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Below is the poem entitled SMOKE OF NIGHT which was written by poet nette onclaud. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Do you remember walking in the park
In the frail sunset of that Autumn day?
The grass was frosty and the lamp was dark
You told me that you had to go away.

My Dear, you repeated a call once again
While grasping my numb hands within your own;
Too tightly, but I did not feel the pain
Lips could not move or speak, my heart was stone.

How pale the grayish smoke of night,how cold
In the long twilight when cinders had fled,
The moon sank quickly on words that grew old
"Why did we waste so much time?" I pleaded.


And now the summer trees are full of leaf
The pond reflects the shining blue above,
But still I cannot put away my grief
Nor have I learned to breathe without your love.

Sing To Me Contest of JTAP
*Inspired by Procol Harem's Whiter Shade of Pale
nette onclaud

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  1. Date: 3/10/2014 3:57:00 PM
    Wonderfully written, Nette! Great meter and rhyme. I saw that you chose "pleaded" over "pled". Did you think it ungrammatical or was there a different reason? Congratulations!

  1. Date: 3/10/2014 6:36:00 AM
    Lovely write. Congratulations on the fine win, nette

  1. Date: 3/10/2014 4:24:00 AM
    This is all heart, Nette. Congratulations!

  1. Date: 3/9/2014 4:07:00 PM
    Love the emotion here.. Brilliant! Congrats!

  1. Date: 3/9/2014 11:21:00 AM
    Congrats Nette,I'm happy with this.

  1. Date: 3/9/2014 10:53:00 AM
    Congrats on your win, Nette, and thanks for participating :)

  1. Date: 2/11/2014 12:27:00 PM
    I love when you write with passion, It is when you write so well.....Hugs.....Roger

  1. Date: 2/11/2014 4:42:00 AM
    So descriptive, so deep. Really loved it Nette. Simply beautiful. Sorry I pulled out from your contest. Was not happy with the first stanza. Take care Ron

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 10:36:00 PM
    Tremendous intense! "Why did we waste so much time", indeed!!! Blown away, again...

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 9:55:00 PM
    I know of the tenderness of the breathing relationship that was stabbed by an ice pick straight to the heart, leaving you breathless, to die! I certainly know of this, and it really is very hard to breathe without that long admired love! But you always survive, usually via your friends and family, and then you find true love! This is a phenomenal poem here my friend! You have done it again, written a perfect piece, Great Work!!

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 8:28:00 PM
    I'm so mad someone would break such a beautiful heart....let me at em.....:-) :-) sniff...ahhhh...still beautiful words....

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 7:56:00 PM
    It took me a long time to get over my last failed love! Hard to breathe, to cope, it took me forever to find myself. I learned a lot from it so it wasn't all for nothing. Great poem, sparked my interest and habit to fall into tangents!Asavvy1

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 7:08:00 PM
    Many a time I felt like not breathing because of a lost love..You put it so eloquently Nette....Hugs Tim

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 6:45:00 PM
    Oh my, this hits the 10 on a Richter scale for me, it doesn't get more powerful than this, hope it is just a fiction, luv xxx

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 5:13:00 PM
    Another gem off a poem from you Nette, Enjoyed this one so much

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 3:58:00 PM
    A powerful poem Miss Nette. Like the bolded words for emphasis. It is so hard to put away such grief, perhaps impossible. Lovely imagery in the poem as always, thanks for sharing!

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 3:57:00 PM
    A powerful poem Miss Nette. Like the bolded words for emphasis. It is so hard to put away such grief, perhaps impossible. Lovely imagery in the poem as always, thanks for sharing!

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 3:54:00 PM
    Been there, done that. but in time i learned to breathe without her alleged love. Beautifully written "in the frail sunset of that Autumn day" nicely set the mood for the poem.. John

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 2:01:00 PM
    '' are the queen of poetry, Nette..!!!! ''- - AiyaH De Torres. I can't say it better. Kudos nette.

  1. Date: 2/10/2014 12:49:00 PM
    I know hearts don't really break or our lungs cease to function when a love is lost or when someone we love is lost but my gosh , It sure feels like it . Brilliant as always nette Daz