The Sadness
Standing in the shower
The water hides my tears
But not my insecurities
I still have all my fears
I let out sobs against the tiles
And hear them echoed back
I should be happy, full of smiles
But I have lost the knack
I stand there, feeling helpless
I'm wondering what to do
I've never felt this way before
It's all because of you
I wonder if you care at all
Or if you even know
The fake smile that I keep all day
I'm just putting on a show
Show people that there's nothing wrong
Don't let them see I'm sad
Just like a fruit with perfect peel
While insides rotting bad
The sadness thats inside me
Eats away, right to my core
The fear, the hate, the sadness
I'm hardly myself anymore
True love, it seems, is for others
Not for the likes of me
Who try to be just what you want
Whilst knowing I can never be
And so, go on pretending
I'm fine, I'm happy, I'm loved
My fascade so believable
I wear it like a glove
Tears exhausted, shower off
I paint my smile anew
Do you ever really see me
I don't think you ever do
Another day is ending
Tomorrow starts again
My charade is so believeable
I can forget my pain
I convince myself that all is well
Fine for days, weeks, months
Until unknown triggers happen
and sadness starts to come
But I'll see it through again and again
For as long as I can cope
Because I'm in here somewhere
And I'll always have hope
Hope that I'll be truly happy
My demons banished for good
And maybe when I'm 'me' once more
I'll even find I'm loved
Copyright © Joanne Hodges | Year Posted 2010
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