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Once I Believe

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Below is the poem entitled Once I Believe which was written by poet Derek Ortiz. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Once I Believe

Nothing's here
I have a gun and empty bottles to play a tune
But i hold myself inside the box
One gun on hand 
Depression is crawling trough me
Like a ghost i scream and get no attention 
A story full of joy
I see it fade away in time
I realize this life is gone to waste
As the clock ticks 
The words slowly fade
Suicidal instincts 
I sure love the smell of fall
Im not waiting for tomorrow
Yet i desire it
Hoping for a warmth sun rising
I get cold dead night and moon to vow 
When all seems hopeless 
For the time i know the devil have me
Humiliated in front of thousands
Thousand insects i once called friends
Family left me long ago
Solitude is quite admirable
Save the prayers mother
Stop screaming father
Welcome home depression
I surely missed you

For now im alone in the room
All i hear is empty bottles sing
I sure want to die tomorrow
But now is when i hold this gun
I shake to fear
Fear i will pull this trigger
I deny i lost it all
But sure don't believe in god now
Please give me some hope
Open your eyes im not alone
Tell me you heard my empty prayers
Please make this devil stop taunting me
A smile to the darkness
Just like good old times
I love hating this feeling
Simply because is the only thing i fear
Will you help me?

I lost the meaning of this day
Found the meaning on the gun
I hate the choices we've made so far
Reclaim lost hope
Surely i will miss the hands of the wind
Numb state were strength shoots the gun
The devil has me now
Im a sinner
Find me on my worst act
My blood painted the walls
All i see is the darkness consuming my body
As im dragged to hell
As you sleep tonight
I fade ti'll tomorrow
Hopefully i died

Once more welcome tomorrow
Just another nightmare...

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  1. Date: 3/18/2011 8:03:00 AM
    Nice poem...Jimmy

  1. Date: 3/18/2011 7:21:00 AM
    I just can't believe how fast this week has gone by. I am enjoying reading the many magnificent poems here at PoetrySoup this morning. I am glad yours was among the ones I was able to read Derek. I hope you have a wonderful weekend filled with sunshine and lots of inspiration. Love, Carol