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She Has a Blank Stare, Revised

Now she has a blank stare Try not to meet her eyes For you might drown in there She is only a maiden fair With long hair back in ties Now she has a blank stare Looking closely you might not care Contemplating her lies For you might drown in there Is it safe or to beware Most caught men not wise Now she has a blank stare Will your lungs be gasping for air Or burst as your body dies For you might drown in there Her care for love, she does but tear No matter how deep your sighs Now she has a blank stare For you might drown in there.

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Shadow Hamilton

Date: 8/10/2013 7:08:00 AM

good revision much more of a villanelle now well done Shadow x smiles

Andrea Travis
Date: 8/10/2013 11:18:00 PM

Thanks for your help! In time, I aspire to try out more poetic forms and discover the "best fits" for me. I love the villanelle, pantoum and petrarchan sonnets. I've never been much on rules, but I see how the beauty in well written forms must be followed, in order to appreciate the distinction between the many! Many thanks! Andrea

Shadow Hamilton

Date: 8/7/2013 4:42:00 PM

its a lovely poem but it does not follow the form correctly soup mail me and I will talk you through it shadow x smiles

Dan Kearley

Date: 7/31/2013 1:01:00 PM

Scary! But very nice. :o)