I do not miss you

I do not miss you. There are nights I spend mourning what I lost, losing you, Your smile, your sass, the way you could fix me when I was torn in half, But I didn't lose you. I didn't lose you because I never truly had you, You never let me into your world, I could only watch as the foundations of our relationship crumbled before me, You ended it, and it felt as if my life was over, The future I had planned with you gone in an instant . But what was over was the months of abuse and misuse by you, The evenings I lost to sobbing over you because the only way I felt loved was if I played along, if I put myself through this hell for you, All this fear, and this pain, and these scars, Merely because I convinced myself that you could change, and that I was in the wrong, But I was never in the wrong when it came to you, I hear you call yourself a man of dignity, Say you ended things to protect me, But how could you live with yourself, Proclaiming innocence while I suffered in ways none of our friends could see, I was only a child, careless and free, but here I am, you ruined me, So blindsided by love, I was trapped in ways I couldn't grasp, You left, and I realized, I'm free at last. That's not the entire story, Some of the worst things on my mind will never get to meet your eye, But I am no longer trapped in that sick reality, Controlled by someone who doesn't believe that they're hurting me, The memories of what you did are still here, they still haunt me, So I will not let myself miss you, Not anymore, I do not miss you.