Numb Part 3

He had brown hair and the most passionate eyes Is this Axel? I’m sure it is! I laughed although I was still in shock It was like a twisted merry go round Blurry and confusing and nauseating I smiled at him, he smiled at me As everything I had consumed that day Volcanoed out of me and slide down his sides I gasped and my eyes went white Everyone was so happy to see me That they saw it as a victory When the man left Shamefully to wash up. I walked about, nodding and trying To converse with the crowd of people that were Body slamming and downing buckets of gin. The noise was loud and annoying But I couldn’t bring myself to quiet it With all the lights, my vison flashed light and dark I became delusional with all the buzzing people Drinking shot after shot of vodka and wine Showing skin and drinking more And body slamming and drinking more And playing games and drinking more And becoming more numb and drinking more And... I looked back Looked back at a time where life was vivid When it was clear and made sense And I could memorize every detail I loved it I feel blind; I feel like someone’s taken something away from me I’m not getting the full picture of life any longer Everything is numb The only thing I can feel is my insides rolling and twisting My vison goes in and out of focus My whole-body rolls and twists I stop in the midst of a tearful slurp of wine And run to the bathroom The rolling and turning continues As my insides pour out Like a vacuum, the numb, cold feeling That had plagued me for the entire day had vanished I jumped with joy, and ran out of the Bathroom with tears in my eyes Everyone in my flat was hugged and kissed that night For once within the years of sadness I had dealt with I had a glimpse of the gift of real life I enjoyed the remainder of my night With vivid colors, and beautiful faces. I came right up to that man from before He looked at me, disgusted until I ran And hugged him He looked at me, soggy shirt and all, And giggled as we ran into the pit of the party Fingers loosely intertwining The lights were so pretty And the joy finally reached The deepest parts of my soul I could finally breathe and really truly feel it I woke up the next morning with the numbness In my head again I had fresh memories in my head from the night before But that feeling had returned Hadn’t I reached a breakthrough?