecstatic when he washed his hands and released Barabbas who took off for Disneyland. The whole thing was a set up but no one gave a care, the crowd was in a frenzy, the smell of blood was in the air. The mob chanted "crucifixion" but it got delayed when there was a protest the cross was not union made.

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Chocolate brown, with smoldering bronze eyes.
 A faithful companion, and a dog in disguise.

Half chocolate lab, and half red pit bull.
 Calm as can be when we're having a staring duel.

The only dog I know, who falls asleep standing up.
 She's been this way ever since she was a new born pup.

She'll sit in your lap like she weighs a mere five pounds.
 Believe me, its just as funny to picture as it sounds.

We treat her like a part of the family, and not at all like a dog.
 She's overweight, so good luck getting her to go for that healthy jog.

I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world!
 She'll always be my precious angel, my baby girl.

*Note* Truffles are my FAVORITE candy and we got our puppy right before Valentines day, so
being as she's half "chocolate" lab, eh why not name her "Truffles", so yes I know we are
strange, LOL!!!!

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Please, lowly and so very hairy worm,
believe ! You must have faith, your luck will turn;
your somewhat desperate soon-to-be flutter
will cause provision - of bread and butter -
to a family's table very far away;
this thought really ought to be making your day !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

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Wisdom Marks

My dermatologist has me visit him a couple of times a year,

To look me over good to ensure that my hide is clean and clear!

Alas, due to my four score years, 'liver spots' grow upon my paws,

But he kindly 'freezes' them off to rid me of those unsightly flaws!

Doctor Twede's his name and he's one of the most gracious guys I know,

Since he calls them 'wisdom marks' and that sure does ease the blow!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

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Of Peach Fuzz and Prickly Pears

I recall when my son went to grow his first mustache.
After the manly thrill, of shaving once a week had passed.

He'd spend an hour in the bath, gelling hair so straight up it would stick.
Then he'd come down to breakfast, strutting his upper lip.

I tried not to laugh, while biting the inside of my cheek.
It looked like a Porcupine on his head, but his stache was weak.

It looked like a cross between peach fuzz and a prickly pear.
As if they drew straws, to see who, on his lip, would stick out where.

He'd stroke his lip with thumb and forefinger, to draw attention to it.
He'd turn his head this way and that, so from the light, the few hairs were lit.

Well, time has passed and his stache manned up along with his beard.
Although it will never be of Mountain Man caliber, I fear.

But he does do "scruffy" well and the girls all seem to like it.
And you know, my girl charming son, works it to his benefit.

For my oldest son Jesse.
Just something to embarrass you with.
Hey, it's my job.

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Gone- and Forgotten

I had a poetic idea last night when I went to bed
But during the night that sucker just up and fled

They say with age comes wisdom not there in youth
But  I cant remember anything, that's the sad truth

I have been advised to always keep a pad and pen handy
If I could read my hen scratches that would be just dandy

Its a small miracle that I get any poems written at all
My poor old brain does seems in a permanent stall

I was thinking of starting a support group of some kind
Interested? Call now, before the idea is gone from my mind...

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Order or Sequence of Events

Order or Sequence of Events

When with my poems I soon reach an end
To everyone all of them will start to send
First to those whose minds have been bright
Who will enjoy them all and in delight.

Second will be those of a religious sort
Who in their faith seem to need support
Encourage them and Bible began to study
Which should be done by every buddy.

Now, third I'm thinking might really be 
For those who comfort and support only me
Especially, primarily those in a great group
We love so much called Poetry Soup with scrup.

Fourth, I'm sure will be family and friends
Who on the computer much time spends
Putting up with poems I emailed to them
Who might need research of a cell called stem.

Lastly, are all of those who once were
Of poetic ability but at times not sure;
To them this kindly advice have to offer
If poems are moving see effect known as Doppler.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

PS. Scrup is short for scruples
Seen by eyes which have pupils.

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PROZAC IN MY HARD DRIVE I put Prozac in my hard drive you can't imagine my regret. Now, the cursor finger flips me off, the arrow shakes and sweats. There are incoherent sentences on the address bar with endless threats of suicide that are really quite bizarre. I put Prozac in my hard drive, now when I surf the internet every other word is spelled in a different alphabet. Sometime it's in Cyrillic, sometimes in cuneiform, sometimes in hieroglyphics and sometimes scientific form. I put Prozac in my hard drive and I think I went too far, it spit a CD at me just like a kung fu star. I am getting kind of nervous wondering what is next, I get very threatening messages in very vulgar text. I put Prozac in my hard drive, you know I should have read the black box warning that the package said. I hope I can survive this and pray I don't get mauled while I am waiting for this machine to go through its withdrawals.

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The Doggone Dog Contest

Hair Of The Dog

As my Precious sits on my desk,
shedding and watching with interest.

I take a drink from my cup.
A hair sticks to my tongue..eew yuk.

She is pleased with herself and wags,
her tail, hair flies off like flags.

They are small, black and everywhere.
Making patterns on all of the chairs.

Little drifting smiles of hair,
residing on my clothes without care.

This much hair from a small Chihuahua,
it's not possible, no not at all.

It's not as if she's going bald.
But then, Kojack, she could be called.

Oh look!  You have some hair that she's shared.
I'll take care of that, you wait right there.

I'll just run and get my  trusty lint roller.
Better yet!   I'll get my leaf blower.

For the Doggone Dog Contest
Hostess:  Andrea Dietrich
Placement: 2nd

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~Taxidermist~ Dear little blue bird sitting on the mat Please don’t poop on it because it isn’t tat. That’s it, sit on the bird bath there on the rim You look a fine little chap sitting there so trim. I am a taxidermist and I am after a blue tit Why don’t you jump on my hand so I can see, and you can have a little sit? My collection lacks a bird; we could perhaps make a date It’s a pity you are alone I could do with your little mate You would fill the place nicely it’s a pity you are not red But I can soon paint you up as I am a taxidermist- I think I said.
no offense to real taxidermists out there I know you do not do this xx Competition Entry: For Catie Lindsey comp: Word Games. © 1/06/2012 ~GG~

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worst morning after

Again in a rush it’s always the way
Meetings and errands it’s the same very day

But today on my way I spy a cupcake store
Strawberry cupcakes, just time for one more

The day finally over I’ve been to the brink
Think I’ll end the day with just one little drink

A few shots of vodka chased with fruit punch
I never had time to stop even for lunch

Polish vodka so smooth, I’ll have a few more
Then, just like that it’s all over the floor!

Steam cleaning the carpet this morning is my chore
Strawberry cupcakes and vodka... together no more

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Hit the Deck

I  wake up every morning out of habit I suppose,
Though I’ve earned the right to lie there in somnolent repose.

God has given me this day and I must rise to meet it.
It can’t be wasted. Once it’s gone, there’s no chance to repeat it. 

I set the clock for seven and if I should forget.
My kitty comes to waken me.  I must rise to feed my pet.

Sometimes I have appointments to get me out of bed.
I set the time for early and the headlines heard or read.

There are days I have designs to be readied for a show.
A busy woman such as I can’t lie abed you know.

There are poems to be written and contests I must enter.
Life is flowing ‘round me and I’m right smack in the center.

No. 4 in contest

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A Girl for Jesus

A girl for Jesus.  A story untold.
Except for the rumor; he's kept and controlled.
An opposite lover; one evil I'm told.
Who keeps him in line with hands that are cold.

You're prayers keep him busy.
In answering each one.
Though it's really his honey.
He longs to be from.

So ask him forgiveness.
For everything done.
And wait for his answer.
That Several may come.

His time is not money.
Or luck as we know.
But a curse; to a cry; o'ver someone; to crow.
And if you feel sorry.  Pitty him some.
Remember he loves her; no matter where from.

Behold a great halo.
Some say overdone.
For if you look closely.
Surrounding someone.

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The Blessing for My Book

As my job and health failed me... I dreamed to someday put together a 
book of poetry and this will be the blessing it will begin with...

As I sit here weaving my poetry
Into the semblance of a book…
I find that I must ask Gods’ blessing…
For the journey, that together we have took.

I find I must bow my head in thought…
Over this book that together we have wrought
As my hands clasp oh so reverently and earnestly over my heart…
As I believe his help brought the words together that I sought.

And God set the journey that shaped what now before you begins…
He helped me find the words that reached through my heart to my pen.
I pray the poems will be worthy of what he showed me as my life’s art.
And upon this book I honestly pray that his blessing he will impart. 

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There I’ve said it out loud
Having it does not make me proud

I get obsessed with certain things
Like writing poetry or buying rings

I change my compulsions now and then
Sometimes it just happens on a whim

I might want to go to yard sales every week
To buy old things that I will want to keep

Or go shopping for lovely new clothes
My closet(s) are completed filled with those

It was a man named Dennis for a while
Now he is just cramping my style

My hair is growing out right now
When it gets longer, I will cut it any how

Shoes are one thing I think I will want next
Cause it has been a while since my last fix

OCD has taken control, don’t you see?
It makes me crazy, but it makes me…me!

Details | Couplet | |

Two Women at a Window, ca.1670

It's another mild day and the sky glows white
The air is still and cool as the midday light

Admirers giggle, perhaps at a young caller
One hunches over, the other stands taller

They don't look wealthy, yet they don't look poor
Perhaps trusted servants, but what can't they ignore?

They've taken jolly notice, as if on a whim
Of a miming youth who should be pruning a limb

Posted at the window the younger one peers
At this croaking lad, flattered by what she hears

Hunching near the potato patch across the way
He waves in a fluster with a few word words to say

He's glances side to side, behind the wall, stepping back
Emerging again from a passageway's crack

Between the tool shed and the gardener's house
He sneaks with the startle and twitch of a mouse

She remains calm, though tickled by his manner
For he might as well wear a bright purple banner

The older woman chuckles in faint squeaks
Hidden by the shutter around which she peeks

The younger one looks quite near seventeen
With floating white sleeves rolled up yet clean

Her girlish neckline, cut wide and low,
Displays to her suitor how well she can sew

Her hair is tucked with a bow on one side
Her grin is reserved with her eyes opened wide

Could her silly boy still have his pruners in hand? 
Is he skilled with the saw and tilling the land?

Two women at a window, quite content
Is this how many of their moments this day are spent?

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Ode To the Buffoons

I believe it's the inner child in me
that lives through my kids vicariously.

When they settle down for a cartoon
I eagerly anticipate the lead buffoon.

From Patrick to Dee Dee to Cosmo the fairy
the ensuing silliness makes me quite merry.

So, here's to all the sweet, colorful twits
that send me off to joyful, endless laughing fits.

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When May cometh full in bloom
And robins and tits build afresh their room
Many a maid and her swain
Be  found in the meadow lain
Methinks the churl  that he be  - knoweth sin
With his manhood waxing anon to the full in 
Her vale of all delight
Nay, she putteth not up a fight
But verily teaseth with hips
Of a rocking motion like ships
And bosoms of snowy mead
Yea, twixt  them a man would need
Nought but time to enjoy the feast
Time even till the sun riseth in the east
Oh, such ecstasy and sinful joy
Between yon maid and ploughboy
Must needs be stopped by laws
And by the pulpit priest’s roars
This  scandal in our midst may seem
To  blacken every villein’s dream
The energy of their loins
Were better aimed at minting coins
Or milking goats or shearing sheep
Each day before they sleep
Woollen coats or cheese to cheer
Or firkins full of barley beer
Were better use of Maytime   sun
Than meadow frolics as time doth run.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 


My apologies for the cheap double entendre  in the title
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .

Entered in Lisa Cooper ~Dark Poetess's Contest  I want some old English scandal!

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Visions of scientists in white coats, with glass jars
Scraping layers of paint off new cars
Or women with heavy blackframed glasses 
Weighing the sugar content of two sweetened masses
Or testing the strength of steel cables to breaking point
(Same approach  to  the patience of  the menfolk in the joint)

But equally when your neighbor puts down his banjo
For out to the backyard lightning-still he’s gonna  go
Check to  see the alcohol content is always the same
And put a match to a spoonful and watch the flame. 
Or when the gas station guy changes a tire, and you arrive
Late, you kick the tire before you drive.

Quality control can be done with lens and vial;
But equally it can be done bronco-style.

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Many girls of this generation love to wear a Halloween costume...
something unusual, not looking like a fair godmother, they assume.

Madonna is their idol too, more stylish than Lady Gaga, but much they seem to share...
they should choose the costume that will make them look much older than they are.

So girls barge in stores and buy that costume you'll love to wear on Halloween night,
don't grab anything that's out of style with bright colors that don't reflect moonlight.  

Look dangerous and manacing and chase away naughty boys dressed as vampires,
step on their tiny toes, if they try to grab you imitating bats with red, bloody eyes.

Have fun and smile, no night compares to this one with all the noise and sneers,
be careful not to stare at them for too long...their teeth are sharper than scissors.

Run and keep on screaming and they will stop chasing you or at least give up,
and if they springle Baby Podwer on you...make believe that's dust from a star. 

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Never knew quite what wind blew up her skirt
Maybe the way I dressed or my shoe’s unbrushed  dirt
Like a woman scorned, her fury knew no bounds
Like when the fox has successfully eluded the hounds
The tongue-lashing was the first salvo in her armament
Couldn’t even get a  word in to show my disagreement
Oh but the extremes of modulation in her voice tone
Made me glad I could see her  and not just be on the phone
For the facial  gestures and the eyelash lashes she performed 
Were an accompaniment not to miss in her tirade as she stormed
Through Act I  into  Act II when the hands on hips were a prelude
To a theatrical show  that simply had to be viewed 
Then the head was tossed several times for effect
And the  brushed hair  floated around in a circle perfect
I’m sure the audience was rapt and  about to applaud
Had they not seen something about her display  which was  flawed
Her rhetorical questions, her cleft sentences, her exclamation marks
Left no impression on her target, like smiling at a dog that barks
This guy, they thought,  must be  deaf,  dumb   and blind
To be so unimpressed by a prima donna performance of this kind?
Maybe he is straight off the funny farm and unaware of  her sarcasm?
Or perhaps he has a weak constitution and is about to have a spasm?
They had no inkling and neither did she : the reason for my lack of discussion
Was simply that I didn’t understand her spoken Russian.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . .. 

Entered in Andrea's  Contest 

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Washing coffee-stained cups, greasy frying pans and big pots is a very simple chore;
leaving a pile when turning the faucet on may clog the sink and cause a messy gore!

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Twinkle, twinkle, little star
I know exactly what you are
Not really above the earth so high,
Diamond  - no.  Explosion in the sky.
Just let your matter gravitate
And your heat begins to fulminate
Heat and pressure soon go nuclear
Radiation reaches far  and near
Your fuel burns and then creates
Other matter in other states
Sometimes now, your sheer size
Makes  supernovas  for our eyes
You end in darkness like a mole
Maybe becoming a black hole;
But twinkle there  on high for me
Let me still your beauty see.

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Everyday There's Something New -1


Everyday there's something new 
Most people get more than they chew. 

Everyday there's something new. 
One of my favorite colors is blue. 

Everyday there's something new 
In winter, more people get the flu. 

Everyday there's something new 
And I know the sky changes hue! 

Everyday there's something new 
One of my favorite salads is coleslew. 

Everyday there's something new 
From life many things I already drew. 

Everyday there's something new 
I  hate to watch on T.V. bad news. 

Everyday there's something new 
From my backyard a hummingbird just flew! 

Everyday there's something new 
So many people in this world are really shrew. 

Everyday there's something new 
And so many people, don't have a clue! 

Everyday there's something new 
Feet hurt so much, when we wear new shoes. 

Everyday there's something new 
To make a movie there's a big production crew. 

Everyday there's something new 
I love to eat a good bowl of homemade stew. 

Everyday there's something new 
And tonight I'm so happy to be with you! 


Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 

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A lovers lament

'Hey there,you with the stars in your eyes'
just time before our goodbyes

Don't look too long above,
'I'm in the mood for love'

I must get home quite soon,so
'Fly me to the moon'

..t'was ever action
'Can't get no satisfaction '

R Clooney/D Day/NKCole/Stones

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Expert but understated taciturn lone hero
Sherlock Holmes fiddling with a violin solo
Then James Bond  then Richard Boone
Then Terminator and Bruce Lee (died too soon)
But today’s hero is the computer guy
Who can fix your machine easy as pie.
Unspeaking, he arrives in casual jeans, with pliers
Small screwdrivers and a pocketful of wires. 
Wants no chit chat, just fiddles with motherboard
And such for a half hour without a word.
Then he disappears in a white van  -
Say. . . who was that silent man?   
Your problem he can unravel :
Have mouse will travel.

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What Can The Matter Be With My Anatomy

Sometimes, as a guy, he just gets out of control
And at the most inopportune time, he stands up like a pole.

Like when the teacher calls on us to the chalk board at our school,
Right when we are daydreaming about the cheerleader who is kind of cool.

Or when our bus reaches our stop while we are watching that girl so cute
And we have to get up and off the bus when he’s standing in full salute.

Books in front can sometimes help when we have a pants pup tent,
Or quickly we try to think of something else to make our guy relent.

But believe me girls when I say sometimes it’s out of our control,
When our minds are clean and free but the blood just starts to flow.

I am fifty-two, way past puberty, and don’t mean this as a brag
But even still, sometimes in public, I need the old boy to sag.

I sometimes sleep on an airplane or on the ferry boat;
When my consciousness I regain, I need to strategically adjust my coat.

So I ask you girls, please understand and when in this position us you catch,
Just subtly please turn away as opposed to pointing and starting to laugh.

As embarrassing as this situation can be there is a condition we hate even more;
When we are with a willing partner and we can’t get our guy to roar.

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You Snooze You Lose

<                                                  You Snooze
                                                     You Lose

                                                     Lazy Head
                                                     Get Out Of Bed

                                                      No Bread
                                                      No Fead

                                                      Big Bob
                                                      Get A Job

                                                      Soap Queen
                                                      Loves To Dream

                                                      Got Dough
                                                      Hell  No !

                                                      Rather Sleep
                                                      Then Leap

                                                      Sweet Dreams
                                                      Wanna Scream

                                                      Gotta    Go  !
                                                      Work You Know 

                                                      See    Ya    Later
                                                            Alligator !




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the death of me

I heard today on the radio news
about diet soda's bodily abuse

yesterday's bit, a blood-soaked whack
about my likely acute heart attack

I remember well my last cigarette
years peeled away, never to get

back to an ever longer life
cutting truth with sharpened knife

that too much carbs will metabolize
my body to twice it's natural size

and also, all that fat I'm ingesting
will contribute to my heart arresting

crossing against a light, the J-walk trot
seems so pedestrian, could hurt...a lot

some terrorist's bomb, a flash done quick
more preferable than linger, diseased and sick

or maybe the decades old saccharine
that I used to drink will do me in

or a cranial aneurysm, a stroke ungenius
a wikileak bloody, arterial or venous

my cell phone may irradiate my head
and leave me the message that I'm dead

tomorrow something will, I'm sure be found
to insure that I'm no longer around

until then I'll continue on my path
trying to avoid the Angel of Death's wrath

will several billion or so, patient souls
remember that they have little control

so could just one notice, I'm the absentee
and remember something was the death of me

© Goode Guy 2011-05-24

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Role Reversal

If teachers were students,
They would certainly be prudent.
When they would get a teacher free class,
They would certainly be seriously studious.
None to dictate and lecture the class,
Would let them hit the books obviating usual fuss.
If their freedom limit is even infinite,
Classroom is “Pin drop silence”, that’s definite!
Even when Half Yearly is finished,
Their wish for studying wouldn’t be diminished.
Trousers from the waist, head with oil base,
Big spectacles covering the whole face;
Would they miss a single instruction?
Even a single note because of the Annual Function!
If they committed a mistake, though once in a blue moon;
Even imagining doing it again would make them swoon.
But if we go deep down these perfect souls,
Down their memory lane, there must be some hole.
Now let’s come back to the tangible world,
Where the real students are completely unfurled;
Let’s hope the above conditions be true
Otherwise how can we show what we can do?
Wishes are wishes, “sky is sunny blue”
Could you suggest how to put it through?

