Crack House of the 13 Gables

I wrote a great book, part memoir, part novel Shopped it around, I ain’t too proud to grovel Got kicked upstairs to a big publishing head He invited me in, and here's what was said: This screed you call Crack House of the 13 Gables Is one long rant mixed with recycled fables It wanders aimlessly, but never resolves Characters pop out of nowhere, then simply dissolve But the symbolism, sir, allow me to explain The Victorian parlor represents pathos and pain In the attic are mothballed broken dreams and betrayals It's gonna shift your paradigm right off its rails It’s a thousand-page odyssey into the surreal The hedge maze is where all 14 sub-plots congeal Enough! The only reason I called you in, punk Is to meet the lunatic who scribbled this junk So I slunk away, not a little dejected Ain’t much fun being literarily rejected Trudged back to my grueling, stale coffee grind Working 15-hour days, going out of my mind Then one day I met an old pal for some beers Hadn't seen him in quite a few years I told him about my rejection slip wrangle He said buck up, you just need the right angle I like reading novels, now don’t get me wrong But writin' 'em, man, that just takes too damn long And what a huge risk, 16 years you devoted For no payday at all, just your ego imploded There's no need to pen the next Moby Dick Try something short, now that is the trick! So, I thanked my friend for his most sage advice And took it to heart without thinkin' thrice And now I am back as a voice for the ages Except I'm makin' my mark in far fewer pages I write sound bites and maxims and pithy remarks T-shirt slogans and jokes, I just do on a lark I bang out poems and lyrics at the drop of a hat Dash off 17 syllables in ten seconds flat Haikus by the bunch Cook up a batch before lunch Put that in your pipe ____________________________ For Humor Contest Sponsored by: Carol Eastman