The Finer Points of Going Number Two

We’re lucky to have a math-whiz kid And one day this is what he did. He said we all know about going number two Now I’ve sorted out the decimals too. First, there’s the basic, number two Which chiefly, is going to the loo Yet there should be a, two-point-one Which is not flushing when you’re done Or how about a, two-point-two That’s when the bowl needs a cleaning, when through He blushed when citing, two-point-three Which is when the seat is damp with wee And nobody forgets old, two-point-four Which is when you’re scared to open the door. Our son doesn’t like, two-point-five a lot As when it takes much longer than you thought Personally I’m a, two-point-six hater Which is when you can’t find more toilet paper My wife says, two-point-seven is worse As in going again-like you need to rehearse?! And, two-point-eight is never a breeze As in squatting amongst the trees. But the clincher of all is, two-point-nine Which below is briefly defined That’s when after flushing The water keeps gushing And it never stops When it reaches the top Which is bad when alone But you’re not in your home And your feet are now wet Coz there’s no plunger to get So you search for some towels But there’s pain in your bowels You then splash on the floor Then someone’s at the door He asks, “What’s the matter?” As you clutch your bladder So you call out to the guy “In a minute”, you lie As you turn off the water You then need one more squatter So you go one more time But can’t flush down the slime So out the window you climb As quietly as a mime Coz you can’t face this crime And disperse covered in grime. Our son hoped we enjoyed the overview Of the finer points that follow, going number two. Poem is from 2013