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They filled me full of milk so white
Semi-skinned,fat free and light

The supermarket's, a place real cool
Full cream,my cousin, made folks drool

In and out of the fridge each day
Then,crushed in a recycle box,I lay

To the waste tip that week I went
Off to the plastic factory I soon was sent

Instead of rotting in brown earth
In a green revolution,I have rebirth

They filled me full of milk so white........

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What A Night...

I woke up this morning in the kitchen and not really sure who I was,
Tid-Bits and flashes from last night are now making my head buzz;

Did I fall into a wormhole or get abducted by a UFO,
With the pounding pain inside my skull, right now I just don’t know;

I vaguely remember Rosie complaining about the night,
And who were those Vacuum Salesmen, they didn’t get an invite; 

My insomnia must have been cured by drinking that nuclear waste,
I’ll use a Listerine soaked tissue to freshen up, what happened to my toothpaste;

As I venture to the bedroom I spot Hammond in his Spandex boxer shorts,
I hate to wake him up but right now I need a report;

My living room is up in shreds, did I host a Rock Convention,
The things I found upon my floor I’m not going to mention;

Did Dire Straits have a concert in my house while I was out,
So much for wine and dine, I’m fixing to start to shout;

I discovered lunar craters in what used to be my yard,
The fire my friends didn’t put out left my folding chairs all charred;

Well I’m off to take some medicine and start drifting back to sleep,
I’ve never had a gig like that and fixing up won’t be cheap!

~4th Place in the "Wacky Weekend Challenge(Remembering Tom)"Contest by Catie Lindsey~

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Now I Bawl

:<> :-x  by d8:) the one on M&M commerical
ITD :-* now not I-O I know this will be controverial

Now o-+-> but :-D still :-I by :-*
That M&M d8:) my + left me in bliss

ITD :-| d8:) hasn't called
SITD  :e  %-)  now I bawl

Amazed big kiss by cool guy the one on M&M commerical
In the dark kiss, now not bored I know this will be controverial

Now doing nothing but happy still hynotized by kiss
That M&M guy my knight left me in bliss

In the dark disgusted cool guy hasn't called
Still in the dark disappointed confused now I bawl

Sponsor: David Williams
Contest: Text Talk
Written:Septmeber 2, 2012

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     Well...I wanted to do something silly as I did,
     In writing a poem for this bid.

     It took but a TINY HERCULEAN try,
     All the while, I'm asking "Why?"

     I thought of writing about the time,
     When I didn't even have a dime.

     But then I realized how silly it would be,
     To write something, only about me.

     I decided not to write about me at all.

     Instead, while eating my JUMBO SHRIMP,
     I decided it would best to be an OVERGROWN IMP.

     Writing about the CARNATION CARRIED by the COURTIER,


     Yet, only SONG SOOTHED him when his SHACKLED SEVERITY SEPIA aroused.

     Thus, often abed the king would go,

     And if this silliness be not a poem the rules will fit,
     Maybe I should just lay down my pencil...and QUIT !!


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decline of rich men

The decline of rich Men. 

 The numbers of American millionaires have declined
I read this as a news item and was amused. 

I know of an old man who became a lotto millionaire 
He had a facelift, and married a young woman.

But time was only on the woman’s side and he couldn’t 
Cut the mustard…and sank into despondency.

Clutching dollar bills he went to hospital and begged
Doctors to restore his potency…they could not.

Expensive divorce, lawyers she had the best money 
Could buy, and then he as poor again.

His old wife took him in but he has to live in the dog
House, feeds him rice pudding and combs his hair.

The numbers of American millionaires have declined 
But I will not speculate on the reason why.

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My quirk is I don’t like this work;  I just lurk in the murk and smirk.
My wife does not shirk. I irk her but her perk is to call me a lazy jerk.


Entered in  Susan  Burch’s  Contest  

“Couplet Challenge” (Something you hate to do at home)

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Mocha Frappuccino

Where, oh where, did I leave my mocha,
If I find you took it, I might just choke ya!

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Simple Poetry

My poems are often simple, or so I have been told.
Nine courses of college English, if I may be so bold.
My roots are in the country and that is how I live.
If my poems are too simple, then I ask you to forgive

This simple-minded, country school marm
Who was priveledged to grow up on a farm.
My poetry makes me happy when I am blue.
If you don’t like it simple, then I am sorry for you.

Ordinary words can easily say what is real.
You don’t need fancy words to say how you feel.
So I keep it simple, as you have readily seen
So simple folks can understand just what I mean.

Simple does not mean stupid, ignorant, or rough.
Simple means without frills and all that stuff.
Please don’t bother to tell me if I break your rules.
Simple poems written by me does not make me a fool.

My bachelor of science in teaching stands on its own.
A language arts specialization keeps me in the zone. 
So when you read my poem and it’s too simple for you,
Just don’t review it, even though it’s simple and true.

Find a poet who uses words requiring deeper thought.
Those poems for which a dictionary must be sought.
If I choose to be simplistic, then that is my right.
Many other poets like the simple way that I write.

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From my very first moment  I was "round"
Easily verified by pictures found

Such an adorable little lass
Even though having some extra mass

Having  dimples here and dimples there
Always sporting pigtails in my hair

My  sweet face a perfect little ball
Unfortunately, I was not so very tall

 Never met a person I didn't like
Always such an engaging little tyke

To be a pudgy princess was my plight
Now, happily" round" in places right

For the Baby-Boo

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The Doggone Dog Contest

A Dog's Life Now lets see.. what to do today: I could chase my tail, and Bark at the man with the mail. Or… Sleep on the porch in the sun, and Dig some big holes for fun. Or….. Sit up and beg for a treat, and Play with the kids in the street. Or… Chew on her brand new slipper, and stand guard over the new little nipper. Or…. I might slip through the gate, and See my lady next door for a date .( Oh Baby! Lets see now….. I don’t have to worry about Obama or Biden, or if BinLadins still hiden' . .dont care about banks or forclosures..dont care if I'm fat of I'm thin.. I LIKE the skin I'm in.....

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Ball Boys Done It

Ball Boys Done It 

I confess have to guess how they got in this mess;
Did not possess any fines when they did address
The public as to problem Patriots had to bare;
Failed to fill ball with right amount and enough air.

So in despair were found to be fools not fair
When sins would share that were hard to bare,
By in football exact, proper amount not allot
And guess what again as usual they got caught.

Why would other people you want to embarrass,
By having your balls made out of plaster of Paris
And Instead of ball had been kicking the dirt;
When you did was painful and sure did hurt.

Personally, myself I prefer balls that are soft
I love them best because into air can loft
Them up and land into a receiver's hand
Which is exactly way that I had planned.

People in New England now understand;
Think when football is cold it will expand
Just like to would in your car's spare tire
That leads me to believe they are a liar.

Game balls are expensive and guaranteed
To maintain air they want and will ever need
Not requiring any air during the game
So ball boys should be receiving the blame.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
173 Shadowood Court SE
Bolivia, NC 28422 and

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Adventures in the underground                 	                                                     
did that grow up or down            		                                                 
Light on my head starring into the dark	     			               
what a funny word to be called as I imbark                                          	              
Could it be because I tread water and guano up to my knees                                      
or the sound I would make if I took a wrong step aiiee             	                
Like an aztec two steps which way do I go  		                                 
looking across the vast pothole                                                                                    
As I am pitching and squeezing back to the top                                                           
I am know speleologist but has any one seen the cave cop                                        
I can see the light of day from this cavern                                                                
maybe next time let's just talk about it at the tavern                                               
For I am filthy and dirty but not the word                                                               
maybe only to a caver if you have not heard

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Yeah those were the magma days - for what it’s worth:
Surging up from the inner reaches of the earth
To the crust – ‘cos when you’re hot, you’re hot, 
Just a-bubblin’,  turnin’,  and a-tossin’  in a hot spot.
We joked about bursting out in great hot gushes like real men
But didn’t know that we’d be stopped well before then.
Giant condom of overburden rocks slowed and stopped us:
We cooled off, lost our fire, like old men on a late bus.
Then had to wait  till the blanket was rent and lost
Due to the forces of weathering   -  rain and frost.
At last we were allowed to poke our snout
Into the delightful soft landscape, standing out. . . . . 

. . . . . As granite hills.


This topic is known as Psycho-sexual geology,  or sclerotic  erotica.

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Milepost 1

Its written somewhere that old(er) folks should not run
But I saw lots of people doing it, I thought it must be fun...

Had to have a new outfit, the kind cute runners wear
And running shoes, those suckers cost 80 bucks a pair...

So off I set out to lose weight and join the" get fit" gang
Looked so cool stretching out, then took off with a bang...

My goal was a mile- at the time it  didn't seem so far
But then I was thinking of a mile, doing 60 in a car...

About 50 yards out my poor legs began to burn
I was gasping for air before I reached the first turn...

A cute young thing passed me like I was standing still
I tried hard to suppress the strong urge to kill...

As you've probably guessed, that first run was a bust
But, as in most things in life, "stick-to-it"  is a must..

A few weeks went by and one day I finally did it
Passed the first milepost , although I felt like sh**

It wasn't very pretty and I swear it  wasn't easy
The thought of going 2 miles makes me kind of queasy

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The man most prone to tears
is one who's drunk some beers

the man most prone to sigh
is one who's drunk some rye

the man most prone to pee
is one given to whisky

the one most prone to mourn
is one whose tea's laced with bourbon

but the man who believes all he's seen
is one who's soaked to the bones with gin!

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Start to slam 1

I'd like to welcome to the stage, a man of wide girth, I'd like to add, he wasn't like this at birth. Oh how time has treated him well,all that goodness can be seen, when he stretches to the sky, and out flops his jelly belly. I guess working at Mac Donald's, isn't the best place to be, a burger for you, and three burgers for me. Never mind little brother, it's bout what's in the inside, doesn't matter that you eat enough, to feed a small empire. I know it's only comfort food, because you feel really sad, but it's OK brother, you don't have to feel bad. Just because I got all the good looks, and left overs where yours, it's hard work being so dang good looking, constantly adored. Welcome to the soup my brother, we've only just begun, and to those that choose to follow us, now it's time to have some fun. M.Mahauariki © 2012

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“Did Einstein have computer?”
“Internet can tell you better.”
“People there know the answer to this?
How can they, if they didn’t belong to the generation of his?”
 “Because people research, working seriously;
Not like you, questioning continuously.”
“But my dad says that curiosity is good.”
“But unearthly quests do not have fruit.”
“Didn’t the telephone idea seem weird before it was devised?”
“Just go home and focus on the chapters which you have to revise.”
“But among those chapters are the authors’ thoughts;
Their brain carrying knowledge of all sorts;
Most of them I heard, were weird like me
They had this great power of envisioning things that others couldn’t see!
 Isn’t it great to write something so that the whole world reads it?”
“Yes, but you have to revise your present chapters to achieve it.”
“But Uncle Tom although topping high school;
Became none other than some company’s managing tool!”
“It doesn’t matter until your salary is good
And you can always have your favorite food.”
“But I don’t think about money,
I want to find out how all days are sunny.”
“Okay okay don’t earn a dime
Arguing with you is a waste of time
 I give up! Now you should be gratified
Among the world, I wonder when you will be identified
Sit and hope till then,
And make the people around you insane!”

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Chocolates because one is too many -  the whole box is not enough.
Trying to wean myself off them is just too tough.

Bouquets of flowers because I would rather have seen them bloom
Happily in the ground outside my room.

Power-tool attachments  to cut wood in fancy shapes
And add decorations of wooden petals, leaves, or grapes.

A year’s membership in a golf club or a gymnasium:
One is not really exercise, the other not really fun.

After-shave lotion  because  it stings and  the pain I can’t stand.
Books about the Civil War which kinda imply I knew it first-hand.

CDs  of old Rolling Stones concerts   -   songs most-ever sold: 
For it embarrasses me to recognize rocker-guys so old.

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Pauper bow to King, King bow to Pauper

There are times, when I the pauper, pretend that I am King.

Power uncontested have I, the master of everything.

Beloved by all my subjects who adore me from afar.

Festivals honoring this miracle me, my name etched in the stars.

Tailored cloths adorned with jewels to cover my royal hide.

A simple tear or pin prick drip and I toss them all outside.

The finest foods from around the world brought in each time I dine.

Fill the goblets of glowing gold with most luxurious wine.

My leisure is of royal command my joy by royal decree

Just think of it, a whole Kingdom thinking me High and Mighty.

A knock disturbs my nap one day in late afternoon.

Another ball in my honor at the next full moon.

Posing for another sculpture, another portrait commissioned.

This bard’s song of my good deeds, and that one’s new rendition.

My every day so busy now, my Kingdom must prepare,

Strong against our enemies, may they all beware.

I toil over strategies and rulings of my court.

Solving problems of those little people with whom I do not consort.

Into bed I fall asleep exhausted every night.

My advisers unrelentingly needing my ear at first light.

More battles to be won today new subjects fall in line.

Soon the entire world it seems might very well be mine.

The people they need food and drink, I must divide the lands.

The royal lists of would be Lords, all under my command.

Arguments continue on it seems they never end.

So many to bow before me and yet I’m without one friend.

Every decision a higher cost, nothing’s simple on this throne.

It has been near fifteen years since I had some time alone.

Slumping on my golden throne, lost in royal thought.

Sometimes when I am King I pretend that I am not.

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Stop the cold toes blues,
And keep wearing shoes.

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Get A Rope

Gun slinger
    Matt Zinger

Dressed in black
     Didn't come back

High Noon
    Was Doomed

Quick Draw

Got A Rope
   Hung that dope

Undertaker Called
    Dead Body Hauled

Poured the whisky
     From Junction 60

Dead Man's Trail
  Where slingers failed

Details | Couplet | |


     I slipped into the room since I was so curious
     But then I found the truth of the room to be spurious.

     The door had closed and there I was
     More afraid of that room than of a hornet's buzz.

     I darted about without a thought
     Of what my long tail hitting one of them might have wrought.

     But the window was there and perhaps an escape
     From this room...this doom...this terrible scrape.

     Alas it was closed so my escape route gone
     So many thoughts raced through my head from there on.

     I had to hope for someone to come in
     That my escape out the door that was closed might begin.

     To get to that door though, I had to cross the room
     I'd prefer to ride on that old witch's broom.

     So afraid of that room had I become
     I started meowing for someone to come.

     As I sat and meowed and waited with fear
     No footsteps outside the room did I hear.

     Never again, as I meowed in vain
     Would I ever want to find a room with this bane.

     This one room made me a nervous wreck
     Next time I promised not to stick out my neck.      
     For here I was, just a long tailed but curious cat
     In a room full of rocking chairs...trying to scat.

The expression is: "More nervous that a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs".

Details | Couplet | |


You can have fun with friends
Everyday from the start to end

But without anyone
You really can't have fun

And when it's time to say goodbye
You will surely say 'oh my'

Oh what fun I had today
It's so fun to play

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A Fellow Fetching

A little kiss, a little Miss. 
All she wanted was a little kiss.
Batting her eyes at all the guys
Laughing and winking as they walked by.
Hoping a strapping young fellow
Would sweep her away in her dress of yellow.
A fair maiden is she
But a far away land was he.
To her mother she began to cry
"Stop that my dear. She said. and keep batting those eyes!"

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Amanda Veranda

Amanda smiles when she walks down the street.
Amanda parades for the company she meets.
Amanda auditions when you ask her name.
Amanda Veranda is her own hall of fame.

But under the garments and jewels she wears.
She can't stop fearing the gossip she hears.
At night when she's naked and stripped of her gown
Amanda's wide grin sadly slips to a frown.

Her make up starts running her image is bare.
Her vanity's vanished because nobody's there.
She looks in the mirror and sees she must change.
Her fantasy vanity must be rearranged.

So she made herself useful and gave of herself.
And found she could finally climb down from her shelf.
She took down her trinkets and vases and gifts.
Went out and mended those trivial rifts.

She humbled herself and she found it felt good.
Did all the things that she knew that she should.
Now she’s still quite the talk of her little old town.
But it no longer gossips and puts this girl down.

They speak of her highly since she's bowed very low.
Not low in a bad way she just gave up her show.
So if you're an Amanda whose ego's to big
You'll too find it better to swing a new gig.

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Senior Moment

I just now had a little thought that swiftly sped away.
It was a "Senior Moment" and I have some every day.
I try to introduce a friend, but can't recall her name.
Remembering it at midnight is too late and not the same.
If she perceives my addled state, my friend portrays no sign.
Not worried I forgot her name, she's trying to remember mine.

Details | Couplet | |


Prompts are magical, whimsical bursts
That explode from your memory when you don’t exert
Any wasted emotions or thought planes absurd
So shut up and listen to that inner most Word.

Details | Couplet | |

At The Rubber Ball

An abundance of zips, leather and whips,
Full length tatoos and piercings through lips,
Above and below, some off, some on show,
The next time the ball's on you really should go.
How delightfully they serve, to those with the nerve,
The passions and dreams of the discerning perve.
See the waxen legged man in stilletoed high heel.
And the bare breasted woman who wants you to feel.
Try the electric charged probe, come on have no fear,
It's so de rigeur, cat whips were last year.
Genitalia of all forms, sex and size,
Is flashed at the bash, it's a treat for the eyes,
So come one, come all to the grand rubber night,
Leave your worries behind have a sensory delight.
It's nice, naughty fun for one, three or two,
You'll see me there naked - I'd love to see you!

Details | Couplet | |



The difference  between a cat and a comma, as you know,
         Is that one has claws at the end of its paws, 
         While the other has a pause at the end of a clause,
         But let the comma not be confused with a coma,
         Sometimes induced in my wife from my socks’ aroma, 
         And  never confuse a comma with an apostrophe,
         For in this competition it would be a catastrophe, 
         And, as we all know, a comma sits on the line,
         But an apostrophe floats up in the air just fine.
When you reach twelve commas, it’s time to go.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 

Written  by  Sydney  Peck
Entered in Russell  Sivey’s  Contest    Tons of comma fun!

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Internal Clock

The light wiggles its way into my eyes
Yawning and stretching I begin to rise
"Surely it must be late morn" I think
While stumbling and struggling to blink
I don my glasses just so I can see
"It's 6 am. Are you kidding me?"

