The Journey

Once upon a weedy lawn At Cedar Oaks Retirement Home There sat my mother, weak and old On an afghan knit to block the cold. It was summer, but in mom's grey eyes Was winter, when all around us dies. I had tried to park her in the sun Though I doubt she could notice what I'd done. The disease had eaten up her brain So little of her now remained She didn't even know my name I knew her not, much to my shame. I looked around our patch of earth Saw dandelions,and thought with mirth Of how when small these grew quite wild Mom would pick them as she smiled. "Blow upon this cloud of seed, "Then wish for what you really need." I picked one now,and sadly blew I asked for "mom" I never knew. Suddenly a gust of wind Took those seeds and made them spin I felt my body start to rise And change to match the seeds in size. My mother gasped, & sucked us in The seeds and me like some great wind I saw her teeth, quite brown from smoking And feared that I might cause her choking. I swirled around, then down a slide "Is this my mother I'm inside?!" I landed in a battered lung Where signs of cigarettes had clung. And unsure of just where to go I found a bridge, and crossed it slow. Whence I entered a crucial part. I found myself in momma's heart. Where in a corner, dark and dusty A young girl played, her laugh so lusty. Her eyes weren't grey but tinged with blue The plaited hair I also knew. Her teeth so white, her face unlined It was my mother, quite a find! A joy, a freedom never shown A lightness in her manner, tone. And then a moment changed it all I saw my grandma softly call And whisper in my mother's ear "Your dad has died. I'm sorry, dear." Her wailing nearly deafened me As the joy drained out like tides at sea. Seeing all her pain and grief I felt unwelcome, like a thief. So I moved further in her heart And came upon a teenage tart. Awkwardly smoking, trying too hard And too easily letting down her guard. She fell for boys like rain from clouds Her clothes too tight, her make-up loud. Each night she staggered home alone Hoping one would actually phone. Then came the day that in that place Could only lead to her disgrace. I saw my mom in grandma's parlor And my granny pacing as she hollered. She pointed at mom's bulging middle Screamed, then cried, then swore a little. Pulled my mom up to her feet In one swift move, threw her on the street. My mother was 16, expecting a child Homeless as well, she ought to be wild. But instead I saw a great peace abide her As she gently caressed me still forming inside her. I saw in her eyes how love was the way She changed from a girl to a woman that day. Not love for a boy, a career, a degree The love that transformed her was her love for ME! Already feeling like my heart could break And not sure of how much more I could take, I still turned around to roam and explore Both anxious and wary for what was in store. This part of her heart was lit bright as the sun My mother was wedding her intended one. I remembered the dresses, beautifully white I remembered the dancing that went on all night. And then like a knife tearing straight through my chest I knew what I'd see when I looked at the rest. My mother so happy to be loved and give back And me, growing older, and jealous of "Zach." My stepdad who treated me like I was his own Whose only crime was to enter our home. I wanted my mother's attention on me I was blinded by self-centered jealousy. I knew that my mother would have to pick me Especially if he behaved violently. I found I was born with a flair for theatrics And ran to my mom, often faking hysterics Til finally my mother was left with no choice But to tell him to leave, with a crack in her voice. And suddenly I saw what I hadn't before This part of mom's heart looked all broken and sore. I couldn't continue with ease like before The walls were too thick, advancing a chore As if my mother had run out of room For chances of love to grow or to bloom. Then finally I hit the last, great, thick wall Without any access beyond it at all And almost afraid to look at the view. I nonetheless watched, as I knew I must do. It was a scene I knew all too well. My teenage years, when I put mom through hell. When I dumped her for boys who cared nothing for me Choosing from her real love just to flee. I left her alone in her house in the woods I left her for losers who sold me their goods. And then, too proud to admit I was wrong I never went back, til her health was long gone. And it was too late to say how much I cared Too late to know it was something we shared. Ready to go, I took one last long glance And I saw something I never expected, by chance. I saw my mother, like time lapse pics Every night of her life, never missing a tick Down on her knees, by the side of her bed Praying for ME, who left her for dead. She prayed for my health, she prayed I'd find love, She prayed I'd be blessed by our Dad up above. And even when she couldn't walk on her own. My mom still put my needs o'er her own. When the tears rolled free down my face, I heard a huge sigh, and felt pulled from my place. And in half a minute I was back on the lawn Front of mom and Cedar Oaks Retirement Home. My mother looked down on me, suddenly aware And I saw for the first time her pain and her care. And I noticed also an angel-like glow, As she reached out her hand, and said, "Now you know." I hugged her, held her, thanked her til night. But the lucid look never came back in her sight. She passed shortly after, to my great dismay But I'll never forget the gifts given that day. I learned never discount the love of your mother, Never trade in that bond for the sake of a lover. I learned there is power in a mom's loving prayers And there is a God who hears and who cares. I learned about faith, and love unconditional. I learned about judging by standards traditional. And I learned that from a little seed Can come most everything you need.