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The Romance Of Patrolman Casey

Written by: Ellis Parker Butler | Biography
 There was a young patrolman who
 Had large but tender feet;
They always hurt him badly when
 He walked upon his beat.
(He always took them with him when
 He walked upon his beat.)

His name was Patrick Casey and
 A sweetheart fair had he;
Her face was full of freckles—but
 Her name was Kate McGee.
(It was in spite of freckles that
 Her name was Kate McGee.)

“Oh, Pat!” she said, “I’ll wed you when
 Promotion comes to you!”
“I’m much-obliged,” he answered, and
 “I’ll see what I can do.”
(I may remark he said it thus—
 “Oi’ll say phwat Oi kin do.”)

So then he bought some new shoes which
 Allowed his feet more ease—
They may have been large twelves. Perhaps
 Eighteens, or twenty-threes.
(That’s rather large for shoes, I think—
 Eighteens or twenty-threes!)

What last they were I don’t know, but
 Somehow it seems to me
I’ve heard somewhere they either were
 A, B, C, D, or E.
(More likely they were five lasts wide—
 A, B plus C, D, E.)

They were the stoutest cowhide that
 Could be peeled off a cow.

But he was not promoted

Kate wed him anyhow.

(This world is crowded full of Kates
 That wed them anyhow.)