Proposition For the Old Pagan Gods

Spring flowers you grow & bloom, watered and snuggled within our bed I knew that my skull was filled with cogs that spun together in my head I knew early on I made a series of promises to myself I repeatedly said I knew at age 11 that in my adult life with a woman-we'd eventually wed Early in life around puberty the lucid visions slowly became more clear Somewhere around these years, I noticed I was losing my ability to hear Which as a result, created and concocted new anxieties and new fear This directly resulted in me beginning to see this lady in a black mirror Delving into the mystery - jumping blindly with both feet already in Recgonizing in everyone else's definitions on what was REALLY sin Probably not thinking completely into this "pilgrimage" I was to begin But holding desperately onto the fact whoever she was we'd descend Knowing the ultimate ideal goal of what I wanted in a lady to manifest All these potential prospectors I formulated a homemade-worthy test Spending long hours divining for my ideal wife, I was granted the rest Waiting and waiting and waiting for decades later - I was finally blessed It was evil to show me the result of the woman I would soon be bound It was an evil, immature game to make me think previous were found To unnecessarily play with emotions like a switch pressed upon a ground The skies were nothing but silence - the dieties refused to make a sound Aimlessly walking and letting my ideal wife slip from my hurting heart Feeling humiliated cuz I had fully embraced the faith in them to start Now it seemed my file of her was buried and lost struggling to depart Feeling as though the divine had speared me, impaling me like a dart Broken, bruised, walking the desert alongside the Nile with shame Realizing they probably aren't savvy with every human's name Swearing and promising myself never again would I fall for this game Sense of humiliation and being naive hit me - when they were to blame Losing any sense of ambition, drive, or reasons to wait for her Time went by so fast, and so many years after that became a blur I felt like a stupid carp fish - entangled in the dieties' fishing lure They manipulated me, told me lies and deceit, allowing me to feel sure After these years and years of waiting for this mystery lady I've seen Coupled with the fact later in life I picked up she is a Witch and a Queen I couldn't shake the intruding thought I wouldn't be waiting long, indeed It's been as vivid as seeing what looked like a goddess, within dreams Knowing no information that would change the course of my path I decided at some point, if it was THAT important to me, I'd do the task Although now I barely have the direction I go with too much pride to ask Instead I shuffle on, invisible in my hoodie and strengthening this mask Crawling to the present years of my colorfully twisted life Wanting everything in my power to disband her patterned strife I want to try and convince her by SHOW-how perfect she is as my wife I desire it to be so extremely strong and prosperous, I can cut it w a knife Thoughts that consume my cog•n•geared mind of her by my side Illicit and animate dormant and forgotten-lost feelings buried by pride Yet part of me is so scared of the potential failure - my heart I hide However I pick up very strongly, she WILL be my wife who rides or dies The zodiac of compatibility of a Stubborn Capricorn w a Scorpio Queen The challenge and the mere thought of her makes my heart gleam The accuracy of her NOW in my subconscious dreams My path w her will turn out far more worth it then is currently seen...