Once I prick my index,
all is gone,
all of it.
Cause without forgetting you,
I create this hope-
this drastic thought-
that maybe one day you'll want me back-
that maybe you long for me and miss me-
that really you can't live without me.
And then reality hits me in the forehead,
shoots my temple softly,
and I wake up.
I realize we were and never will be
I realize all that we once had was merely an image-
an image of those in love-
hand in hand on the beach,
the cliche couple, talking for hours at end.
And I realize now,
that you're far better off without me,
without my needing heart,
complicated mind that rapidly changes-
and my situations I boil up so they become malfunctioning.
I realize that everything I created
you never wanted
you never will.
So I don't know why I cling to your pure soul.
I don't know why I clench the unkind past-
one of not yours-
but my mistakes.
I don't know why I thought I forgot you-
when it was merely a distraction.
And right when you come back into my life-
I can't deny you.
I can't say no.
cause when you had something so good,
something that should have been cherished-
and you risk to lose it-
And the things I wish I knew now,
have no impact on the past-
no influence on the future.
But the things I know now,
the things that you helped me learn
is to never let go,
never give up
and love deeply without that fear-
that one that throws you curve balls
that doubt that eats you up-
when your wondering where he is-
when he's simply buying you flowers.
So what I know now, what you taught,
was really needed to be taught
though I lost you,
I know what to hold on to when it comes,
and never let it go.
So once I prick my finger,
a blink in history.
It's probably for the best,
it's probably supposed to be the truth.
Copyright © Sarah Casey