Best Rid Of Poems
You distract me from where I want to be
You destroy my life as well as those around me
You deceive my family, putting false promises in their way
You demolish my friends, watching their lives crumble away
I am determined to get rid of you
I am desiring to kick you out of my house
To say goodbye to you forever is my dream
To wash away the misery you've caused is my fantasy
So watch your back and stay on your guard
Because I will not rest until you are lying down. cold, lifeless, dead.
(This poem is not directed at innocent spouses)
Chlamydia
Chlamydia, Chlamydia,
How do we get rid of ya.?
Take up painting,
Stay at home.
Learn to play the saxophone.
Raise Chihuahuas.
Learn cabinetry.
Take ballet lessons,
Make furniture for the family.
Write a novel,
Even if it stinks,
Don’t drown yourself in alcoholic drinks.
Write a poem
Raise a horse.
Cleaning up the stable,
Will keep you on course.
Stop feeling sorry,
For yourself,
Chlamydia feeds
On the dissatisfied elf..
Take up philoso-phy,
Learning to think
Helps keep your mind free.
Don’t become a societal leach,
Look at the ocean.
Go and lay down on the beach.
Enjoy the essence of your town,
The people, the smells, and the sounds.
Notice things you never noticed before.
(That will keep you off the floor.)
Get a cat or a dog,
It will even be good if you tended a frog.
Make it not always, “me, me,me”
Build a playhouse in a tree
Do good for the helpless,
Young and elder-ly.
Social disease is for people who have no good aims.,
And play too many selfish games.
Most of all,
Go pray in Church.
The Creator will never,
Leave you in the lurch.
Church Be Rid Of
They died and went to heaven above;
Where each one can enjoy God's love;
Was such a scare;
Bullets everywhere;
Church decided to destroy and are rid of.
You cant get rid of your shadow
Its always there on the wall
The movement of sunlight makes it flow
It dances whenever you call
It rises forever in the daybreak
Gripping every corners edge
Sets in the sundown of its wake
Finding us in every slope and ledge
We always look behind us
To catch a glimpse of its cover
But when we cant see there is no fuss
For in our hearts we know it will always hover
A Haibun
I tell you no one wanted that car. We kept it parked in the driveway for years while we made payments on Saturns and bought Subarus and Hondas and tried to ignore it. Meanwhile, I would drive it once a week to Trader Joe's or the Beaverton Library.
driver's door opens
chains pulled across pipes
runs great, good mileage
I tried to donate it (only had about 102,000 miles). I called all the charities that take old cars (United Way, Cancer Research, even Kars4Kids) but upon hearing it was a 1989 Ford Festiva with a key jammed in the ignition refused to consider it.
I finally had to call a junk dealer who offered us a $100, and who came with a big smile and a ruddy, little Pomeranian
that waited obediently to one side while he hoisted the car up on his wrecker.
The dog yapped all the while but seemed happy. She made me smile, and my heart bubbled a little.
just as Samantha
began licking my fingers
five 20's changed hands
Published Contemporary Haibun Online
Having lived as long as I have, this cluttered head
can't find any space to breathe and make me think;
ideas and thoughts never used won't run as ink
and leave beautiful words for others to read.
No task is easy and getting rid of clutter might be ideal,
doing multiple tasks leaves little time for a busy mind to heal;
could I ever rest and chase dreams when my work is done?
Could I foresee sickness and rage to have accomplished none?
I won't consult a psychologist to help me see better things;
it's wasted money and energy on something so worthless;
Lord, may I ask for good health and forfeit all vain riches?
Lord, banish thoughts of greed, replace them with good deeds.
we are living in an age when people would rather cover
their ass than think about what they say,
when people would rather try to censor the way we speak
than look at the reasons that we say the things that we
do &
kids are getting the full beating treatment,
as schools in nyc are proposing a new ban of words
which appear on standardized tests,
tests which like all methods of evaluation
are skewed by those who create them,
representing the views & the discrepancies of the
creators,
so of course,
the blame needs to be removed from those who insist upon
dragging children through the mundane & futile assessments
neath’ the guise of ceasing the
“upsetting” of the kids.
in this age of irresponsibility,
of the quickest way to fix our frustrations,
“precautions” are being taken,
in order to mold kids into good little law abiding citizens---
rather than to allow them to think for themselves,
rather than to prepare them for the real & horrible world
in which they are about to be thrown into,
an attempt is being made to
censor them,
keeping them from having to see words like “evolution” or
“poverty,”
“terrorism,”
“homelessness” or
“catastrophes” &
what kind of bubble do the test-makers think these kids are
going to be able to live in?
what insane parents sitting on the boards think that
pulling more words from tests,
will do anything but draw more attention to those words?
what kind of subliminal mind**** newspeak is this?
teachers sound as if they are going further than before
to try & make kids
who will never say anything offensive
because they will hardly ever speak their mind &
in doing so, they’ll be the best damn americans that
our tax dollars can buy---
start em’ when they’re young &
instead of letting them learn about life through experience,
try to avoid it
whenever possible.
Here I lie in Ramona,
sick with the virus Corona.
I feel like hell
and cannot smell,
but glad I don't have pneumonia.
In five days' time, I finally felt fine:
Free from the virus Corona.