(after watching movies with my guy till the wee hours of the morning, my internal clock 
decides to mess with me)

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Window-launch in summer is best, but whatever the season,
Winter, fall, or spring,   the main reason 
Is because were about two hundred feet up,  I reckon - 
So  the downflight would be several seconds 
And the end would always be spectacular  -
Like for a balloon filled with water.
Floating balloons without water would also be marvelous,
As would  dropped ice-creams and jellos.
Cold water from a bucket would become rain-droppy,
And flower petals to cover the ground, like rose and poppy.
Out goes my parrot -  it’s the highest level he’ll ever get on;
And I’ll give the neighbour’s cat a free flying lesson.
Mustn’t forget whistles, which make music on the way down, 
Or  rubber balls to bounce all over the ground.

But the most spectacular display of all
In the realm of window-launch  free-fall
Is burning sofas, like I once saw while walking (actually, running)
Through  a poorer  neighbourhood in East Lansing.

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To Travel Her World

All over her world I'd love to go
To mountains of high and plains of low

To Patagonia of the Argentinian tip
I'll let my thoughts make that trip

Off to the Andes and Mount Everest high
With my hands I'll climb and sigh

Over many oceans and seas I'll sail
Investigating all over in total detail

Journeys can take ages and some unplanned
But this is a world, in my eyes scanned

To all who think this is my holiday chat
Upon my Missy I have painted the worlds map

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Musical Fruit

It is the seasonal time for gas.
It’s usually gentle on pass.
Favorite when weather gets cold.
Age old recipes prepared so bold.
Tis natural things, we all do.
Some may try, though there is a clue.
Cannot mistake the odor it shares.
Indeed it is made with natures cares.
Warms the body, soul so very well,
Though it has a historic story to tell,
Tis the season for many more things,
Truly it has a musical tone that rings.

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Let me tell you a little story, of a boy called Ned He was they say from a far away place called, Birkenhead He had some good friends called: Fred, Red and also Ted And they were so poor, they didn't even own a bed! Ned loved his small town even when he was so bored Who can blame him,the town was so creepy,it was almost dead There wasn't a single park where after school to have fled Not even a library where a single book was to be had and read. Sure it wasn't much joy or fun at all, for him to spread Not even toasted peanut-butter and jellied bread Most of the time he had to sleep in a barn or the shed With all the fleas,horses,cows and the sheep in the stead. Every morning poor Ned woke up with a stiff and sorehead He just wanted to be well-read and well-bred But he didn't know a book how to read So he went around stutter...rrr..ring and feeling like a total Pinhead. So one day Ned decided some for himself and made a pled To leave right away his much beloved and well known homestead And take also with him his dear friends,Fred,Red and Ted To a much better and happier place so they went instead to West Quoddy Head! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 September,28,2014

Details | Couplet | |


 It was there when I put the basket down
 Now here I am, scratching my crown.

 I know that they were accounted for
 Prior to my closing the door.

 Yet, here I am beginning to vent
 Because I know it's here in this basement.

 If I can find it, it will make my day
 If I don't, there'll be hell to pay.

 I don't have a clue as to where it might be
 That little white glove...for my footsee.
 It happens each time...I do not know why
 I only know it's when the cycle is set to dry.

 It must be sated, this one sock hunger
 That the dryer has each time we launder.

 Maybe the answer lies in buying the same
 For that way I could match them without any blame.

 Or I could bind them before washing which would do
 Save me the trouble of looking for one or two.

 But even as I stand here the intrigue goes on
 Where are Sherlock and Dr. Watson?

 They were not real, so now I must take stock 
 But, I'll bet they could find my missing sock.

Details | Couplet | |

Oh, to be Young

Oh, to be young again
To do the things I did then
To run and play, dance and sing
With not a worry about anything

Oh to be young once more
Before middle age crept in the door
Before the pull of gravity
Made these wrinkles on my knee

Oh, to be young and in my prime
Happy-go-lucky all of the time
All my dreams were ahead of me
Knowing just what I wanted to be

Oh, to be young an physically fit
Doing things just for the fun of it
Crazy and wild and taking risks
Before I had herniated disks

Oh, to be young and so smart
No worries about a broken heart
Thinking life would always be
The way it was for you and me

Oh, to be young and free
I would not go back, you see
Unless I knew what I know now
Mistakes I made, I'd fix somehow

Details | Couplet | |


   It's a mystery to write when you have nothing in mind
   Especially when every thought seems to be unkind.

   "Write from the Heart" is what they say
   But, if your head isn't in it, there's trouble along the way.

   So you trot out ideas that may be plain
   Then you bring out the ones that are completely inane.

   Oh, for an idea to get something started
   Only the heart and the brain have long since parted.

   In desperation you ask someone to give a title to you
   They give you that blank look, because they think you a fool.

   But, even their negative response can trigger the flow...
   I just heard one when they said,

   "Don't ask me, because I don't know".

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In My Perfect World...

I wake up happy everyday,
Always have something nice to say;

Live on a ranch with horses galore,
And always have room for just one more;

I can go riding whenever I want,
The theme of my life is “Nonchalant”;

I never have to worry about being late,
Life is about me, everything else can wait;

My house is always clean, maybe magically so,
It leaves more time for snuggling with my beau;

And I don’t hate going to my work,
Cause my wonderful boss is never a jerk;

I go home happy at the end of the day,
Always have time to laugh and play;

I love just being my husband’s wife,
Man this sure would be the life!

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OO The Waiting Room

The waiting room was quite small
No empty seats there at all

Had some hot bean soup for lunch
Gas was building up a bunch

Determined to do this stealth
Had to gas or ruin my health

Just had to get some relief
Leaned to one side of the seat

Didn't’t leak out as I hoped
A stinky, rotten, loud crock

To save face, had to think fast
Next to me a pretty lass

I said, just so all could hear
“It’s OK honey, don't fear”

"Just sit there, don’t have a fit
I’ll pretend that, I DID IT!”

Details | Couplet | |

Mindless Days

Mindless Days

On Monday as I walked along,
to my surprise my mind had gone!
On checking where it should belong
no mind there I thought... there's none!

On Tuesday as I walked along,
as you may have guessed my mind's still gone!
But the voices now belong in there
and I'm insane but I don't care!

On Wednesday as I walked along
third day in you guessed it gone!
A funny thought came and then it went
Did I say funny? strange I meant!

On Thursday as I walked along,
my mind's not there its solid gone!
Will tomorrow find it's wandered back?
or it could be insight that I lack!

On Friday as I walked along,
I've checked again but the bugger's gone!
Is it hiding out or around somewhere?
But where that is I'm unaware!

On Saturday as I walked along,
I accepted then my mind was gone!
And maybe now its gone for good,
Give up? then I guess I should!

But on Sunday as I walked along
My mind came back, no longer gone!
I laugh and cry, then I suddenly think
Mindless days just really stink!

Details | Couplet | |


Incited by her Allure Sensuelle...
a vulnerable man is noticed by all.

Quite by nature, I rarely frequent clubs...
loud music turns me into a demon from hell.

She brought me so many Martinis on the Rocks...
I drank them too quickly and took a bad fall.

The spell in the potion must have acted too slowly...
I showed her respect, but she became too sensual.

Discovering the foul play, I was dismayed by her madnesss...
she left in a hurry and disappeared down the crowded hall.

Entered in Jared Pickett's contest, " The Ghazal "

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So  I’m just out there chilling this one time
By myself after a hill climb
And suddenly down one of the hills
I sees this bunch of daffodils.

Near the lake, a whole line of ‘em  -
Blowing in the wind  every stem.
Wow, there’s like a huge number,. . . .say. . . 
Oh. . . . .  maybe about  10K,   ok?

The dancing daffodils looked so happy  -
The waves were dancing too,  -  but crappy:
Yeah, those flowers were better,    way
Better. . . . and it made me feel  kinda  gay.   *

So I’m standing there watching this yellow horde,
And  like, I’m  feeling  real  bored :
And now and again, when I got nothin' else to do, 
I sometimes remember them  too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


This is a paraphrase of Willam Wordsworth’s   I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD, 
reduced to the essential message as seen and spoken by   youth of today.

*The word  “gay” in the original poem  means simply  “happy”.

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Its not offensive odors which bother me
That’s the province of my loving and ever-tolerant wife:  she
Whose nose can detect a shoeless sock 
Which has been worn for even a half hour on the clock,
Or me cooking sausages even before they start to smoulder,
Or if I ate onion three days ago.   No.  As I get older
It’s noise pollution which is my life’s bain,
Especially rock music which gives me pain, 
The guys with 600 watts in their car at the red light,
The punks on the corner sharing earpieces in the night,
And I can still hear it half a block away straight.
Obviously good music ended with Sergeant Pepper in 1968
But the worst of all the modern notions is (c)rap
“Music”. I mean who was it that told the guy in the baseball cap, 
The fat guy in sunglasses, that he could sing?
Was it his mother? Didn’t he know she was kidding?


Entered in  Susan Burch’s Contest       Noise Pollution

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My intention is to write some prose
Why it comes out poems, nobody knows
I struggle, wiggle, leave me alone
As I sit happily writing a poem

Words are created and suddenly rhyme
I hardly revise them – I’ve not the time
Give up the idea of writing a book?
I feel I’m caught by a crook and a hook

Following rules as the semester unfolds
Smothers my brain; puts creating on hold
When I find a second that isn’t filled
I’ll write a poem, ‘cause I’m strongly self-willed!

Details | Couplet | |

Teetering on the Edge of 2009

In times that both try and excite
To what do we apply our might? 

To electronics, toys, and fad
To make each man an island glad

To relieve conversation, dull
To color in each little lull 

To get one from point A to B
With no adventure in between 

True plagues of mind and joylessness
Seem scarcely ever are addressed

But who will offer sympathy
At the cost of efficiency?

For hours no modern man can spend
We'll build a wondrous robot friend 

To lend an ear no man can share
When relatives nor colleagues care

Its cold steel arms will warm embrace
Us in our inhuman rat race

A hunk of hulking cords and wires
Its lifeblood of internal fires

Telescopic lens for eyes
A sound card, too, to mimic sighs

A monstrous voice of monotone
Reminds us we are not alone

Compressing our hand through the dark night
Whispering "It will be all right"

We won't be sad but overjoyed
O, praise the tenderheart android!

And praise to us, to build this 'bot
To learn the love that we forgot

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Fingers, Fingers, I just let them go, 
Where they will take this, I just don't know.

They are moving so fast right now they're a blurr,
They are even making my nerves start to stir.

But I am letting them go to where they have got,
What they are writing, a clue I have not.

For they are in a frenzy you see,
And that is just what they want to be.

They want to move so fast I can't stop,
If I do, I think that from my hands they might drop.

So go fingers, where you will,
I shant stop you from even putting down swill.

Because the frenzy has caught them,
And now they want to answer it some.

They still have not stopped, or even slowed down,
I feel like I'm writing like Bozo the Clown!

But if I am I'll just take it in stride,
It's the fingers that have done it, so nothing to hide.

After all, I couldn't get by without their frantic pace,
When I want to write on this poetry place.

So why should I stop them when they want a chance,
To make the keys tingle and jump to their dance.

I guess they are getting tired and sore,
Or maybe they think that what they've put down is a bore.

Well, however it turns out it will be their own plight,
After all, it was Finger Frenzy, that brought out this fight!

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Hipster jeans 
And a big belly 

Beard guarding 
His face

Studying his hands

 Man alone 
In his cocoon. 

Has Brussels 
Banned tomatoes .

Details | Couplet | |



Ok  it looks like he’s forgotten  me again.  Always
I can tell, by the way  he doesn’t speak to me for  days
Yes  he’ll be wanting  me very much
But when he comes for me, there’ll be no kissing and such.
Looks like he does this every time there’s a party  
His birthday is when it happens usually
The last time this happened was about a year ago
I've  vanished. . . .Oh yes he’ll  miss me  I know
We always go everywhere together, even bed,
But sometimes he’s careless, unfeeling, emotionally dead
And just leaves me without a second thought
The fact that I was shoved here in the back of the sock drawer ought
To have warned me , here with unusual  smells and  holes,
Definitely a place for lost or banished souls
Because I alarmed him several times at night with my beep 
And he couldn’t get back to sleep.
He keeps threatening to buy another phone but I know him 
He won’t cos  new phones are too complex and he’s pretty dim.

Details | Couplet | |

A sort of a toast for everyday use

Let's be always gay 
leaving sorrow 
for tomorrow. 

Volodymyr Knyr 

Details | Couplet | |

A Cute Clarinet

A Cute Clarinet

I was playing my pretty fiddle
And seems like somewhere in the middle
Of some song which I was playing
Everything started swinging and swaying.

Played part of Fifth Beethoven did write
When all my playing went out of sight
And somehow I broke my bent bow;
Then from Symphony home had to go.

My fiddle turned out to be a violin
And next time when I played it again
A new bow I now was busily using
Being careful with it and not abusing.

By Grand Ole Opera was being invited
You knew it when I became so excited
But again my bow became busted
Now I seemed to be totally disgusted.

After attending another jam session
I then decided to make a confession
My glue on false teeth finally did set
So I started playing a cute clarinet.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Remember that April is poetry month.

Details | Couplet | |


Fashion faux pas scandals,
Wearing socks with sandals.

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Invitation to the Monster's Wedding

           and the Beast
invite you to a fiendish feast.

     Bring a present,
   something fresh,
        made of fish or fowl or flesh
  from a unicorn as white
        as the moon will be tonight.
             We will dance 
  around the tomb,
of the Queen we will exhume,
     who will marry us and then,
we'll lay her back to rest again
As we leave the cemetery,
   Throw white lice 
  and wish us merry.

    Reception afterwards will be...
on Haunted Hill,
"neath Hangman's Tree.

           Y'all Come !

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Love Poem....'tis The Season...

You build me up when I am broke
  You give me freedom then you choke....
I feel so rich....(though) the feelings fake
  You give and give and then you take 
You are my savior and my demise
  as I surrender to your plastic eyes.....

This is the season perfect for you 
  as I carress you, calculating and new
Tender and consuming, your thoughts impart 
  As I hold you close, and near to my heart
Why is life with and without you so hard
  You rob me blind, oh, Sweet Mastercard!

Details | Couplet | |

Career Planner

My little cat’s ambition (Don’t snigger now! It’s true!)
Is to be a cloakroom lady, like the ones in Harrods’ loo.

She eagerly escorts me as I’m heading for the stairs,
And when I reach the ‘smallest room’, my cat’s already there!

She’s inspected all the fittings with her delicate black nose;
She dusts the seat off with her tail – her dedication glows …

She’s already got the uniform – black frock, and white bikini.
(It ought to be a pinny, but it’s rather teeny-weeny!)

I’m sure she’ll make it one day to those dizzy cloakroom heights – 
You never know, you ladies may run into her one night …

It may be at the Opera, or in some Grand Hotel – 
My pussy’s pretty pushy, so really, who can tell?

There’s one thing she is coy about; that’s telling you her name.
She thinks “anonymouse” mystique’s her feline claim to fame!

So, if that cloak-room lady somehow seems a trifle furry,
Just try to guess her name – she may become distinctly purry! …

And if ‘Aggie’, ‘Pat’ or ‘Ermintrude’ won’t dent her mystic aura – 
Then take a tip from One Who Knows … just murmur …



Details | Couplet | |

God Said Glory Be

God Said Glory Be

Why do everything I always try to rhyme
And not only that, it is all the time;
When I first get up and eyes open wide
In my big brain, I saw a poem inside.

My poor poems have nothing to hide;
Are in me all going along for the ride
Waiting for chance to be written down;
Called Horn Corncob Humor all over town.

What my exquisite poems need is an escort
By a Pilot reporter who writes at State Port
And after a while he or she will realize
If in Pilot may win a Pulitzer Peace Prize.

So to all the facts I have become resigned 
One more poem just pooped into my mind;
Do you know what someone has told me?
God said, "Your poems are great and glory be."

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

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Fire Ants!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  All over my yard!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Why do you try so hard?

There are little hills of demons all over my land
Filled with the little critters that I just can’t stand!
The sting and they bite and leave scars on me.
The have even killed my very favorite tree!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  Are making me so mad!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Where’s that can of diesel I had?

I will be diggin’ in a flower bed when suddenly
Those darn fire ants are swarming all over me!
I run to turn on the water and grab the water hose
So I can wash away the fire burning under my clothes!
Fire ants! Fire ants! Taking over Texas!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Meaner than my exes!

One of these days, I will manage to eradicatecate
Just as soon as someone improved fire ant bait
My land will then have a fire ant sign
Saying stay off of my property, it is mine!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  Making evil mounds!
Fire ants! Fire ants!   If you got ‘em, trouble abounds! 

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Spelling Bee

Oh! I wish I could spell “weirdo”! It really bothers me.
Is it the “e” before the “i”, or the “i” before the “e”?

Now, if it was a German word, I wouldn’t have to try.
I know “ie” is always eee, and “ei”’s always eye.

It doesn’t have a Latin root, so that rule won’t apply … 
It really has no hook at all that I can grab it by.

Yes! It’s good old Anglo-Saxon, full of grunts and mangled vowels.
They didn’t have to write it- they’d communicate with scowls.

No! I really can’t spell “weirdo”! Not to write, or speak, or sing …
So the only answer I can find is ... don’t use the bloomin’  thing!


This problem cropped up when I wrote"Mum's Advice Ignored" ... 
I'm usually quite a good speller!

Entered in Susan Burch's contest, "Ridiculous Self- exaggerations"

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Halloween Poem # 17..Jack O' Lantern... for Paula's challenge

Jack O' Lantern glowing bright
You are such a funny sight

Grinning as you light our way
So-called teeth in disarray

Crooked smile and green stem hat
Just watch out for the neighbor's cat!

You're trying hard to look a fright
Scare some little kids tonight

But silly pumpkin,you're a friend
You'll keep on shining till the end

Details | Couplet | |


 It's Saturday morn and I want to sleep
 When I hear that SLAM that makes me jump to my feet.

 The kids are awake and know no bounds
 The whole house shakes with SLAMMING door sounds.

 Now I'm upset that they have ruined my rest
 So I SLAM the bedroom door to show I can do it best.

 "Your Dad must be awake boys..." I hear the cry
  SLAM goes the door as the kids come inside.

  They come charging up the stairs like the Mongol horde
  SLAM goes their bedroom door as they say not a word.

  I am so mad now I have criss-crossed eyes
  I reach for the doorknob but am SLAMMED in surprise.

  The wife came up to see how I felt
  SLAMMED the door on my head which raised such a welt.

  "Oh, did I hurt you?" she asked carefully
  "No", said I, "but that SLAMN door bit me!"

Details | Couplet | |


VCBFJF    KD    R       ( MY   DOG   WENT   OUT )

(Xsfaahjim  Version)

Vcbfjf  kd   r  utrn  fk   ejn  m  ddk
Kroeme  soent  vpv  vv  a  s  frt   rtrmkrkrn 

(English version)

My dog went out one day
To find some kids  and see them play

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Normal Note in all competitions  states that
“Poems should be in English. Poems translated from other languages are not eligible, unless you wrote both the original poem and the translation.“ 

This poem is my own, translated by me,  written by me  originally in Xsfaahjim,  a little known language of New Guinea, where I worked as a  teacher for many years. This language is so little known that it is not even mentioned on Google.  Let no one plagiarise this poem, in English or in  Xsfaahjim ,  because I will surely know.

