I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
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A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE
Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.
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At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.
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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead.
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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
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I am at two with nature.
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