BEFORE I AM GONE
The breeze at dawn,
Whispering secrets to birds, chirping melodious lullabies,
Waking up to the touch of the first gleam of morning rays
Softly teasing my eyes..
Just the glance of a reflection
Of a living god
Walking along the corridor…
Making my heart racing..
The most amazing soul ever..
Wolverine ears..ebony eyes..emerald green shirt..
With the stethoscope around the collar..
Why do I feel like I have known you eternally
Those eyes full of kindness..
That beautiful smile,
Always illuminating a gloomy day..
those lips murmering words of humanity..
making my thoughts cherished,
After the darkness of a very long night
Missing you with bits and pieces of my heart
A new sun has rised,with a ray of new hope for the life..
Just like the Night dew clings to soil
Making the plants glisten..
brightening my days,left, thinking of you..
You are the aroma of me being alive..
When my life was lamenting
For some more hard breathes
You were the one who made me encouraged,
To love the life,,
Because not everyone under the sun gets a second chance to live..
Walking towards me..
Uttering the most soothing words ever..
Making my heart beats faster and faster..
Looking into my pale brown eyes..
Im almost melting..
Praise the lord for not letting me stand by my own..
If not,I Would have melted on my knees..
Im under your charms..
Knowing that I don’t have enough breathes to love you..
Your warmth,now in my blood,
The 'Chemo' scorched veins, showing
That im still breathing,without a life..
Hoping, that Time would reveal, what lies ahead..
Even though,it is the bitter truth..
looking for a time machine,
capable of pausing the minutes.,
brickwall myself from the last breathe
Crying in my shadows..
Forever is not a very long time for me..
Crying each day knowing that the days are getting shorter..
When its time for me to leave..
Ill still believe..that,
This is an eternal one sided love which shall not die…
Till the sun grows cold..
Till the moon gets warm..
And the stars grow old…
There is a place you can go that is full of only love and Warmth .
you will be surrounded by a light that shines from the Heavens ,
Sprinkles of Silver and Gold.
This place is filled with brilliant colors of Purple , vibrant Gold, all colors.
not one Color is less significant then another ,
for every color is equal here .
This place is surrounded by the beauty of different Flowers.
All flowers have significance here . No one Flower is better then another .
All Flowers are equal here .
It is important you know , you can cry here , and should cry as often as needed .
For the tears will cleanse your Soul and give the Flowers water to grow.
No one Tear is insignificant here , every tear has value and not one is better then another .
money holds no value , Where you live , what you own, has no significance here .
You will be surrounded by a beautiful light that shines from the Heavens .
A shining warm light will encircle you and allow nothing to hurt you .
Hate will be shed at the door like an old jacket of no use.
There is a place of beauty and Worth.
This place will not be found on Earth .
It is a place where no one person is better then another .
Death by morning death by night
All I know is I die tonight
death is here death is there
Death follows me everywhere
Death is here death is now
I already know that someone will drown
I know that it might sound bad
I know how I die and I'm kinda glad
I know its comming I know its soon
I know that it might be you
Knowing the truth and what I see
weather its you or weather its me
I guess we'll just have to see
In the morning if I awake
Than I know it was a mistake
I know it is bad but I'm glad
It was you and not me
The rest is fate can't you see
You might know in your heart
Of your death how it starts
But when it happens its not up to me
Its all fate can't you see
knowing this and knowing that
I am just stating fact.
She walked through the woods
remembering his face
ashen and grey against the pillow.
He had been taken by
the sweeping sickness
that had engulfed her land
taken so swiftly
that she had not
had time to reach him.
The pain of her loss
had been unbearable
and she had roamed the house
in rage and grief
at anyone who came close.
The madness had left her eventually,
left her alone
bereft of her love.
That was many years ago now,
but still his face haunted her,
his eyes accusing
the horror of her absence
that he must face alone
the time of his death.
It never left her, this guilt she carried.
Many had consoled her, told her that she
was not blame,that it was not her fault.
She knew better,she remembered telling him one dreadful
storm filled night, that she would always be there.
She shook her head free of the memories,
she was old now and it was so long ago,
she would be welcomed when she left this earth.
Absolved of this guilt that had consumed her life.
She saw the tree as she entered the clearing.