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My head hurts, my back is broke
I can’t laugh at a dirty joke
My eyes blurr, my visions fuzzy
Today I feel like an old huzzy

Old, I am getting old
My wild oats are sowed
Old, I can’t remember stuff
Didn’t know it’d be so rough

My chin now has a crease
My youthfulness did cease
Oh, me what is the matter
It can’t be my gall bladder

Old, no longer in my prime
I am running out of time
Old, now my hair is white
I don’t go out at night

I am just an old hag
Everything now has a sag
Once well endowed, oh wow 
Has fallen in my lap somehow

Old, can’t fight it anymore
Looking young is such a chore
Old, I am now gonna cry
Cause when you’re old…you die

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Be Wary Berry

Merrily cherries were chatting with berries on bunches of bushes below;
the cherries were scaring the berries with stories that every new berry should know:

"Beautiful cherries are succulent very so we became fruit of the sky,
but pitiful berries on earth where you tarry cannot please the tongue nor the eye.

Innocent berries I pray you be wary for mortal consumption is nigh,
and it must be scary to die along dairy in coffins that they call a pie!"

Hominal creatures with ravenous features were coming to pick their dessert.
But which one will sweeten the pie to be eaten the fruit of the sky or the earth?

"It will be scary when they pluck 'n bury your souls in their pies to digest;
I hear such a pastry is terribly tasty when given a berrily zest!"

Mary saw favor in that which had flavor so she found the cherries the best;
the cherries were shaken their rubies were taken to bake in a fiery chest.

Scarily berries were mourning the cherries who fell to a sugary greed;
although all the berries were no longer wary for cherries are tasty indeed!

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Spring Cleaning

Goodbye old friend it is time to go
Now that spring has melted the snow

The sunlight and rain brought freshness again
So it is time for spring cleaning to begin

It seems each year it is out with the old
Many things at a yard sale to be sold

Pots, pans, old clothes, shoes, and hats
Trinkets, tools, and a little of this and that

Someone will buy you and take you home
They will cherish you as their very own

Your time is only finished here and now
You’ll have a good life out there somehow

I don’t know what I’ll do now it’s true
I’m not sure I can live without you

Maybe with some fixing and a bit of a shine
I can make you last just a little more time

I think I will keep you just one more year
I would miss you too much, I see it so clear

This is the same thing I said last year
So we can’t tell my husband he can never hear

He’d never understand I’m not a pack rat
But let’s see him part with his cracked ball bat

So it looks like you’re safe right where you are at
But next year, well… I’ll think about that!

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                  If you hate what you have read
                   Take good heed to what I've said
                      Like a meal good verse is fine
                       Dessert may grace the final line

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Is She the One...

As I watch her rhythmic movements, her beauty entrances me,
Never have I seen such magnificence, she’s as perfect as she can be;

When I saw her for the first time, she stopped me in my tracks,
And in her exquisitely flawless nature, I can see nothing that she lacks;

I have looked her up and down, she is irresistible in my eyes,
For all the other hopefuls out there, it’s time to say your goodbyes; 

Her faultlessly cadenced beat, sends shivers up my spine,
And I can hardly wait for the day, when I can call her mine; 

Is she the one for me, I know she is without a doubt,
And spending my time with her is what my life is all about; 
She is charming and bewitching in every single way,
Her skin tone is amazing, the perfect dappled gray;

That’s right my perfect love is an Andalusian Mare,
And her everlasting beauty is beyond all compare!

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Pause for the Cause

Pause for the Cause

Should Patriots be prepared to take a pause
When they commit crime for Patriotic Cause;
Now all of my fine friends have no fear;
Should have heard what I said to my Dear.

With footballs there are an abundant supply
Along with what could be called a white lie
That are never as fun as each darker one,
So I count them up when each day is done.

Maybe might miscount and should suppose
A much longer length will become my nose;
For sins in school you shall be suspended
Even if long, elegant nose was extended.

With my footballs did some tap dancing around
And to be under-inflated some soon were found;
Further fraudulent football facts we must face;
If over will fluctuate and float into space.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

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Failed Again

I hate it when I awake at night With an urge to purge that I can’t fight Can’t hold it off, so then with a moan I get up, drag myself to the throne Relief is just a short time away Then I crawl back in bed to stay This same routine happens to often It won’t change till I’m in my coffin

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Ventriloquists can drink gottles of geer
Gut their skeech is odd  to our ear:
They can’t say   Keter Kiker kicked 
A keck of kickled kekkers  -  they’re  tricked
Cos they can’t say gee or kee
And nost  often not  ewen  en  or  wee.

Healthoquists  -  lots of fruit they eat:
Akkles, gananas, kineakkles, or kears as a treat
And wegetagles, like kotatoes, keas, kaggages, and geans.
All kinds of geautiful   greens.

Religioquists reskect the Koke very nuch
And of course all the gishoks and kriests and such,
And they often read  their  Gigle
Or any Good  Gook  awailagle

Koliticoquists  kossigly geliewe in reading the Constitution often enough
Gut krogagly not its Kreangle  -  too tough:
It’s well-known in Philadelphia, Galtinore,  and Goston,   say;
Gut not in the area of San Francisco Gay

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


This poem can be recited in ventriloquist-fashion without moving the lips.  
Letters    b, p, m, v   are replaced by    g, k, n, w  in normal ventriloquist  speech.

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Dear Diary

Dear Diary, the crazies were out at work today,
I smiled a fake smile, wishing they'd go away.
They complain about prices and they whine just like fools.
I'm just a cashier, I don't make the rules.

They tell me they think our prices too high.
Sure I can control that, ya, when pigs fly.
They tell me about all their aches and their pains
And could I please hurry up, as they bang with their canes.

They ask the price of every item I scan
Hoping there's a mistake, it's part of their plan
To prove that the stores are robbing them blind.
They scrutinize the receipt, just hoping to find

Any excuse at all to just throw a fit.
My tongue's always sore from where it's been bit.
When the full moon is nigh it gets even worse,
The strange ones get stranger, like under a curse.

Now don't get the wrong idea of just what I meant.
Dear Diary, it's only to you that I vent.
Yes Dear Diary the place is really a zoo,
But I love my what can you do?

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Marsha and Not Mary

Marsha and Not Mary

Was like crystal and clear as can be
So started to write a song about me
For first word which one should I use?
With her, decided to make a truce.

She will sing song while I only play
And each one I sing seems to say,
After finished with each single word
Was worst voice they ever had heard.

Right in the middle reached an interlude;
Showed her my arm which was tattooed
And something happened that was scary
Name was really Marsha and not Mary.

Ho Ho James Thomas Horn

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Best Poem of All

Best Poem of All

To be most popular poet, what will it require
Someone to read all my poems in their entire
Or only subject by subject start to browse
To see which ones your curiosity will arouse.

Best poem of all, which one is it liable to be?
Which will be popular and go down in history
In the troubling towel finally had to through
I kept coming up with over a hundred or so.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

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oh dear
no beer

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Put your ‘best foot forward,’
But which foot is the best?

‘Put your shoulder to the pump’,
What pump? I’ am getting dressed.

‘Shake a leg now, come on.’
Shake my leg how? I find it is fixed on.

‘Wind your neck in.’
Now what is that all about?

‘The washing line is full’
But there is no washing out!

Oh life is confusing, I wish I understood
All these crazy sayings, but I really am no good,

I may not be the brightest light, set upon the tree,
My head is made of wood or that’s what they all tell me

But when I decide to flash, I make sure it’s really bright
Because when I am a flasher, I can give them all a fright.

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Why Not Go Naked?

Why not go naked, why not go nude?
Don't be a prude, so shocked, it's not rude.
We were born naked, we'll leave that way too,
The worms will have chewed us unclothed once their through.
Feel the delightful warm sun on your skin,
Getting an all over tan is no sin.
Go out in your garden as nature intended,
Say 'hi' to the neighbour, they won't be offended.
Take a stroll through the woods, sans all, in the buff,
Feeling twigs underfoot is such riveting stuff.
Open the door in the nude, don't be shy,
The caller will smile, oh please give it a try!
So girls get those pants off, and men give a shout,
Of joy as you walk around with your bits out!

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The Seven V's

The Seven V's

By religious doctor was just reassured
That from my disease, I had been cured
After from it forever, finally recuperated
From something thought to be ill-fated.

To my trusted doctor then said good-bye
But still on his advice will always rely;
My body am properly taking care of
Treating with tenderness and much love.

Each day, Holy Bible have started to read;
God gives me support and fulfills my need
After asking for His comfort and it received
Thanked Him and was completely relieved.

Began all over again and a new life started
Ended being one who was dearly departed;
Went straight to heaven and did not swerve;
Live there with vim, vigor, vivation and verve.

Above are the names of the four virgin angels
I ran into along with a variety of variations
spread out here and there and everywhere.

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Laughter As a Life Force

Inside the heartache lives a clown
To keep this life from falling down

In pains of darkness I'll survive
With laughter I can feel alive

Yes,I'm the jokester,big and loud
That's how I stand out from the crowd

Don't sweat the small stuff,I'll agree
Refuse to let things get to me

If you're in need of lifting up
Then drink here from my loving cup

I'll make you giggle,laugh and moan
Till you don't feel so all alone

Let's share some fun and chuckles too
Sometimes that's all that you can do

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Dress Up For Grownups

* for "Halloween Costume" contest sponsored by SKAT*

Oh I've had many wacky costumes through the years
Just to show folks nothing is as it appears!

Once I dressed as a pirate and wore videos
A cable wire necklace and swashbuckler clothes

I was a video pirate and some people guessed
When they saw vcr tapes in my treasure chest

Another time I had antennae and big wings
Dressed like a gypsy with my necklaces and rings

I was a gypsy moth,not many even knew
They'd stare at me and laugh but didn't have a clue

And sorry to say but once I was a pregnant nun
Irreverent,I know,but it was so much fun!

When all else fails and you are kind of in a hurry
Here's a last minute one so you don't have to worry

Put P on a t-shirt,blacken up one eye
You'll be a black-eyed pea,it's good for a stand-by!

I've been a box of Kleenex and a trophy wife
And all the normal,boring things you see in life

But being a creative soul I've tried to be
At Halloween something you don't usually see!

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A New Years Prayer

Resolutions are fine, but just not enough
So I say a prayer when what I want is tough

For two thousand and twelve, I said a short prayer
Hoping to get help from the boss way up there

My prayer requested these two items from him
A fat bank account and a body that’s slim

Last year I asked for these two items in vain
I hope HE doesn’t get them mixed up again 

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Wedding Music Extended

A bride who became sick at her wedding one day,
       Sent word to the organist to please continue to play.

He played and he played until his back was breaking.
       And no progress was made although he was really aching. 

An usher soon came and gave word of her healing.
       The Bridal Chorus was begun and soon was revealing.

That they were all ready to commence down the aisle.
       And I cannot blame the bridegroom for his big goofy smile.

*Poulter's Measure...True story for Brian Strand's contest.

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A Card For You

I was looking for a card for you,
one day in the Wal-Mart store.
Along beside me was my husband,
He almost began to snore.
I tried and tried to find the one,
that could tell you how I feel.
None could thank you for all you've done.
Not one of them seemed real.
I still persisted for quite a spell,
My husband now isles away.
How long I lingered I cannot tell.
But probably most of the day,
When it comes to you, a card won't do,
that I should have learned.
No poem written old or new,
Is good enough ,where you're concerned.

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With muse in hand
How do I make one understand

I love colors of shaded green
Does not make me nasty or mean

For it's in our lakes
And even in things that we bake

It 's canvass for our trees
Even sometimes stains on our knees

There's hues of bladed grass
Where we have all plop our ass

Even passing clouds
Looking purified and aloud

So here I'll stand and raise a toast
To the color green on money who everyone loves the most

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All By Myself

On the radio, I heard a country song
‘Bout the tragedy of being all alone
I know that must be something really bad
But a quieter quiet, I have never had

I live alone, yes, all by myself
I don’t have to put up with anyone else
I can have trail mix for my supper
The internet is my pepper-upper

I can go to bed early or stay up late
If I want company, I can get a date
No one hogs the covers or the bed
Or steals the pillow beneath my head

If I want to, I can, If I don’t, I don’t
Come home when I please, or if I want
Clean the house now or leave it for later
Be a lady or become a smooth operator

This is the first time I have lived alone
My husband passed away, my daughter has gone
My life is my own, it is what I make it
I get very lonesome, but I can take it

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The Girl's Night Out

Happy hour, two for one,
This is how we have our fun,
Make up sorted, dresses new,
Shoes supplied by Jimmy Choo,
Perfect perfume, perfect tan,
Now all we need's the perfect man.
Hit the town at half past seven,
Then hit the floor around eleven,
Dance to music thumping loud,
Lose yourself within the crowd,
Let your worries swirl away,
Forget the work of yesterday,
Forget the things you have to buy,
Forget harsh words that made you cry,
Remember how you felt when you,
Were eighteen and all this was new.
Drink on now 'til we turn back time,
Our vodka fuelled dance feels sublime,
Those dancing feet stamp out the stress,
And each girl feels a dream princess,
For one night only we can star,
In our own film, here in this bar.

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Who Love's Ya Baby

who loves ya baby
hmmm now let me see

I know my mommy did
even though her shoes I did hid

I think my daddy did
when I didn't make him snid

brothers and sisters well maybe just a little
when I didn't get in the middle

my grandpa and grandma surely does
for I'll do anything for them just because

I know my little girl loves her momma
even better than president Obama

my dogs and cats loves me
even if they continue to make me sneeze

even my close friends new and old still spark the love
for we will alway's go on and well above

paperboy surely does
cause I tip him for keeping my paper out of bushes and shrubs

milkman used to
when I didn't make him shu

bill collectors oh yes
for I'm their baby who they love the best

so who loves me
well lets just continue to see

Tribute To Love

Also Entry For
Deborah Guzzi's 
Who Love's Ya Baby Contest

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Still-Life with Fly

If you were a pear, I'd be a compote. If you were an ice cream, I'd be a float. If you were an apple, I'd be a pie. If you were a picnic- I'd be a fly.

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Poetry is a world,
Pure and innocent as a pearl

It is form of view,
That is only seen by a few

Poets can unfurl their truths,
And don't need to support it with any proof

It's a place where the grass can be blue,
and broken cell phones can be transformed into glue

Where the sky is yellow,
And people rejoin with loved ones within a sweet meadow

Where flightless birds are given the sky, 
To hop out of gravity and just go up and fly

Poetry is a world,
Pure and innocent as a pearl

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     Written By the Poets Listed After The Poem.

The Internet Ghost has struck again. 
He and the “Sock Thief” must be ghost friends!
Ham and cheese omelet- Stolen at dawn.
Faster than a bullet!  That is wrong.
Not sharing with his good friend one crumb,
He licks his greedy chop, hungry bum.
He scrambled my words. Messed up my verse!
I have lost my thoughts!  What could be worse?
Snatched, by a ghost 'The Internet Curse'.
What could be worse? Well! Losing a purse.
Halloween's spook day is drawing near.
Fun shall surprise one!  Do not have fear.
His screen will freeze green, his face turn white.
The cyber-spook plots a chilling fright.
Laugh with the Devil...the joke's on me.
Reach through my screen and press delete key.
I loose all my files and try to restore.
Darn that ole ghost has more schemes in store!
All right! I give up! Going to bed,
Lights out, eyes shut, that noise, in my head?

CONTRIBUTING POETS in alphabetical order: Patricia Adams, Carol Brown, Carolyn 
Devonshire Yoni Dvorkis Rhoda Galgiani, Elaine George, Karen O'Leary, 
Patricia Prescott, Dane Smith-Johnsen

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Dewsbury Moor

The snow fell in Dewsbury Moor overnight,
They woke up at lunch to a horrible sight,
The snow had flowed through the broken gates,
And roads were blocked all across the estates,
The giros had still not arrived after ten,
So wailing was general within the crack den.
The bin bags piled up to the lower window,
Obscured by the grime-defying, beautyfying snow.
The wind whistled through the boarded up seams,
Of windows and roused men from opiate dreams,
While weary-eyed women with mascara'd tears,
Tend to their children, three in four years.
But the memories stay as the snow melts away,
How beautiful Dewsbury Moor looked today!

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The Green Acres Show

There once was a show named Green Acres
Of which brought many laughs to the takers

There were two main actors for the show
Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor, great ones you know

The characters were interesting and a bit strange
Oliver and Lisa had a bit of a farm on this range

Neither knew one thing about farming
And Oliver did it all in a suit, how charming

Lisa did not want to be there but rather in the city
She always ended up doing things just for pity

The show all in all, is quite a crazy show
Simple minded folk is all you need to know

Don’t be fooled, they seem different than they are
Ignorant though the seem, they’ll take it all

Clever little show Green Acres is in reality
Humor is ever present, laughter is plenty

Something that is usually heard throughout
Laughter is always there, the show’s funny no doubt

Russell Sivey

Entrant into Michael J. Falotico's "Rhyme Me An Old TV Show...." contest

TV Show: Green Acres


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My mom gave me these stripes at birth: 
In the veldt they‘ve proved their worth
For hidin’ from predators
Or National Geographic editors,
But in practice these stripes are a major 
Eye-catcher not to mention privacy-destroyer. 
Even the Budweiser Clydesdales can splash 
In the sea without turning heads in their dash,
But if I test the water with a hoof, 
Everyone stares vacuously and somewhat aloof,
Saying hey man check that way-out motion! 
What’s that zebra doin’ in the ocean?  
And all the sneered joke-verses in the Bahamas 
About horses wearing pajamas
Supposed to be - but ain’t really - funny rhymes
When you’ve heard ‘em a thousand times.
Its simply racism  -  no other word for it all right.
That’s all it is if you look at it in black and white.
If I’m struttin’ with the Lipizzaner stallion types   
They start to sneer at guys with black stripes
Making ‘em dizzy as they dance.
Or maybe if I care for a little prance,
Hangin’ with the Black Beauties and their shining backs 
Just chillin’ the other side of the tracks 
They don’t want “some guy with white stripes”  
And they moan and whine their gripes. 
They say  we’re similar to  the horse
But some of those guys are worse;
Maybe we’re related to these equine masses
But they’re less like horses  - more like asses.

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A harass of horse and string of  foals
A stud of mares,midst a labour of moles

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Eat Your Greens!

By Deb and Dane

“You need to eat real greens.” Mom alarm!
The child went for the ‘ucky Charms.

“What? You're eating sugar transformed!”
They don’t grow that on any farm!”

“You need to eat real greens.” Mom said.
Boyo reached for the Charms instead.

“But Ma. The box says it full of vitamins!”
“Better be! It wasn’t laid by hens!”

“That cereal is nothing but sugar, honey.
Companies sell it to makes lots of money.”

“Then, why’d Dad buy it for the house?
Did you plan to feed it to the mouse?”

“You need to eat garden-fresh food.
You know; been told, I’m in NO mood.”

“PLEASE, Ma!  Charms and milk won’t cause harm!
Milk does come from a dairy farm”

“’ucky Charms might be a nice snack,
But meals must be nutrition packed.”

“You eat lots of Charms, zap! It seems.
More vitamins than ‘ucky greens!

Three bowls downed were his tasty meal.
Out like a light, he seemed to reel.

(Sugar shock set in, burnt him out.)
He woke SO sick. Was there a doubt?

