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By Stanley Collymore At first I wasn’t in the least interested in you. But then, why should I be? You, after all, are an unmarried and out-of-work mum just turned 23 and, additionally and quite evidently in the general mix of things and significantly for me, the single parent to a five year old son. On the other hand I’m much older than you; am mutually and longstandingly divorced with no dependent children to take care of or seriously worry about as they’re all now adults in their own right; and who furthermore have voluntarily and with my full blessing vacated their parental home to creditably create productive and very successful lives of their own. Smoothing the progression to a relished and even selfish situation on my part, as you can clearly see, where I’m entirely free without the obligatory familial responsibilities I previously had: challenging yet delightfully rewarding as these were, to now possess and thoroughly enjoy the satisfactory and even perfect life I happily have and can comfortably as well afford to lead. Or worst luck, were this not so, find myself seductively entreated by and even possibly succumbing to the unrelenting forces of unwarranted encumbrances or emotional complications, that were I not to strictly maintain my vigilance or be resolutely level-headed enough concerning such matters that realistically could disastrously affect me romantically, emotionally or even financially and thus proscribe my ability to pre-emptively and resourcefully head them off before they step in and, unfortunately for me, irreparably ruin the solace, peace of mind and the general contentment with life which I have, would unquestionably, I must confess, be nothing less than an out and out major catastrophe! So why then, other than by virtue of temporary insanity, should I perversely risk any or all that I’ve diligently worked for in life and fortunately have for someone like you, who moreover is half my age, has nothing comparable in exchange to offer me, and whose personal life at twenty three has only just begun – even though it’s been copiously littered, fraught with and punctuated by numerous contradictions, life-changing mistakes: some of them avoidably so but nevertheless dare-deviledly embarked upon by you and thoughtlessly brought upon yourself; or come to that ill-judgements galore? While in marked contrast my life: very organized, considerably experienced and cerebrally thought out, couldn’t be any more different from yours. And while too, sensibly, pragmatically and using every adjectival definition that I can think of to bolster this opinion of you and confidently reassure myself you’re undeniably the wrong woman for me, why then is commonsense, notwithstanding all this and with its characteristically routine and punctiliously active participation in everything that I do; now choosing instead to deliberately take a backseat in this singular confrontation between my heart and my head? © Stanley V. Collymore 7 April 2013.
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