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Johnny and Amber To get my mind off war and inflation I’ve watched the trial for defamation. But from what I’ve heard that scorned Amber Turd should be on trial for defecation! **** Romance in Durango We met south of the border in Durango, she was hot and boy could she fandango. She said at a glance “senor like to dance?” No mamacita, but I would love to tango! **** In a Singles Bar Trollin’ at the bar her leg he did touch, she was so sexy and gorgeous and such. He said wanna go? You’re fine! She flirted “your place or mine?” Nah, forget it darlin’, you talk too much! **** Confessions From the Grave It’s not so bad being dead and all, it’s quiet in here where the worms crawl. I wouldn’t say it’s bliss but there’s not much I miss ‘cept a cold beer and a booty call! **** My Lawyer the Idiot The law is an ass that made me a victim, so is my lawyer, his head up his rictum. The law he said he knew but is just a shyster who doesn’t know his coccyx from his dictum! **** Quickdraw Slow down cowboy and reload she mocked and next time try not to go off half-cocked. Then she said with a snig-ger you’re too fast on the trigger but who fu-ckin cares, my world was rocked! **** For the Squawkin’ Hen There once was a dingo doer named Jen who’s nothin’ but a suckin’ squawkin’ hen. For a tim tam she’ll do the same nasty to you with a stroke of her feral tongue and pen! She’s got a thing for this special dingo and writes me love poems in my lingo. She so wants my attention with all that sexual tension but beware the rabid dingo innuendo! **** The Butterfly Effect I do love to go down on their wings and lie and see ‘em spread their open legs up high. But if you are down there be sure to come up for air out of the bush of the Venus Butterfly! **** Custer At Little Big Horn in the prairie grass Custer was known as Yellow Hair alas. But it was Custer who fell and Crazy Horse they tell was from that day on known as Kicking Ass! **** No Hurry I hope my poems in their entirety live on beyond my notoriety. But I sure don’t wanna be the guest of honour read at the Dead Poet’s Society! **** Batter Up I post on the Soup for all to see and am no angel nor claim to be. I am kind and all that but carry a big bat so beware the “batter up” in me! **** Now That’s a Fairytale Mirror mirror on the wall she wants me so but I am little and she is white as snow. From Bashful to Happy I morph singing like a horny little dwarf Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It’s off to twerk we go! **** Twins I only had eyes for you when we first met and yes blondes have more fun it’s true my pet. How we walked hand in hand and rolled naked in the sand… “fu-ck you! That was my sister, I’m the brunette!” **** Bankers or Bandits? At the ATM I just want to harangue my bank for the fees it upon me sprang. When I do I get fobbed and feel like I’ve been robbed by the outlaw hole in the wall gang! **** Safe Sex She said “I’m not some cheap bimbo whore but have six kids and don’t want any more”. Relax I said, my name’s Rex and I do practice safe sex… it’s true, I always lock the car door! **** Hillary Clinton She is a White House witch and feminazi who rides her big broom like a kamikaze. The honesty test she fails, she lied about her emails and covered up the truth about Benghazi! **** For Stevo Down on de Farm Stevo milks de cows but O’ brudder in de shed some begin to shudder. With cold hands he pull on both cow and bull, O’ but one doh work like de udder! **** Beer Goggles No, no, the drinks are on me I told her and with each one I was gettin’ bolder. When I woke the next day oh jeez, well let’s just say beauty’s in the eye of the beerholder! **** For Sheriff Koplin and Deputy Tom In Milt Creek up there in North Dakota the law is an ass and a big fat bloater. He calls himself sheriff but I just call him Griff and he’s a troll and my stalking doter! Gun in one hand and dick in the other he thinks he’s Wyatt Earp, O’ brother! With his deputy, Tom, a witless numpty pom together are as dumb as one another! He’s Peter Griffin with a badge! Note: A pom is an Englishman. ****
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