Naaaaa, Couldnt Be Global Warming

naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming as state after state begins to boil & the people of this country begin to sweat, swelter & roast under these oppressive heat waves, the National Weather Service issues excessive heat advisories like it was “handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500” because the temperatures there have grown to highs of 110 F or higher & this has become the norm for more than a third of the country’s people just in June alone--- today, the Ohio Valley is thrown on the grill & if ya take a five second gander at the map of the states for July 4th on the NWS website, you’ve got plenty of “Special Marine Warnings,” warnings concerning high winds, flash floods, gales, lake winds, extreme fires & RED FLAG WARNINGS (unique marked areas that are soon to exhibit, or are already exhibiting “gusty southerly winds, widespread relative humidities” that will “create severe fire weather conditions with the potential for explosive fire growth” ). um, yeah… but we all know that these extreme weather conditions have absolutely nothing to do with global warming, right? naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming. so what, if the increasing number of heat waves have resulted in the creation of overwhelming high temperature records for the month of June--- we all know, it couldn’t be global warming & so what, if the Summer produces more droughts, wildfires, spasmodic downpours & more catastrophic storms, we all know, it couldn’t be global warming--- because, “the jury is still out!” & “there is no conclusive evidence great enough to say that global warming directly causes any of this!” & “Al Gore’s movie should be banned from the classrooms!!”--- so take your skin cancered self & cool down in your bunker, making sure to pack a snorkel just in case the thing isn’t airtight & blame all the things that are happening on “god’s wrath!” in hopes that come December 21st, 2012, the world will come to an end anyway, so that you won’t have to deal with this, america--- because none of it has anything to do with global warming--- that is for sure.