I Would, But Not Now

I would, but not now My teeth sinking slowly into my tongue so I don’t scream at the baby Milk all over the table, papers, dripping down onto the chair I could, but I won’t Screaming into the pillow until needles prick at my throat My nap interrupted feels like heroine being snatched away from an addict that is ready to shoot up Blood rushing through my veins and pulsing behind my eyes, pressure building Needy child hands pulling at my last shreds of sanity I can’t, but I do anyway Where is it for God’s sake, I just put it down? The phone is ringing again, and again Warm hands in the dark test the waters of my failed libido I can’t, but wish I could Why don’t you get a part-time job, take some classes, join a group, start an exercise routine? Swirling murky thoughts just out of reach inside my corpse of a head I would, but not now.