Then again it hit,
now I'm sick as Schmidt,
as I lie in bed in Ramona.
To Get Rid of Something
I was listening to the bug exterminator
Commercial. This Horn Haiku came to
mind.
Can exterminate;
Completely eradicate,
And eliminate.
When you want to get rid of something,
this is what you have to end up doing.
After all of this has happened, the problem
is no longer there.
Jim Horn
Somethings are listed as a bargain
they make it sound so fine
"You can buy this for under thirty bucks"!
Whats the price? $29.99.
Wow, that's a whole penny
there's no way you can lose.
with the money you'll be saving
how could you refuse?
The current price of Gasoline
is $2.68 and nine-tenths
why not make it $2.69
wouldn't that make more sense?
The extra one-tenth of a cent
I'm sure glad I don't have to pay
it would be such a financial burden
more than I can say.
I'ld probably need a second job
which wouldn't be too great
they could relieve a lot of pressure
if the price was just $2.68.
I don't want to seem facetious
lets call a spade-a-spade
lets make the penny obsolete
then we'ld have it made.
There would be no more prices
that end in 99
they'ld likely go to the nearest buck
which is what I had in mind.
But none of that will happen
that I know for sure
that 99 is here to stay
we'll just continue to endure!
i see your anger
from the cold-hearted ego basher
but you can't get rid of me
i see your suspicion
from the unexpected action
but you can't get rid of me
i see your wonder
from everything under cover
but you can't get rid of me
i see your hope
from the new ways to cope
but you can't get rid of me
i see your thankfulness
from the moment that left you breathless
but you can't get rid of me
i see your regret
from the moment you will never forget
but you still won't get rid of me
Vivian, my eighty-years-seasoned neighbor, called Vi, is a mystery only to those who did not return her first cheerful “hi”.
She is an open-book person, ready to love and accept everyone. I met Vi the first day I was out in my yard building a rock garden, two days after moving in. She came roaring down my driveway in an older model of a car, something gray, with long seats. She stopped about a foot from me and got out. I turned and smiled, and so did she.
She was here to offer her son’s tractor services to me for free, tried to talk me into letting him come over here and mow down the trees and bushes that traveled along our mutual wire fence line from the road to the back forty. She called it a “mess”.
We love it like that, I told her. My husband in particular loved it because he is a natural guy, who enjoys sitting on the porch in his boxer shorts on a summer night, catching the breeze, without any gawkers.
But I kept that quiet.
She told me a funny story about catching her husband and his newest girlfriend at a motel. She waited until he paid, and they were walking to their room. Then she fell into step beside him and said “What are you doing, Eddie?” The girlfriend must have known who I was, she said, because she screamed and ran off.
I spent a lovely forty minutes or so politely laughing my head off at Vi’s funny stories. Then she asked again if they could mow the mess away. Which would have given them a clear view to our yard if they had a telescope, and I figured they did. In spite of her terrifically funny stories, I stood my ground.
God Get Rid of Trump
Made Trump president and it did madden;
Then seemed so silent and would sadden;
Perturb,
And disturb;
Should get rid of Trump and us gladden.
Jim Horn
Are We Trying To Get Rid Of God?
Why is our country trying to remove
God from “everything?”
Do we think about the consequences this will bring?
Our early fathers looked to him for a “moral direction.”
But now we’re burdened down
with “political correction.”
When our country’s leaders signed the constitution…
They had no idea this paper would cause so much “confusion.”
As many judges have torn any “moral fabric” all apart…
It’s like they’ve placed a knife into this country’s heart!
Remove God from our buildings and our schools…
“Anything goes” by man’s interpretations and rules!
Take away the ten commandments from our land.
We are quickly drifting into a “spiritual quicksand.”
What are people looking for in this
life they’ve been given?
No wonder so many are “mixed up”
in the way they’re livin’!
Once the Bible is removed as this country’s moral guide…
We’ve since gone down a very steep “slippery slide!”
I’m here to tell you that God is our only answer and hope!
He’s the answer to the many on drugs and dope!
He’s the answer to every problem that “ails you.”
He is God! He is powerful and will never fail you!
He’s the one we must look to in a hopeless situation.
He’s the answer to every person in this great nation!
By Jim Pemberton
Rid of You
You were an anchor tied to my feet
sinking me down into your dark sea.
You thought that I could not be complete
without you, but wow! Now I can be me.
It’s great to be free of your frustrating ways:
all your sulking and moaning and putting me down.
You brought me a world in mere varying grays -
like days filled with rain in which I might drown.
Chorus:
Rid of you, rid of you. Now I feel great.
It’s like from my shoulders was lifted a weight.
I bet that to me you weren’t even true.
Better is no one than someone like you.
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The sun feels much warmer now on my skin.
The grass now seems greener and bluer is sky.
How trusting was I to once let you in.
Watch me now, Boy; I’m going to fly.
A lark I can be, and my bright song
will be my incentive wherever I go
to not let a man again do me wrong.
With joy I’ll soar above the rainbow.
Chorus:
Rid of you, rid of you. Now I feel great.
It’s like from my shoulders was lifted a weight.
I bet that to me you weren’t even true.
Better is no one than someone like you.
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