His treee, his favorite place.
Whenever he was troubled or scared
she would find him there,curled up beneath the boughs.
It was his haven, his place of safe keeping.
Glancing around she felt again,as she always did
his presence near to her, tantalisingly close.
She walked to the tree and sat down,
resting her back against the trunk,
letting the sunlight warm her face.
Slowly as she sat there, eyes closed and silent.
He came to her as if in a dream,
or perhaps she was dreaming, she did not know
or care,she only knew he was before her,
that her love was with her once more .
Tears streamed from her eyes and her throat burned
as he touched her face,stroked her hair.
A smile touching his lips as he gazed into her eyes.
Slowly he knelt before her and lay back,
resting his head on her lap.
Happiness swept through her like fire,
he was forgiving her, letting her know
that it was not her fault that he had died alone.
Her hand traced the features she loved more than life
and her lips met his in an endless kiss.
The night was dark when the villagers found her.
She was sitting in a clearing, lying next to a tree.
The moonlight illuminated her in its silvery rays
and in its bathing light they saw what they had
not seen in decades. She was smiling, in death
she was smiling.
12 , December 1999
Copyright 2013 ACB
Why did she have to go away
Why did she leave all of us
I wish she was here so we can stop crying
She was the best grandma that anyone can have
when my cousins and I was young when she would bake a cake she would
always let us lick the spoon
She was so funny even when she wasent trying to be funny
Now she is looking down on all that know her and love her
When she first held her great grandson my son the look in her eyes she felt joy
and happyness and that he is still in her heart even though she is in a better
I miss her so much I still feel the pain in my heart but it will get better
I am glad she has no more pain..
She will live on in our hearts and we will never forget her
Her life did not end it is just beginning.
For MY Grandma Dorthy Purcell RIP AND I LOVE YOU
Tell me it isn't true
That he didn't hurt you too
Tell me that your not crying
Please tell me your lying
Why I ask you
Why I say
Why should this happen today
Onlt 13 years
Now we shead 13 tears
Will my soul recover
My days and nights gets longer
Wondering if my days will get shorter
Feeling my heart getting heavy
The wish to hear his voice is driving me crazy
In loving memory Christopher Monte' Rivera
was taking a bath on hills.
Trees were waiting
for the curtains to rise.
Scented stars would make
giant scars on the clouds,
I would make peace with the sky.
Lids of human greed were laden
with golden dust, I was hoisting the skull.
Of a virgin god who did not
want to live for the blotched up creation.
The decline was obvious. Truth
had refused to climb
on the sky-blue, salted peaks of springs.
Body had arrived,
mourners quietly wailing.
Gouged eyes could not decipher
the script on the halved pyramid.
Sun was sucking the clay.
In my heart you will always stay.But I know your there
watching over me.I know your by my side.But I still
miss you.Just because I can't see you.I know your
there.You whisper in my ear and say your still my
little girl.But I know I will see you again.
I'm gonna draw a picture
A picture with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor blade
I'll draw it on my wrist
As I draw this picture
A fountain will appear
And as that fountain flows
My troubles disappear
I feel loved at points in my life
Sometimes I don't at all
I can be pushed around and yelled at daily
In the end, I always fall
I have never understood love
Or what it really meant
All I know is that love hurts
And that, I can't repent
I listen to my orders
I stand up straight and tall
Wishing someone would hear me
Knowing that I'm crying in the hall
Some days I just brush it off
Letting it all go
Being who I would like to be
But hiding in it all
I'm alone in my mind
But I know inside
I'm dying before your eyes
Armageddon approaches as
Huge horror of
Jewish and Christian
Onto an ancient
Seeking solutions are
Wailing war who wait
Zealots to enflame the world.
So tense am I
The falling sky
Holding my breath
Until the Death
It’s my life
So turn the scythe
Break the bread
And stop the Lead
Loud is it
The latest cry
But all the time
Red is the Dye
A placid face
Of Death’s clean lace
The slow coming of
A century’s Race
Imitating the waves,
I try to end the attachment
touching the shores,
then moving away.
Search for eternity erases
the designs. Birth
and death cling together.
I let go the passion,
the deviation of fear.
There cannot be two lives.
