Brain: Through meticulous analysis of history I will find a way to make the people worship me. By studying the conquerors of days gone by, I'll discover the mistakes that made them go awry.
Pinky: So that you can make the same mistakes if you just try.
Brain: By studying the past so carefully, I won't repeat the same mistakes of history.
Pinky: You'll never make another mistake, you see, 'cause you'll fall asleep from reading all that history.
Brain: Pay attention Pinky! When Cleopatra reigned as Queen, With Roman leaders she was often seen. But when she had no ruling friend, She found a poison snake to bite her in the end.
Pinky: A bite down there I really wouldn't recommend.
Brain: I won't need world alliances, When I'm commanding everyone's appliances.
Pinky: Oh no Brain, that would really smart, To be bitten on the bottom by a Cuisinart.
Brain: Hannibal, our book confirms, Tried conquering Italy with pachyderms. Just why he failed, nobody tells, But he never could get past the Roman sentinels.
Pinky: And he couldn't find his weapons in the peanut shells.
Brain: An elephant is not required, If I can use the media to be admired.
Pinky: The TV viewers you'll delight, Unless the network puts your show on Sunday night.
Brain: Attila was a mighty Hun, He ransacked Asia Minor just for fun. But when he got to Europe's banks, He was routed by an army of heroic Franks.
Pinky: I like mine with sauerkraut and mustard, thanks.
Brain: Why pillage like a criminal, When I can send out messages subliminal.
Pinky: Please send a message to that Hun, To see if he can pillage me a hot dog bun. [whack] Zort!
Brain: Caligula was no boy scout, He did things that we can't even talk about. The Romans knew he'd lost his head, When he filled a vacant Senate seat with Mr. Ed.
Pinky: What's wrong with being friendly with a thoroughbred?
Brain: Why rule like such a reprobate, When I can put the world in a hypnotic state?
Pinky: When everybody's in a trance, You can make the people do a chicken dance.
Brain: Pinky, if you don't stop this foolishness, I shall have to hurt you.
Pinky: 'kay.
Brain: In France, Napoleon Buonaparte, Thought beating Austria was very smart. But when he took on England too, He was beaten up by Wellington at Waterloo.
Pinky: And now he's just a pastry filled with creamy goo.
Brain: Why conquer with depravity, I'll win the world by undermining gravity.
Pinky: And even if your plan falls through, Maybe they will name a pastry after you. [squirt] Waahahaha!
Brain: From Ghengis Khan to Charlemagne, From Alexander down to Tamburlaine. I find a ruler's tragic flaw, And gain a little wisdom out of each faux pas.
Pinky: Don't forget the former Governor of Arkansas.
Brain: That concludes my little rhyme, I hope this lesson wasn't just a waste of time.
Pinky: Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true, Every one of them has failed, and so have you.
Brain: Thank you for your vote of confidence. Now come, we must prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky: Why, what are we going to do tomorrow night? (
Gasp) Sing a song about all the world's cheeses?
Brain: No, Pinky, we shall try to take over the world -- Through meticulous analysis of history.(
Fade out)
Pinky: Oh, but I like the cheese song, Brain.
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