“We’re going to the Doctor now!
Mother said shouting "Holy Cow!"

He’ll give you a little pink pill.
To cure ALL your rambunctious ills

(Rushed to the doctor for some help.)
Sick as a 
dog was this young whelp.

Dad had to pay for ‘ucky Charms
Boyo paid for not eating FARM!

Corps. got paid, pill and cereal.
Doc. got paid  insurance by deal.

Round and round so this story goes.
EAT RIGHT and you'll stop THEIR green flow.

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The Value of homelessness

Just because you have no home,
Does not make you any less,
You are still apart of this human race,
Whether you live in a mansion or a mess.

It’s such a shame to see your life go down the drain,
But you still hang in there strong,
You drench in the cold rain,
While singing your hopeful song.

I sometimes think of what you would have been like before,
 I suppose no different to who you are today,
Material possessions can't make you any more,
They just get in the way.

It’s not in my hands to rescue you,
Though I wish it could be,
Remember I’m the one who is trapped,
And you are the one who is free.

At least now you know the value of a stone,
The pricelessness of a crumb,
The fear of being alone,
Facing the end, if it shall ever come.

But one day your dreams shall build your home,
Then your sleepless fearful nights will be gone,
But in the mean time you keep hanging on.

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Leave Her Alone

Leave Her Alone

Are you always full of a bunch of bull
And truly think you are so wonderful
Headstrong is what it is called by some
Or other egotistical word my way will come.

To be heard above others talks very loud
No wonder he can picked out in a crowd
And always thinks of all is the best
Should give his mouth and brain a rest.

Would a person like this a woman like?
She surely would tell him to take a hike
Down the road to a destination unknown
And while he is at it leave her alone.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

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God just told me to write this one. My problem is whether                                  to send it to Father Dave or not who this is in reference to.

So many sins I may have already done
Yet you still are my savior and most holy one
Even though great songs I may have sang
Which whole entire house they all brang.

You like bowling people over with your math
And make our minds have to take a bath
I'm sure is nothing compared to yours
You have all the solutions and even cures.

While our abilities are horrible and horrendous,
Yours always seem to be so stupendous;
Compared to yours, ours is nothing at all
Your mind's much larger and ours is so small.

You are now saying Horn surely you jest
Why would you think my mind is the best?
I am brilliant you have heard me say
And to prove it, I even have an MBA.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

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Grand Old Opera Show

Grand Old Opera Show

One day road I had started to hit
Then opened window and tried to spit
Which I always so carefully did
Even when I looked like a little kid.

It is true that each trade has a trick
And if you happen to be a country hick
Y'll learn about things that are alarming
The only thing you can do is farming.

Enough we hope you can be courageous
And agree when things are advantageous 
Your brain will become beyond compare
And intelligence will have some to spare.

It is true that you are now trembling
What you should start doing is assembling
Lots of luggage and next thing you know
Will end up on Grand Old Opera show.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn 

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AA     TO     DF,    THE COMPLETE    LIST  

AA  automobile association – UK’s best
AB  Alberta  - Canadian province in the west
AC  electric currect  alternating
AD  anno domini  - yearsafter Christ’s  coming
AE  famous poet  real name  George William  Russell
AF  air force as in  RAF  -   and  USAF  as well 

Ba   barium – a chemical element
BB   Brigitte Bardot  - attracted every gent
BC   years  before Christ  the Lord 
BD   as in CHMN. of the  BD. = board
Be    beryllium  an element much in use
BF    bloody  fool  -  in UK , polite  abuse

Ca   California – beaches, suntanned crowds  
Cb   cumulonimbus  clouds
CC   cubic centimeters (as in 500cc motorbike)
CD   compact disc.  Or cadmium if you like
CE   civil engineer  (professional designation)
cf     means   “compare”  (Latin abbreviation)

Da    = Russian  for “yes”
Db    decibels  -  measure of sound,  I guess
DC    is where Obama  works his activity
DD    doctor of divinity
De    =  French  for  “of”  or “from”
DF    direction finder - for a plane with a bomb

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Written  for   Debbie Guzzi's Contest  "A.C, D.C.. A.D., B.C."

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On Flying Air Canada

If you have nothing good to say
Speak naught at all, so saith they
And so my poem must end here
I've nothing good to say, I fear

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I am just a woman...

I can’t fly a jet plane or bulldog a steer
But I can cuddle a child and calm his fear
I have never flown to Paris in the Spring
But I have proudly worn his wedding ring
Never understood physics or trigonometry
But I know a lot about Texas history
Can’t say I have been around a NASCAR track
I have stood by my word and never looked back
I sing off key sometimes, I know
Singing praises to Him that I love so

I am just a woman...
Not a beauty queen
Riding in a white limousine
A woman who is middle aged
Who lives alone and is not afraid
One who has taught school over twenty years
Lived my life with much laughter and tears
Borne a child and lost another
Been little sister to my sis and brothers
Believes in God and trusts in Him
Doesn’t worry about being slim and trim
One you can always count on being around
To cheer you up when you're feeling down
Willing to share your heavy load
Walk that extra mile down the road

I am just a woman...
So if I never see the Taj Mahal
In this life, I have had a ball
I’ll never have any extra money
But I have a man who calls me honey
Never visit the Pope in Rome
But I have a wonderful place to call home
Won’t be asked to confer with the president
But in America, I am a happy resident
I will never have fortune or fame
But I can still be proud of my name

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Limbo Dancer

The limbo dancer, he so slim!
I think I might just fancy him!
His back so supple, his skin like brass …
But best of all is his little round ass!

Aaahh … limbo dancer! Limbo dancer, limbo for me …
Aaahh … limbo dancer! Limbo dancer, limbo for me!

The ladies love to see him perform! 
That man can really limbo a storm!
They wonder just how low he can go …
Me, I don’t wonder … I already know!

Aaahh … limbo dancer! Limbo dancer limbo’s for me.
Aaahh … limbo dancer! Limbo dancer limbo’s for me!

This is a calypso rhythm.

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Pet Shop Sale

Hamsters - rats - gerbils - mice
Small in size - small in price

Rabbits - rabbits - everywhere
Get one free - buy a pair

Goldfish - last few - end of line
Cats with a life still of nine

Guinea pigs - once around
One and five - now a pound

Tortoises - terrapins
Reaching shelf life - bargain bins

Budgerigars - going cheap
Parrot - not dead - just asleep

Lizard - still has mighty roar
Very old stock - a dinosaur

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... roared for hours at the moon

She's a woman, he's a man
He likes sex and she likes fame.
Devil's voice is over them
Shouting hard: "I love the MAN"
Moonlight comes switching the ends
He's a woman, she's a man.
God all mighty goes to sleep
Devil comes and eats the chick
Man is sad, he wants revenge,
Moonlight comes switching the ends
He's a wolf, devil's a man,
Moonlight hides, they fight till end
The wolf ate the man at noon
And roared for hours at the moon!

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In fly nightmares a ghoulish figure stands 
Not with a scythe but a rolled-up newspaper in hand
After a frenetic existence  of daily work dizzy
With visits to trash dumps on schedules busy
Some big guy comes near with eyes all a-glint
And you end your days covered with newsprint
Uncle Reno was killed by the New York Herald Tribune
Old  Kisso, the guy next door,  by the Vancouver Sun
Used to be a slow end for many of us guys, 
Six feet glued tight.  Now a sudden sticky end for flies.
Life ends not with a bang or a whimper
But with a  rolled-up newspaper

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Woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
There's a mind numbing pain at work in my head.
Wash my hair and comb my face,
Something died in my mouth, where's the toothpaste?

Grab a quick bite of breakfast and rush out the door,
Can't find my car keys, they fell on the floor.
Finally find them and start the car,
I'm gonna be late, well that's about par.

Hit every stop light on the way to work,
Look down and notice there's a stain on my shirt.
Forgot to let Spike out, he's crossing his legs,
Have to go back, this morning's the dreggs.

The absolute bottom, the pitts, it's the worst!
What else could happen, it seems that I'm cursed!
Wait a minute, it's Monday, first day of the week,
No wonder this day has begun so bleak.

Come ahead Monday, get it over with now!
I've got bon bons and chocolates and a little brown cow,
To soothe and to comfort my poor shattered nerves,
And to bind and to buffer the slings and the curves;

Do your worst Monday,
Come on, have a fit,
You can't scare me,
I have chocolate!

                                                        Judy Ball

(Afterall, chocolate is an emotional band aide)

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Printers Lament

Printers Lament Oh no here we go there’s a pallet full to print There’s no paper here and we are nearly out of ink Get a felt pen and start filling in The finisher* is waiting, so she can begin. Get the press rolling and printing out fast The trucks are now rolling they can deliver at last Get the guillotines cutting but watch where it goes You want to hang on to your fingers and your toes Watch where you cut you know that’s not right Just because you had a row, with you partner last night. Oh come on now stop reading, you have to bind them fast Its’ no good unless we get them out real fast The deadline is here and they have to go We have another run ready and we are waiting to show.
A finisher* is a term for one of the processes in printing.

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Leaves (A Plethora!)

I rake the leaves in great big piles
More leaves fall, erase my smiles

The wind gives another great big gust
My pile of leaves is now a bust

I rake frantically, into a pile once more
From the sky, multi colors, they pour!

Like a deluge, a pile of leaves came
Upon my head, oh, what a shame!

Why do I bother to rake up a pile?
More will come on top, mean while

Still, I rake, and rake, and rake my grass
Till, a wind knocks me on my sassafras!

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Not What I Eat

If it were true I am what I eat
I 'd have apple pie instead of feet
I'd have hot dogs instead of toes
Cauliflower ears and a cucumber nose
I'd have carrots instead of legs
And I'd have no eyes just two boiled eggs
I'd have a big watermelon in place of my head
And in place of arms just two loaves of bread
I'd surely have oatmeal where my brain should be
If I thougt this applied to me
For I don't belive that saying is true
I am not what I eat and neither are you

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A rhyme crime

A musing Mary, quite stationary
sitting with her laptop so still
thinks of limo cars, Broadway stars
and her dream house on the hill

Jill and Jack laid in their sack
wondering about Mary on their hill
making hay about "will she stay?"
tip their bucket to make it spill

Georgie Porgie and the water supply
got fresh with Mary, then up and went dry
and the big bad wolf ate Grandma away
George as the wolf, sang Broadway cabaret

Little Miss Muffet and Little Jack Horner
hawked wares on a New York street corner
pies, curds and whey, discounted all day
and Little Muffet did, a magic trick play

friends Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
hired a blind mouse to make it three
sang sidewalk duets, with the mouse rapping
shoes clicking softly and tiny cane tapping

Old Mother Goose, a Times Square recluse
did Father Gander's paycheck squander
on baubles and bling and trivial things
why she needed all that stuff I wonder

Ol' King Cole, his kingdom in a hole
decided to further leverage his coffers
with bonds of junk and dollars that shrunk
he's in Cayman Islands awaiting better offers

ganders and gooses are on the looses
and Ol' Cole and Mary and Jill and Jack
are off on a vacation and won't come back
still common rhymes hafta work over time

© Goode Guy 2011-10-10

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How Cats Are

Cat has claws and will attack
Fling the viscous thing in a sack!

Seems to do it over and over
Rather sometime have a dog named Rover!

Once it starts having fun
An era of terror has begun!

So get a life you crazy cat
I want to live - how about that!

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Having Fun

I like to go and party and have a good time with the boys
We raise a little hell and we make a little noise
When it's half past closing time
I'll give my girl a call
And say, "Honey, come and get me.
It's too damn far to crawl."
She says, "Don't hold your breath.
Better still, hold it until you hurt.
If I see you on the road tonight
You'll have a tire track on your shirt."
Sorry, sweetie. Didn't mean to make you mad.
I was only out having fun.
She said, "Now it's my turn to have some too.
If I can only find the gun."
If you shoot me, you'll miss me
So, please don't act so strange.
She said, "I'll only miss you once.
Then I'll fire again at closer range."
In the morning I felt woozy
Said I guess I'll stay in bed.
She said, "I'll help you feel better.
I'll wrap this bat across your head."
Here it is another day
And my work is almost done.
I could go straight on home
But I think I'll stop and have some fun.

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One Last Fling

Give me one last fling, let my spirit roam
Before they take me to the county home
When I was young, wild and hearty
I never missed a single party
So many women and the memory lingers
Thought we were dancing till she stepped on my fingers
Walked for miles looking for an all night bar
That;s when I remembered that I had my car
Climbing home, hand rails killing my back
Last time I'll walk along a railroad track
I guess my night has taken its' toll
Now my arms are wrapped around a toilet bowl
It might be my time, but it ain't the place
Where someone's had their butt, now I got my face.
Tried not to disturb, was quiet as a mouse
Then a voice behind me said ,"You're in the wrong house."
Not knowing where I was sure gave me a fright
But I'll do it again come Saturday night.

                     Got to enjoy every freakin' moment!

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Musical Dream #10

I love listening to Bach on late evenings, especially his flowing ‘Ave Maria’,
just as I like tuning in to Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria’, far too many Ave Marias!

Nothing compares to Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight Sonata', it’s simply beautiful;
George Handel had he lived would have found Ludwig’s piece rather cool.

Amadeus Mozart, truly he was a musical genius, that Austrian son-of-a gun,
it’s high there among the classics, the elegant ‘Theme from Elvira Madigan’.

Give me Antonin Dvorak’s ‘New World Symphony’,  so serenely majestic,
that, like Tchaikovsky’s ‘Concerto in 1st Movement’, creates instant magic.

Let me tell you a little secret: my days in the cradle had long ago passed by
yet, till this day I drift off to dreamland with a few strains of Brahms’ ‘Lullaby’.

Chopin he tinkers with his piano dreamily, that young romantic Polish chap -
etudes, nocturnes, mazurkas, you name it, though he could not do hip-hop.

I adore the songs of  Bobby Dylan, though not necessarily his croaky voice;
honestly, I prefer listening to other minstrels sing his tunes, if given a choice.

Joan Baez, Joni Mitchell and Judy Collins, those gals sounded to me so fine;
I once volunteered to produce them but they said “Are you out of your mind?”

Could not do nothing with the three J’s, so I turn to Lennon & McCartney
who once rocked my childhood with their irresistible “yeah, yeah, yeah”.

Leonard Cohen, does that man ever smile? so moody and stark his music
but I love him anyway, though figuring out his lyrics often makes me sick.

Denver and Donovan’s stuff are sugary for my taste at times I would say
and there are occasions when I crave for songs that sound kinda lonely.

So I often give way to my old buddy from country land, Kristofferson man,
and let his somber ‘Sunday Morning Coming Down’ get me all undone.

Sad songs, joyful songs, all styles, will they ever come in just one package?
so I won’t have to spend much on CDs that is straining my minimum wage.

Given those great musical influences I have painstakingly mentioned above,
it is a sure bet I am off to greatness if I just behave and do what I truly love.

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TV Life

If life was like television
There would be more collisions.

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First Couplet

Couplets are intense
Because they're condensed.

