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Under the Knife

When her vision began to blur She thought a trip to the Optometrist was the cure But upon her visit she got bad news It was a tumor that was blurring her views She would need a neurosurgeon To correct this situation Her surgery was scheduled in two weeks She hoped the outcome wouldn't be bleak Family and friends gathered by her bedside Prayers and tears were supplied Everyone seemed calm, though they were in shock Suddenly.... she was awoken by her alarm clock!......

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Brittany Reynolds

Date: 10/28/2012 2:08:00 PM

This poem could be really powerful, but the last line causes one to stumble. I'm all for the surprise twists, but this one was jarring. Perhaps a smoother transition? She's being put under anesthesia and as they have her count backwards she wakes up to her clock then? You might even me able to get away with just changing the last couplet and go with a softer rhyme. I think this poem needs a 'double look' instead of 'pow, right in the kisser' approach. It's got a lot of potential.

Joseph May
Date: 10/28/2012 2:12:00 PM

well I didn't you were an expert but thanks

Sherese Gooden

Date: 9/23/2012 5:14:00 PM

I was sure I you were sharing your reality, then the end came. Real or unreal, this is a sad experience. Hope it never happens. Nice poem, Joseph.

Joseph May
Date: 9/23/2012 7:09:00 PM

...very nice to hear from you Sherese....thanks for stopping by...love...