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She wondered why she stayed, and knew others wondered the same. No longer hopeful he will change, she falls asleep and dreams of better days. To painful to see what her life has become, so she hides behind an allusion and calls the madness love. She's too far gone to try to pick up the pieces of the damage that has been done. Too tired to fight anymore. The guilt engulfs her so much that it's hard to breath, so ashamed about what all her children must see. So she gets up and puts on a smile and tries to hide the pain he caused last night. She begins to wonder if he was right, did she only imagine his anger? The war begins in her mind, thinking she is crazy. After awhile the insanity from him is all that feels normal to her, and without it she would be lost. She thinks about her younger days and the other men who tried to love her. Why did she love someone who brought her so much pain? She tries her best to change. If only she would talk less, look better, be cleaner, then it would be OK. In her heart she knows it will never be OK, until the day he is gone. When he is gone his words still echo in her mind of how worthless she is. How unlovable and disgusting. She can't look people in the eye, afraid they will see the truth. Afraid of even leaving her house, because she believes she will never feel safe again. Over time, I watched her fight off the demons left by him that kept her paralyzed in fear. The voices in her head left by him still echoed, but not so loud. Slowly, she began to live again. A new life, so much better than the life she knew before him. A life only those who knew her could see and understand. She finally knew love, and it wasn't in the arms of a man. She saw love everywhere she went, because she was finally free. Free to be the person she was always meant to be.
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