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Who cares

??? Tappin' into some fine stuff wonder if it's gold or diamonds?
~~~~~~~~~~~ *It's really not a couplet and just for full disclosure's sake, I lie as often as not on form... and less so on content.

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George The Dragon

George The Dragon was alone and sad
Ashamed because of a problem he had

And because it caused embarrassment
To a far away country George was sent

He told his situation to a merry old toad
Who he met while walking along a road

I cannot breathe fire  -  not like the rest
It does not matter  which  food  I digest

I can only breathe clouds - bearing rain 
The toad said - George, why complain?

You will always be welcome in our land
As you can see - there is only the sand

So George The Dragon decided to stay
And keeps the rivers filled  -  to this day

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Will You Let Me Sleep

Violet hues
Birds in flight coo's

Starburst fashion
Sun's hot passion

Crystal streams
Valleys of green

Sno-capped peaks
Eagles that speaks

Call of the wild
Echoes of a lost child

Can't seem to wake
From this dormate faith

Have no fear
For vision is  clear

Arrived at Heaven's shore
Was woken though by husband's dam snore


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Boulder to Aspen

I left Friday midmorning for a weekend getaway
A four-hour jaunt to Aspen; just wanted to play
No purpose for the trip; just for the experience
New to Colorado, I desired to feel its sense.

If you would care to come along with me,
Continue reading and hear my song of glee.
As I turned onto the road to Idaho Springs
My heart leaped and I began to gently sing.

What is it about a mountain stream
That takes away thought and brings back the dream?
What is it about the pine trees growing so tall
Straight up from sheer rocks with no soil at all?

What is it about driving higher and higher into the sky
Being able to look the mountain top right in the eye?
What is it about the sudden appearance of a mountain lake
That takes my breath away and causes me to shake?

What is it about the snow-covered peak standing guard
Over the bosom of its canyon now filled with cars?
What is it about blue ice on the high mountain creek
That takes away all the words that I wish to speak?

What is it about seeing the Arkansas River in high Colorado?
Perhaps realizing the connectivity of water’s everlasting flow.
What is it about seeing a train moving through the mountain forest
That reminds me of all the pioneers and natives who came before us?

What is it about seeing a giant dove in a cloud formation
When I am only twenty-two miles from my destination?
Feeling the oneness of earth, man, and sky as I drive,
Just what is it that now makes me heave a big sigh?

It is the road sign that says, “Indy Pass closed for the winter”
Can you hear the screeching howl of my whine and my whimper?
Taking a deep breath, I turn slowly around; there’s no other choice.
Retracing 100 miles now with a noticeably different voice.

The road now becomes the coiling serpent of asphalt
For I have lost my serenity and centered gestalt.
The roadside streams are just more water that flows.
Why was the road closed, there isn’t even any snow?

Finally my humor returns as I enter the Glenwood Canyon.
How could I not be happy viewing this majestic companion?
Wearily, now I limp into Aspen at just after dusk.
Navigating the rotary is an exercise in trust.

All worth it, I must say as I drive into the town
White lights twinkling their greetings to me all around.
Found my hotel easily.  The room is grand; I shall not moan
Over a little misadventure I can share with those back home.

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Happy Halloween! HAHA

Ghosties, goblins, monsters, ghoulies
All dressed up like little foolies

Walking streets with bags in hand
Can't wait to walk in Candy Land!

"Trick or treat, give me some grub!"
I think you know, best not to snub!

Give out treats, don't be a louse!
For they will all T. P. your house!

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My Many Dreams

My Many Dreams

While writing a poem will often pause
Wondering if there is a Santa Claus
Who on sleigh rides through the air
Would be quite cold if body was bare.

So first find clothes and put them on
Middle of night before early next dawn
In his big bag he has to secure and hide
Toys so safely down chimney can slide.

Everyone's spirits Santa seems to uplift
When he gives all of them a great gift
Often I might appear to be tongue-tied
In my many dreams toys were all inside.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

Might be quite a bit off season of course.

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When I'm Sixty Four

When I'm Sixty Four by Rick Rucker Now that the New Year has begun, I'm going to work harder, to be sure to get things done! Last year, I was content to Let It Be, But I was a youngster, a mere lad of sixty three! In a couple weeks, I'll have that luxury no more, I'll have to try so much harder, When I'm Sixty Four!

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“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree:

Where Alph, the sacred river, ran through caverns measureless to man

Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five miles of fertile ground

With walls and towers were girdled round.”

But Kub forgot  to apply for  a  planning and building  permit
And it contravened the zoning ordinance’s remit.
The fire and safety guys said it was too big, and didn’t approve
The use of ice. They  said in warm weather  it will move. 
The environmental lobby was up in arms at the waste of fertile land.
The river authority objected on pollution grounds: it was banned
So the “Dome” had to be scaled back in size
To about one tenth the original design unwise;
And had to be built of safer materials, low rise;
And located on infertile ground with no impact on water supplies.
It was finally erected on a brownfield site of disused steelmills in Pittsburg, a box
Measuring about 50 by 100 feet, and built out of concrete blocks.



Samuel Coleridge is probably rolling in his grave  right now

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He called me, on the phone,
Asked if I was gonna' be home.
A smile just appeared,
Soon he'll arrive, here.
Now a full blown grin ...
He just walked in! 
I said, "ALRIGHT!" ...
"We're gonna' have a GREAT night!"

The whole night lay before us 
I didn’t want to cause a fuss
Dinner and a movie
Would be kinda groovy
Dancing would be nice
We’ve done that once or twice
I know what he’d been missin’
So I’m taking him fishin’

Packed up the ice chest
With stuff he loves best
Thick slices of ham
Sweet strawberry jam
Crispy pickles in a jar
Cookies cut into a star
Ice cold Bud Lite
Gonna be a long night

Got a new rod and reel
Got a really good deal
It’s a Diawa brand
Fits just right in my hand
We’ll stop by his place
To get his tackle case
His rod and bass boat
Hope it will still float

Now we're at the lake
Gonna fish ‘til real late
Then throw that sleeping bag down
Right over there on the ground
Snuggle up and build a fire
Stoke it with love’s desire
He know’s what I’m missin’
Making love after fishin’

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Stories from the farm--Sonsored by Auto lite

                     “You’re always right with Auto lite”

The roster in the barnyard; He’s just won’t crow for day;
And the hens are pecking everywhere; what will they eat today.
   The dogs are on the porch; scratching at their fleas;
   The goose is eating walnuts; that have fallen from the trees.
Lurking in the undergrowth; the weasels on the prowl;
Watching with intensity; wondering what he’He'll have for chow. 
      The hawks are up there flying; soon to swoop and snatch;
      And the coons are gathered by the gate; trying to work the latch.
The wife is in the kitchen; making pumpkin pie;
The mice are watching from a hole; a kitchen raid they’ll try.
      The cat is busy cleaning up; trying to act like he can’t see;
      And he’s drooling over mouse head lunch; while in his favorite tree.
The pigs are in the mud; waiting for some swill;
The fox is watching in the grass; for something he can kill.
      Easy country living; isn’t everything it seems;
      And living in serenity; I guess is just a dream.
The farmer has his mortgage; the tenant has his rent;
The chickens have their eggs to hatch and the workers back is bent.
      The writer has His pencils; the weather has its storms;
       The actor has His critics; and the ozone layer is torn.
The author might be crazy; because He’s laughing like a fool;
When everything seems funny; what else is there to do. 


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My How Time Flys

In a downtown bar on New Year’s Eve
Had a few stiff ones and so did Steve

“Look across the bar Steve, but don’t stare
You see those two old drunks over there”

“That could be you and I, in ten years”
“That’s a mirror Chuck, I’m outta here! “

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Grumpy Grey Rain Clouds

Grumpy grey rain clouds, why must you bother me so?
You seem to follow me most everywhere I go?

To the beach for some sun, towel and lotion in hand,
And here you come casting your shade upon the sand.

In the park for a ride on a warm afternoon,
Next thing I know, drip, drip, drop from your sneaky gloom.

Though you were not invited to my birthday,
You showed up for cake and rained for most of the day.

Silly old grey rain clouds, why must you pester me?
Have you mistaken me for a flower, fruit or tree?

Why can't you stay fluffy, happy, high and white,
In the shape of turtles, ducks and puppies in flight?

No, you choose to be dark, dreary, grumpy and grey,
And to follow me around no matter what I say.

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Do beetles go home at night?
Or just sleep wherever  they happen to alight?
Do wife beetles ask themselves  
If beetle  husbands are out searching the foodshelves?
Or are they having a cold one, 
Listening to what  the beetle guys have done?
Do beetle children  ask where’s daddy today?
(And haven’t seen him since April or May.)
How does beetle mail reach them by road
if they have no fixed abode?
Do they just collect it at the post office?
Or use another communication artifice?

Next time you see a beetle in the dirt
Don’t attempt his progress to divert
Let him continue home for the night
So kids, mum, and he can all sleep tight.

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To Sleep Away

Going to bed; catch some zzzs
No, not now; don't wake me please!

Dream; to dream; of many things
Knights and wizards; even kings!

Just want to sleep the night away
Don't wake me up I please do pray!

So can function - good old brain
Without sleep I would go insane!

And without it would become quite moody
Don't want to become quite snooty!

So to trust one's good old brain
Just some sleep I need to gain!

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Who, What, When, Where, and Why

Who am I? I am not Fred Flintstone, nor am I Billy Goat Gruff,
And I am not Will Shakespeare, nor a Scotsman named MacDuff;
I am not Tom, I am not Dick, and surely am not Harry;
Not Goldilocks, not Tiny Tim, nor Mary Quite Contrary;
I am not a famous movie star, Bo Peep, or the Tooth Fairy,
And I most certainly am not Frankenstein…you’d find that way too scary.

What am I? I am not a mouse,
Nor a waffle iron, nor a ring-necked grouse;
I am not a little teapot, short and stout;
This is not my handle, and this is not my spout;
I am not a praying mantis, and not a Brussels sprout.
And I clearly am not a billiard ball, that’s just not what I’m about.

Where am I? I am not in Coney Island, in Denmark, or in France,
Nor am I in (I’m glad to say) some weird hypnotic trance;
I am not alone in the jungle, with nothing to eat but roots;
Nor am I weightless on the moon, wearing ridiculous astronaut boots;
I am not in a line at the airport, not Chicago’s or Beirut’s.
I think I’ll stay right where I am ‘til I gets up and scoots.

When am I?  I am not in prehistoric times, with a T-rex for a pet,
Or in the way distant future (at least I’m not there yet);
I am not with Mister Gutenberg, who invented the printing press,
Nor am I with Orville and Wilbur, whose airplane flew, more or less.
There are lots of times in history when I might have been born, I guess -
But I’m glad not Pompey when Vesuvius blew. Boy, was that ever a mess.

Why am I? The reason I am upon this earth is a thing I have yet to find,
I may spend my days playing baseball, or maybe I’ll help mankind;
Perhaps I’ll find the cure for some terrible disease,
And once that’s done, I’ll buy a yacht and sail the seven seas.
I’ll make new friends and spread good cheer and maybe learn Chinese.
One thing for sure, as life goes on, there’ll be lots and lots of me’s. 

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Something I Think About

I don’t quite get grownups, or why they’re in charge;
Unless it’s perhaps because they’re so large.
They strut and they loom and they talk through their teeth
And I really must ask what they hide underneath
All that pomp and that bluster when they’re making a point;
They sure do look funny with their nose out of joint.

Grownups are beasties that have to be tamed,
Want everything their way, and hate to be blamed
For whatever they do that causes a stink;
Is that why they all have their very own shrink?
Grownups, I find, don’t play by the book,
Then fabricate ways to get off the hook. 

Some grownups I guess can be pretty nice
And are willing to offer a word of advice
Even when you don’t want one, then tell you a tale
Of when they were your age, and threw a sharp nail
At the boy from next door, and blackened his eye.
When a grownup gets going, just nod in reply. 

Though grownups may not be always that cool
Who else would we get to drive us to school?
Or buy us our clothes, or bake us our cakes, 
Or when we’re out camping, save us from snakes?
We’ll just have to keep them, these grownups of ours
Though they often do act like they come straight from Mars.

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We have a very wierd pet whose name is Nicki
He is, at the least, very tricky.

Nicki can actually speak you see
Although he must do it thru my wife or me.

His high pitched tone is quite the gaff
Because he does it when we want to laugh.

It started long ago when my wife
Thought she could ease some tension and strife.

So, she bought a little Huskie at the store
From the time he got here we've never heard him roar.

Nicki is only ten inches high
Grey and White, with Big Black Eyes.

He stays put wherever we say
Not that he cares, he likes it that way.

We usually find him under our covers
It makes things awkward, when we want to be lovers.

But I'll just toss him out you see
It's the only way we can truly be free.

He doesn't eat or drink, or have to go out
What a great pet, without a doubt!

Nicki just started to talk one day
In a playful, silly, high pitched way.

He'll say something she has on her mind
Then he'll reply thru me, as if in kind.

So he just waits to say something new
Whenever the mood strikes him, or should I say we two?

His expression never changes no matter what
Yes, he is quite the friendly mutt.

In case you haven't figured it out you should know
Nicki is a plush puppy, she bought to decorate the throw.

We love him as a pet, and that's the deal
He is alive thru us . . . For us, he's real.

My theme was a "wierd" pet . . . for the Rambling Poet's 'What's My Theme' Contest.

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Turnaround Is Fair Play

The maniacal genius, with crimes, his intent
Used for a weapon a bag of cement
He threw it from, the skyscraper high
Where innocents didn’t see it fall from the sky
He said that the sacrifices had to be made
For many a man he had to kill to be saved
But what of this fool that knew not what’s true
He missed everyone and he got what was due
For now in a prison yard breaking the stone
He’s making cement, for purpose, not his own
At night in his bunk, the lights dim, a twitch
He new what was coming as he became someone’s…

Payback is one too…

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You can Call me Slim

To lose weight
Fat I hate!

Kind of slows you 
Down there mate!

Get muscle; get trim
Run and jump (maybe swim?)

There's a reason for good health
Worth more than abundance of wealth!

Details | Couplet | |

Grandma's Rhyme Regarding Money

If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense,
Because ain’t nothing going on but the rent.

Details | Couplet | |

log book

From a ship’s logbook 

Sat on deck another long day I smelled of chippy fat 
and the sweat of honest labour  

The stove in the galley was oil fired but I wanted to 
read a few poems before I had a shower. 

The light wasn’t any good so I read a western book,
 as I always had wanted to be a sheriff in Texas. 

The book was good I knew the words before I read
 them, fell asleep when I awoke it was midnight

I knocked on my cabin door, give roaches a change 
escape; impossible long days and blithe was the sea 

In the morning I was still reeking of chippy fat and it 
was too late to have a shower.     

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Feeble Little Mudskipper

In alternating bad attempts;
To reach a puddle of regret.
   A bathing suit of scales he weighs;
   His mouth a circle of dismay.
Flip flop he fumbles back and forth;
A feeble wish he will retort.
   A final honourable sway;
   A gulping down of water may,
Entice a drama too excite,
Enough to one more time ignite,
   A jerk of flesh, elliptic course;
   Too infantile to sense remorse.
To land within a puddles’ shallow;
Missed the creek, forget the paddle.

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That Crazy Tree

Christmas tree; how can it be?
Don't want squirrel flying at me!

And then comes fun-loving cat
Batting things this way and that

Next the dog; drinking water
Sometimes wonder why I even bother!

Christmas time has begun 
Beware of animals having fun!

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I would love to write a poem as hilarious as could be.
But it seems like funny poems will not come out of me.
So I practice my Chastushkas in hopes I will succeed.
A better sense of humor must be what I need.
I wish that I could buy one, but they are not in the store.
I have searched dictionaries and thesauruses galore.
I have looked along the freeway and down the country roads
But the funny inspirations seem to hop away like toads.
There are so many writers that have a humorous touch.
And I wish I had it, too… very much.
I guess I must remember to write down the funny things I see around.
Like the time I saw kids rolling, laughing wildly on the ground.
But until then, I’ll use my pen to hone my funny bone.
Writing those Chastushkas until I do not laugh alone…

 © Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
January 19, 2010

Poetic form:  Couplets

Details | Couplet | |

He grows in his garden

He grows in his garden porcelain lips; kisses for the rain.
And the flowers wanted to look out, so he planted a window pane.
He grew a shiny crystal eye; to wink at the sun.
And a thing to keep the prowlers out, so he made the gate to look like a gun.
He rooted there a metal clown; entertainment for the flowers.
And just so time would not make a fuss, an hour glass to sift away the hours.
He sprouted silver branches there, for the tired birds of June.
And an awesome golden harp is planted, in hopes the wind would play a tune.
He grew this magnificent china bird; to tease the worms.
And there by the gate a rubber mouse; insurance against the pachyderms.
And for all to see, a green jade thumb; ask not for what or why.
He grows these things, smart or dumb, to entertain a roving eye. 

Details | Couplet | |

Clever Little Doggie

Clever little doggie, with your head hung low.
You knew you were bad, you knew it, though.

You barked your orders many times near the door,
But, I didn’t listen, so you piddled on the floor.

Clever little doggie, now your head you’re holding high
You’re rewarded with a treat, and that’s simply why.

You scared away the robbers who broke in through the glass.
You barked and alerted us and bit them on the ass.

Clever little doggie, is what I say of you
as you lie here near my chair and do the things you do.

Details | Couplet | |

Golden years

  Archaic are we still my dear...
we feel the same from year 
to year.
We never change a thing inside,
It's just the skin and hair and hide
that sag and fall and turn to gray,
the best of me will always stay
so in love with you old man.
Though maybe you don't understand
your hearing aid is set so low,
and do you have to walk so slow?
I have to get back home by ten
my medication's due by then
Where are those prunes
we bought tonight?
I have to eat them to feel right.

Shut your trap right now old Bat!
I set my hearing aid like that
So I don't hear a thing you say.

I know ...........I love you anyway.

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sin city

oh my lover...
		 more's the pity
	that i live in sin city.

	looking up an address
	is asking for a slap.

	asking for a seamstress
	is to walk into a trap.

	take me to my house please!
	you'll only lose my way

	my only fear and fantasy:
	to live here every day...

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I hear it from someone each and every day,
Some say it loudly, others soft in their way.

It's a four letter word I am talking about,
Sometimes I myself, the word want to shout.

I know it gives pleasure to many who do,
It also causes rifts between men and women, too.

But the word is said there is no doubt,
It does no good, if you just want to pout.

Because the word comes from old and has passed down,
I know it's been spoken in every size of town.

People all over the world say it now,
And don't give a second thought of where or how.

They just use the word like some ethereal thing,
Others could make it one to use just for a fling.

There are thousands and thousands who go out each day,
And this four letter word is all they can say.

I have said it many a time,
But, I haven't spoken it yet, at least not in this rhyme.

I know that I will use it again,
Probably tomorrow will be the day when.

For I'm in league with others who say,
The four letter word...afternoons on Thursday.

Yes, we love to say the word,
I'm sure it is one, that you have all heard.

I've said it in the presence of Bobs, Joans, Phils, and a Rolf,
I'll say it to you...the word is GOLF!

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Summer Fun

Sweat pants and wool socks
a hand-knitted scarf or two
warm mittens and hats
no doubt you think I’m nuts

Rosy cheeks and runny nose
soggy boots and frozen toes
chattering teeth and quivering knees
when I dream, it is of these

Down jackets now long packed away
skis and poles just taking up space
in my crowded messy garage
snow covered runs - just a mirage

Sun screen and flip flops
sunglasses and sticky pits
baseball caps and Thanksgiving in shorts
I despair of weather reports

How did I get to this eternal hell?
where A/C costs you a paycheck as well
where tender skin exposed continues to burn . . .
I just know somewhere I missed a turn.

Details | Couplet | |

Make Much Mirth

Make Much Mirth

If God's name each day would always hallow
Then sins appearing in water when shallow
When in church are moved next to back door
Then will leave never to be seen anymore.

As disastrous days of my life increased
Each pretty day will talk with my talented priest
