Why So Painful?

I stand, utterly hollow and alone. Staring and wondering if he'll phone. Why is it he has this hold over me? Why can't he just leave me be? One minute, I think I'm over him, then all those thoughts and feelings begin. The biggest part of me knows we can't be together, but then I remember, we vowed it was to last forever. I think of the name calling, and him being so vile. Then here comes the happy memories followed by bile. My throat burns, from the bile and from the pain. A lump, stuck there as the tears fall like summer rain. How does one get over the hurt and betrayal? He's nothing at all like his first portrayal. I thought he was loving, kind, and an honorable man. Was his facade all part of some cruel, sinister plan? How can you ever put your heart out there again? I can not begin to tell you how heart wrenching its been. I feel sorry for him, that he has to put me down. Its the only way he can make himself feel renown. I just wonder when the pain will start to subside. I truly don't know how much longer I can stay on this ride. One part of me still loves him, for I am still his wife. The other part, can not keep putting myself through the strife. A husband and wife are expected to go through dissension. Love shouldn't have to be this hard though, its too much tension. How do you say good-bye to a man you love and equally hate? I never thought I would feel the love I have for him abate. I fear a divorce is in order, as I do not feel he will ever change. Its not like for the last two years we haven't been estranged. I wish I could say that I want to wish him all the best. But I don't since he's left this ragged, raw hole in my chest. I know that's not the ladylike way to be. However, you have no idea what he's done to me. I once tried to see the best in people, and love fierce. Well, with his coldness, my heart did he pierce. I can only hope to one day, heal my broken heart. He should be ashamed, for tearing my faith in love apart. But I forgive him for all that he has ever done. You see, it is I who will be the bigger and better one. I only hope I can one day try my hand again at love. And I hope its him that I will no longer be thinking of