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The City - Addition

THE CITY a respite an evening silence all objects quiet yet this clamorous echo fills my head the city with everything to do lots of excitement but here am i atop my quiet mountain i’m a city boy this I want everyone to know in echo lake just a misplaced big fish in a little pond Dave Austin

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Andrea Dietrich

Date: 2/6/2015 11:16:00 PM

I love the last one you added. And happy for your kitties with their bale of hay.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 2/6/2015 11:16:00 PM

It looks like I had seen these before , just not with the one added on!!!

Michelle Mac Donald

Date: 2/2/2015 8:57:00 PM

Hey Daver! I guess "a city boy", would feel displaced, swimming around in a "little pond". Great thing about this, is you can install your very own fountain and fill it with more fish. This really wouldn't help you much if you're feeling you miss the city. Keep well, stay happy!! Love, Mikki

Constance La France

Date: 1/26/2015 8:06:00 AM

Dave, oh yes the big city has its ups and downs, for me it is nice to visit but love coming home to my quiet residential neighbourhood where nothing much happens, well written . . . and thanks so much for visiting my poetry ~~

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 1/23/2015 5:16:00 PM

I like this very much, DAver, Keep them coming, my friend.

James Peranteau

Date: 1/23/2015 11:19:00 AM

So ya do knows about the robberies ! *smiles* Excelent write dear poet ! Enjoyed both big time ! Have a pleasant snooooze while the rabbits are digging up your carrots ! Oh yea....rabbit stew ! Much love, james

Leo Larry Amadore

Date: 1/22/2015 5:16:00 PM

I have always admired an old saying: "Every frog makes a big splash in his own little pond." Which has absolutely nothing to do with your poem, which I enjoyed a lot.

Monterey Sirak

Date: 1/22/2015 3:14:00 PM

I like the additional stanza too.

Jaycee Cervenka

Date: 1/22/2015 10:55:00 AM

The second line of the third strophe is a bit contrived and unnecessary. I'd also put this under free verse of find something close as it does not fit the syllabic requirements for tanka of 5-7-5-7-7. That said, I liked the overall feel and idea. Keep working on it!

Daver Austin
Date: 1/23/2015 11:15:00 AM

Thanks for the comment. I seldom go with 57577 in my tanka. As for the second line, I agree. In some ways it is unnecessary, however, it is typical of big fish thinking. You stick to your 57577 if that's what does it for you. Love, daver