And ask him, "What if  you lived as long as I?"
Would God in heaven be wondering why?

With his education and each great skill
For God, he has a manly mission to fulfill
Which is provide music for us who sing
And keep reminding choir has an opening.

Dastardly choir is always dressed to kill
And at times seems to be singing so shrill
Their singing is asking and trying to say
We might have to meet God only halfway.

At the unforgiven idea, I started to flip
I am receiving a ticket which is roundtrip;
Why would they want me to remain on earth?
In heaven can be merry and make much mirth.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

Details | Couplet | |

That Kind Of Day

I tried to pound a nail today, but only hit my thumb.
I tried to sneak a cookie, but only found a crumb.
I tried to ride a two-wheel bike, but only scraped my knee.
I tried to sniff a flower, but got stung by a doggone bee.
I tried to show how smart I was, and got treated like a dunce. 
I wanted another helping, but Mom only fed me once. 
I sat and waited for my friend to come, but wound up sitting alone;
I sat and I waited so long for my friend that I lost my muscle tone. 
I tried to read a big fat book, but nodded off at the end of page one,
I tried to eat a hot dog, but it flew right out of the bun.
All day I’ve been trying to succeed at things – I’ve tried with all my might;
When I asked my dad what frustration was, he ran a traffic light. 
I was wearing my seatbelt, I’m happy to say. At least I got that right. 

Details | Couplet | |

Black Leather

I think I’ve lived another life,
Black Leather is my secret vice.
Its smell is faintly naughty…
On my skin it feels quite nice. 

I think I was a wild thing,
Sorry I can not tell for sure.
But when the Angels motor by… 
My thoughts are not so pure.

My dress is so very proper,
My deportment just a dream.
I will not cuss or take a  drink…
I’m so boring I could scream.

But I think it wasn’t always so,
Perhaps Its really just some trick.
Faint visions keep me up at night…
Yikes, I think I was a Harley chick!

Purely fictional! Inspired by a goup of "riders" least 100..that passed me on the freeway.

 least 100, that passed
me on the freeway.

Details | Couplet | |



Newton spoiled it all for me.
Rainbows were obviously 
God’s colour spree
He splashed about with glee.

Beauty was their strength and attraction.
Now it’s all just wavelength  and refraction.

Thank  God  though
Newton never saw  the glow 
Of  ice bows and fog bows 
I can still enjoy their shows.

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Ijust GotTheDVDsetyouknow,LordoftheRings?cool!

As a sabre,so you strike
through the evil in the night
splitting bone and flesh
flash of lightning
roll of thunder

  Go redeem the maiden's
Go my son and raise the 

 be the flame now
be the spark
white pure knight
against the dark

  Nay? but what say you
dost thou hide beneath
the bed?

  okay it's just that trilogy
Lord of the Rings
just got to me
come on let's play 
some XBOX live
forget all that 
medieval jive!

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The Mimic

This companion never goes away 
And keeps me company every day. 
In happy times or when there's strife 
You mirror my existing life. 

To mimic me in perfect time 
An energy that's just like rhyme. 
A preference for the out-of-doors, 
Too restricting is the indoors. 

I take a walk, you go with me 
Keeping in step, being carefree. 
As darkness falls, and you depart 
I'm on my own, I'm a la carte. 

Wayward stranger is how I feel 
Forging through the darkness I steal. 
I'm individual although 
I have met my twin, my shadow.

Details | Couplet | |

Rascals at Play

Let's go out on the battlefield
Okay, make sure we have our shield

Get your men and all their sons,
Get all of their big black guns

Then it will be all peaches and cream,
Cuz we defeated the other team

We've had lots of fun although,

She'd think I'd dropped an atom bomb, 
Guess who it is,it's my mom.

Details | Couplet | |

Serenity of Entropy (For Mothers Everywhere)

Wake up the crack of dawn,
Mow the lawn,
Get the mail,
Come inside and be carefree,
Bask in the serenity of entropy,
Wake up the kids to clean their rooms,
Wash the car and walk the dog,
Lay out all day the back yard sod,
Get in the car and be carefree,
Bask in the serenty of entropy,
Check the clock and plant the shrubs,
Paint the house and wash the tub,
Vacuum the bathroom and seep the halls,
Then get in the shower and be carefree,
Bask in the serenity of entropy,
Put on your clothes and go to work,
Run to the office, you're 10 minutes late,
Attribute your tardiness to traffic or fate,
Then sit down at your desk and be carefree,
Bask in the serenity of entropy,
Go home and cook dinner,
Then eat and around ten,
Go upstairs, collapse, and ward off his pass,
The man who approaches with hair on his back,
Then ask yourself why did it have to be me?
That basks in the serenity of entropy?

Details | Couplet | |


I love to travel to foreign lands, 
where friendly elephants eat from my hand,
And the undersea monsters come up on the beach 
and stand by my blanket and deliver a speech
‘Bout their standard of living way down in the deep
Where the fish carry lanterns (it gives me the creeps). 
Then I visit the desert where there’s mummies galore;
That mirage in the distance…a candy store?
And now off to Saturn, where I’ll count all the rings,
And wait to be rescued, and think of the things
That happened all day, and ask myself why
My friend was so mean, or my fish had to die, 
Or my sister ignored me, or I missed that pop fly, 
Or lost my best pencil while I was at lunch,
Or never once felt like one of the bunch.
Oh I love to travel to foreign lands
where friendly elephants eat from my hand,
And the undersea monsters come up on the beach.
Yes, I love to travel to foreign lands
With my head tucked way under the covers.  

Details | Couplet | |



I know  that many   models  mathematical,          
And  Chaos  Theory,   Big Bang,   and others several,
Render   long-term prediction impossible in general,
And solutions to problems  at best  temporal.
But the same is true of women menstrual, 
And my  teen’s  bedroom   full of  random particles.
Lorenz and Poincare and others of that set
Could have saved themselves a lot of brain sweat:
My daughter needs no theory, her chaos is practical;
Big Bang is when my son falls and ends in hospital.

Details | Couplet | |


Reading scary poems on poetry soup
Heard a sound unfamiliar too boot

Jumped up from the desk chair and there
In the kitchen the big mouth had legs rare

Just like the tin man in "The Wizard Of Oz"
It had legs that moved, arms, and wings that was

For a split second I thought I heard him sing
Calm, calm imagination gone wild no longer a child

This isn't a thing just an optical illusion
I really hated the intrusion (into my insanity)


Details | Couplet | |

Teacher Beware

With a lover’s look, she gave a smile
No innocence upon this child
She knew for sure of her effect
As the teacher then had become…nervous

No need to be alone within the class
For rumors then would spread so fast
The teacher then would be out of luck
Because the pupil wanted to…cause trouble

Inspired by The Police song, Don’t Stand.

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Green I Did Dye

Green I Did Dye or My Gray Hair 

I always liked seeing her long eye lashes
Making her fine face look very flirtatious;
Then when her beautiful body was seen,
She appeared to be some sexy teen.

Right off the bat was soon that I knew
Had to go hit bar and have a few
Beers which found to bring me around
To hear her voice with such a great sound.

On dance floor did become a divine delight
Especially when I held her close and tight
Could hear my heart go pitter and patter
But she left me and away would scatter.

Not only that, she had left me completely
The one who once loved so very deeply
And soon finally found out the reason why
It was my gray hair that green I did die.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

Details | Couplet | |

Leprechauns Curse

My gold for your love my flighty flirty girl,
You spin my head in a special certain whirl.

Our love not to be allowed, forebode to succeed.
My fairy princess of my soul and heart, indeed,

Leprechaun and you, fluttering fairy to see,
Our hearts and passions will not truly ever be.

Therefore, I secure my soul offer my pot of gold.
That anyone will seek to capture me so bold.

I will trade Gold, for the magic, I seek divine.
That I become a fairy prince, and make you mine,

If my wish shall never be granted until the end of time,
I place a curse on poets, upon their labor of all rhyme.

Details | Couplet | |

the Truth Ain't out There XFilers

  I am an ant and I shouldn't be sharing
but you people are crazy and your  ignorance glaring.
We came here an aeon or seven ago
took over the world and you still didn't know.

 We hired on the roaches from Jupiter two
to keep you all busy and out of the blue,
the bed bugs from Mars came along for the ride,
It's been a real blast till you got pesticide.
we still love a picnic ,we dig the surprise,
(it's all lots of fun until somebody dies)

Well I gotta go now to meet with the rest
(we hired the dung beetles to clean up the nest,)
so don't look to the skies, just try looking down
the truth ain't out there................
 it's right  here on the ground.

Details | Couplet | |

Time Well Wasted

George talks about 'Them Cowgirls,"
While Willie's "Blue Eyes Are Crying In The Rain."

Tim talked about "Back Then"
And Bucky admits "It Was A Different Life."

Toby is a "Man Of His Convictions"
But Brad is "Better On Line."

Josh "Stopped Loving Her Today"
But Kenny said "She Can't Be Anything But Mine."
Does that mean one of them will have to "Walk The Line?"

Kenny says "Don't Blink"
Or you may find Tim is "Already Home."

"Tear Drops On My Guitar" has Taylor like Lambert
"Famous In A Small Town."

I arrived "Down In The Boon Docks"
Only to find Rodney was "Going Through Hell"

Rascal Flatts hit the "Long Broken Road"
Telling my Billy "You Are The Only World I Know"

Tracy Lawrence was talking to "The Keeper Of The Stars"
And Lee Greenwood was asking "God Bless The USA"

Toby Keith was bursting with pride as he said "I'm An American"
And John Michael Montgomery was busy sending  "Letters From Home"

Darell Worley asks "Have You Forgotten?"
Toby Keith replies with "The Taliban Song."

"Yee Haw" hollered Jake Owens 
While Steve Holy "Got A Brand New Girl Friend"

Direks says "Free And Easy Down The Road I Go."
While Tim and Faith were telling each other "I Need You."

Josh asks "Would You Go With Me"
As Dierks Bently agrees with me " Every Miles A Memory"

Kenny C. said "You Had Me From Hello"
But George prefers the "Beaches Of Old Mexico"

I saved this special song for the end.
Alabama's "Angels Among Us"

Every time I hear this song I break out in a cold sweat.  Many years ago my 
granddaughter Mariah in Casper, Wy was attending the summer camp, on 
Casper Mountain, for her boys and girls group. This group included handicapped 
children. Friday afternoon the children presented a program for the parents. It 
was magnificent. The children helped the handicapped children get on and off of 
the stage for their part in the program. The finally began with all of the children on 
stage.  They played Alabama's song "Angels Among Us" but the children all 
preformed it in sign language. There was not a dry eye in the audience.  A well 
deserved ending to a successful summer camp. 

God Bless, Cile

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Heads Up!

    You just don't play well with others,
had no sisters,had no brothers.
Also you have seven heads.......
in shades of blues and pinks and reds.

  Makes you rather hard to pair,
with someone nice  for you to share,
     life and love and poetry.

  Good thing all my heads agree...
that they like you ,
                  yes they do.....
     (except for maybe one or two)

Details | Couplet | |

Demons Had Been Caste Out

Demons Had Been Caste Out


God, need your great help and to be my guide

While You stay inside me and will always abide

Successfully take me through each poem I write 

Whether it be morning, noon or by bright night.


To thank You is what my poems are all about

For helping me remove each and every doubt

Along with all of the trouble I forever was in

Not only that, surely saving me from all sin.


God prepared me to write poems everyday

Taught me what to say showing me which way

Will be best to relay my lethal poems to people

From high ivory towers and each tallest steeple.


Each poem has been sung in Church as a hymn

And such a stunning choir still hear all of them

From tenor, alto, soprano backed by each base;

They even saved a jubilant contralto just in case.

What they did, God helped through everything

Made voices marvelous when they would sing

They even saved a tremendous solo for very last

So out all the demons they were sure to caste.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

PS. So how tight have you been holding 

your sides from laughing real hard anyway?

Details | Couplet | |

Manatee or Mermaid

Goodbye .....
she whispered from afar
The wind took words away
and scattered them
 along the beach
where lovers used to play

 I chased the syllables and nouns
I gathered up the thoughts
but currents in the water found
the letters I had caught

I still can't understand or hear
the bubbles  that she blew,
landing lightly  on the waves
a surface love so new.

I sank beneath the  waters 
a deeper love to find,
the heavy words like loyalty
and truth were on my line,

but I found only adverbs
Of  when and why and how
I left my love note at the shore ,
who needs an old sea cow?

Details | Couplet | |

Overboard in Love

  On the icy edge of never
where she turned down every try,

he pursued his great endeavor
with a twinkle in his eye.

Never take no for an answer,
was his motto to the end,

for he was a great romancer,
hiding out as just a friend.

In the middle of the Harbor,
swimming with her in July,

he expressed his growing ardor,
giving blatant truth a try.

Though she laughed then at the notion,
(he was older,fat and bald)

she remarked at his devotion,
and she seemed a bit enthralled,

Then he spoke about his money 
and a precious diamond ring

she began to call him honey,
They were married in the spring.

So don't jump to quick conclusions,
when the prospect's looking dim,

Love is more than sweet effusions,
bring your bankbook when you swim.

Details | Couplet | |

Turkey Time (for Don Meikle)

White meat or dark, or in between
I don't care, just so it's lean                                                                           
My personal favorite is the wings                            
And gravy made with those gibbly things                    
I also like the" parson's nose"
Not many people would serve you those                                             
Mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie
That's mighty good eatin' my, oh, my
With family and friends gathered round
We say a prayer, then all chow down
There's so many cakes and pies and such
It' just soooooo easy to eat too much
As the last left-over is put away
I thank everyone for a wonderful day
We should honor the dead, celebrate the living
Don't you wish every day could be...

Details | Couplet | |

Happy Queer

If you are gay it's quite very clear
That sometimes you'll queer if the same sex is here.

But don't get any fags...they're bad for your health.
Homosexuality has nothing to do with sickness, so go on help yourself!

(play on words gay: happy, queer: weird, fags for the English means cigarettes
 let yourself out of the closet! be strong and do not hide)

Details | Couplet | |


A dumb officemate landed a promotion but not me,
it's alright, it was not based on good looks anyway.

I am grossly underpaid but come to think of it it's okay,
I cannot be relying on this damn oil company's charity.

I wrote many songs that no one buys even for a dime,
perhaps, like Van Gogh, I was born ahead of my time.

Got into karate and my opponent broke my collarbone,
well, even the great Ali's jaw was busted by Ken Norton.

It did not hurt a bit at all, not amounting to a scratch,
although it was like a kick landing right on the crotch.

A woman turned me down but it was clearly her loss,
crazy not falling for a guy who looked like Tom Cruise.

I admit my poems stink, sorely lacking any meaning,
but Joe's are even worse, not amounting to anything! 

Details | Couplet | |

Mall Expeditoin

Roaming through the mall
Having quite a ball!

Find your favorite store
It's certianly not a bore!

Buy and buy and buy
Hope that you don't cry!

Leave when you've spent too much money
And that really isn't funny!

Details | Couplet | |

The Gunfighter

I knoweth not from whence he came,
He just appeared giving us no name.
He had close set eyes that gave but a glance,
Immediately I knew I had no chance.
The tied off holsters he wore on his hips,
Held two forty-fives, with pearl grips.
His hat shaded brow held beaded sweat,
His trip into Dodge was to settle a bet.
With his drawl he then said I've come to see.
If It's like I've heard that your as fast as me.
Then at twenty paces both solemn faced,
We each new soon one would be erased.
We both drew and fired at the count of three,
Then I felt a sharp sting as his bullet hit me.
While I searched for blood with his drawl he spoke,
Pick yourself up old man it was only a joke.
From the ground I arose having but little to say,
For this strangers gun was fastest today.

Details | Couplet | |


I hate it when I awake at night
With an urge to purge that I can’t fight

Can’t hold it off, so then with a moan
Get up and drag myself to the throne

Relief is just a short time away
Then I crawl back in bed to stay

This same routine happens too often
It won’t change till I’m in my coffin

Details | Couplet | |

My Sister's Complaint

As I sit and watch the seasons change
Through my dirty window pane
I think how my life is so boring
The dog is barking and my husband is snoring
My son bounces around like a jumping bean
He's the most hyper kid I've ever seen
If I had wings, I'd fly away
Even if for only a day
I'd soar through the air so free and light
Then go to a casino and play the slots all night
But it does no good to wish or complain
Guess I'll just go wash that  damn window pane

Details | Couplet | |

Eerie, Beery Night

After one too many beers, in the wee hours of the night,
I whizzed around town in my motorbike, feeling light;

     I zoomed into a dark side street and who or what did I meet
     but potholes, like drunk hobos, recklessly crossing the street!

I ran over some of them, they fought back and  muddied me,
made me swerve and splash into murky puddles I couldn't see.

     I stopped to catch my breath on the black deserted highway
     by my bike, the only one that stood by me, I should say;

but nastier than potholes, the asphalt was a different case,
it leaped and stood bolt upright and slammed hard against my face;

     In a split-second eternity, I swam the eerie border
     of the real and the unreal,  this beery night to remember !

Details | Couplet | |

Acoustic Wisdom

Under the shower’s soothing spray,
the lungs their vocal power display.

In front of an unforgiving microphone,
the voice sounds terribly out of tune. 

Next time you are tempted to croon,
do it in the shower, with a microphone! 

Details | Couplet | |


I’m getting fatter and fatter with each passing day,
And my chest looks like breasts perhaps a child might say,
But when I think of the people that cannot eat at all,
Who cannot work from trouble and the pain of life’s falls,
Then I tell you in an instant, I am thankful for every roll,
Cause it speaks to my privilege from much of life’s toll,
And though my bills are unpaid,
And my cat needs a cage,
As he stains up my carpet with the rage of an age,
And though my daughter’s converting,
To be a Catholic sage,
What me worry? I tell you! 
For I bask in God’s glory,
And the rolls on my belly,
Like Santa Cluase Jelly,
Have me rolling in laughter,
Like a jolly old pastor,
So if disaster strikes you, like it has sometimes struck me,
And you are not so pretty or handsome to see,
Rejoice, I tell you in the fat and all that,
Cause at least you’re in the game and you’re up to bat,
And don’t think that tomorrow I won’t try to walk this off,
This cellulite that causes people to scoff,
But in the end my God loves me and that is enough,
That trumps being fat and all life’s little stuff,
That trumps being saddened by the ways of an age,
Cause hey, who knows at the turn of life’s page,
I’ll be back to 180 and benching 300,
And until then I’ll smile and rub on this tire,
I’ll run and perspire, and run and perspire,
And when it’s over, it’s over, and with an ado,
I’ll go home to the Lord and so will you!

Details | Couplet | |

Changing Times

The Sixties are over 
the 90's are here 
Let's head out for an ice cold beer

The 90's are over
It's 2007
Listen once more to 
"Go to Heaven"

Details | Couplet | |

Sense of Tumor

the neighborhood is stirred 
     as if by a fiery furor
everyone trembles, gasps 
     with horrid horror

as, at last, he catches and cuts 
     the culprit tumor
long ailing him with tingling, 
     painful tremor

fatal to him now to commit 
     the slightest error
when all he really needs is just 
     a sense of humor.

Details | Couplet | |

a second chance at first

  I can't pretend to like you for I haven't got much time,
I'm just too old to fake it and you make me lose my mind.
I'm on my way to London to ride a trolley train'
so I really can't be bothered
with your body or your brain.

 Just take this cappuchino and a slice of butter bread,
now go sit by the window and remember what I said,
The applecart gets heavy when you weigh it down with woes,
don't ever drive my Chevy with your elbows or your toes

  I'm leaving you forever or at least till Monday night,
I'll be watching each endeavor so you better get it right.
The cinnamon and peaches are quite good for afternoon,
but beware of slugs and leaches and late eating 'neath the moon.

  That madness sure will get you if you kiss too many toads
besides,they just forget you and go hopping down the roads,
you'll get your lips all warty and you'll get there late for tea,
the Queen will call you Shorty,(though she thinks a lot of me.)

So buckle up the baby and pull your knickers high
I really think that maybe we could give this one more try!

Details | Couplet | |

A Friend Indeed

  No I have no social graces
but my world is an oasis
for the craziest of crazies
in the town

no I don't look like a model
but I always have a bottle
full of spirits and I'll help you
drink 'em down

I ain't got no cooth
or manners
and my life don't fit on 
but I welcome you if you 
should come around

That is if it is't Tuesday
for that really is my snooze day,
and on Weekends,well
I never can be found

Monday morning I'm at church
that may leave you in the lurch
and on Thursday I'm moonlighting
as a clown

any other time is fine except  Wednesday
after nine
and on Fridays when I try to get 

so you see that I am here
for you  anytime my dear,
with advice that you will
find is true and sound.

Details | Couplet | |

Don't Kiss A Wish Goodbye

To us, what is a kiss?
If, it’s done with a twist

A pretentious kiss
A pretentious wish

Is it your way of saying goodbye?
Maybe, you need a break for a while

A pretentious kiss
A pretentious wish

Do you want to end this way?
The sacred vow we disobey

A pretentious kiss
A pretentious wish

Which one is wrong, yours or mine?
Then, let’s make a kiss to find the lime

A pretentious kiss
