The Why of Who I Am

The why of who I am would take a book to give full explanation, but right here I’ll spell it out – though I cannot be brief, for many things have formed the who I am. My mother was religious. Born that way, she searched for something missing in her life. She married young; religion got her through a stressful marriage with a man unhinged. My father’s mental illness had no cure. I think while in my mother’s womb, I felt her nervousness, for I have always been a person filled with nervous energy. I would not sleep till late; I ran about and early learned to walk, to run and talk. An independent child, the eldest too, I taught my sisters things – thus helping Mom. My early memories seem melancholy, I’m told the father that I dearly loved could not reciprocate his love too well, and so aloofness in me came to be. I often played alone (so I am told). I swang; I made mud pies and formed parades with animals (not dolls). I loved stories that mother told us – they were fairy tales. One’s childhood is a big part of the who a person is, yet mine does not explain how different from my sisters I became nor all the changes that would come to me. Inside a shell I seemed to always be, not understanding why I felt such need to be accepted by my peers at school where popularity alluded me. In junior high, at last I broke that shell. I felt a giddiness of wittiness come over me. The friendships I attained were few but strong. My intellect grew too. Religiosity I’d strived to gain, for church predominated in my life. But I could not be like my family. I prayed and studied, but found not their faith. And so it was I went through half my life attending church, not really “feeling” it. I know that God exists, and that’s enough, for I’ve developed a philosophy. How can there be a one true church when God loves all His children equally? The Hell I think we'll ever know is feeling pain like that which we give others - so be kind! I’ve studied tests for personalities, astrology and numerology. I know myself completely – flaws and all, and I accept myself for who I am. I’m strong-willed, but I don’t like to impose my will on others. Few are my life’s goals. I drift along with what life hands to me - most thankful for the good that comes along. My horoscope abounds with elements of mostly earth (a little fire and air). I’m thrifty, conscientious, down to earth. No puzzles do I care to figure out. I know the stories Mother read to me were simply fairy tales, but still romance lives in my poetry, for I have got a dreamy and romantic side to me. In numerology the number Five abounds in me. It proves the reason why I love to play; I’m all for having fun, so hard work I avoid along with stress. My nervous energy I put into the things I love, and I am quite obsessed with fitness, writing, movies! And I’ve read a ton of books since I was in my youth. My destiny is Seven, seeker of life's truths, and I believe my truth’s evolved. Like Mother and my sisters I can’t be, so I am simply true to being me! I like things simple, and I love a plot! I live for a good tale. When not awake, I’m making stories in my dreams. Yes, I’m an odd black sheep, and I am fine with that! Nov. 15, 2020 for Silent One's It's A Part Of Me - Life And The Perceptions And Philosophies You Hold Poetry Contest