My organs are plagued with a sense of longing
My heart pumps a venom that kills my liver
I am constantly unbalanced
My head is on a swivel too fast to stop;
My stomach is flooded
I am filling slowly from the inside with tears
Assuring there is no more room for you
I am the ailment
You were always the cure.
All day and all night,
I talk to myself.
Perhaps,
I talk a little too much.
When I stop talking,
there is so much hatred and fear all around,
so I light a little candle
somewhere inside myself.
I cannot change everyone,
nor can I stop
every fear.
All I can do
is take my own hand
and gently tell myself,
Come on, brother,
let’s be a little better friends.
There was a time when I truly thought you stole,
everything from me
The intense pain reached deeper than anything imaginable
There were so many losses
There were so many lies
There was so much that I couldn't do anything about,
as you went on and on with hurricanes of manipulation and control
It took a long time to learn that this would never change
It took a long time to learn to find my own peace
It took years to overcome the baragment of guilt you put upon me
But I am here now and I will never go back
I see everything that I have, everything I am grateful for
I didn't need you to do a thing; I did it all myself
9/12/26
Heidi Sands
(C)opyright
I can't keep it to myself
the values and truths of Christ
I must be vocal and tell of all
He's done in my life
I can't keep it to myself
I must give Him all the praise
The Son of Man
The Great I Am
my Redeemer all the same
I can't keep it to myself
It must be revealed
the miracles He performed
And all those He healed
I can't keep it to myself
I must give Him all the praise
The Son of Man
The Great I Am
my Redeemer all the same
Jesus saved my soul
He dealt with my addictions
Jesus made me whole
lifted me out of my afflictions
Yet He was crucified
Yet for me He died
And I'll speak of Him until my last breath
And His miraculous Resurrection over death
I can't keep it to myself
my Savior. My Messiah my Delight
I will speak His name always
until I no longer have life
I can't keep it to myself
I need the world to understand
That I have to talk about Jesus
The Anointed Son of Man
I can't keep it to myself
I must give Him all the praise
The Son of Man
The Great I Am
My Redeemer all the same
What does it take to draw, sketch and paint
Whatever it is
They got it
I ain’t
My Worst Enemy I s Myself
I hate myself for being lazy,
Last minute task, mass effort super busy,
I just want to change my negative trait,
So disappointed cramming is great.
Doing my duty is not easy,
Need to finish it all in a day,
Why Am I like this?
Other things to be done, I really miss.
My worst enemy is myself,
Not enough even if I did my best,
I hope to stop this bad attitude of mine,
In order to fix everything in line.
August 23, 2026
It seemed like a journey
Preparation of some kind
Thinking being knowledge
Becoming wise and assured
That is where I learned about myself
Different from everyone else
Life introduced me to who I am and meant to be
Purpose was down the road
Clouds ochoing my name Courageous
Walking on into my destiny
Whispers encouraging on to fulfill and establish
The mirror showed my reflection being successful
Challenging my own self of shall
I was created for a mission
Task that will be my assignment
Spiritual eyes that will observe
Goodness built in
Wonderfully made
Onward and forward of potential
Endless road leading me out.
It's not that I don't like you
It's just that I don't want to.
Popular I had no need
alone I would rather be
Social occasions afraid not
invitations, oops I forgot
Phone rings and rings and rings
no contact for home delivery brings
Knock on the door, than knock more
waste of time I only ignore
Living alone and loving it
island of one no regrets
Comfy house no need to clean
for company never to be seen
My life is full of me myself and I
we three get along and thrive
A social club for just us three
much to formal no need
Yes I do have contact with folks
enough to inform I am broke
They say in Heaven you will know everyone
visiting together joyful paradise fun
But for some I know
not sure the direction they go
As for me send to the smallest star
where a dim glimmer glows afar
Quiet and calm, peaceful eternity
The Social Club of I Myself and Me.
I still love the madness in me for you,
and it won't lose its colour in my amygdala.
Even in my hiccups, I remember the eyes that locked with mine;
I refuse to let go of this endless commotion—it’s the only way I feel alive.
The greatest disappointment from broken promises in life I have endured
were the promises I often made to me
Smoking just one example for several years I vowed to refrain
regular three month stints of abstinence once eighteen months
FINALLY! At age of twenty six from this nicotine addiction I had broken free
From thereon, gained strength and now have have conviction
any vow to myself I could confidently keep
I had gained self love and self respect
searched within my soul whilst delving deep
I cannot a recall a broken promise
from any family or friend
Business deals yes. Most promises broken political pre-election
once elected that's where these empty promises all end
For this reason I have abstained from voting
which is compulsory in this country where I dwell
Never had much faith in government oppressors
or the propaganda messages they sell
Have I always kept a promise to all I've come to know?
Probably not. Too many years of living I am unable to recall
I now have conviction arising from self love
to assist others in need, follow through give my very all
Step right up, Father, hear my cry,
Your blood, your name I won’t deny.
You made me once, then turned away,
But I’m the product you can’t betray.
I’m flesh of your flesh, proof of your line,
A living brand, your own design.
You wish I’d vanish, fade, be gone,
Yet here I stand, your legacy drawn.
Invest in me I’m pain and fire,
I’ll carry your name, climb higher, higher.
Reject me now, but still I bleed,
Your child, your echo, your planted seed.
I’m the bargain you can’t dismiss,
The cost is love, the gain is bliss.
Buy me back, Father, claim your art,
I am the child who wants your heart.
Creative
Athletic
Respectful
Smart
Original
Nice
As I slip into the void...
of this endless black
I promised to myself,
Shall I never- do look back
But thoughts of my past fall-downs
Keep haunting me with guilt
Reminding me of all dark times
from which my rugged life had spilt
Every time that someone died
To myself, I'd always say
How could I have lived so long
And all my friends have all passed away
I've outlived all of my siblings,
four are buried in the ground
Why, I ask myself-
am I the only sib... still around
I've thought my life to be special
Though the years have made me red
I ask myself over and over again
Why the hell am I still-not dead
Yet, I want to keep on living
You know, I'm almost ninety-five
I've slipped into this void of endless black
And somehow, thank- God... I'm still alive!
"I'll give you the world,
But what will you do with that glimpse?"
Divinity provided many times,
Before I was ready and again needed to shift.
Not punishment...but instilled a yearning for wholeness,
Which would break again to layer in the new.
Our capacity expands as we embrace the fractals,
Or lies stagnant when we hold onto a precious few.
The Kindest have that darkness,
The safety mechanisms of the mind.
Reverted back to what felt familiar and remembered,
The parts mirrored of me that was to scared to shine.
Which requires a first step,
Maybe ten, stumbling the entire time.
Suddenly those muscles recognise the movement,
Sprinting faster and now in a straight line.
Who I am, will be who I once was,
Also who I was meant to become, before.
Learning when to rest and when to run,
Understanding the root, that feeling of unsure.
Vulnerability is a necessity,
Leading in deep lessons along the way.
Choosing warmth not kindness,
Loneliness over pain,
Meeting myself, again and again.
Proving them all wrong
And still going on so strong.
Though it will take long.
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