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The Runner

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The Runner

If ever a frailty should be rued,
then my emotional resistance of
those who hold my affection dearest
to them, is the sin that equates my soul
with the essence of a Hitler, and condemns
my name to the highest degree of infamy,
While my heart longs to be understood, my
fear of abandonment dictates my legs to gain
distance as each loving gesture is offered in
repetition, Persistently they reach, only to be
disregarded, and embody me within my shame,

Friends and family alike, endure the coldness
of my introverted haven, staring into my eyes
in hopes of disconfirming the projected emptiness
that flows from actions, words, or lack of both,
As they hurt from me, I scream for them in silence,
A deafening continuous stream of soundlessness,
that elevates my withheld pain from ache to harrowing,
Yet they can only assume the contents of this confession,
For my words go directly from mind to paper, and 
never see the eyes of those who need to know this tenderness,

To express such powerful statements and risk the familiar
sting of neglect or abandonment once more, is a fear that
surpasses every shameful tear, haunting my thoughts as
a reminder that lives on insomnia, thus I remain devoted 
to a faithful vow of solidarity that keeps me sane and sheltered,
Moving at a constant pace, racing against my own fright, holding
every term or phrase of endearment within, and running from a
past that will not be relived by my decree, Alas, with mortal lungs,
 mechanical legs, and a heart that lies somewhere between the two, 
I run,
for and from, 
the feeling I desire most....

Copyright © Audonus Taylor

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  1. Date: 12/26/2010 12:38:00 AM
    reading this again,, Audonus, strong and enduring write. I felt a small entrapment from the first stanza, hope you are enjoying your holidays,..p.d.

  1. Date: 12/16/2010 8:57:00 AM
    Audonus! I apologize for my lengthy absence, finals weeks and all, but today is the last day! This was beautiful work, as always. Such wonderful penmanship and craft, and of course, your vocabulary use is stunning. You displayed this idea perfectly, I can relate in some ways. As always there were some truly mind blowing lines. I hope we shall get to hearing from each other soon now that I shall be more free! hope your day is well! --Madison

  1. Date: 12/10/2010 10:59:00 PM
    Very powerful writing, Audonus. I can relate to the feelings you describe. When we're young, it is easier to open our hearts without fear of abandonment. The pain we endure as years pass seems to erect a barrier the precludes fully sharing our feelings with others. And although we may try to run from our past, I can't seem to achieve this. I'm glad we met on Facebook. I like your honesty and ability to express the feelings with which you struggle. I'll be looking for your work. Love, CD

  1. Date: 12/6/2010 2:25:00 PM
    Hello Audonus, I read it twice, you are so gifted. Perhaps there is something to be said for Introverts yes? Just a wonderful write As Always, Shar

  1. Date: 12/5/2010 5:35:00 PM
    Being introverted is not all bad..Introverted people are good in the arts field..Sara

  1. Date: 12/4/2010 4:59:00 PM
    This gives me something to think about. Keep it all close.~Have yourself a great evening*luv~SKAT