Amy cat passed
six days ago today…
FATE took her away
after eleven purrfect years
We offer this tribute with gratitude
for the gray tabby ninja with cattitude —
finis vitae sed non amoris
Beneath the words, I hear you say.
Above my skin, the price I pay.
Up into the sky, I looked.
Down my eyes, the life you took.
Within my heart, the ache will stay.
Beyond your touch, I fade away.
To numb the feeling,
I had to halt the healing.
For a moment I longed to confess,
The next moment, doubt made me suppress.
So I pulled myself back from telling —
I hope it's not your heart that's shelling.
Even if my silence hurts you,
Stay happy, stay free and true —
You deserve a love unbound.
Don't look back — don't turn around.
morning’s first light
smell of fresh brewed coffee
wakes up memories
of you
Since your up and leaving
I’ve been heavy bleeding.
Take this restless heaving
And recycle everything of mine
I gave to you that held meaning.
Disassemble these arms
That have clung to you.
They have done nothing but weep,
So distance your name from mine.
Call me when you’re back in town
So I can dilate my eyes and hide from you.
Your gaze is too piercing,
And your body is too beautiful to me
So I can’t bear to look.
Don’t tell me when you’re gone.
Why should I have to suffer your leave?
For the seventh time, with the flashbacks.
Take your time here but leave me lonely
Unless you mean it, unless you’re ready to want me.
It will soon reach a decade passing,
Like distilled water standing
Still in its same bottle.
I am the water marinating
In the reminders of you.
Choosing suffering, and choosing
My own suffocation by not moving on.
In purpose to uplift the spirit
I got up and said hey ho
I thought, if you could hear it
You’d likely say, hello
I heard your muffled cough
Through the ajar kitchen door
I dashed to see you, love
I passed the corridor
I popped into the sitting room
And checked the bedroom too
I smelled no Gatineau perfume
I saw no sign of you
It wasn’t a trick of tired mind
I’ve heard your cough, I swear
But you were out of sight
Just when I thought you’re there
Inside a room, or maybe
Out in the pretty wild
My garden on the balcony
It could’ve made you smile.
Do you know what it’s like to trust someone
and feel as if it’s jumping into a lake with weights tied to your leg? Watching everyone you love slowly drift away till gone. Like taking that step not knowing if it will turn out the same.
Do you know what it’s like to finally trust that person and put your all into making it work out? As they slowly distance themselves from you, but was it ever bound to work out?
Was I actually loved, or was I in love with the possibility of being loved by you? Did you ever feel the same about me or was it all just limerence?
—For What Could Not Die—
They say true love outlives the reach of death;
then why make war when we must say goodbye?
If wrath can keep thy shadow warm with breath,
why forge another bond before we die?
Thou lift thine eyes into the vacant blue,
as though some hidden dweller waits for you;
and sleep withdraws when evening seals the night,
as if one absent face withholds the light.
I ask the men who trade in roads and bread;
they name each street, yet cannot name thy trace.
The world wakes on; I hear its iron tread,
yet every road goes empty in thy place.
That primal word—Be—called the dark to flame;
thou mayst unmake my world, not what became.
~ When Playing 'The Game of Love' ~
Let not defeat upon defeat serve as dissuasion
~ One victory changes the whole equation
—The Cost of Belonging—
The branch they mean to save must first
be severed from its living tree;
its wound, still bright with climbing sap,
is bound against another’s bark.
***
The cut remains. The bindings hold.
No root it knew
lies underneath;
yet slowly, where the wound was made,
two strangers teach their
veins to meet.
***
And when the graft has taken green,
which tree shall call the branch
its own?
Below, the severed root grows on—
forgetting what it
gave away.
The wind bloweth.......
Bloweth the chaff......
From the grains
The chaff is deserted like the desert
Like the fox in the Maghreb dunes
Deserted like the fig tree in Autumn
That is shedding leaves for winter
They deserted one by one
As they paid their respects
To the departed lying in state
One by one they left as they came
He was left all alone deserted
Death has left its streak of sting
He is a casualty. He is deserted
(Written 11th July, 2015)
I want nothing more than to rid you from my life,
but the cost of your absence is eternal grief -
a lifetime spent knowing
I will never love anyone else again.
I wait to meet you,
Sun setting upon my fate,
Now night cloaks my tears.
I waited - but you didn't come
until tomorrows became wishes for yesterday,
when that silly chuckle and knowing brow
made shadows play in
blinding sunsets and
the tired yawns of morning when
you were here...
when - goodbyes then, were only
temporary...but it all
suddenly became forever and
it seems impossible - but
that scratched groove we always
knew - skipped in the exact same place
ta-dum-ta-dum-ta-dum...when
carefree for granteds and
the waking sun would bring... a smile...
I see you there then in the blink of an eye you’re gone. The body remains there but the soul has moved on.
I remember the times when we danced in the rain and the snow. Wet and cold we were but our hearts were of love aglow.
I look at you now but know you’re not there. Whoever chose to steal your soul for me does not care.
In the blink of an eye as time had moved on. The air, water, sky in the world - is it really there now that all the love has gone?
I remember your face and I remember your smile. I sometimes hear your voice and catch your glimpse through my eyes. In the blink of an eye then you’re gone. I see your face in the clouds, rub my eyes and slowly move on.
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