Stephen Kilmer | + Follow Poet |
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Razor Sadness

Moving towards the darkness
I could only see myself
There was no one else 
No one to set me free
I planned to succeed
I set it up so carefully

You see the light was not to be
It was not meant for me
I live for the darkness
Cemetery sadness
Midnight trains that clang 
And whistle through the nights

I put the steel upon my wrist
And felt the cold blindness of fear
I had a razor sadness
And my blood would be the cure
I felt the rain upon steel shores
And then it was so quiet

The light was in my eyes
Was I in hell or heaven?
I heard a woman’s voice calling,
Calling me from the abyss
I rose up through the caverns
And then I felt a kiss

My eyes snapped open
And I realized I was still alive
Would this life not let me go
Release me, set me free?
My soul was full of cancer
My mind a one legged dancer

I soon learned from my peers
Those other souls with fears
That my story was not unique
And I was not alone
They helped me to my feet
And walked me down the hall

Towards redemption of my life 
But mostly of my soul.
One-by-one I heard their stories
And mine was yet to tell
For I was not ready to admit
I was not ready to commit

But committed I was 
And I journeyed there long
Until one day I realized
That when you find love
You will come to peace
Your fears will cease
And you will learn to love.

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Donna Jones Date: 8/6/2013 7:22:00 PM Very well written....congratulations on the recognition... very sad to feel this way....I read the reply below about your dogs...I relate....I now have three...my most loyal friends....take care Login to Reply Stephen Kilmer Date: 8/7/2013 7:12:00 PM Donna, Thank you very much for taking the time to read my work. Dogs are Gods gift to all of us. I have lived and loved them all my life. They carry through the hard times. Kilmer

Poet Destroyer A Date: 8/5/2013 8:20:00 PM Congratulations....PD Login to Reply Stephen Kilmer Date: 8/6/2013 5:31:00 AM Thanks PD.

Laura Breidenthal Date: 8/2/2013 8:51:00 PM This is so deep it hurts! I love the metaphors. You write straight from the heart and you give a good message. Love binds all things together, like a finely written poem such as this. It is healing to write and to share words with others. Always, Laura Login to Reply Stephen Kilmer Date: 8/3/2013 2:02:00 AM The truth hurts, but I found out that I had friends that cared for me. that in and of its self maybe the journey worth it. I still have some mental scars but they get a little better every day. The power of love is strong. Kilmer

Cherie Thomas Date: 7/26/2013 11:08:00 PM Excellent write!!! Kilmer.. but what was most gripping was the element of that second chance at redemption of life/and soul. I saw this documentary that they video taped people I think it was the golden gate brige, ca for over a year because there was a very high suicide attempts rate there...it was sad watching anguish in people who basically came everyday contemplating jumping..Ty4sharing very informative read...blessings cheriex Login to Reply Stephen Kilmer Date: 7/27/2013 2:04:00 AM Thank you Cherie. I think I may have seen that same documentary. Very sad indeed. I wrote this from personal experience. I am not a child of this world. I am just passing through. Sometimes I find it hard to remain, but most days I am happy to be here. Thank God for my dogs. Without them I would be lost. Kilmer

Karen Anglesey Date: 7/26/2013 6:59:00 PM This echoes some feelings of despair and hope. The transformation from the deep feelings of angst to the light of peace and love is not always easy, but attainable. I really like your take on this subject :) WELL DONE Login to Reply Stephen Kilmer Date: 7/26/2013 7:51:00 PM Thank you. I hope that this poem will help other's survive the horror we call suicide. Though Western culture has not reached out to the East to understand the honor associated with this act it is still worth helping people live and understand that there is no shame in doubt. Kilmer