The Descent

Darkness Everywhere I looked I searched long and hard But the light I couldn’t find I tried I tried But there was no escape From the abyss of self-hate Crumbled on the cold hard floor I reached out For softness and warmth But was greeted with none I lay awake in bed A world worse than nightmare land Where dreaming was an escape A life more painful than hell itself The bottle of pills on my bed side looks tempting My tongue craves its taste The bottle of bleach on the floor Looks like the only liquid that can quench my thirst The blade’s luster makes my eyes glitter As it’s touch my wrist craves Red hot blood oozes out comforting me from the dark coldness around I tried I tried Long and hard I tried I tried But the temptation of self-harm I couldn’t fight I finally see light Sunlight penetrating my room through the window Beckoning me close And now I stand On the window sill Staring at the grave below But just as I am about to take flight A soft voice in my head whispers “stay” Stay!? For what? For whom? Why should I stay In a world ungrateful for all my good deeds A world where my sexuality is a joke A world where my gender and color make me inferior A world in which I am but a spec Who cares if I stay? Clearly no one For there is no one by my side Right now as I prepare to die No one holding my hand No one offering their shoulder for me to cry No one comforting me No one to tell me its going to be fine I was there for them when they had the pettiest issues Or needed small favors I did it all with a smile Where are they now When my life hangs by a string Ready to snap any minute ‘You see’ I say to the voice in my head Let me go. No one cares if I stay ‘But you matter’ the voice responds ‘You are in this world for a purpose Which you must fulfill Even if you are on your own’ I sway My knees can’t bear the weight Of all that’s in my head My eyes can’t see anymore, my hands shake My sense giving up with my heart ‘Stay’ the voice says ‘Please’ ‘I cant’ I say as my feet part with the sill I tried I tried I say As my body reached the grave I tried hard I tried long But I am sorry I wasn’t brave enough to fight my way out of the darkness Or stay I tried I tried