The Troubled Client

My most troubling client told me he died last night. While this did not appear to be his somber case, nor, sadly, did my home office silently resound like this was his actual historical peace, I did conjure up sufficient energy to ask why he thought so or felt so or hoped so or feared so and probably all of the above. Why not invite this spectral tsunami overshadowing life's reverberating days and nightmare nights? I have no prior experience, no words for comparison or explanation, he replied, I realize I am not naturally dead but feel spiritually disassociated, withdrawn diverse inside And not entirely out enough as if in my nocturnal half-life I wandered lost last night and failed to fully reassemble. So this feels like spiritual and unnatural failure? Failed to fully return to business as daytime usual, to orthodox reasonable integrity, to all insanity of inhumane nature out of interdependent touch with outdoor Earth kin, nature-spirit Elders, ancient ring-wrinkling trees witnessing history already reverse-breathing before Nina Pinta and Santa Maria, cut and bound European cousins arrived on Eastern Atlas shores... You talk a lot for one so dead. Is there a difference between Eastern Atlas space and Eastern U.S. Atlantic bounded place? Maybe this is a failure, non-pacific weakness; certainly a loss. Each natural species opportunistically suspects yet cannot risk imagining what spiritual difference could remain within what is left and right of natural Us. Perhaps we feel drained strained de-brained maimed blamed shamed reamed by Herculean angst, absence of health developed spiritual curiosity and courage... To pull all our self chosen gods and improper goddesses together again each morning resurfacing into yet another cooperatively longing day. Perhaps. Although gods and goddesses do not sound sufficiently accurate, nor historically courageous resurfacing this discontinuity before and after my regathering alarm, bugled and bungled into each foggy day... I feel, still, my sacred loss of outside presence. To die our sacred disempowering death To competing devilish inside challenges, To belong cooperative EarthGarden awakened gripped by supreme ego lost shadow of light's Source, outdoor business time's nature/spirit boundary threshold of ZeroSum heart playing organic EarthGame's finest green commons Paradise-- outside courageous success behind indoor curious failure to awaken quite wrongly dead and disassociated again. Natural secularizing life, falling and failing rising and sailing bilateral integrity Earth allied All over again this personal and contractual and constitutional well-born morning, not quite competitively reassembled. What remains paid less to keep consuming more improperly produced and bothered breath gasping bad inside air. As they could say, Shop till dead Time drops inside dispersed depersonalized dissonant desacramented autonomous ego ReAcclimating toward more cooperative eco-resilient interdependent integrity... As he continued disassembling Ancient branched witnesses turned to enter deeper rooted notes, Our most troubling spiritual student dismissed us unfit for domestic servitude as she died last night As if one autonomy had exclusive rights of nutrition empowering sovereignty. I winked back and said ThankYou And don't let over-lumbered doors slap you down on our way outside and in, more competitively cooperating again.