The Song of Right and Wrong

 Feast on wine or fast on water 
And your honour shall stand sure, 
God Almighty's son and daughter 
He the valiant, she the pure; 
If an angel out of heaven 
Brings you other things to drink, 
Thank him for his kind attentions, 
Go and pour them down the sink.
 

Tea is like the East he grows in, 
A great yellow Mandarin 
With urbanity of manner 
And unconsciousness of sin; 
All the women, like a harem, 
At his pig-tail troop along; 
And, like all the East he grows in, 
He is Poison when he's strong.
 

Tea, although an Oriental, 
Is a gentleman at least; 
Cocoa is a cad and coward, 
Cocoa is a vulgar beast, 
Cocoa is a dull, disloyal, 
Lying, crawling cad and clown, 
And may very well be grateful 
To the fool that takes him down.
 

As for all the windy waters, 
They were rained like tempests down 
When good drink had been dishonoured 
By the tipplers of the town; 
When red wine had brought red ruin 
And the death-dance of our times, 
Heaven sent us Soda Water 
As a torment for our crimes.

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