Guides-06-04-2014

safety in number not quite, not yet but safety and comfort trusted ones select reassurances in subtle ways challenges in gentle ways guidance in assuring ways thought-I am safe lost though I fear I am unsure where I'm headed the new goal not focused on what others think of me-their judgments this moment I am simply trying to be the effort put forth to make myself well I fear pain that comes with each memory, thought-the emotion but it's getting easier trying to function scared I still am but feeling safer understanding coming upon me more making it just enough easier to cope and stay present and with my blanket-feel safe knowing I can hide and be shielded lost somewhere between everyday still fogging out a little in a numbing way not forgetting everything and reassurance, acknowledgement, of my effort, progress, safety and wishes nudged to try to deal differently to stay when I want to run reminded I am here and now not there and then-living in the past from safety--- I still fear myself the harm that I do the poison that tries to break through it's now a war raging within as I struggle to break free the old habits the past I've still been living the hurt I fear those whom would hurt me are not here the safe ones remind me I'm living the present I'm safe this moment fear of the past, future-still there but not so overwhelming when realization dawns they're right I'm here I am safe those that I trust guide me and remind me that I do know how to swim lost as I am they guide me and give me direction till I find which way it is I want to head so I can learn to be well to function again to deal with thoughts, emotion to feel and exist again to develop a "me", an "I", an "individual" to find my own dream not someone else's no judgment stemming forth from them happy or sad angry or glad depressed and unsure or happy and confident tired or pausing worn completely down energetic and studious creative and logical rational or not I can lash out or isolate apologize even too much no judgment comes just gentle guidance in a direction to think I am safe to help me exist, not dead inside to be able to decide each day which way I want to head my own destination I know I am safe I am not comfortable I am no where near sure I don't yet know the direction I judge myself harshly but now there is a war a struggle to change and I have guides to remind me I can swim I am safe even in my dreams and I am GRATEFUL