Chopped Iii - Humor

i narrate me own story in a fake english accent. the bloody typewriter is broken, it can't capitalize. i'm out of coins for the heater. i can see me own  breath. it must be really bad . it's summer here in london. i'm a tough guy who  carries a gun. don't mean i don't want to look good. i freshen up my lipstick, light up a cigarette and offer one to my secretary. she is hot really hot. like i said it's summer. she don't wear lipstick it wouldn't help. in the  encyclopedia under the word butch is her picture. i put out my cig in an ashtray overflowin. i'd tell her to empty it but she scares me. she only wears one gold earring. who does that? i'm workin on a case, already  drank half the beers. by the way i'm a dick a private dick. the name is rock, rock hard. there's a knock at the door. this could be bad she has two fourty fives,  she's also got a gun.  she's holding an airline ticket. no reason. she says she just likes it. whatever! maybe it has to do with some kind of contest.  she says we're going for a ride. we are driving when she gets a flat. i pump she pumps then we get out  of the car and fix the flat. never liked  cars, horses are more convenient. less breakdowns. she takes us to a  party everyone is jumpin for joy, so joy gets up and leaves. bet you wish  this was going somewhere. it's not. like i said i'm a dick. 11~28~2014 Contest: Chopped III Sponsor: craig cornish