Afraid

These words that I've never spoken. I cant find the meaning of how I feel. I don't want to say it's love but it feels that way and I don't know What's making me stay but it's the same thing that makes me want to go. The way he makes me feel sometimes I can't comprehend. People keep telling me to just let go but in my heart I know I never can. It hurts everyday to have to look into his face and not show him how I really feel cause i'm afraid. This feeling that I have within makes me want to just embrace it but I know that if I do it's Going to mean a lot of pain and a lot of heartache. I don't know if I'm ready to fall beneath the cracks. I don't know if I would ever be able to come back if I let myself. Which scares me. Whenever i'm near him I get chills. He's all I think about knowing it won't work out isn't a good enough reason to keep me chained down and convinced. Cause I always have some stupid leap of faith. I always reanalyze the things that he says and it may mean nothing or it may mean everything in the world but please don't let it mean love. That's one thing i'm afraid of. He broke my heart shouldn't I just give it up? Shouldn't I just reached out to the land of plenty of other opportunities and just be free, fall all over again... cause it could happen that easily. So many want my hand. But I only want his hand. I only want his heart. Oh what is this it's tearing me apart. Is it love that beats me up late at night when I don't reveal what is really going on? Is it love that makes me want him like I do? Is it love that makes me bored my friends with endless conversations about him? I'm not sure... and that's why i'm afraid. Afraid of where this feeling will take me. Cause right now it seems hopeless. I should just stop my heart in it's tracks. Tell it to go fall in love for someone else. I wish it was that easy. I wish I could just forget. But I can't... My heart just won't understand that i'm pushing myself deeper into loneliness and at what price? Cause I care about him?