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Don'T Open

Don't open the escape hatch until he is far away. Look out the elongated glass opening right above me. Only then I can offer proper advice to each soldier. I read a secret advanced directive I hoped I wouldn't open. Sometimes it seems everything goes up like a puff of smoke. Ok laugh at me, in minutes I hope everything changes. I can't understand why I have all this on my aching shoulders. It seems our last effort's so enormously futile! Evan had opened the escape hatch on my order. Helplessly I watched a bomb enter the open hatch. A terrible end, my advice caused a disastrous explosion! No one left, our bodies are nothing except puffs of dust. All gone, every person in our coffin of death, evaporated. Con/Vow contest Feb 14th 2013

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Voahanitriniaina Rabary-Andriamanday

Date: 2/16/2013 10:11:00 AM

Sounds very difficult and challenging! I hope you win after all these changes; I wouldn't have the patience, even if I had enough time! You definitely have a very unique flow, describing the situation....I can see the images, like in a film... Very intense! Well done, Rick! Good luck! Blessings, Hanitra

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/16/2013 12:39:00 PM

Thanks Hanitra, this was a tough one.

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 2/16/2013 7:07:00 AM

Even the dark side of life can inspire a beautiful poem, if the poet is right! Excellent, good luck with my blessings!

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/16/2013 7:48:00 AM

Thanks Demetrios!

Constance La France

Date: 2/16/2013 5:58:00 AM

Richard, this is a powerful poem, how many soldiers have died in those coffins of death, well done and best of luck in the contest, constance

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/16/2013 7:49:00 AM

Thanks Constance, so nice to have a visit from you.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 2/15/2013 11:34:00 PM

ok, I can pass on some help to YOU now like Kash did for me. SEe line three. It begins with vowel but the preceding line two ENDED with vowel, which means you needed to use a consonant at the beginning of line three. I won't look further, but please I hope you will look your poem over very carefully. this is too good not to be on the winners list!!

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/16/2013 12:04:00 AM

Thanks to you Becca and Russell! Have a good night.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 2/15/2013 11:31:00 PM

oh my what a sad end for them. WEll done on this very difficult contest challenge, Richard. I want to go through it really fast and see if you did it right .Kash found two places where I had messed up and I had to redo a line or two.

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 2/15/2013 8:53:00 PM

Richard, a deep entry... wishing you luck, good night..PD

Russell Sivey

Date: 2/15/2013 3:29:00 PM

You've made a few error within your poem that I'd thought I'd help you out with, you have "o"pening "u"p "a"bove "O"nly, 4 vowels, and "s"ave "y"ou "T"his, 3 consonants, "s"moke "Y"ou, "l"augh 3 consonants, "e"ffort "i"s 2 vowels, "f"utile "T"hey 2 consonants, Also it's supposed to end with a vowel word! Sorry to have so many things on here but I want you to do well in the contest and these might keep you from doing well! It's a great poem, just fix those few things and you should do better!!

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/15/2013 4:01:00 PM

Thanks Russell