My Tan Secret Is Wood Stain

People are constantly asking me the secret to my tan I laugh and reply I get it from a can I tell them they can achieve the perfect tan too They guess it's probably the summers over the years with the highway crew The human skin is smooth, it has no grains The secret to my tan is wood stain They watch as the water just repels off my back I've tried them all, the best is Minwax They look at my teeth and ask if I use it on my grill I quickly reply, you need to add some Thomson's Water Seal The label warns prolonged exposure may cause skin cancer I firmly believe since I'm not a lab rat, wood stain tans are the answer Even beach goers are jealous of my skin tone I'm a Daywalker but darker than a Redbone I should have never coated my face, now I feel it is affecting my brain Now I am bathing in Murphy's Oil Soap to preserve the tan from the wood stain