A pretentious wish

Why don’t we wish a gentle kiss? 
A real kiss made of a gentle wish

A pretentious kiss
A pretentious wish

A kiss is a symbol of you and me
Once we both deeply wished to be

So, bye-bye to pretentious kiss
And, no more pretentious wish

Details | Couplet | |

The Choice

 Seven sisters sit before you,
telling you how they adore you.
Choose the one with fewer whiskers,
the youngest one of all the sisters,

If you choose the one with warts,
she looks really good in shorts,

or perhaps the one with pimples,
she's so sweet with double dimples.

then there's she with halitosis,
bearable in tiny doses.

see that girl who's so robust?
Never makes a bit of fuss.

There's the gal with smelly feet,
deep inside she's really sweet.

Finally the balding one,
always has a lot of fun.

Now you have the sum in toto,
make your choice,Dear Quasimoto.

Details | Couplet | |


Driving along in my new automobile
Eyes on the road, hands on the wheel
Ninety miles an hour, smile on my face
Today I'm in love with the whole human race
The cop who wrote me the speeding ticket!!!

Details | Couplet | |


  I toweled off my tear soaked face
and stitched my heart back into place,
I tallied up my circumstance
and then I took a ship to France

  I boarded early after noon,
I think it was a night in June
I went below because of rain,
and when I came back up again,
I think I must have had a spell,
the sky was dark,I couldn't tell,
what was what ,nor,who was who,
I didn't know just what to do,
  A swarthy pirate with a sword,
proffered whiskey in a gourd,
He slapped my back and sang a song,
about a sailor who went wrong,

  A drunk guy with his belly shaved,
by rusty razors,met his grave,
with Davy Jones,I think he said,
anyway...the bloke is dead.

  I tried to ask a question here,
like "Where is this?"
but then I fear,
a cannon cracked the sultry night,
a sound that filled my soul with fright.

  Then Captain Jack came swinging down,
{a parrot beat him to the ground}
He put a pistol in my hand
and said....
"Look sharp,it's war, my man!!"
A shanghai plot  I realized,
had taken my life by surprise.

Details | Couplet | |

Another Tacky Break-Up

"I like you, but not like you think that I do
So let's just be friends - is that all right with you?
And please give me back all the gifts that I gave
and by any chance, did all of the wrapping you save?
Cause, now that we're "friends", I'm sure you'll agree
I should regift them all for my new love to see.
She's awfully picky, so please don't you bring
all the words that I said when I gave you that ring-
I was drunk.  I was sick.  I was on my death bed
and quite nearly insane, if not out of my head
So please just get lost, and I don't mean that mean,
but my new love is sure to arrive on the scene
So just send back the gifts, (you don't mind the expense)
It's the least you could do - for one of your friends..."

Details | Couplet | |

Poetry Vs. the Flu

My head is stuffed, my brain is fried
and still the poems wait inside, 
They leak out of my eyes and ears 
and laugh at me with grumpy jeers. 
I am a wreck, I feel so sick 
and still the poems leak and stick.  
They glue me to the creaky chair 
until I write them in the air 
and freeze them down, forever be, 
persistent friends, my poetry...

Details | Couplet | |

Tom Cat

Purr, Fur, Feline
pillow poaching friend of mine
milk licking, whisker flicking
put your padded paw in mine
Tell me that you pinky swear
to come back home from everywhere
that you go so late at night
to run and play and prowl and fight
I see you run off down the alley
to meet your scruffy pal O'Malley
I know you lead a double life
with seven children and a wife
But I let you in at six o'clock
and when I leave I turn the lock
cause I just want to keep the part
that I have of a Tom Cat's heart.

Details | Couplet | |

Ode to Friendship

  Every friend should really be
just a little more like me
  I who always pass the test
for sympathy of those depressed
  Like a balm so cool and sweet
but I work best with the elite
  smiling at the passersby
waving gently,suave am I
  If I'm seen at Marde Gras
the Riviera or the Spa
  ask me for my autograph
(or better yet,just see my staff)
I'm always there to help you dear
  except at certain times of year
like holidays or early May
 and in the summer I'm away
But if you're looking for a loan
be sure to call me on the phone
 I'll send the number in the mail
when I get back from Macy's sale
 You're looking well,for old times sake
the greatest friendships always take
 looking after like a garden
excuse me dear,I beg your pardon
 but you are blocking all the sun
I simply must get this tan done
 if you will write it in a note
I'll read it later on the boat
 and do include your address dear
and tell me everything you hear
 I'll send a card fromZanzibar
to show you what a friend you are.

Details | Couplet | |

Dirty Laundry

                             Dirty Laundry
Last night in a dream; he was in the strangest place;
He was surrounded by a group of singers; that sang Amazing Grace.
There was a lady in the middle; who had a sign that said divorced;
She wore it like a corset; so tight it changed her voice.
   She offered him assistance; even though he knew just how;
   He had washed his cloths before; and he didn’t need it now.
   Politely he did listen; and even seemed amused;
   He told a little joke to her; and she came off as abused.
 Latter on while folding cloths; some others tried to help;
Mrs. Divorce restricting corset; cried out with a yelp.
She said he was pathetic; or something such as that;
Amazed and jaw slapped open; he thought, what ever kitty cat.
   Next thing that he knew; he was sitting in a room;
   And people were conversing; how the end was coming soon
   Everyone agreed; as their heads did nod in time;
   Isn’t that just peachy; was what was on his mind.
Latter on that night; still with-in his dreams;
The lady with the corset; was ripping at the seams.
The ladies kept on singing; as if it didn’t matter;
But the list of all their grievances; just kept on getting fatter.
   They mocked him for his socks; obviously mismatched;
   They watched him like a hawk and angry looks dispatched.
   His detergent was unacceptable; it didn’t have a brightener;
   And his bed sheets and his underwear; didn’t have a whitener.
When his washing was completed; he thought of toilet habits;
And when they shopped for tissue; by the cases would they grab it.
Of course there’s scented candles; and fresheners for the air;
That would cost a piece of change; but of course they wouldn’t care.
    A dream about the laundry mat; and the queens up in the room;
    Speaking out their cackles’; like the witches with their brooms.
    The odyssey about it all; it’s the same thing when awake;
    Life can’t really be like this; this must be a mistake. 

Details | Couplet | |

Bumble bee

I have lost my love you see
Does it matter that she was a bumble bee
We walked and talked for a period you know
We had no friends in common to grow
So we parted our ways and agreed to be friends
But folorn I grow with each passing new trend
For my bumle bee you see
Was very special to me
Lost and alone I grow folorn
Waiting and watching for my bumble bee

Details | Couplet | |

I Really Should...

Got up this morning and took one look
At today’s page in my appointment book
Decided that with the rain pouring down
There was no way I could make it to town
So I called in sick to my job to say
You see, I am having a bad hair day
I really should clean house today
But this stupid hang nail is in my way
The dishes will just have to wait
Folding the laundry, I really hate
Dusting, mopping, or raking the yard
Seems to be so terribly hard

I really should go visit my dear Aunt Sue
She is in bed with a new strain of flu
I should take her some homemade soup
But I think I am coming down with the croup
I shouldn’t visit with that possibility
No, I am not shirking my responsibility
There are errands to run and bills to pay
I will just put them off until another day
I need to watch Oprah and Dr. Phil
Maybe an old episode of King of the Hill
Catch up on my reading of romance books
Listen to my CD’s by Garth Brooks

The phone rings and on the other end
I hear the excited voice of my dear friend
She says that there is a big clearance sale
I must wash my hair and I have a hang nail
What did you say, I asked her twice
Fifty percent off of the lowest price
Hold on, I think I am feeling better
Let me get my purse and my sweater
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes or less
I’ll just pull a cap over this mess
Shopping will rally me every time
To shop is to live so I am in my prime

Details | Couplet | |


In the corners of my mind
Lives a creature of uncertain kind.
It guides my ever certain whims
And follows beats of perplexing hymns.
Sometimes it shouts, bellows and roars
Often with wings outstretched it soars
Gliding through my id and ego
Following shadow-like where I go.
Thoughts with constant and ebb and flow
Reaping what my hands have sown
Watching, leading, guiding through the unknown.
What is this being from within
That lights my path and shows me “when?”
I must confess I’d be a mess
If I didn’t have those little voices
Helping me to make my choices.
Better off than I’d be 
If my life was up to me.

Details | Couplet | |

Ode to Sean Kelly

I wanted to write just like soup's Sean Kelly
But every time I tried my knees went like jelly
So I put on my bowlers hat and tried an ode
Alas the wind was too heavy and it ended on the road
My hat, that is, not my  ode you understand
And my ode turned out so totally not  grand
However hard I tried to concentrate
The words coming out were just not great
I tried to type with finesse and a giggle
But the writing just looked like a wee squiggle
Oh dearie me what bad luck that was
I can't believe the amount of fuss
With knees of jelly and not even a laugh
With words of squiggles and a darn in my scarf
With a hat on the road and simply nothing on telly
Just for me trying to write just like Sean Kelly!!!

Details | Couplet | |

Driving on the asphalt

I was sipping on some whiskey when a black cat crossed my trail;
There was a black magic woman that liked to swish her tail.
   It was a black Cadillac that took my daddy to his grave;
   It was a black beauty potion that almost made me out its slave.
A black night was falling the night my baby went away;
It is a black phone I’m using asking her to stay.
   A nasty black tarantula scared old Harry half to death;
   It was hiding in bananas but then it turned and left.
I saw a black panther prowling, for a bite to eat;
I saw the black panthers armed and marching down the street.
    Black Betty had baby, blam-a lam;
   And when she has her toast, she spreads blackberry jam.
There’s a story of some black birds, cooked up in a pie
The Raven that was at the door, would stare with crocked eye.
    There’s a dark midnight calling, I’ve seen this once before;
    There’s a black colored squad car, parked at my front door.
A black rain is falling, that’s turned to sleet and ice;
And Black Death is calling; He’s been knocking once or twice.
    A bruise will turn to black, from the dotting of the eye;
    It’s a black gun I’m buying, making sure that he will die.
A country crooner singing all dressed up in black;
There’s a long train that’s coming, up along the tracks.
  Black colored liquorish, in a baby’s hand;
  Black colored activist, trying to make a stand.
Business that struggle, to get into the black;
Secrets that you’ve gave away, while riding in a hack.
    A leather black address book, filled with women’s names;
    A divorce decree that’s typed in black, that’s listing all his blames.   
The dealer on the corner, who will sell to you some crack;
The black cracks on sidewalks, that will break your mothers back.
   This is all that I have to say, about the color black;
   And any new ideas, unfortunately I lack.

Details | Couplet | |

On the 18th Day of Nature

  On the 18th day of Nature

when the sky was burning blue,

we set out on our venture,

with a mystery or two.

We had maps and wondros


we had sandwiches and tea,

we had lovey dovey partings,

said Goodbye till ten of three,

  Then we gathered at the station,

and we set off on the track,

we discussed our situation ,

and we quickly went on back,

'Cause we all were scared

and sleepy,

and the night was coming on,

Since the forest looked so 


we decided to stay 


Details | Couplet | |

Ten Little Frogs

(children's poem) 

Ten little frogs were not feeling fine 
One went to the hospital and then there were Nine 

Nine little frogs went out to play 
One got hit by a ball and then there were Eight 

Eight little frogs were named Stephen 
One died by a 'Silver Bullet' and then there were Seven 

Six little frogs went for a dive 
One stayed at the bottom and then there were Five 

Five little frogs were on the floor 
One got stepped on it and then there were Four 

Four little frogs sailed to the sea 
One disappeared and then there were Three 

Three little frogs were wearing shoes 
One walked away and then there were Two 

Two little frogs were having fun 
One died laughing and then there was One 

One little frog was basking in the sun 
He forgot the suntan lotion and now there are None!!! 


Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000

Details | Couplet | |

I Don't Have to Get Over You

What’s that you’re saying?
You say that I should get over you?

Well, honey, I don’t have to get over you!
We’ve broken up and I am a mess
You can’t handle that I guess
You say that since we are through
I should just get over you!

I don’t have to get over you!
I’m kinda enjoying being blue
You say I should find somebody new
I don’t have to get over you!

I’m getting into crying myself to sleep
It cleanses the soul when you weep
My friends give me all this special attention
Whenever your name they happen to mention
Walking the floor is good for my heart
I have lost weight since we’ve been apart
Saving money on groceries, too
No, I don’t have to get over you!


My mama calls me nearly every night
She is worried about me alright
She can’t stand seeing her baby this blue
I am her favorite, now that we’re through
What? What did you just say?
You’ve decided to come home to stay
Well baby, I hate to do this to you
But you better get over me, too

I don’t have to get over you!
I’ve kinda enjoyed being blue
I went out and found somebody new
Now, I don’t have to get over you!

Details | Couplet | |


Mints,chews,pontefract cakes
Toffee whirls & chocolate flakes

french bonbons & jelly beans
Liquorice lace & peppermint creams

Confectionary to bring sweet dreams
And waistlines bursting at the seams.

Details | Couplet | |

Primordial Man

   I followed in his footsteps 
but far back a ways you know
It wouldn't do for him to see 
the way the goblins grow,

from every puddle that he left
an entity ,alone ,bereft
has raised its' head to look
up from the muck,out of the ground.

some are fairies and the like 
and some are elves
and some are tykes
that soon may grow into 
a troll
to hide beneath the bridge
and roll
ole Tony down when he comes back
a strolling cross his
evening track,
he'll ask a riddle of the man,
and when he doesn't understand

he'll say "what have you lost and found
since you past by and went to town?"

Details | Couplet | |

Multiplying Mania

Millions of myopic men
sit with hand on pen
to write out monthly checks
and pay by crook or heck
to keep their many toys
(promised to all good boys)
and for which they'v toile and sweat
just to keep and get
more of everythin
and, suddenly, comes the sting
as the multiplying mania
shows them overdrawn again!

Details | Couplet | |

My Prayer

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray tomorrow my diet I'll keep
If I should dream before I wake
Please Lord, let it be of cake

Details | Couplet | |


The ape was a mimic
So badger pestered him

A dog tricked the fox
And followed him to crow

This boast  to a rat
Was betrayed and by

Tampering with its meaning..
was a monkey...on the sly.

Details | Couplet | |

Forever and a day

  I know

 you've  got a lot to say

but must you say it all today?

oh ,don't go away

I only meant  that people tire
and all my brain cells may expire....
alright just put it on the wire.

for after all we like to hear
what you have to say my dear
I'll read if it takes a year,

forever and a day.

Details | Couplet | |

What I would do

I'd hike a mountain backwards,
Even if it were awkward.
I'd walk around in a fat suit
Then tell all my friends on poetrysoup.
I'd tell every other girl they smell,
Even if I would never live to tell.
I would sing you a song
And ask your parents to sing along.
I would spike my brownish-blondish hair
And sport a big smile like I didn't care.
I would go to the mall on a shopping spree
And get kicked out for jumping on all the Christmas trees.
I might whisper,"I love you" in your ear,
Then scream it out for all the world to hear.
I would go to a store and jump on the beds
Then fall off just to hit my head.
I'd jump off a bridge just because I was bored
(But not without a bungee cord).
I would perform for an audience until they 'booed'
Then go and scuff all the skater's shoes.
I would tell you this poem in brief
Just for comic relief.
I would face the winter without my gloves
Just for your smile (Just for your love).

Details | Couplet | |

Make it Real Compared to What?

  The juries of debauchery; with there jaded little judging’s;
  They leave no room for circumstance; because it’s known they are begrudging
They think they make it real; but real compared to what;
Opinions maybe of some exiles; that circle in a rut.
   A simple minded creature; is the spineless jelly fish;
  But even when avoided, it’s supposed they should exist.
Disappointed and discouraged; the watcher’s walk alone;
They’ve grown to like their solitude; for most out there are drones.

Details | Couplet | |

A little trip

  We followed the trail to the edge of the cliff
then siix purple seagulls
gave us a lift

way out on the island of kalamazoo
we chartered a couple of young kangaroo
to bounce us to Boston
or maybe Bombay
we knew that where ever we went
we could pay,

the twenty six pickles 
they asked for the ride
(we gave them two more
for a tip with great pride)

Now we've come to visit 
for maybe a year,
or seventeen minutes,
it isn't quite clear.

Details | Couplet | |

Examples of Green

The color of money, the muck in a stream;
There’s the color of envy, for the things that you’ve seen.
   Green in the gills from dangerous pills;
   Green scrubber pads that clean up the swill.
Apathy bound cuz you got no green;
Marks left on the finger from a cheaply made ring.
   The mark of distinction separating the sky;
   Post nasal dripping that simply won’t dry.
The color of Pippins, picked from a tree;
Throwing green money in an uncontrolled spree.
   Green little breath mints, there’s tic and there’s tack;
   Green Meadow racing, horses run on the track.
Green little candies called jelly beans;
Green colored mold that seeps through the seams.
  These are my examples, though a little off beat;
  That’s all I should offer before I repeat.

Details | Couplet | |

Dreams Come True

These dreams I have, they hold me strong
With people in places, do I belong?
I do, however, like their way
They make me smile, brighten my day.

While fast asleep, I have these dreams
Of being places, with others, it seems.
It seems so natural, as if it should.
It can’t be bad, but is it good?

They are but dreams, within my being,
Exciting my senses, with all I’m seeing.
I’ll keep them eternally hidden for me
Others might not like just what I see.

Dreams are just that, well hidden sights.
Fantasies, yes, to get through the nights.
Does it mean that what I have is bad?
No. Just a way to help me feel glad.

Suppressed feelings or needs, nobody knows.
My dreams do things that make me glow.
With music or loving, fantasy or real
My dreams are just dreams and  that’s how I feel.

If you happen to be in one of my dreams,
Don’t worry, enjoy! Not as bad as it seems.
In them, you do for me as I’ll do for you.
For maybe one day, all dreams will come true.

Details | Couplet | |

On your trail

Saw you sitting there on Sunday,
  early in the afternoon,
Made the trip to check on Monday,
  but I guess I left too soon,
Someone said you came to find me
 Tuesday morning in the park,
Wednesday rain came close behind me
but I stayed till after dark.
Thursday night I took a taxi
touring round and round the town
Friday found me in the backseat
of a carriage
broken down

Saturday I skipped the country
took the anklet off and ran
just be glad I never found you,
I'll still get you,
                            DIRTY  DAN

Details | Couplet | |

Dust to Dust

Origin means it came from the unknown,

Death returns it back, the rest is bone.

Details | Couplet | |

I Give Up

Go ahead, go ahead, take what you will
Do as you wish, create then your thrill
I have no power to fight against you
But why would I anyway, with all that you do?

I feel so appreciated, so I do not mind
Use whatever you have or whatever you find
I’m powerless to your various advances
And I am so in awe of all the romances

So, yes, I give in, take me and use
Do with me then, whatever you so choose
I’m only so happy that you had chosen me
Whatever you wish, I’ll do it for free (LOL)

Details | Couplet | |

It's the weekend

it's the weekend and It's all my time
time for me to relax and unwind
unwind from the daily grind
the grind of working 9-5

It's the weekend and  I have 2 days of rest
rest that I will need to look my best
my best for this most fabulous date
a date for which I can hardly wait

it's the weekend and It's another Saturday night
a night to go out and trip the lights
the lights that will be flashing all around
all around the dance floor while I'm getting down 

It's the weekend and It seems to go by too fast
too fast, but I want it to last
to last for more than just 2 days
2 days is not enough time to play

It's the weekend and all i can say
is that I have to go to sleep 
for tomorrow's monday

Details | Couplet | |

The Perfect Man

The perfect man would always bathe
Before making love he would shave
Take out the trash without a reminder
To my pet cat, he would be kinder

The perfect man would sense my mood
He would try to help any way he could
He would always choose to take me out
He would never wear that old camo cap

The perfect man would not snore
Or scratch in public, or me ignore
He would only go hunting when
I had things to do with my friends

The perfect man would never fart
He would love me with all his heart
He would try to please me every minute
And prove to me his heart was in it

The perfect man would make lots of money
Then hand it over, “say here you go, honey”
He would buy me a brand new ride
And drive that old truck of his with pride

The perfect man could cook and clean
He would never, ever treat me mean
He would do all the things that I like
He’d never tell me to go take a hike

The perfect man wouldn’t pick a fight
Or make me watch hunting shows at night
He would know what gave me pleasure
He would buy me things that I would treasure

I haven’t found the perfect man
I‘m not so sure that I ever can
So I guess I will have to settle for you
Your less than perfect, but you will do!

Details | Couplet | |


I always wanted to be a comedian but tired I get you see
For the very best by far are standup comedians I decree
So sit I must to be at ease for I am phat
And standup is where the laughs are at
But fear not for I will tell
A story for you dear gal
I once met up with a man
As far away from me he ran
Why pray tell did he run you ask
I asked for him to do a petty task!!!