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Steeped in Virginal Dreams

Knowledge gained liberates or mutilates. Ramifications of reality’s realm reached make your insides want to abandon the body ship. Rocking back and forth as you hurl dry acidic pain expelled by the force of shell shocked lucidity: You’re not good enough to be loved. Breathing in is treason. Your heart demands release of life’s lease. On the kitchen floor crumpled dreams drag to prostrate form. Alone….. Every reason to stay is obliterated. Ascorbic failures scream. Heart blood transforms to salty rivulets. Self-loathing usurps the throne of belief. "Appeasement sacrifice,” it sagely suggests… "Your life!" Relevant Reasoning... For someone for whom love is cell oxygen grey matter food supreme soul sustenance, life without full bodied Love is death. Might as well... Cowardice cackles and goads…. The cut isn’t deep enough. Red streaked line mockery of mental hell feels abhorrence breathing between the sobs that one hears … No one hears Troubled mind has drained desirability’s delight. Not strong enough to live not strong enough to die, you are spent… negligence purged. Silence begs to benumb, yet a reminder remains. The thorn of truth finds a home. Embedded in my side, it won’t be denied. Removal immuned it is unseen by naked eye- exposed to the naked heart. With every movement of love making matrimonial mattress yet exudes the faint scent of virginal dreams... Pain permeates It digs in deep. Nothing will change. YOU cannot change. You are unlovable. You're troubled and troubling brain takes beauty down to notch of insane. Give it all away. Lavish and ravish. Obsessively bid for love while you auction respect away, but herein is the cursed truth: You are not good enough to be loved. You never were. You never will be. For Charlotte's Heart and Soul Contest September 2, 2014

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 9/14/2014 8:26:00 PM
Hey Eileen, I'm thrilled your poem got a high placement. I know you worked very hard on this one. I didn't place at all :(. Maybe you can Teach me a few things soon..
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Date: 9/9/2014 11:22:00 AM
Hi Eileen! I told you that this poem would pay rich dividends and that it would grow wings! So it has!!! Congratulations!!!:) // paul
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Date: 9/9/2014 7:04:00 AM
returning to send you my sweet congrats, eileen..huggs
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Date: 9/8/2014 11:07:00 PM
Loved it Eileen, so powerfully written. Congrats
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Date: 9/7/2014 12:53:00 PM
I knew if you posted this again, it would be a winner. Congratulations, Eileen.
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Date: 9/7/2014 11:00:00 AM
Congratulations on you win!!!!
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Date: 9/7/2014 8:06:00 AM
Congratulations on this powerful and touching poem.
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Date: 9/7/2014 2:54:00 AM
Great heart-touching poem; Congratulations on your win
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Date: 9/7/2014 1:37:00 AM
Congrats on ur high placement on this wonderful write Eileen! U really hv an amazing pen dear!
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Date: 9/6/2014 10:58:00 PM
Congratulations!!!!! I knew this one was a winner ... Love and prayers and God bless you, Gina
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Date: 9/6/2014 10:24:00 PM
Hey, little darlin' look at YOU. Way to go with your awesome free verse. I just knew she would love this. Congrats to you.
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Date: 9/6/2014 7:56:00 PM
"while you aution respect away"......those are powerhouse words... just excellent, Eileen !!
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Date: 9/6/2014 5:13:00 PM
So glad to see you high on the list and the euphoria of being chosen. This is an exceptional write. I think your other one would also have been high on the list as well. Hugs Rick.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/6/2014 5:15:00 PM
Thanks, Rick! I appreciate your visit and your lovely comments! Yes, I did want to do well on this contest as it is so different than the way I usually express myself. Will I always write this way, no! Have I learned something? Yes! I'm glad I entered, even though I had my doubts. Thanks for being there.
Date: 9/6/2014 5:06:00 PM
I am so happy for your great placement in this contest. You are so deserving. When you let your soul write the words you always win. Congratulations on this win.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/6/2014 5:08:00 PM
Maurice....you are very kind to me. Thanks ever so much for this visit! :)
Date: 9/6/2014 3:59:00 PM
yayy!! I've waited long for this day, when I could look at my winners' list and say "there's eileen with a fantastic poem"! this is what confessionalism is all about - stepping outside your comfort zone, putting your vulnerabilities out there...I clocked the alterations you made; I agree with debbie about the capitals, I don't agree about changing the rest - it wouldn't be your poem then!! and you do indeed take beauty DOWN to notch of insane because you DESCEND into insanity! big congrats! :)
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/6/2014 4:03:00 PM
Charlotte!!! This must be one of my sweet wins! I'd have been heartbroken if I were further down on the list? Why? I pulled this poem, once. I was going to pull it the second time. Being vulnerable isn't easy. Already...I got a remark that hit deep because of this poem. It was removed, but not before the pain hit. I don't need pain. I need to live....I already struggle with enough insecurities that come as a result of my romantic idealistic perfectionist heart. Thank you...Thank you for understanding! I'm so glad I could get out of my box for a bit to try to live up to the challenge you set before me. I'm deeply grateful to you! You are a tough judge, and this makes this all the sweeter! Hugs
Date: 9/6/2014 3:37:00 PM
AH, Eileen, the beauty of poetic catharsis, to say those things suppressed, repressed, and just plain terrifying. A wonderful stab into the empty heart of loneliness.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/6/2014 3:41:00 PM
Thanks, John. Not an easy piece to share. We all have our moments. I'm on anti-depressants. That helps me with some of my struggles. Thanks for dropping by.
Date: 9/5/2014 8:41:00 PM
oh my goodness. /this is so different from you. It is very emotive and I think you are doing things that you have been learning from the free verse goddesses! VEry good work, Eileen. A well crafted poem and I am betting Charlotte will dig it!
