Today
So it begins anew
a day to dread, a day to wake up to
I'd say all I want to do is sleep, if sleep didn't terrify me
so I stay up till I faint
an opaque way to a colorless scenario
but bleak is who I am so allow me to shed my false snake skin
and uncover the real reason I brought you here...
Breathe in...breathe out...
Erase me...
'Have you ever felt yourself as useless? '
Did I use that line already? Well here let me use another
'Let me rip your heart apart at the seams
maybe then you'll know how I feel'
No forget it, words of my own
I'm a mess, a disaster, a liar
I told myself I'd be okay; ride it out, this pain
this ever growing loneliness upon my back
that I'd shake this, this numbness, this lack of touch
Dear God, this isn't enough! ! ! !
SAVE ME PLEASE! ! ! !
THIS BOY TURNED MAN who doesn't want to be saved...nor burn...nor die...
but what a mess I am, how suicidal I am
I grab my neck just a little too tight, my hands the noose
and I twist! Only enough to pop it
though I know if I got a grip, severed my arms at the fingertips
turned my hands into robots I could break, snap, release
but I'm just aim, snap, falling into a deeper hole
In denial I am and I know it
the sadness, I say it like it's a disease, like it's a plague
but it's neither, it's nothing
nothing, only a monstrous cloud hanging over my head
Less than Jake, you lied to me
you repeat the storm would only last three years
it's been eight for me now
and I try, I've been trying for so long
too long to put it all behind me
to rise from my decaying ashes at point of impact
to be the kid before the man
But I just stepped back to 16
But I just stepped back to 20
But I just stepped back into obscurity
Lucky me, lucky me
what am I saying, luck is not with me
Luck is not on my side
Luck...luck, what are you doing to me
Luck, you brought me someone
Luck, you gave me someone
Mother Aphrodite, why me, your only son
did you give me someone I don't know how to help
did you give me someone I can't save
throw my hands in the air, a white flag to you
Why, my mother and father, would you give me a world so familiar
a world like mine to marvel and adore
a world like mine I'd quickly cut out my heart
and absorb hers for warmth
a world I can't touch because the edges are so rough
How can I help myself when I'm in love with this woman like me
but this woman is just as lonely as me
How can I, misery, aid in the recovery of joyfulness
when joyfulness is now sadness and I, the optimist
No, no....no, no, no, no, no
I'm the pessimist, she the optimist
I'm the gloomy goth reject, she the upbeat prom queen
That's how this is supposed to be, isn't it?
or is it that I'm just selfish, self centered
a reject in my own eyes
when in her eyes I'm the prince stuck in that tower
and she the royal knight risking her neck to save me
but she, she's stuck in a tower of her own
20 leagues under the sea near the west coast
and all I want to do is meet her halfway
all I want to do is curl up in a ball
say erase me and let that be the end
raise hell and say the end
but hell has no room for me, in heaven there's no vacancy
a boy of Earth I remain
but I'd rather suffocate on Mars
and see what it's like to bleed in space
Just, just erase this; erase this part of me
I used to be her, envious I am
she used to be me, envious she's not
We used to be...happy...
Now we separate alignments with one goal in mind
to climb out our towers, rescue no one
Just please find me
just please find a way to reach this stone of a heart
Love me, fix me, piece me together
a beautiful humpty dumpty like caricature
But maybe this is enough
maybe for now
this is enough...
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