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The patient crow

Brenda Victoria Northeast Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled The patient crow which was written by poet Brenda Victoria Northeast. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The patient crow

I am trying to learn Haiku form - is this haiku?

Crow patiently waits 

Poised on a dry brittle twig

Death is not silent

© Brenda V Northeast   23rd Jan. 2012

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  1. Date: 1/23/2012 10:30:00 AM
    Heya Brenda. I do NOT want to discourage your attempts at learning haiku by giving you a list of no-no's and righteous opinion. You did a fantastic job for your 1st try. I love the play between death not being silent and the snapping/creaking/groaning of a brittle, dry twig.

  1. Date: 1/23/2012 6:54:00 AM
    Good haiku, Brenda...

  1. Date: 1/23/2012 3:21:00 AM
    Very good first try by you.I think the 3rd line here is something judgemental/interpretation.Which should not be in a haiku.The 3rd line should be something sensory.Like a snapshot.

    Northeast Avatar Brenda Victoria Northeast
    Date: 1/23/2012 4:04:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you Kash for your kind input- I shall give it some deep thought and look more into other examples to help me analyze what you have suggested. Thank you, What I was trying to imply was the sound of the crow and the breaking twig?
  1. Date: 1/23/2012 2:26:00 AM
    Excellent Brenda. This is very good Haiku. Though I'm not good at forms Haiku is described as a Japanese form usually about nature and the count is 5, 7, 5. This is perfect. God Bless, JB

    Northeast Avatar Brenda Victoria Northeast
    Date: 1/23/2012 4:06:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much Judy- as it seems I haven't quiet hit the mark- but it is progress in little steps, Blessings, Bren