A Memorable Vacation, 1990

Summer of 1990, Ill winds had blown all year, I was feeling kind of battered, I lived in constant fear, Mother died, left my cheating wife, Lost my job, no more value to life... My last lifeline was my father, In deepest mourning too, I knew how bad we were hurting, I knew what I wished to do... So that summer I drove him and I, To Montauk, Long Island, under beautiful sky, With the world's most beautiful beaches, Restaurants, historic sights, 120 miles away... Anticipating a bit more than fun days and nights.... See, I needed no return ticket, Planned not to travel back home I would marry the Atlantic Ocean, No more in pain to roam.... Walk down the wedding aisle, into the deepest sea.... My only concern, my father, How much more sufffering would there be? But sometimes one's own pain, Overwhelms reason and heart, I was prepared to be selfish, And take my chance to depart... We had some days of fun, But on my chosen day, I brought a beach chair to the beach, Tape recorder, bottle of scotch... Sat facing the mighty ocean, Hoping this I would not botch... Spent all night, and next morning, Sitting by, and staring at, the sea... Scotch seemed ineffective, Maybe too much on the mind for me.... Of course the music was comforting, All from the 30's and 40's, Music my father taught me to love, My mind was racing nowhere, There was no insight from above... Eventually I grew weary, Returned to my seaside room, My father relieved to see me, Somehow that eased my gloom... See, there's still love for me out there, And lots for me to do... How could I hurt this injured warrior, A man who had my deepest admiration, Love, and true respect... I had been foolish to even think it, And later, when I thought about it, For one to take one's own options, Is to disdain God's gift of life, To spit in his face, even... Perhaps creating God's strife... So, I survived, and learned much, From that fateful day... When all seems completely hopeless, Somehow God will find a way. Epilogue; Driving home, radio played the Eagles, "Hotel California"...a song which has new meanings to me, and never fails to remind me when I chose, at the last moment, to step back from death, and seek the magic of hope, faith, and love. tom