(lyrics are spoken)
Girls,I know you will understand thisand feel the intrinsic incredible emotion
You have just pulled over your head the worn,warm sweater belonging to a boy
Now, you haven't had a passionate kissing session or anything,but you got to go on a camping trip with himand eight other people from school
And you practically slept together,your sleeping bag right next to his
And you woke in the night to watch him as he sleptbut you couldn't see anything 'cause it was darkso you just laid there and listened to his breathingand wondered if your heart might burst
The sweater has that faintly goat-like smellwhich all teenage boys possess,and that smell will lovingly transferto all your other clothes
If you get to keep it for a few days you can sleep with itbut don't let your mom see, 'cause she'll say,"what is that filthy thing, and who does it belong tobesides the trash man?"
So you have to keep it under the covers with you
You can kind of lie it beside you,or wrap it around your waist,or touch it on your legs, or whatever
That's your business
Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on itor is a funny color like yellow... I'm sorry,you can't get away with a sweater like that
Look for brown, or grey, or blue
Anything other than that, and you know you're dealing withsomeone who's different
And different is NOT what you're looking for
You're looking for those Alpine ski-chiseled featuresand that sort of blank look which passes for deep thoughtor at least the notion that someone's home
You're looking for the boy of your dreamswho is the same boy in the dreams of all your friends
Monday, wear the sweaterto school
Be calm, look cute
Don't tell him about the dream you hadabout the place the two of you would sharewhen you get older
Just be yourself
The best, cutest, quietest version of yourself
Definitely wear lip gloss
He looks at you, and then he looks away
And then he walks awayand the smell of the sweater hits you again suddenlylike ape-scent gloriolaand you get a note passed to youby a girl in History that says"
He needs that sweater back.
He forgot you put it on in the tent on Saturdayand he's been looking for it."
And you don't have to die of humiliation, you know
You are a strong personand this is a learning experience
You can still hold your head up high as you run from the classroomtearing the stinking sweater from your body
You've got a secret now, honey,and though you'd never sink as low as him,you could blab it all over the school if you wanted
The label in that sweatersaid "100% Acrylic"
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