What I Live

how many times must i be told 'i don't wanna relationship now' 'i just want to be real good friends' it's like i'm eighteen all over again don't they understand, that a friendship is a relationship but, i get the point completely they want to think better of themselves like they are a true friend in reality they just want to take and take from me without consequence or commitment i never really said i wanted someone's heart out loud do they sense my lonliness my need for love or just desperation to connect on more than a physical level love scares me so could i even let someone in my heart if i was loved could i return that love so tired of being shut down i have so much more to give disgusted with this rejection feeling used, what i live.