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The Finer Points of Going Number Two

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Below is the poem entitled The Finer Points of Going Number Two which was written by poet David Fisher. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The Finer Points of Going Number Two

We’re lucky to have a math-whiz kid
And one day this is what he did.

He said we all know about going number two
Now I’ve sorted out the decimals too.

First, there’s the basic, number two
Which chiefly, is going to the loo

Yet there should be a, two-point-one
Which is not flushing when you’re done

Or how about a, two-point-two
That’s when the bowl needs a cleaning, when through

He blushed when citing, two-point-three
Which is when the seat is damp with wee

And nobody forgets old, two-point-four
Which is when you’re scared to open the door.

Our son doesn’t like, two-point-five a lot
As when it takes much longer than you thought

Personally I’m a, two-point-six hater
Which is when you can’t find more toilet paper

My wife says, two-point-seven is worse
As in going again-like you need to rehearse?!

And, two-point-eight is never a breeze
As in squatting amongst the trees.

But the clincher of all is, two-point-nine
Which below is briefly defined

That’s when after flushing
The water keeps gushing
And it never stops
When it reaches the top
Which is bad when alone
But you’re not in your home
And your feet are now wet
Coz there’s no plunger to get
So you search for some towels
But there’s pain in your bowels
You then splash on the floor
Then someone’s at the door
He asks, “What’s the matter?”
As you clutch your bladder
So you call out to the guy
“In a minute”, you lie
As you turn off the water
You then need one more squatter
So you go one more time
But can’t flush down the slime
So out the window you climb
As quietly as a mime
Coz you can’t face this crime
And disperse covered in grime.

Our son hoped we enjoyed the overview
Of the finer points that follow, going number two.

Poem is from 2013

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  1. Date: 12/7/2013 8:12:00 AM
    David Such a humorous and fun write. You made it funny and creative without the yuckiness and grossness. Nice job. Thanks for the sweet comment on my Halos and Wings poem

  1. Date: 10/29/2013 8:30:00 AM
    This was entertaining David LOL! You are lots of fun to read -Good Job my friend!! MC

  1. Date: 10/13/2013 1:50:00 PM
    Humorous. Based on the title, I thought you were talking about pencils. Good poem

  1. Date: 10/4/2013 9:51:00 PM
    very funny outhouse humor, me brane is gone but dats a rumor ...heheheheh

  1. Date: 10/4/2013 9:45:00 PM
    Haha great write! Very comical. I enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing and for your wonderful comment on my latest poem. I appreciate the thought and hope to read more of your work soon! Love, Juli-Michelle

  1. Date: 10/4/2013 7:41:00 PM
    This is really great work! Keep it up! It's really great, and I think it could be even more phenomenal if you managed to keep the same format and rhyme scheme throughout the poem, and be consistent. You've obviously got a lot of talent... Good luck with your poetry!