When the illusion meets
the pain, truth laughs,
I forego my future,
tear the past and burn the present.
Failed life hangs on
the silence of sorrow.
Names don’t hold any charm
they come & go. Days
drop like long coats
I search the night.
The desperate seeking
will not end the journey
It is there in the dark hole of the heart.
A pitless gloom.
I am afraid to be revealed.
Art of life is scissored,
Anniversary of flirtation
with death forgotten. We celebrate.
Memories are things that are left behind by love ones, it is a part of a person that
is eternal and will never perish because they live in the heart and souls of the
people that are fortunate to be touched by them. They serve a purpose of comfort
and security that special someone is not here to fulfill anymore. Cherish the
memories and pass them on, breathe new life to them for they will keep you
strong. SO celebrate the life they lived not the world they left!
Silence captured words in your cold eyes,
And passion snuggled to last feeble ties,
And optimism clung to a heart about to die,
O, patience allow me time for a loyal lie.
O, my sweet soul; look at me once more,
Look at me tenderly in peace as before,
Then lie where thou once walked following the turtle to the plain,
While I was watching you waving in the warm rain,
The meadow loved the way you followed the tortoise to the field,
And I loved thy roaming about when it disappeared,
While thou laughed ,and chuckled the green reed,
Then you withdrew your hands and head into thy shell coat,
And lively danced in the pasture of wild oat.
O, my love, the canon was quieted for unpredictable reason,
And the rifles breathed a last fatal treason,
Which bloomed with red flowers on thy warm chest,
See, in the place, thy spring's beauty shone upon the rest;
Me, the anemones, the damp rocks and the merciful death,
And seized my soul and obliterated our life's myth.
I wonder where he is,
I wonder what he's thinking.
I wonder if he regrets his decision.
I wonder if he misses this place.
I wonder if he wanted to turn around
I wonder what it feels like
the slowly letting go.
losing all of control.
I wonder if he wanted to stop
I wonder if he regrets his decision.
I really do wonder.
Dedicated to Jason Kevin Misak<3 Rest easy baby.
We were both so young full of spirit and fun
She's the Indian I'm the Cowgirl as we move along the ground just fooling around
Running through the house attacking each other with laughter and joy trying to be coy
We see the rifle with no knowledge of great threat
Just giving us a peak with nothing to regret
My sister grabs it first and play shoots me but I'm quick and hold a might sway
I'm a strong cowgirl aiming to attack
I snatch the rifle from the Indian as she starts to retract
I AIM-- I SHOOT--
My breathing has stopped but I'm not aware
My ears are ringing
Do I run and hide do I start screaming?
For death I do not know and everything is now so slow
Is she just sleeping or can I hear her weeping?
Mama where are you? You were just ten steps below but you do not show
My sister must be sleeping a blanket will help her weeping
Gently I cover her but she doesn't seem to know
Her long brown hair now has an odd red glow
I'm only a child but my mind is going wild
My tears of fear blind me as I fall to the ground
Many days have passed me as I have grow old
but I can still remember her grave with the Angel stone.
T Reams 10th Place for my Sister Amber I Miss You
As I lay my hand on my womb
I realize you will be here soon!
My pains come on quick and I could feel your patience
Like a butterfly coming out of a cacoon
my dear you arrived very soon!
You looked up at me with your beautiful big blue eyes
and I could feel the rays of love beaming from your eyes!
You were my pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow..
The first day I seen you walk my heart beamed with pride..
The first time you talked I cried tears of joy!
When you graduated from kindergarten I realized that day
you could be anything you wanted to be!
As time has passed each and every achievement you have ever achieved
has been my pot of gold..
My little angel sent from above..
Now as I lay you down below the ground...
My tears fall and I wonder how this could be?
This was not suppose to happen to me...
As I lay my hands on my womb
I think back to the moment you arrived with those big baby blue eyes..
Just a second in time you were here
But the lord says have no fear
An angel i let you borrow and a angel in time, my dear child she was always mine...
