My Arse, a Lament

I understand that getting old Is just a stage we pass But can anybody tell me What happened to my ****? It used to be quite lively And a distance from the ground Ashamed to say it though I am It used to get around It was nifty on the dance floor And comfy on a chair It was pert and it was bouncy But now there’s nothing there And what is there is saggy And not worthy of remark Not flattered much by moonlight Disappointing in the dark Inevitable, gravity That’s what it’s all about In some tired hotel lobby My butt is checking out Play a mournful serenade Sound the final horn ‘Tis off, my sorry ****, beyond The Tropic of Capricorn If I’d have seen it leaving I could have waved goodbye Packed a flask and sandwich box And had a little cry Ageing, such a pantomime A farce, a silly plot “It’s behind you!” Not my **** it ain’t It was, but now is not So, don’t take your **** for granted It’s for fun, and sitting on Enjoy it while you’ve got one ‘Cos you’ll miss it when it’s gone by Gail