When Doing Wrong Feels So Right

Oh mum, I lied to you big time You will never ever understand how it broke my heart But I was doing it to protect you It wasn’t my place to tell news that would devastate our lives Dad was taken in hospital and you went into care I visited you every day, took you out for walks and we would talk You’d ask me about dad, one day you thought he was dead But because of your dementia that was simply in your head I kept telling you he was doing fine and we would go and visit him regularly He greeted us with his massive smile – it is still on his face even now But we were hiding a secret – he had cancer and was still having tests In fact he was hiding it from me how ill he was so we were both deceived But I kept telling you he was fine – it was what he wanted Every time I saw you mum I had a sunny smile But inside my heart was breaking and I was wearing a mask Then came the body blow for me His cancer is terminal and he is dying You never saw the tears I was crying He came home and you remained in care So I lied that we couldn’t go to the hospital I came up with some great excuses I was very creative In fact on the day he was coming home I went to get the house ready and take him some shopping You were there with a friend who had taken you out I had to tell her to get you out quickly as the ambulance was arriving I didn’t want you to know he was coming home – it was his wish He needed time on his own to take in the devastating news You kept saying to me you thought dad was dying I had to lie because it was his wish you weren’t to know Not then – the time wasn’t right We kept it secret from you for a week when you went home You both needed to adjust to being back together again I will never forget the day I arrived and he had told you his news You were sitting together on the sofa holding hands Oh mum it broke my heart You asked me if I knew dad was dying I had to say I had known for a while You were angry at me you said I had lied If things had been different I would have shared Mum I lied for one reason – because I care Jan Allison 23rd August Written with tears in my eyes for When Doing Wrong Feels So Right Contest Sponsored By Jared Pickett (~Awarded 5th Place~ by Poet Destroyer A)