Merry Christmas, You Have Cancer

I'd been throwing up a lot. My food stuck in my throat, So every time I had a meal, I'd cough and gag and choke. I went to see my doctor, Time and time again. They gave me Barium swallows, But found nothing in the scan. For seven years they fooled around. One doctor even retired. Then they'd start all over, 'Stead of looking at the priors. Finally I had had enough. I went to see my doctor. You must do something, after all, Of my health you are the proctor. You've given me those swallows, Umpteen dozen times. You never find a single thing. Let's try a different line. Let's do some X-Rays then, he said, And then an Ultra Sound. What a capital suggestion Sir, I think that's quite profound. Next time I went to see him, The doctor said to me, I think it's time we sent you, To have a biopsy. The lab report came back at last. The doctor called me in. We have good news and some bad. Now where shall I begin. We've found that you have cancer, In your Thyroid gland. I looked at him and took a breath. Well now, ain't that grand. Would you care to elaborate, On your diagnosis? For this you really must admit, Is more than halitosis. It's the slowest growing cancer, And the easiest to treat. We'll just remove the Thyroid, Then you'll be fine, you'll see. So now I'm waiting to go in, To have my operation. I'm really not too worried, 'Cause God knows my situation. Until The Lord will call me, Nothing can take me out, And when my God is ready, I'll leave here with a shout.