The world spins as I stand still
Trees grow as I Shrink
Looking in a mirror is alike a big Black Hole
With nothing but disastrous toils
My heart is Shattered in tiny, tiny Microscopic pieces
I no longer have a soul
My Hopes and Dreams as all disappeared
My taught are lost within a razor blade
Jumping off the San Francisco Bridge or Eiffel Tour has always been a desire
Hanging myself is a priority but living life to the fullest is my biggest enemy
I plan what i want to be en carved on my tombstone" REST IN PIECE YOUR NOW FREE FROM THIS DISASTROUS PALACE"
My heart is a Dark Paradise
My razor as become my Paintbrush and my skin the Canvas
I have discovered that cutting is my bliss
Sitting on the floor, crying for more as my body screams in pain
Trying to move but my hands are stuck
Trying to get up but i'm restrained
My masterpiece is disturbing yet creative
People think they are just scars but they are a history book based on my life
My art work is all over my body
Watching blood flows feel great
As I laugh in the face of death
I may have a smile on my face but I also have cuts on my wrist
My soul grows cold like a tombstone
Don't ask me to unmask my demons
As my Demons as already won.
Life is getting Rough
Now in life looking forward to another day
Is like being dead another way
Life is getting rough
Life is getting tough
They say we better off alive
But we better off to die
Cost of living is rising
Yet salaries declining
What are we looking for in life
I think it's too late to think twice
Because today I am alive
Tomorrow I DIE
So everyday live life with no expectancy
Because tomorrow , we can't depend on
Nothing is turning out like I wanted it to.
Everything is now black and blue.
Wrist cut up with a sharp blade.
Blood rushing out like it's being made.
Thoughts of death running through my mind.
Nothing is clear to me, I am blind.
What's going on?
Scissors are suddenly being drawn.
My end is near.
I can see it start to appear.
What you thought were funny jokes.
Made me want to choke.
Prank calls, blocked messages, statuses all calling me names.
You all have caused me so much pain.
Whore, slut, *****, cow, fat, ugly reappearing in my head.
I don't know what to do anymore but lay in my bed.
Who am I supposed to turn to?
I have no one but you.
I dream at nights about not being here anymore.
I don't think I'm a whore.
I have a plan now.
Explain it to me now.
I've got a gun.
It's all been done.
I'm leaving now.
Goodbye everyone, Goodbye forever.
We've had our differences, we've had our fights,
Now you're gone, yet I’m doin alright.
A month and ten days it'll be four years,
I miss you mom, and I wish you were here.
It was crazy times and a war,
But I still wish you were here and we'd party at the bar.
I think of you often and miss your voice,
But it's not like we had any other choice.
One day we shall meet again,
And who knows... Maybe next time we could be friends.
Love you. R.I.P. Teresa Marie Reese (8/13/1964-8/18/2009)
This Life and Government have found it's ways,
everyone dying and having bad days,
today it is raining from all i can see,
bullets and shot guns aiming towards me,
yelling and screaming just to get out,
if they take this life of mine i have no dought,
I traval the road that no one could know,
working hard for nothing to show,
taking my mind and making it weak,
sticking me in the dark hole that i seek,
try to run from theses Chasing fools,
this type of government has taking it's tool.
Politcal lies by one and another,
trying to get by to feed each othere,
they live poor just get through the door,
the empty sad hearts without family's,
feeling it go through my vains it's like a diseases,
Plant the visions in my mind,
killing people around me all the time,
for i have sined many times for no reason,
Living out here in the desert for all the seasons.
theres nothing i can do untill it's over,
i look over and theres a body to cover
So i traval the road no one could know,
Working hard for nothing to show,
taking my mind and making me weak,
sticking me again in this hole that i seek.
i wittnessed a war just yesterday,
being the reason for much dismay,
i'm sorry for all the death and blood,
and all the soldiers in the mud,
i wish i could stop it just can't be done,
i'll need everybody including a nun,
i'll need jesus to forgive our sins,
that knock us down like bowling pins,
i'll need everybody to read this poem,
in hopes that all the soldiers get back home.
Is it the rhythm in life
That we have issues and strife
The rhythm in life is a beat
A beat that puts you heart out in the street
The street is where it all goes down
It goes down to make you frown
Some people laugh and play
Other people sit and stay
We all want to wear it
And even compare it
In my room sometime strain at the wall
In my mind hear my conscience call
In life alone
We don’t pick up the phone
And we lose the milestone
The trust of the fact that
We are not all that!