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/6/2014 3:40:00 PM
Thanks, dearie! I did get second placing, so I think she did dig it. I'm glad! Hugs!
Date: 9/3/2014 9:33:00 PM
Eileen, I'm disturbed and overwhelmed as this depressive write kidnapped my emotions. As vividly dark and bleak as anything I've read. Your powerful pen hits the target and accomplishes it's mission.. Yes, it's raw and authentic. I'm exhausted!
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/4/2014 4:05:00 AM
Sorry to have exhausted you, LM. I hope people don't misunderstand this write. Life comes to us in rosy tinted lenses when we are young. Idealism is never real. Any marriage has its ups and downs. I know I'm not the ideal partner and have much to improve on. I need to be more thankful. Fairytales don't exist. I challenge anyone who says they do. That is why we have poets and poetry. Thanks for the visit!
Date: 9/3/2014 5:01:00 PM
Dear Eileen, A very powerful and disturbing write. Hope you are feeling better about things now. Others feel this way sometimes too. Love and blessings, Carolyn
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/4/2014 4:03:00 AM
It comes and goes, Carolyn. I have much to be thankful for. I'm a perfectionist and an idealist. I expect too much of life and loved ones. I'm a giver...and except reciprocity in ways I understand. It isn't always the case. Thanks for your loving comment here.
Date: 9/3/2014 4:08:00 PM
Okies gird your loins here goes ;) first this is GOOD - now my thoughts:liberates or mutilates-great use repetition & internal rhyme: line 3 add THE body ship:shell shocked lucidity [excellent]:Breathing in is treason [again excell. internal rhyme] release/lease ditto BUT don't over use the devise now ;) [I want to talk to you about the content BUT email me] PLEASE STOP capitalizing the beginning of each line it's way too 19th century ;) I have a mag for this one we'll have to rework it ...
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/4/2014 4:02:00 AM
DEBBIE! :) :) Please give it another read. I've reword the things you've mentioned EXCEPT...Takes DOWN to notch of insane. Down...negative connotation. Also, regarding to capitalization. I only capitalized those lines that are sentences and ended with periods...like you showed me in the other poem. Please...give another read. Content...Don't want to tamper with that. Took me look enough to say what I wanted to say the way I wanted to say it. Love ya.
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Debbie Guzzi
Date: 9/3/2014 4:10:00 PM
You're troubled and troubling brain/ Takes beauty UP A notch TO insane -sending email now
Date: 9/3/2014 1:53:00 AM
my, an explosion of the senses, eileen... finally, you exhaled.. and excelled.. huggs
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/3/2014 8:58:00 AM
Thank you, Nette. I'm trying to write in a way that is SO not me, but I took the challenge. We all go through dark times. I don't believe there is a person alive who hasn't experienced something that has been overwhelming. Dealing with depression and being a perfectionist has made it hard for me at times to be content...with others...but especially with myself. Thank you for your visit.
Date: 9/3/2014 12:08:00 AM
Wow!!! I can sympathize AND empathize, although I'm sure it was hard to write this down, it is so good to release the pain. I feel for you. With much love and prayers, Gina
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/3/2014 8:59:00 AM
Regina...this was a dark time for me. We all go through something that others may not even understand. I'm a hopeless romantic and idealist so living up to my expectations is at times hard. In some ways I'm very easy going...but when it comes to love...I am exacting. Thanks for your visit and support.
Date: 9/2/2014 9:26:00 PM
Allow your voice to speak free of your own inner critism. Trust your talent to drive the car. I believe if you open yourself to you the style that suits you will develop naturally. Nothing you write will ever be less than what you already are. You make a difference, take that as a given. lots of love and go girl go.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/3/2014 9:02:00 AM
Maurice...your post is a real gift to me. I treasure these sentiments and the time it took you to pen them down. Yes, I am very self critical. I've done those personality tests and I'm melancholy/sanguine. I'm a perfectionist/idealist. I expect much from others and from myself. I'm not easy to live with, but I am extremely giving and believe in reciprocity. We all go through dark times, but I'm extreme in my moods and do deal with depression. I have much to be thankful for. I need to focus on the positives. Thank you for enjoying my work. I always find something of interest in yours. Hugs
Date: 9/2/2014 9:21:00 PM
This is an amazing write. I want to express a belief and I am repeating myself but it is important to me to relay this message to you. You are the magic not the words or the construction. Your heart your gift to expose it on paper. That is the cake. It never hurts to display it on a fine plate to ice and decorate it. All of that helps. I want you to know that any words you use any you group anything you do will always be important. Why? Because you are important. You have a unique voice.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/3/2014 9:03:00 AM
:) A unique voice! Thanks ever so much! I love cake. You speak my language, Maurice! ;)
Date: 9/2/2014 7:16:00 PM
I have read this 3 times and now I can comment. Yes, you worked hard on this one; I can tell because of the different style and mode of expression. The passion is here, but tackled differently. (Lately I noticed a comment written to you by this sponsor and I think it left its effect on you). There are only a handful of poets on Soup who write this way, and it has paid rich dividends for them! I expect that this will also grow wings! hugs // paul
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 9/3/2014 9:06:00 AM
Hi, Paul. It does feel out of character. It isn't me, but I understand this is what MODERN poetry is all about. Nothing grabs my heart like rhyme! However, I wanted to push myself to see if I could do it. You know me well, Paul. I am a perfectionist and highly self critical. I bring a lot of grief on my own head. No one is perfect, especially me. I need to be more thankful of all my blessings and they are many! Thanks for the visit.
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