The Spread of Crime

Students at Columbia Are smart and also deft, Yet someone’s figured out their scheme, Which is a form of theft. They aren’t robbing banks or stores Or stealing from the dorms, But something’s disappearing, Likely carted off in swarms. I’m talking ‘bout Nutella! It’s a chocolate, nutty spread – The perfect yummy nourishment To slather on some bread. It’s also quite delicious From the jar onto a spoon. With loads of it in the café, Temptation’s opportune. But now the secret’s out and so The stuff may disappear. The Ivy Leaguers may need other Substances to smear. The weirdest thing to me is that This story made the news. Nutella theft must be among The campus’s taboos. A parent would be reassured While on a college tour To hear the biggest crime was A Nutella saboteur.