I stay up through the nights
Will I get to eat tonight
Will I see the day I turn 21
One-Day will I feel the pain of a gun
Will I die young
Am I asking to many questions
Does everything happen for a reason
Is everything I go through one of Gods lessons
Will I go to Heaven
I stay up through the nights
Will I reach new heights
Lord tell me everything will be alright
Now I think I want to be in love with the lights
I just don’t want to fall to a Price
Lord tell me everything will be alright
I stay up through the night
My eyes are getting heavy
Am I ready to sleep
Because Sleep Could be Deadly
Light as a feather, sensing the wind passing fast
And feeling free from everything at last
Happiness and joy have found their way
And in her soul they’ll forever stay
The long trail of memories passing by
Every word he said and every lie
Everything that was hunting her was gone
Leaving her spirit pure and as white as a swan
All her emotions were confused
To this big mix of feelings she wasn't used
Should she laugh? Should she cry?
Nothing matters anymore when you’re in the sky
But now she’s had enough and wants to stop
And it’s too late because she hit the ground like a tear drop.
Guns don't kill people, people do. I have lost a loved one
because of you.
I will hear no more footsteps coming down the hall, no more
fingerprints on my wall.
No more laughter, no more tears. No more memories in the
How does it make you feel inside, not knowing if the person
you shot, has lived or died?
Whether you're in a gang, or you stand as one. You're not
that big without a gun.
What if I had went wild, and the gun I shot had wounded or
killed your child?
Our situations would be the same. Two individuals fighting a
never ending game.
The message here is very clear....
You shoot me, I shoot you...Guns don't kill people, people do.
A poem by John Nesbitt © 22.11.2013
I was eighteen years old and wanting to fight
I found what I looked for, in bars late at night
I took on the big guys, the small ones as well
They were all tough, as far as I could tell
As a jobless young man, proud of my country
I joined up with the army and trained how not to be
They told me I’d fight to keep us all free
So that we’d never have to bend the knee
They trained me in weapons, unarmed combat too
The use of explosives and what they could do
And how to take cover behind rocks and trees
They taught me to find bombs and those I E D’s
So step up to the plate boys, start waving the flag
We’ll be all draped with medals when it’s all in the bag
Think of the glory, this conflict will bring
A few months away, then we can all sing
On my very first mission, I was told to unwind
I took lead position, when searching for mines
The blast threw me up twenty feet in the air
I couldn’t feel my feet for they were no longer there
My right arm was shattered my left fingers gone
I once had two ears but now only one
I thought I was dying, I couldn’t hear a thing
I wasn’t thinking of the medals or being dressed up with bling
Now all I can do is sit here on the floor
and wonder what it all had been for
my comrades call around from time to time
I can see their discomfort when they’re thinking of mine
They wouldn’t trade places, no matter what for
They each have their memories, of that terrible war
My fighting days over, no more blood and guts
So I’ll settle right down in my terrible rut
I stepped up to the plate boys and I waved the flag
But I’m not draped in medals and it’s not in the bag
I thought of the glory the conflict would bring
No legs, no fingers and in no mood to sing
Things soon will be over in Afghanistan
Talks are on-going with the Taliban
We struggled against them for thirteen hard years
But all we produced was billions of tears
Fathers lost sons and Mothers lost child
business got rich, there were deals on the side
Where’s the next country they’ll start a new war
Let’s hope….. it’s…. not ….yours
Because of me is it?
It was all my Fault was it?
I did Everything for you to love me,
I did Everything for you to accept me,
I did it all because I love you
But why?How could you?!
You left and break the Promise,
Which you were suppose to not Break it,
Your words were all a Lie was it?
And This is Just a Game then you`ll end it
I was just a Replacement,My Love
and YOU slap it on my Face like how it hurts
I tried and Tried to Move on,
But it still hurts
You were Mad because of a Worthless Lie,
You were mad just like how someone Died
But My Dear,You don`t need to Prove it on me
`cause I know I`m not the perfect one to thee
And Now may I tell you this,
That my Love is never Ending,
Whenever you hurt me
It just makes me love you more...
It makes me Feel heaven to fall for you,
But your life was in hell when I did too
So now I`m leaving and won`t come back
Because you left me Because of me.