My Horrible Ex-Wife

Many people defend my ex-wife but they don't know her. On our wedding night, she shot me with a flamethrower. Before she used the flamethrower, she doused me with gas. I have third degree burns all over, she really fried my ass. Six months later, she wanted me to see the Jaguar that she bought. But it was not a car, it wasn't what I thought. That large cat tore me open, it really hurt as I got bit and clawed. When I was standing in a puddle, my ex zapped me with a cattle prod. After all of that, I'm lucky that I didn't lose my life. It's those reasons why the ***** became my ex-wife. (This is a fictional poem)