When I Think of You

For Marty. I think of you always, you are my light, and I will make it trough the tunnel, I'm just walking rather slowly When I think of you I think of everything you've done for me. And it hurts me so much, that I cannot help you. Because you've changed the way I look at everything, You changed the way I feel, you changed the way I act, and most importantly, you changed the way I hope. At the time I needed it most- When I was down, lonely, and weak. And at times,, I still am- but I look at the times we had and I smile: I look at the night we were at the gazebo and we talked about insanity, You kissed me every time, so I kept on bringing it back up, just so I could get another. I look at when you ran your hands through my hair, Just to help me relax after having a horrible day I look at when you held me, You didn't say a word as I cried when Jim's fate was made truth through his cancer. I look at when you wrote sexy on a sticker, You stuck it on me in the office and we laughed. I look at when we went to see Avatar, We kept on dropping the beer bottles on the floor and kicking them over accidentally. I look at the Wednesday I asked you if you liked me the same way I like you, You said yes. I look at the day you stared at me at the club, You said you were surprised by the way I look and how it was good. I look at the day you invited me to see your dad and step-mother, You told me she'd love me even though I couldn't go. I look at the day you told me I was everything to you, I still remember it perfectly. I look at the day you told me I deserved to be happy. I'm happier, but still not happy. The best day I ever had was the second time we went to the gazebo, the closeness, the intimacy of it all was overwhelming, but beautiful. When you kissed my neck and laughed at how I shivered every time. When you held onto me and grabbed me from behind. When we were so close. We aren't that way any more, and I'd give anything to have that back. But I can't. Not yet. You gave me hope for the future, but I am still impatient. I don't understand your reasoning behind this separation, or whatever it was, as I don't really know what we had in the first place. But even so, I want it back. That was the happiest time of my life. I need you in my life; if not as my love, as my friend, as my ally, as my hero